This week at work, I took a class and part of what she taught us were these three concentric circles. In the innermost circle, you have your “comfort zone” which is where most of us are most of the time. And then there is the Adventure Zone which feels a bit scary but also thrilling and you can visit there and learn a lot and the more time you spend there, the wider your comfort zone grows. And then there’s the Panic Zone which doesn’t feel good and most importantly, you can’t learn anything while you’re there.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, my work, my choices in terms of these circles lately. I think my comfort zone is reasonably small and I often live in the Adventure zone and I really try not to go into panic zone because I hate being in a place where I can’t learn.
What’s interesting is how compelled I feel to go to the Adventure Zone. I was wondering why I might keep doing it to myself. I think one reason is because my comfort zone is smaller than average. I have very few things that really feel comfortable in my life. Maybe when I am curled up in bed reading but otherwise not often. I am anxious and scared often and I worry a lot so if I really needed to only be in my comfort zone, I’d have a pretty small life.
The other thing is that I have an almost obsessive need to learn constantly. About myself, about the world, about all things. I always want to grow, evolve, and know more. This incredible thirst for knowledge gives me the drive to go into my adventure zone and take risks because the reward of learning is so big for me. And because I live there so often the quiet times in my comfort zone are really important for my recovery.
Which is also why I feel absolutely no desire to be in the panic zone. There’s nothing good for me there. And I avoid it at all costs.
I really liked thinking about my life in these terms and I now will stop and ask myself what zone i am in at a moment in time so I can see if I need a push forward or the space to go backward into a smaller circle.
On My Mind is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
We were super lucky this year because Take Your Kids to Work Day fell right on top of Nathaniel’s birthday! I was extra lucky because my manager also has a son around Nathaniel’s age so he also had the morning with his son and thus our meetings were canceled. So Nathaniel and I had breakfast, spent the morning together and then Jake joined us for lunch and took Nathaniel home to spend the afternoon with him while I sat in meetings.
Nathaniel trying the Street View car. And exercising (below.)
This was a Google Fit challenge he had to complete to get a prize.
Our program and map.
 Photo with the Waymo car.
Nathaniel watching the VR that the Waymo car experiences.
My wonderful nine year old!!
Having some fun with the Android dude.
And making stop motion animation.
Loved the quote of course.
Photo time!
Doing map reduce with legos.
And playing some AR games. 
This one was a fishing game where the grass has a pond in it and you fish.
It was a really lovely morning and such a joy to have N at work with me!
Stories from 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018here.
Weekly Intention: I am on a plane to Sydney as you reads this. I will have four days there and will spend 3 days traveling. I will be working really long days there as all my days will begin around 6am every day so I can have decent overlap with California. I then come back home on Saturday to a reasonably busy week. So my plan in Sydney is to sleep as much as I can and to bond with people during the week and also to do job #2 as much as I can so I don’t fall behind.
This month’s intention is: Quietly Strong: How can you bring more calm into this month? May is chaotic with lots of endings and transitions. Celebrate but also stay calm. Stay grounded. What will help here? Oh this is so perfect. I don’t know how they each end up being so perfect but I love this, it’s exactly what I need this month.
One way I will stretch this week: Uhm the super crazy hours will do it.
One boundary I will set this week: I am going not feel guilty not socializing too much this week. I will be busy running around and not getting enough sleep as is, so the rest of the time I will rest.
This week, I will focus on pleasing: my old team, likely for the last time.
One new thing I will learn this week: hopefully some new plans for the upcoming summit.
One area where I will go deeper this week: no specific ideas this week.
What do I need to sit with this week? how i’m feeling, i’ve been feeling a bit off and i’d like to sit with it.
I am looking forward to: a little quiet time on the airplane.
This week’s challenges: jet lag+work+socializing+crazy hours.
Top Goals:
- Work: find speaker for pm summit, get the rest of the events organized into the schedule, go through submissions
- Personal: find may exercise, journal, eat well, rest
- Family: help nathaniel remotely, talk to kids daily
I will focus on my values:
- Love: i am going to give some love to my jaw this week, and get extra rest each time i can
- Learn: learn how i can get a speaker
- Peace: peace with being remote this week
- Service: one last service to my old group.
- Gratitude: my wonderful husband who supports me so much.
This week, I want to remember: that this is one week in the grand scheme and all will be ok.
