And perhaps the one thing
that you have spent your
life working around is the
one thing you are meant to
work through instead.
The above is a quote from Chloe Wade’s Heart Talk which has many, many gems but this one stopped me on my tracks as I was listening. As I get older, one of the things I’ve been making peace with is that I am unlikely to change a drastic amount at this point. And maybe even more than that, that there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with me. Like most people, I have my flaws and I have my advantages. I still work on myself a lot and try to be the best version of me as often as I can. But I’ve shifted my perspective to focus more on who I already am and working with myself instead of always judging myself or trying to be something I am not.
But one of the side effects of this kind of thinking is that I work around things more often now. As I opened my book and read these lines, I thought to myself, should I be working through things more? Is my new way of thinking getting in the way of progress in some areas? And I guess here’s what I’ve concluded.
I still do have things I want to work through but some of them will come naturally and others will be forced upon me by circumstance. And there will still be things I work around, or maybe around is the wrong word here, these will be things I own and just work with them. Instead of judging myself, I will just acept them and own them, like how I like to get to the airport hours early. This is who I am and I am okay with that.
But then this quote made me think that maybe there are also things that I just drop. Things that I don’t work through or around but I just release them. I don’t have to hold on to this stress anymore. I don’t have to worry about them and maybe I don’t have a lot of working “through” but it’s things I can just let go. I spend so much time worrying and judging and beating myself up. I overworry about details that don’t end up mattering at all in the end. And maybe part of growing up, growing older is also just letting some things completely go. So that’s what’s on my mind this week.
My plan is to pay attention in the next few weeks to which things I am working around. Where I feel like i am spinning longer than necessary, etc. And then to give myself a moment to think whether they can be dropped. My hope is that at least some of them can.
On My Mind is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
I realized that I hadn’t shared my 2018 Vision Board yet so I wanted to do that. I love doing these so so much. I also like seeing which ones I use year after year and which ones are new.
Stories from 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018here.
Weekly Intention: It looks like this is going to be a quiet week, too, so my hope is to also stay on track each day, make a bit of progress on some of the work I do have piling up and then spend time with the kids. David travels to NYC this week with his school so I want to make sure to spend time with him until he leaves and then focus a bit extra on Nathaniel while it’s just the three of us. I also want to work on journaling or finding a way to reduce some of the anxiety I’ve been feeling.
This month’s intention is: Party Strong: This month is for celebrating. You’ve worked hard, they’ve worked hard. Everyone’s working hard. Make sure to pause and celebrate. Have a party. Take a moment daily and pat yourself in the back. Pat your loved ones in the back, too. I have to say we haven’t been partying all that hard. But I could still do something here before March is over.
One way I will stretch this week: I will be driving a new car around all week which is going to be hard for me.
One boundary I will set this week: i will protect my evenings this week. Especially Monday and Tuesday before David leaves.
This week, I will focus on pleasing: myself so i can get back to being a bit more level.
One new thing I will learn this week: how to distill a lot of data and comments into a comprehensible document.
One area where I will go deeper this week: making a product roadmap still working on this.
What do I need to sit with this week? i need to sit with the anxiety which will be hard with the new car and david traveling.
I am looking forward to: my new car i think even though i’m anxious.
This week’s challenges: i need to finish some of the work i’ve been working on so i can feel like i made progress.
Top Goals:
- Work: finish the results doc and the initial roadmap
- Personal: keep body pumping, think about food more and see if you can make some decisions
- Family: spend time with david, finish the essay for his app, spend time with Nathaniel and make a new plan for him now that he’s finished the math
I will focus on my values:
- Love: be extra loving with david. kind and generous, too.
- Learn: learn how things work in this org.
- Peace: peace with the new car. and with driving.
- Service: this week’s service is to the kids’ school. for the STEM fair.
- Gratitude: for being able to take it one step at a time.
This week, I want to remember: life is good. i am okay. everything is ok. i am grateful.
Stronger Than Before is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
How I got Stronger this week: Still doing Body Pump daily. This week was extra tough with the time change because my 6am workout became a 5am workout. It took me until Thursday to get used to the time change. I made a lot of effort at work to spend more time during the day working so that I didn’t carry over work to the weekend. I still have work but at least it’s not email. I spent a lot of excess energy on buying a new car and my taxes this week which was showing up to the bits of my life. I spent a lot of time with Nathaniel and math and David and physics this week so I feel happy about that, too.
Top Goals Review: had more 1-1s, planning a small amount but likely not enough, body pumping, did olw march, but i made no plans for food at all, that needs attention, tried to spend more time with boys.
