We climbed so much in 2021 that I had made a lot of progress and could climb pretty tough routes.
And then Jake broke his collarbone in 2022, and then had a trip to Italy and then one to Vietnam. This means 2022 was considerably less climbing focused.
Which meant I lost much of my skill and stamina.
So 2023 is about building it back. Because that’s how life goes: some steps forward and then some steps back and we just keep showing up and keep doing what gives us joy. It’s more about the journey and less about the destination.
Staying open to the possibility that the second time around, I’m building on a stronger foundation and not starting from scratch.
I know some people prefer to ignore.it when they are feeling bad. They will distract themselves, they will make a joke, they will minimize it or just not acknowledge it at all.
They will want to skip over it.
That’s not me.
I am comfortable sitting tough things. I can sit with others in their tough stuff and I can sit with my tough stuff. In fact, I believe it’s when most growth happens. It’s another way of staying open and present with what is. Not covering it up, not glossing over it but sitting in the discomfort so I can eventually move through it.
Happy Friday. I am ready and grateful for the weekend even though it’s expected to come with a lot more rain.
I got to connect with an old colleague today and I remembered again how easy it can be with people who know you and see you. And how comforting that can feel.
Establishing new relationships and trust takes time and energy. But it’s a worthwhile investment. So as long as all parties stay open and curious, it’s an investment I’m willing to make. Let’s see if they are.
I am tired today. There are a lot of reasons to close back up and retract into my shell. There are reasons to want to close down and protect myself.
And yet my goal is still to find ways to stay open. And also get curious. What’s triggering me? Why am I shutting down? What am I making it all mean? Does this really matter to me? And if so, why?
If I want to stay open, I have to lean into curiosity. I have to welcome the discomfort so I can sit with it and move through it.
It’s the only way out.
It’s time to journal, to meditate and sit with the discomfort. Let’s see where it takes me.
Open Book: I’ve journaled since I was 6 years old. It is still the best way for me to hear my thoughts and feelings, see myself and figure out next steps.
It helps me connect with myself, acknowledge my feelings and stay grounded in the present moment. I’ve been known to open my journal and write in the middle of a meeting in lieu of doing something I might regret.
I am so grateful for it.
Ps: this beautiful journal cover is from @cottonstitchca, it’s cork with shiny rainbow colors and it’s soft and really stunning in person. I don’t know her and this is not an ad, I just love it.
I am not sure if this is a trend or it’s a backslide or if I should worry or rejoice but I think for the first time in a long, long time, I don’t want to set specific goals that are tied to days. This might mean I do a lot less or it might mean I venture into new things, I don’t know and I get to always choose a different path if it’s not working but for now, I decided I don’t want to track, count, or measure things. I want to give myself grace, rest, space this year. Here are some themes I plan to focus on and we’ll see what form they take.
Staying open: Still trying to figure out if I will insta daily again, I go back and forth, we’ll see where I land on day 1.
Art: I have done so so much art in 2022. I didn’t post any of it, not sure why but I loved doing it. I filled 4-5 journals and I hope to continue to do more. Watercolors, sketching, whatever else I might stumble upon.
Reflection: Not sure about the reflection this year. I liked doing the monthly reflection but somehow it all fell apart towards the end of the year so I might or might not do it.
Wellness: This is continued area of struggle and focus for me. Taking care of my body, my skin, my health, sleep, nutrition, exercise. I will continue to focus on this. And I might or might not also write about it we’ll see.
Reading – I read a lot this year. I continued to read netgalley/edelweiss ARC books as well as audiobooks from the library and audible. I plan to continue this next year. I will continue tracking them on goodreads.
Here’s to a year of continuing to do what brings me joy and continuing to stay open to whatever magic might come and surprise me.
Open to showing up anyway: I woke up tired today and never really recovered all day. I spent the day reading on the couch. Read a whole book from start to finish and did nothing else.
When the end of the day was getting near, I said yes ok we can go climbing. I didn’t want to. I was sore. I was tired and I have work tomorrow.