Stronger Than Before is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
How I got Stronger this week: I made it through this reasonably challenging week. I had a lot of work and trips to school and just things to get through this week and I did it all. I also exercised all but 2 days. Net net, I tried to be my best self this week despite feeling a bit off.
Top Goals Review: iterated on the summits and sent both emails, didn’t get strategy sessions on cal yet. did pilates almost daily. didn’t journal or figure out the food, will pack for sydney. nathaniel’s birthday was awesome, booked cars for europe, finished camps and helped nathaniel.
I celebrate: I celebrate my little boy turning nine!!
I am grateful for: i know it seems repetitive to keep saying my husband but i swear i’m grateful for him ten times a day lately.
Karen’s Points: i don’t want to keep writing what i’ve already written. nothing’s changed here. i’d like to pick a may exercise and i’d like to get better with food. until i do, i don’t want to keep whining.
A Change I embraced: i ended up having to go back to work on Friday afternoon and I managed the whole thing well.
I let go of: the idea that i don’t disappoint someone, i am in a situation where someone is constantly disappointed.
Core Desired Feelings Check-in:
- Fresh: spent some time working with both kids and it was great learning for me.
- Magical: it was magical to spend half a day with Nathaniel at work this week.
- Lighter: Lighter now that some of the events are behind me or coming really soon.
- True: feeling a bit off this week. a lot of headaches and just feeling down.
Where I chose Joy: i chose joy with Nathaniel this week so we could celebrate his special day.
I showed up for: Nathaniel by helping him with his passion project.
A Mistake I made this week: i cut someone off as they were speaking, in front of a lot of people. i felt awful.
What I tolerated this week: i’m feeling very tired and off so i’ve been tolerating that.
My mood this week was: down.
I forgive myself for: having a bit of and off week, it will be ok.
What I love right now: while i am going to be tired, i am excited about both of my upcoming trips
Weekly Reflection is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
This week is about Spring Break. My friend Evelyn’s wedding and just some odds and ends.
I also added the map from Great Wolf Lodge.
I started adding little stickers with more text. I love how it helps me tell quick little stories without having to write too much. Gives context to why I added that particular picture.
Moments from this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
     
Panorama was a really good read. It’s about a plane crash but it’s about so much more. I enjoyed it.
Wedding Date was a quick read, not the type of book I usually like to read but I was traveling and it was easy and quick to read as we drove around.
Brass was a book I’d checked out several times before I got to finally read it and I really really liked it so I am very glad I kept checking it out and finally got around to actually reading it.
The Last Equation of Isaac Severy had so much potential and while it was a bit interesting, it wasn’t as good as it easily could have been. For a topic that was reasonably interesting, the execution was mostly meh.
The Female Persuasion was Wolitzer and she’s always reasonably enjoyable for me and this was no exception. I read it pretty quickly and enjoyed it all the way through.
I couldn’t put The Oracle Year down once I started reading it. Even though it became more and more convoluted and ended on this didactic note, I read it so fast and enjoyed it throughout.
The Oracle Year brought me to #90 for this year. The big upside of all of my upcoming travel is that I get to read more, hopefully.
Books I Read this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
On my way to work, I have to exit the freeway relatively quickly. The offramp overlaps with the onramp and they are both very short. Every single time I make that merge, I am worried and stressed. Ever since I got in that accident a month ago, I’ve been even more nervous than usual. I keep thinking I’m going to get into an accident at that merge. So a few weeks ago I started this new habit: each time I make the merge successfully, I say “thank you for one more safe day” out loud.
Brene Brown has this story in several of her talks where you see a super happy family in a car and they are singing out loud and happy and she asks what happens next and of course almost everyone says horrible things like they get in a crash, etc. Our minds are wired that way and she talks about tools to help with the foreboding that joy begins. She talks a lot about gratitude and building your catalog of good moments. And that when the tougher things do happen, that collection of gratitude helps so much more than the armor you’ve put on by stressing or expecting the worst.
So this is my way of making my own collection of gratitude moments for this particular case. IF and when I get in an accident there, I know that I will say all the bad things to myself. I will beat myself up. I will say I am always so bad at it. I will go on and on. So to ensure my brain can understand that for the one accident I might have, I’ve had 1000 good merges, I need to make those 1000 merges real. I need to make sure I don’t take them for granted. I need to make sure they are visible. Which is why I say it out loud. I need to hear it every single day.