I celebrate: I celebrate hopefully getting a new car this week.
I am grateful for: finally making some summer plans. i feel like maybe things are getting a bit clearer.
Karen’s Points: doing the body pump. doing nothing else.
A Change I embraced: i’ve been feeling off for the last few weeks. More anxious and more down than usual. I’ve been trying to embrace it and remember that it’s likely temporary. It will not be my new norm.
I let go of: having all the answers. things are going to take a while.
Core Desired Feelings Check-in:
- Fresh: does a new car count?
- Magical: this week’s magical moment was doing math with nathaniel and physics with david. i love watching my boys in action.
- Lighter: am changing our vacation plans a bit and it’s making me feel much lighter.
- True: honoring my needs by trying to not attend evening meetings as much as possible.
Where I chose Joy: i chose joy by buying a lot of flowers. they never fail to make me happy.
I showed up for: david and nathaniel with work this week.
A Mistake I made this week: i’ve been meeting a lot of new people and making a lot of new impressions, some go more smoothly than others.
What I tolerated this week: the low level of anxiety still. also had a lot of trouble picking books this week for some reason.
My mood this week was: i’ve been feeling a bit disconnected and out of it. Trying to make sure I acknowledge it without making a big deal of it.
I forgive myself for: how i’ve been feeling. it will get better.
What I love right now: i love the quiet saturday mornings when i sit and work as my kids climb.
Weekly Reflection is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
This week is lots of random photos.
A card from CMU, Nathaniel and I looked up the ASCII code and it says Congratulations 🙂
And Nathaniel’s envelope of course. i love it.
so grateful for how easy this project is.
Moments from this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
    
I started with The Friend and while it was okay, I never fully got into it.
Next up was some Pema. I liked Fully Alive even though it didn’t have anything wildly new, I still can use a refresher regularly.
Animal Farm was a read for the kids’ school. I can’t remember if I’d ever read this or only saw the movie but either way it was a good read.
Surprise Me was a quick, fun read. Not one I will remember years from now but it was good for what I needed at the time.
Educated was the last read of the week. It was an interesting read but also quite disturbing. I am not sure I am glad I read it.
I’d say it was an okay week. I’m now on book #57 for this year. A few that I really loved so I’m grateful.
Books I Read this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
This was the first year David got to enter the San Mateo STEM Fair. His topic was about electrochemistry. Building batteries with higher voltage and which metals are better for that. The fair was big and had a lot of topics all the way from 5th grade to high school. It was a long and arduous day where he had to do 2 hours of interviews with judges and then speak to the public for another an hour. He was on his feet in a suit all day Sunday.
The little boy had some fun while the big boy was doing work.
The event was all day Sunday. We worked and waited and worked. But in the end it was all worth it because David had a wonderful experience and he also came in third in his category/class so it was a bonus.
Stories from 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018here.
Weekly Intention: It looks like this is going to be a quieter week. I have a lot of work meetings but no super late nights and no obligations that I can see until next Sunday when it’s the school’s STEM Fair. So this week’s intention is: let’s stay on track each day, so that I don’t accumulate work into the weekend like I did last week. Let’s spend the nights with the kids and with Jake. Let’s enjoy the week.
This month’s intention is: Party Strong: This month is for celebrating. You’ve worked hard, they’ve worked hard. Everyone’s working hard. Make sure to pause and celebrate. Have a party. Take a moment daily and pat yourself in the back. Pat your loved ones in the back, too. Interesting timing for this one. I’ll see what I can do here. Hmm. We had a celebration last week for David so this week we’ll make another one. I’ll figure out an occasion.
One way I will stretch this week: I will see what it takes to keep on schedule. It’s going to be hard.
One boundary I will set this week: aiming for no weekend work. that’s a hard boundary for me.
This week, I will focus on pleasing: my family.
One new thing I will learn this week: i’ve been learning a lot at work. i’m counting that this week.
One area where I will go deeper this week: making a product roadmap.
What do I need to sit with this week? i need to sit with the low level of anxiety and how to balance things a bit better.
I am looking forward to: a quieter week.
This week’s challenges: putting myself out there every day lately.
Top Goals:
- Work: more 1-1s, start planning a bit.
- Personal: keep body pumping, make a food plan, do olw march. – repeat of last week 🙁
- Family: just loving time with my family this week.
I will focus on my values:
- Love: i want to show my love a lot this week.
- Learn: learn what matters most for the folk at work.