But I’ve been focusing on doing things that I know I will be glad I did. I often ask myself what will I regret less? I never ever regret going climbing.
So off we went. Open to showing up even when I don’t feel like it.
As with all the previous years, I knew I wanted to pick my core desired feelings this year, too. If you want to know more about core desired feelings, please go to my post from 2016 and you can see the links there.
Like last year, the words came to me easily this year as well because I know exactly which feelings I am hoping to cultivate and which feelings feel good to me right now.
So walking into this year, I knew exactly what I wanted to hold on to. What core desired feelings I had. I chose: soft, surrender, equanimity, spacious, magic and trust.
Here’s what I came up with this year and what they each mean to me:
Soft: This is the peaceful word of this year. I want to feel light and peace and joy and ease. I want to feel quietly soft.
Surrender: I want to let it all be. I don’t want to keep track, manipulate, control or contrive anymore. I don’t want to optimize. I don’t want to count. I just want to surrender to what is. I want to be here in this moment and I want to listen to myself and trust the universe. Trust myself. I want to release everything. It’s a crucial step in being open to what comes and what is.
Equanimity: I love this word. I have felt it more this year than ever before. I felt that mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper. Emotional stability. It always results in unwavering kindness, expansiveness and deep peace.
Spacious: This is the way I feel when I am really open. I feel possibility and I feel abundance. I feel like I have room to breathe. Room to fully open myself up. to take up space.
Magic: And I think I want to hold a little closer to magic again this year. I want to feel that spark, that joy. that possibility.
Trust: This one showed up very last minute but it took a hold of me and it wouldn’t leave. Trust that you are right where you need to be today. Trust the timing of the universe. Trust yourself. Yes.
I love all of these. As always, I can immediately connect with the feeling I get when I say these words. I feel full. I feel content knowing these are the words I want for myself. They feel exciting and loving.
Here’s to a year of being open to staying soft and spacious, surrendering fully, and embracing equanimity and magic.
Open Mind: I spent some of today reading Emma Grove’s graphic novel about being transgender and having dissociative identity disorder. I’m grateful to people who share their stories so the rest of us can learn and understand better.
I can be hit or miss on Moriarty’s books and I didn’t want something that was a gimmick so I kept picking this book up and putting it back down. But as my vacation winds down, I felt the pull towards something light and flowing. And I knew she would deliver.
This book turned out to be surprising for me. There wasn’t one big twist or revelation. In fact, as woman who’s been married 20+ years with teenage kids, there was a lot of interesting food for thought in this story if you’re willing to look past the superficial bits.
It was an interesting narrative on the stories we tell ourselves and how time and experiences can alter our perspective in ways that feel irredeemable. And yet how we always (at any moment) have the option to change the course of our life and choose what we remember or where we shine the light.
Resentment breeds more resentment and gratitude breeds more gratitude. I am very glad I read this book.
This is the story of Emma who is transgender and trying to get approval for hormone replacement therapy. So she starts seeing a therapist and slowly they uncover that she has a history of trauma and Dissociative Identity Disorder. The rest of the book is Emma struggling with her therapist and his lack of professionalism and ability to deal with her disorder (in fact, I’d say the therapist is abusive too often.) and her journey working her way through some of her trauma, etc.
It’s really heart wrenching in parts and really disorienting in others. It made me feel really angry at incompetent therapists who do more harm than good and it also broke my heart completely to read all the trauma she had to endure as a little girl. People can be so very cruel.
Many people commented on how big this book is, since I read it as an ebook I didn’t realize that until I started it but to me, it was a fast and engrossing (and heartbreaking) read.
Again, I want to start by saying that this is going to be a long post. These reflective posts are how I make sure to live my life intentionally. They matter to me and I love being able to look back on them in future years. I know that this might not be interesting to many (if not any) of you, so please feel free to skip it. If some of you find it interesting, all the better.
This particular exercise is following Susannah Conway’s Unraveling 2023 sheet. You can download it right here. I split the reflective questions looking back on 2022 in and the questions to help clarify goals/dreams for 2023 into two posts. This is part II. All questions are Susannah’s and are copyrighted to her.
