I had such lovely plans to write about things this morning. I saw this magnificent sunrise this morning and I was going to write about habits and shifting them with the seasons. I was going to write about veggies and finding ways to add more of them to my diet. I half-wrote those posts in my mind this morning.
And then things went to shit.
I had CNN on, I was watching the counting of the electoral votes and listening to the Arizona objections when insanity started happening and I had to check and recheck that the news was still showing the US and not some other country.
I grew up in a third world country. I grew up looking up to America, aspiring to be an American. Trusting and respecting and striving for the ideals that America represented. And while I’ve learned a lot in the last twenty years that has disappointed me, I still would not want to live in any other country. I love this country. And today, I was completely heartbroken, deeply disappointed, and full of rage.
I can write pages and pages but here’s what I am feeling the most: I do not plan to move on and forget about what happened, I do not plan to numb it because it’s unpleasant. I do not take the privilege of being an American citizen for granted. I worked incredibly hard for over 10 years to earn this and I will not squander it for a moment.
So yes to feeling and seeing and owning what happened today and yes to showing up again and again to ensure it will never happen again.
I had regular goals for my blog for the last few years and that worked well for me until last October when I just gave everything up. At this point, I am not yet sure how I feel about 2021 and the blog so I don’t want to prematurely commit to things. But here are a few things I might like to try:
Art: I really enjoyed drawing for my book instagram account last year and might want to pick that back up, not sure what other art plans I have
Reflection: Monday and Sunday reflection posts helped me stay connected to my goals, keep track of my intentions, I will see if I can bring those back.
Storytelling: Stories from 2020 started out strong but like last year, I quit. This year, I did post short passages on my personal instagram account and I am thinking of continuing that for 2021 possibly. If so, that would be a bit of our storytelling. I also will continue to have Ali’s kits and use those to tell our stories.
Reading – I read like a lot this year. I continued to read netgalley books as well as audiobooks from the library and audible. I plan to continue this next year. I will continue tracking them on goodreads.
Until October, 2020 was going ok but I haven’t missed blogging so I am not sure if I will do any or all of these but we will see. All of these might happen, none of them might happen. I might repeat projects. I might do wildly different things. I am giving myself grace while trying to keep myself motivated.
Here’s to a wonderful 2021. Here’s to doing more art. Here’s to making time to enjoy art. Here’s to learning new things. Here’s to practicing more. Here’s to reflecting. Being intentional. Creating a positive cycle. Here’s to saying yes.
I couldn’t decide if I was planning to work this week or not so I blocked off my calendar before we all disappeared in December. I didn’t know it then but it might be the smartest decision I made in 2020.
This morning I decided that I would go back to work slowly. I have a daily meeting with my manager and I decided I would attend that and pretty much nothing else. So today, instead of my usual 10 hours of meetings, I had 2 hours of meetings. It meant that I could:
– stay on top of my incoming mail – send some emails to do work – eat lunch – plan some of the work that is coming – exercise – stay calm and spacious all day
It was the most incredible start to the year. And I plan for it to be this way all week!
I might have to make a tradition of this every year. In fact, maybe I will do a week like this every 6 weeks or so to cleanse and catch up.
Yes to ramping up slowly. Yes to creating more space. Yes yes yes.
I want to start by saying that this is going to be a long post. These reflective posts are how I make sure to live my life intentionally. They matter to me and I love being able to look back on them in future years. I know that this might not be interesting to many (if not any) of you, so please feel free to skip it. If some of you find it interesting, all the better.
This particular exercise is following Susannah Conway’s Unraveling 2021 sheet. You can download it right here. I split the reflective questions looking back on 2020 in and the questions to help clarify goals/dreams for 2021 into two posts. This is part II. All questions are Susannah’s and are copyrighted to her.
First, choose a word to guide you through the next 12 months. Pick a word that makes you feel expanded. Encouraged. Inspired. There’s no right or wrong answer so go with your intuition. What’s your Word for 2021? YES.
If you truly embodied your Word every day in 2021, what would you do differently? I would welcome life with all that it has to give me. This year will come with a lot of unknowns and instead of feeling like a victim, I want to welcome all of life’s surprises and ups and downs. I want to lean into life, honor it, cherish it, suck that marrow.