- Peace: just peace.
- Service: this week’s service is showing up for my people.
- Gratitude: for my life. for people’s patience with me
This week, I want to remember: there will always be plenty of work. always.
Stronger Than Before is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
How I got Stronger this week: As part of my March plan, I did Body Pump express every morning. I also took some chances at work this week. Nothing too scary but still practiced speaking my mind a bit. And so far, so good. I rested by watching Jessica Jones, does that count? I supported people I care about. I showed up. I tried and tried and tried.
Top Goals Review: had more 1-1s, trying to synthesize, body pumped daily, made no meal plan, did no do olw march, david and i are not in a rhythm but we are doing physics as often as we can and we are in a rhythm with nathaniel and math so i’m grateful for that.
I celebrate: I celebrate this week being over. my husband.
I am grateful for: the weekend. i need some rest and catch up time this week. i am grateful for it.
Karen’s Points: doing the body pump. doing nothing else.
A Change I embraced: i embraced the ups and downs of my new life, new work, and my car likely being done.
I let go of: i took a self-care day this week, I’m proud of it.
Core Desired Feelings Check-in:
- Fresh: it looks like car research is in my present
- Magical: this week’s magical moment was watching david at the science fair.
- Lighter: working hard to let go and move on.
- True: being true to me at work, speaking my mind.
Where I chose Joy: i chose joy on Thursday when I decided to take a little time off.
I showed up for: david and his science fair.
A Mistake I made this week: i’ve been anxious and worried all week. so that’s likely my biggest lesson to learn this week. how to move past that.
What I tolerated this week: the low level of anxiety all week.
My mood this week was: subdued. angry. proud.
I forgive myself for: how much i didn’t get done this week, i will catch up.
What I love right now: I love working on growing. trying. stretching.
Weekly Reflection is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
This week is about how we went climbing , I went to body pump, and some photos from our skiing trip.
I also have my friend Cole’s wedding night menu.
And Nathaniel’s pool hall math infographic.
Moments from this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
   
I started with The Gone World as we were driving back from our skiing trip. It was long but super interesting. Some of it was hard to keep track of but I really enjoyed it if unusual sci-fi is your style.
The Monk of Mokha was much more interesting than I thought it might be. I enjoyed the fast and easy pace of this book and I liked the story. I generally enjoy Eggers’ writing style.
I am, I am, I am was a tough but thought-provoking read. I liked it.
Brotopia was depressing. I wasn’t sure I wanted to read it. But it was fast paced and a quick read so I did. I am glad I read it. Still really depressing.
Here’s to reading more!
Books I Read this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
I had a car accident last week.
While I’m okay, my kids are ok, the other person’s ok and even the car is mostly okay, it still shook me of course and it comes with a lot of inconveniences around insurance, body shops, having to function without my car for a while, etc. etc. But none of these inconveniences matter as much as how hard i’ve been on myself about all of this.
I don’t do well with causing problems. I don’t do well with disappointing or letting others down. I never want to be a burden. I want to help and never hurt.
So when I am in situations like this, it’s really hard for me give myself the grace that would be really easy to give to my husband, friends, or my kids. I just have this endless loop in my head about all the things I should have done instead, all the ways this will bring harm to the people I love, all the ways in which I am such a burden.
And on and on it goes into a spiral of crazy proportions.
So this time around, I am trying really hard to give myself grace.
I have the kindest husband in the world, who is saying all the right things and trying really hard to coach me through this. My family is kind and supportive and loving and want me to remember to focus on the fact that this could have gone much more poorly and that we are all feeling well. And I am trying to remind myself that problems are part of life. Things won’t always go right. I’ve been incredibly lucky in my life that so much has gone right and I don’t want to dishonor that by exaggerating the impact of things that go wrong.
But it’s still tough. And I am having to work hard to coach myself and to give myself so much grace and not to let the negative tapes in my head own the conversation. I know that to some people this is a nothing. It’s annoying sure, but come on already, a lot of people have accidents and no one was hurt and move on already. But that’s not how I’m built. And what makes me this way is also the same thing that allows me to be empathetic and caring to others and careful when I make decisions and on and on. I firmly believe that the characteristics that serve us so much also have a shadow side that make life difficult when in different circumstances.
So I don’t think this will change. I don’t even want to change it. But what I want to do is learn to cope with it better when it happens. Learn to slow down and give myself the big, big dose of grace I need.
So I’ve been trying to do that. Here’s to hoping I can get better at it each time.
On My Mind is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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