It’s now most definitely time to look forward! I love how a new year holds so much possibility. It’s a do-over, a blank slate, a new page to be filled with whatever we want. There’ll always be the responsibilities and routines of our everyday, but that doesn’t mean we have to keep doing things in the same old way. Whether you wish to bring in big changes or do a bit of fine-tuning, it’s all to play for in 2023.
First, choose a word to guide you through the next 12 months. Pick a word that makes you feel expanded. Encouraged. Inspired. There’s no right or wrong answer so go with your intuition. What’s your Word for 2023? My word is OPEN.
If you truly embodied your Word every day in 2023, what would you do differently? I would lean into the spaciousness that being open creates. I would be generous and kind and at peace.
What one thing could you do each day to anchor your Word into your routine? Meditate. Smile. Hug myself and my people. Maybe do insta again but I am not sure. Give myself a hug. Ground myself in gratitude and remember my abundance.
How does your Word make you feel? Grounded and peaceful.
Do you want any extra words to support your Word for 2023? Brainstorm here. Think about what you need in the different areas of your life: home… work… relationships.. Health… self-care… What would support your Word? Here are some other words that really resonate with me: surrender, spacious, brave, equanimity, abundant, grounded.
What are you looking forward to in 2023?I am looking forward to some major milestones in my family. My younger one graduating middle school and my older one graduating high school and going off to college. Getting his license hopefully. Visiting my parents and celebrating my dad turning 80. I have a lot to be grateful for.
What are you feeling apprehensive about? I am apprehensive about a lot of things around the people I love and their journeys but I am also learning that we will all be ok. We will care for each other and we will weather whatever comes together. We can do this.
What life lessons are you taking with you into 2023?That I can only be there and hold someone’s hand but I can’t change them and I can’t fix things for them, I can’t walk their journey for them. I am one person and I can only walk my own journey. And all these mantras from last year still work well for me too: Is this mine to carry? Can I hold this lightly? Can I let this go? I have my own back. Give people an opportunity to delight and not disappoint. The ground beneath me is not going anywhere. Thank you for everything, I have no complaints whatsoever.
What area of your life do you most want to develop in 2023? To be honest, I am most interested and focused on sitting inside this peace and groundedness. Being open and remembering it’s all icing. I do still want to work on nutrition and exercise and body image because it’s a journey I would like to be in a different place with.
What part of yourself do you yearn to nurture in 2023? The spaciousness. The generosity. Remembering what matters and choosing to respond.
Fast-forward to December 2023. You’re sitting in a café, musing over the last 12 months. Where do you want to be… … in your head? (work, dreams, goals) I want to enjoy my job, feel like I’m adding value and working with people I learn from and enjoy being around.
… in your heart? (relationships, family, friends) I want my family to be happy and thriving. I want to have a few close friends who I can have deep conversations with and grow alongside. And I want to see and hug my family.
… in your soul? (beliefs, practices, self-love) I want to remember how it’s all bonus from here onwards. I want to make sure to keep abundance and spaciousness and be open to being delighted and surprised.
… in your physical world? (home, health, hobbies) I want to continue to do more art. Watercolors, sketching and things that make me happy. I want to continue to journal so I can stay connected to my soul. I want to find a movement that really resonates with me and I want to honor my body and feed it with love.
Everything is Possible
Okay, let’s take it up a notch. Use this page to describe what 2023 looks like in your ideal world. Be specific! What are your dreams for love this year? Work? Play? Where are you hungry for change? How do you want 2023 to FEEL? Use your answers from the previous pages to craft your ideal vision for the next 12 months. What would saying YES to your life look and feel like? Write out everything your heart desires for this new year. Be bold.
It would mean that I wake up and do my exercise and then my meditation, I continue to do cardio, strength and restorative work.
It would mean I tell my kids and husband how much I love them everyday and see the joy of our life together and invest in each of them individually as well as a family unit.
