When I was younger, I used to travel in a crowd of beautiful women. I don’t know how it happened but all my female friends (and I am not even sure I can call them friends) were drop dead gorgeous and within a few weeks, my self-image managed to wither away to nothing. At the time, I started playing a game where each time I caught myself wishing I had someone else’s something (like hair or eyes or nose or legs) I would force the issue.
I told myself that the rules were such that I wasn’t allowed to take body parts or personality traits and plug them into the rest of me. If I liked someone’s something, I had to completely change places with that person. Not only did I get their whole body, but I got all their personal issues, emotions, family, psychological state of mind, past, living status, job and anything else you can think of. I basically forced myself to choose between me and this random (or in some cases not so random) person. Yeah, I got to have their small nose or blue eyes, but was I ready to also have their eating disorder? How about the disinterested mom? Was I willing to give up all of who I am to look like this person? It was my way of forcing myself to face the fact that people don’t come in pieces. You want a part, you get the whole thing. How do you like them apples?
In fifteen years, I’ve never met one person I was willing to change places with. I don’t know if it was the fact that I wasn’t willing to give up certain aspects of who I am of my life or the fact that I tend to favor the known over the unknown. Looking at a woman walking down the street, I can see she has pretty hair or a size-2 figure, but I can’t see what goes on in her head or how much she suffers daily. With me, at least I know what I’m getting. Or maybe I was finally growing to like myself.
In a weird way, the game’s done a lot to improve my self-esteem.
That is a really good point. I costantly find myself trying to measure up to the best parts of the people I know. Always comparing myself to some sort of imaginary collage-like superman that could never really exist and then am always disappointed by how short I come.
Reminds me of the song “As Is” by Ani Difranco.
Love your site! I teach Visual Communications at local college … will use your site to demonstrate a “clean website.” Love your work! What program did you use for making the pictures galleries?
thank you for the compliments randy! 🙂 I actually self-coded my site. i designed the look on photoshop and html and then wrote php scripts that read the database and generate static html. it’s all pretty basic but it works for now 🙂
don’t know that song by Ani Di Franco, actually i think i’ve never listened to her before, i guess it’s about time I do since I keep hearing her name.
Very good exercise, I say. I also like the ‘parts’ of some people but haven’t wanted the ‘whole’ yet… my guess is if I really met someone I’d like to be ‘in toto’– I’d probably fall in love with the person! 😀
I came across your site from photoblogs and I must say, I like the layout and many of the photos, i’ll have to come back because there’s so much to see. Now the self -esteem game is a great way to deal. see you soon
I am *so* glad to find a photoblog as lovely as yours that has not given up words. I’ve been wondering around your site looking at the stunning photos, but feeling even more appreciative of what you have to say. I feel like a lot of photobloggers have forgotten our “blogger” origins in favor of showing off their skill behind the lens, but have forgotten to leave open the window into the photographer’s inner world. Thank you for being different; keep writing.
last picture from williamsburg. looking at these, i wish i were back there with my camera.
Wow, this one’s really good… makes you want to look closer into the glass:)
actually, the best type of blog is the photoblog because pictures speak a thousand words :