What one thing could you do each day to anchor your Word into your routine? I could have a mantra and also do a 5-minute meditation before I get out of bed.
How does your Word make you feel? Excited and full of energy. Ready to conquer the day. Full of optimism and joy.
Do you want any extra words to support your Word for 2021? Brainstorm here. Think about what you need in the different areas of your life: home… work… relationships.. Health… self-care… What would support your Word? I’ve been thinking about this and the words on my list so far are: lighter, kinder, braver, wilder, delighted and enough, content, spacious, connected. I will pick some subset of these.
What are you looking forward to in 2021? I am looking forward to the vaccine, to being able to travel and go on adventures again, to taking David on college tours, to seeing my family, to hugging my friends, to the next steps at work, to slowly getting to feel normal life again.
What are you feeling apprehensive about? That much of this might not come, that we will spend another year at home, that one of my family members might get sick, that there’s still so much unknown.
What life lessons are you taking with you into 2021? That life is short and can turn on a dime. That we don’t get to choose what happens but we do get to choose how we react to it, how we receive it and what we do as a result.
What area of your life do you most want to develop in 2021? My attitude and my outlook. I want to fundamentally change how I see life and how I approach life.
What part of your self do you yearn to nurture in 2021? My body. I want to keep exercising and getting stronger. I also want to nurture my soul and be kinder to myself all the time.
Fast-forward to December 2021. You’re sitting in a café, musing over the last 12 months. Where do you want to be…
in your head? (work, dreams, goals) At a job I love and where I feel secure, challenged and appreciated. I want to feel full, clear and fully content. I want to fully own who I am and have a job that honors that.
in your heart? (relationships, family, friends) I want to be kind and generous and full of abundance in my relationships. I want to feel expansive and patient.
in your soul? (beliefs, practices, self-love) I want to be happy, optimistic, grateful and full of joy. I want to say YES to everything life has to offer me and see the magic that my life is and continues to be..
in your physical world? (home, health, hobbies) I want to be strong and dedicated and fully step into my abilities, my strength and honor my health.
Okay, let’s take it up a notch. Use this page to describe what 2021 looks like in your ideal world. Be specific! What are your dreams for love this year? Work? Play? Where are you hungry for change? How do you want 2021 to FEEL? Use your answers from the previous pages to craft your ideal vision for the next 12 months. What would saying YES to your life look and feel like? Write out everything your heart desires for this new year. Be bold. I want this year to be full of joy. I want to be optimistic about how things turn out and what things mean. But not a silly optimism, instead a deeply seeded belief that there’s so much goodness in the world and that things will be okay. I want to support my husband in his incredible ventures. I want to support my kids in who they are and all they will become. I want to fully step into my own self with all the promise and possibility that it opens up. I want to be kind and supportive and generous to everyone, including myself. Yes would look like waking up full of energy and going to bed full of gratitude. Living every single moment of every single day.
Now let’s give those dreams and plans some shape. Use the grid to start plotting the details of 2021. Use words and pictures, dates and anniversaries. Include actual events and made-up dreams, too. Be playful. Doodle your heart out. Back in 2013, our January OLW assignment involved setting intentions and I really enjoyed that, so I thought maybe I can do that instead.
January: Yes to Baby Steps: Start small. Make a plan for the steps you want to take and give yourself a lot of grace. Take a handful of steps. You got this.
February: Yes to the Unknown: Be open to new things this month. Listen more, watch others. Be willing to take some steps into the unknown and assume the best. Be brave.
March: Yes You Can: This is usually your hardest month. No break, still too cold. It feels hard to make it through this month but you can. Yes you can. Keep going.
April: The Quiet Yes: Be still. Listen to the whispers of your soul. See what your heart is telling you. Listen to the conversations in your head. Hear yourself.
May: Yes Just Yes: Time to be bold. Jump in. Dare to go all in and see what happens. What happens if you say yes?!
June: Yes to Light: Breathe in the fresh air. Summer is here. Smell the water. Go outside. Sit in the sunshine. One more school year is over. Celebrate your life.
July: Yes to adventures: Create some adventure. Go places. Do things. Hug your people. Take chances.