It would mean I find value in the work I do and feel a strong sense of belonging and contribution at work and find a way to give back.
It would mean that I eat what feeds my body, take care of my skin, and do what feeds my brain and soul.
It would mean that I prioritize sleep.
It would mean I spend time doing art and journaling and reading.
It would mean I see my friends in person.
It would mean I go out into nature and ground myself physically in what gives me deep contentment.
It would mean I would be open to possibility and surprise and growth and to listening.
Air
List 3 unhelpful beliefs about yourself you’re ready to release
I am alone
I am weak
I am ugly.
List 3 duties or commitments you feel ready to let go of in 2023
Others’ expectations.
Going places I don’t want to go.
Saying yes to things out of fear.
List 3 skills you’d like to learn or improve in 2023
Art. Drawing and painting. Landscapes. Urban sketching.
Climbing, hiking.
Cooking maybe, it might be interesting to learn it.
List 3 books you intend to read this year: I will read hundreds.
How could you bring more calm into your life (and head) this year? I will continue to meditate. I will go more slowly. I will lie in bed.
Water
List 3 things about yourself you positively love
I am dependable.
I get things done.
I am kind.
I always work on myself and try to improve.
List 3 ways you could be kinder to your body this year
I can eat more nutritious food.
I can put moisturizing cream on more regularly.
I can floss more regularly.
I can exercise regularly.
I probably can sit at my desk more or figure out a more ergonomic setup
List 3 ways you could connect with loved ones in 2023
I’d love to have some recurring connection with my friends.
Daytrips and adventures with J.
I can call/text an old/new friend a week.
List 3 people you could extend compassion to
Jake
Myself + the kids.
Everyone I see.
How could you bring more love into your life this year? I can do this by taking care of myself so I can stay grounded and open and operate from a space of abundance.
Fire
List 3 interests/hobbies you would like to explore more in 2023
art
cooking
Online classes
List 3 ways you could feed your imagination this year
Maybe learning some new skills like cooking
Traveling
Go on artist’s dates+sketching dates
List 3 ways you could bring more passion into your world this year
Do something new with J regularly
Volunteer for causes that matter to me
Love/Hug my people
List 3 dreams you would like to manifest this year (personal or professional)
Get really good at sketching (urban) and improve my painting.
Find peace with nutrition
Expand upon this newfound peace
How could you bring more creative energy into your life this year? Doing some sort of regular practice is what works the very best.
Earth
List 3 ways you could bring more mindfulness to your mornings
Exercise + meditation
Skin care
Some art or journaling
List 3 ways you could bring more mindfulness to your evenings (I added this because I want to do both mornings and evenings.)
Diffuser for a few minutes + foot cream
Floss
Maybe insta, maybe some reading
List 3 ways you could cherish your home this year
Buy flowers and twinkle lights
Let things be what they are
Enjoy the backyard.
List 3 ways you could connect more deeply with nature in 2023
Go on hiking/climbing trips
Toes in sand/water + watch sunsets
Sit outside as much as possible.
List 3 places in your city, town or neighborhood you want to explore
The city more
More parks
Caltrain.
How could you bring a sense of groundedness into your life this year? Continue to meditate and do restorative yoga. Journal. Stay present. Regularly release. Remember the icing.
Using your favourite tarot or oracle deck, draw one card for the overall theme of the upcoming year and then a card for each month of 2023. Okay, let’s take it up a notch. Use this page to describe what 2023 looks like in your ideal world. Be specific! What are your dreams for love this year? Work? Play? Where are you hungry for change? How do you want 2023 to FEEL? Use your answers from the previous pages to craft your ideal vision for the next 12 months. What would saying YES to your life look and feel like? Write out everything your heart desires for this new year. Be bold.
It would mean that I wake up and do my exercise and then my meditation, I continue to do cardio, strength and restorative work.
It would mean I tell my kids and husband how much I love them everyday and see the joy of our life together and invest in each of them individually as well as a family unit.