We often do this in life where we have the choice we’re making but not the invisible other choices we made because of it. Like I choose to go to Sydney for work which means I am choosing not to be with my kids or husband that week. I am choosing to pick this job over the other I am doing at the moment. I am choosing to add a bit more chaos to my schedule. I am choosing to make it harder for me to exercise. It’s still totally valid to go to Sydney, and I will, but making these other choices visible allows me to acknowledge them and take mitigation steps if I want to (or cancel the trip if one of these options seems more important.) Inaction is also a choice. If I take no action on exercise, I am choosing to get more unfit. Even if it doesn’t feel like a choice, it is one.
I’ve been working a lot on making the invisible visible so that I can continue to live intentionally and collect those gratitude moments. I know I will need them when the time comes.
On My Mind is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
After the Great Wolf Lodge, we drove down to Joshua Tree National Park. The boys had made a reservation to go rock climbing. Since they are so much more advanced than I am, I opted to just watch.
There was much waiting and sunscreen while one was climbing.
It was crazy for me to watch most of the time.
This was our guide, he was fantastic.
There goes David. He went first on each climb.
 And Nathaniel.
After a while, we went to another site which was much scarier for me and a challenge for each boy for different reasons.
but they each made it to the top.
there goes the little one.
And the love of my life.
made it!
Our guide took this photo when we were done, 5 hours later. All the boys loved it.
Joshua Tree is one of my favorite places in the world. It’s unlike any other.
The night before we stayed at a hotel nearby and the kids made a point to have fun.
The next night we stayed near LA to be closer to home and then drove back home in the morning. All in all it was a fantastic Spring Break and full of adventures!
Stories from 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018here.
Weekly Intention: Well here we are. The crazy weeks are starting. My schedule from this week to July is non-stop fun. This week I have four trips to the kids’ school. Two in the morning, one in the afternoon and one at night. It’s also Take your Kid to Work Day on Tuesday which magically happens to be Nathaniel’s birthday. We have his birthday part on Saturday and the Tech Challenge is on Sunday and I get on a flight to Sydney Sunday evening. Of course I have over 40 meetings in between all of these moments. Fun fun fun times. Here’s the thing. I have a lot of variety and insanity in my schedule in these weeks. I have a lot of school things, trips to Tokyo, Sydney, Boston, France, Italy and Spain. I have a ton of work. I have three summits. I am really stressing when I think about it all but I don’t need to think about it all. I can just think one day at a time here. I am very excited about every single item. None of them are chores. They will all be occasions of celebration or learning or connection. Or both or all! I am going to set the intention to be present as much as I can. I will work hard not to rush to the next moment. Not to worry about the next item. Not to stress about any one thing not going perfectly. The collection of all of these things will be wonderful and I will come out on the other side with deeper connection both at work and with my family. I will learn a ton. I will visit magical places. So let’s try to make this fun, Karen, okay?
This month’s intention is: Emotionally Strong: This is the time to work on being a better version of you. And loving you. Loving what is. Respond and don’t react. Journal more. Doing a really crappy job of journaling still and I haven’t even done the OLW for April. I will have to do both April and May in May at this rate.
One way I will stretch this week: My schedule will be a stretch this week. But I will make it work.
One boundary I will set this week: I am going to do better with sleep and food this week. I will limit my lunches to vegetables + protein and my dinners to salads. I will opt out of snacks and drink more liquids.
This week, I will focus on pleasing: Nathaniel, it’s his birthday week!!!
One new thing I will learn this week: I am going to learn more physics with David and more about search engines with Nathaniel.
One area where I will go deeper this week: i want to experiment with journaling times and see if I can do something to make it stick.
What do I need to sit with this week? self-care. I’d like to make a plan for keeping up good habits and self-care as i walk into a period of inconsistency in my schedule and a lot of travel.
I am looking forward to: Nathaniel’s birthday and the Tech Challenge
This week’s challenges: just all the driving to school and juggling that with my schedule.
Top Goals:
- Work: iterate in summits, send out emails to team for geist and summits, get strategy sessions iteration 1 on cals
- Personal: pilates daily, journal, figure out food, pack for Sydney.
- Family: nathaniel’s birthday!! make it awesome! book cars in europe, finish booking summer camps, help nathaniel with his passion projects
I will focus on my values:
- Love: i am going to give some love to my gums this week, i’ve not been flossing much
- Learn: learn what the people want for the summit
- Peace: peace with traveling.