August: Yes to Life: Time to get organized again, transitions are coming. Eleventh and Seventh grades. Get organized, plan, prepare and do what you need to do. Write down all your dreams. Make plans.
September: Yes to Possibilities: Time to root and surrender. This is a hard month for you. Transitions are rough. But you also turn 47. It’s magical to get to have another year. Remember the growth mindset. Let go of your preconceived ideas and embrace the possibilities.
October: Yes to Connection: Reach out to others. Connect with your people. Make new connections. Say yes to more things.
November: Yes to Rest: It’s ok if you need to start slowing down. Give yourself grace. Year is almost over. Can you do one more thing, take one more step in the direction of your dreams? What do you still want to say yes to?
December: Yes to Celebration: You’ve come a long way. It’s time to celebrate. Honor. Be grateful. Thank 2021 for all that it gave you. Fully bask in how far you’ve come so you can bid it farewell. Celebrate all your yeses.
List 3 unhelpful beliefs about yourself you’re ready to release
That I am not strong.
That I am not beautiful.
That I am not worthy of belonging.
List 3 duties or commitments you feel ready to let go of in 2021
I am not going to do the weekly album this year.
Letting go of the need to blog daily
Moving from weekly photos to monthly.
List 3 skills you’d like to learn or improve in 2021
Stitching maybe
Drawing always
Coding maybe
List 3 books you intend to read this year: as always, i know i will read many.
How could you bring more calm into your life (and head) this year? More journaling and meditation, sitting by the fire, flowers, candles, nature always bring me calm. And take baths!
List 3 things about yourself you positively love
My empathy and kindness
That i am always trying to be a better version of myself.
My deep and endless love for my people.
List 3 ways you could be kinder to your body this year
Take care of my teeth and gums.
Exercise and hydrate.
Put cream on my skin.
Rest!
List 3 ways you could connect with loved ones in 2021
Call mom and Yona on a schedule, more regularly.
Make a weekly date with Leslie and Monthly date with Jess
Dial into the zooms every time.
List 3 people you could extend compassion to
My husband and kids.
Myself.
Every single person I come in contact with can always use more compassion, cause can’t we all?
How could you bring more love into your life this year? I could look for the good, spend time celebrating, practice self-love, hug and touch more, and date nights!
List 3 interests/hobbies you would like to explore more in 2021
Sketching + photography + journaling + stitching
Hiking + camping + climbing + meditation + biking
Not sure yet.
List 3 ways you could feed your imagination this year
Reading
Leaning in and saying yes.
Travel + adventure
List 3 ways you could bring more passion into your world this year
Saying yes to adventures and new things
Yes to date nights and time together
Making things happen.
List 3 dreams you would like to manifest this year (personal or professional)
Alaska!
Maybe Climbing Whitney
Feeling settled at work.
How could you bring more creative energy into your life this year?
Maybe a december daily like book for the year, I have to think more on this.
More drawing and reading combos.
Maybe cooking more.
List 3 ways you could bring more mindfulness to your mornings
Exercise + meditation + calling mom in the mornings.
Journaling for 15 minutes (to set intentions)
Sketching/Art for 15-20 minutes.
Being outside more, stretching.
List 3 ways you could bring more mindfulness to your evenings (I added this because I want to do both mornings and evenings.)
Stretching, removing make up and flossing in the evenings.
Journaling for 15 minutes (releasing and gratitude)
Reading + disconnecting.
Taking an evening walk.
Taking a bath.
List 3 ways you could cherish your home this year
Buy flowers
Cozy blankets
Light candles.
List 3 ways you could connect more deeply with nature in 2021
Camp and hike. And climb in nature.
Sink my feet into the sand and into the ocean.
Climb trees.
List 3 places in your city, town or neighbourhood you want to explore
All the beaches.
San Fran.
More socal this year.
How could you bring a sense of groundedness into your life this year?
Regular yoga + meditation + journaling
Doing more stretching
Being out in nature, taking walks.
Using your favourite tarot or oracle deck, draw one card for the overall theme of the upcoming year and then a card for each month of 2021. I don’t like to do this so as well as the monthly above, I will list a bunch of things I can do this year.