It would mean I find value in the work I do and feel a strong sense of belonging and contribution at work and find a way to give back.
It would mean that I eat what feeds my body, take care of my skin, and do what feeds my brain and soul.
It would mean that I prioritize sleep.
It would mean I spend time doing art and journaling and reading.
It would mean I see my friends in person.
It would mean I go out into nature and ground myself physically in what gives me deep contentment.
It would mean I would be open to possibility and surprise and growth and to listening.
Now let’s give those dreams and plans some shape. Use the grid to start plotting the details of 2023. Use words and pictures, dates and anniversaries. Include actual events and made-up dreams, too. Be playful. Doodle your heart out. Back in 2013, our January OLW assignment involved setting intentions and I really enjoyed that, so I thought maybe I can do that instead.
January: Open Eyes: Start paying attention. What’s there that you’re not seeing. Can you look with a different perspective. What are you choosing to not look at? See all of it.
February: Open Heart: Choose to be all in for the people you love. Don’t hold back. Be vulnerable. Share your feelings. Give them chances. Give it all.
March: Open Door: This is usually a hard month for you, so open that door. Walk through what has felt closed, what has felt hard. Try new adventures and things to do. Do something you haven’t done before. Welcome the new.
April: Wide Open: How far can you go? Are you feeling the spaciousness? Are you living the full depth and breadth of your life? Open to the goodness of your life. Remember it’s all icing.
May: Open Mind: This is the time to try something totally new. Challenge your assumptions about yourself. Take a class. Dance class?
June: Burst Open: Hug your people. Celebrate them. So much to celebrate this month. Let it all out. Crack open. Break open. Let the gratitude and joy flow in. Leap.
July: Open Air: The summer is here. Go have new experiences outside. Feel Alive. Watch the sunset and sunrise. Climb. Hike. Feel the water.
August: Open Arms: It’s time to be open to life, to experiences. Hug more. Reach out to your people. Receive the love, the kindness, let yourself feel it.
September: Open Sesame: This is your birthday month. Let’s make some magic happen. David will be in college. Aurelia in high school. So much change. Make it magical.
October: Open House: Take responsibility for friendship. reach out. show up. connect. Host people.
November: Open More: can you open wider? where are you still holding back? What’s getting in the way? go farther. risk more. deeper, wider, longer, what’s the next level? where can you lean in more?
December: Open Book: Reading, writing, journaling, telling our story, feeling seen and making others feel seen. Snuggle and connect.
The Wrap-Up
2023 will be the year I finallymake peace with my body.
I will nourish myself with kindness and love.
I will make more time forart, people i love, exercise.
I will recharge my batteries by resting, journaling and doing yoga.
This year I will open my heart tolove.
I will pay more attention tomy openness and abundance vs scarcity.
I will learn more about how to sketch, cook, move.
I will release my attachment to controlling the outcome.
I wish for 2023 to feelspacious.
This year I will say NO to what doesn’t matter.
This year I will say YES to being here now and loving my people as they are.
What is your secret wish for 2023? Declare it here! That I continue to live in this space of peace, ease and equanimity. That I am open to what comes, that I operate from abundance. That I can see the pure magic of life. That I can be grounded in gratitude.
I wholeheartedly believe that everything is possible in 2023!
As always, I mention many of these same thoughts from last year and here, here, and here. I am pretty sure these themes have been in my life in some way or another for many years. I know that they will likely still be around in 2023 and onward. What I’d like to do this year is to make a dent. To move things forward a little bit. Every forward step I take moves me in the right direction and that’s all I can ask for.
Close your eyes for a moment and imagine stepping into the shoes of you from December 2023, one year from now. You are one year older and one year wiser and you’ve lived every day of 2023 fully and completely. You have a message of encouragement about 2023. There’s stuff you want to share… stuff you’re eager to tell yourself. When you’re ready, open your eyes, pick up your pen, and write a letter from your future self, starting with DearKaren: I love you and have your back. Keep going, you got this!
This time next year I will be at peace.
This time next year I will have gratitude for what is.