- Service: this week’s service is Nathaniel and school trips.
- Gratitude: my sister and my mom.
This week, I want to remember: that my life is full because of who i am and how i choose to live and all of these are magical moments and i can choose to enjoy them and embrace them.
Stronger Than Before is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
How I got Stronger this week: I am pretty proud of my progress this week. Not only have I been doing the pilates every day but I also took a lesson on Saturday learning how to ride a bike. I’ve made several attempts over the last 25 years but this was the first one without Jake and with a professional. I did well I think but I was super super scared. I am hoping that I can ride bikes when I am in Italy so I am really motived to make this happen. As we move into May, I am super conscious of my goals for 2018 and how I know we’re 1/3 of the way done with this year. I am about to get into a pretty intense and stressful period at work and I want to keep remembering that I want to get stronger in all the ways this year. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I feel like I am challenging myself in almost all the ways now and that means I have to make sure to put moments of rest in between.
Top Goals Review: working on what’s next, getting the summits squared away, making summer plans. i am on most of this. i did the pilates daily, but the journaling and the food are a total fail. i don’t even know what’s going on. bought nathaniel’s presents, didn’t book cars, almost done with camps.
I celebrate: I celebrate biking baby!!
I am grateful for: the incredible support I am getting at work, especially from a few people. i am so so grateful for the kindness of others.
Karen’s Points: doing pilates and skin still but i am really failing in all the other ways. the food is something i think about often because for a while I was eating so well and I don’t know what happened and I will say that i still deeply crave healthy food and don’t really enjoy eating other food (it actually tastes less good now, except chocolate of course.) and yet I still make poor choices mostly out of feeling overwhelmed, rushed or tired. So I need to make it easy for myself to eat healthier. Journaling is also a disaster and I honestly don’t know what to do there. I need to find a system where I do it early morning. At the moment, I use that time to exercise.
A Change I embraced: things changed all over the place in my schedule this week and I did my best to go with the flow.
I let go of: my fear so that my kids could climb and have adventures.
Core Desired Feelings Check-in:
- Fresh: biking, that was the big learning moment this week.
- Magical: it was magical to get a few unexpected moments of quiet time on Wednesday.
- Lighter: Lighter this week knowing the crazy weeks are coming.
- True: still feeling quite tired. I think eating well could really help here, too.
Where I chose Joy: i chose joy by sitting outside a lot this week. Also I am doing 100 moments of Joy for my 100-day project!
I showed up for: my manager quite a bit this week.
A Mistake I made this week: this was a reasonably ok week.
What I tolerated this week: learning to bike? a lot of tired days and sleepless nights.
My mood this week was: exhausted.
I forgive myself for: messing up the food, i will figure things out. and for the journaling too.
What I love right now: the challenges of my new job.
Weekly Reflection is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
This week is about Nathaniel’s Farmer’s Market, Recital night, journaling, The Princess Bride which I am reading for Lit Club, and just some small lovely times at work and home.
And David practicing the proof for the quadratic formula.
Moments from this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
      
A lot of books this week, partly because I read some really good ones and partly because we did quite a bit of driving.
I knew I’d want to read Lisa Genova’s Every Note Played because her books are so good. And this wasn’t a disappointment. But I will say I didn’t love it as much as her previous books. Though I did really like it.
Census was weird, unusual, short and interesting. I am glad I read it.
The Broken Girls was not my type of book but I still read it in one breath. I was interesting. A weird hybrid of supernatural, thriller, mystery, and historical fiction.
I found out about I Stop Somewhere through a goodreads reader I follow. I would have never picked this book up and I was incredibly painful to read. I thought of putting it down several times but I couldn’t tear myself away. I read the book in one gulp. It broke my heart and made me mad and made me weep inside my soul.
The Astonishing Color of After was also another amazing read. It was so magical and beautiful and heart wrenching. All at once. It was absolutely beautiful.
In Conclusion, Don’t Worry About It was a quick, fun, thought provoking read between books that were hard to read but wonderful. I really enjoyed this one and really loved what Lauren Graham said.
I Have Lost My Way is the new Gayle Forman book. She is one of my favorites so I knew I would love it and I did. A lot of YA this week. Unusual for me in 2018 but the ones this week were all exceptionally good.
Here’s to reading more fantastic books.
Books I Read this Week 2018 is a year-long project for 2018. You can read more about my projects for 2018 here.
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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