Yes to the outdoors: Hiking, Climbing, swimming, waterfalls, sand, ocean
Yes to healthy living: Cook more, eat more veggies, more water, walking, sleep
Yes to routine: morning and evening routines
Yes to being active: stretching, strength, yoga, peloton. climbing
Yes to new adventures: travel, climbing trees,
Yes to art: draw, paint, photography,
Yes to stories: week in the life, story albums, december daily, OLW
Yes to romance: dancing with Jake, date nights,
Yes to family: family dinners, project with N, project with D, vacation
Yes to connection: emails/calls with friends, write letters, call mom, call yona
Yes to optimism: write what went right, celebrate, donate, thank yous, send gifts
Yes to learning new things: podcasts, new classes, nonfiction books
Yes to joy: dance, listen to music, celebrations
Yes to adventure: book vacations, try new things.
2021 will be the year I finally become an optimist!
I will nourish myself with fresh, unprocessed food, a positive attitude, good friends.
I will make more time for myself and the people I love.
I will recharge my batteries by resting, exercising, and sleeping more.
This year I will open my heart to possibility.
I will pay more attention to the good.
I will learn more about leaning in, saying yes, leaping.
I will release my attachment to my stories and my past and my anxiety/worry.
I wish for 2021 to feel magical.
This year I will say NO to worry, stress, negativity, things that drain me.
This year I will say YES to LIFE with all of its gifts.
What is your secret wish for 2021? Declare it here! My secret wish is that this year I fundamentally change the way I see life. That I pay attention to the good, internalize it and really see it. That I stay optimistic and step fully into my life.
I wholeheartedly believe that everything is possible in 2021!
As always, I mention many of these same thoughts from last year and here, here, and here. I am pretty sure these themes have been in my life in some way or another for many years. I know that they will likely still be around in 2021 and 2022 and onward. What I’d like to do this year is to make a dent. To move things forward a little bit. Every forward step I take moves me in the right direction and that’s all I can ask for.
Close your eyes for a moment and imagine stepping into the shoes of you from December 2021, one year from now. You are one year older and one year wiser and you’ve lived every day of 2021 fully and completely. You have a message of encouragement about 2021. There’s stuff you want to share… stuff you’re eager to tell yourself. When you’re ready, open your eyes, pick up your pen, and write a letter from your future self, starting with Dear Karen: I am so proud of you. Keep going, you got this!
Tonight is our last night of “vacation.” Kids “go” back to school tomorrow and I am still deciding whether I will work this week and how much. But even if I decide to sit out most of the week, the email barrage will definitely start as others go back to work.
I find myself alternating between feeling excited to get started with this year already and feeling not ready. I am still tired emotionally and still hurting physically. I could use another month of just lying around and reading and numbing.
But I also know that sometimes the best way to get to that next phase is to start. Sitting on the couch, I might never feel ready.
So bring on the routine. I miss journaling and have so much in my head that it might take me pages to get it all out. I miss drawing. I miss having a plan.
I can’t go out and do things just yet but I can bring back some structure into my life and my plan tomorrow is to say yes to routine, even if I don’t feel ready.
And the plan for tonight is yes to a few more hours of relaxing and then getting a solid night of rest.
As with all the previous years, I knew I wanted to pick my core desired feelings this year, too. If you want to know more about core desired feelings, please go to my post from 2016 and you can see the links there.
I did the exercise this year as I do each year but the words kept changing this year and I had a longer list than usual. As each time, I told myself to focus on how I want to feel this year. What are the feelings I am cultivating? If I get an offer of an opportunity, what are the questions I want to ask myself so I can make a decision around whether I say yes or no? How will I know if this action will make me feel what I want to feel?
I mentioned before that there’s a pattern to my words: I always pick something around peacefulness, something around being brave, something around being open, and then maybe a few new ones. So this year I was curious if I would break the trend.
So my core word YES this year for me is about being brave, open and about possibility. Being open to possibility and being brave enough to lean into it. Those words will already be with me this year.
Here’s what I came up with this year and what they each mean to me:
Light(er): This is the peaceful word of this year. I want to shed things. I want things to feel light. As in opposite of heavy. I want to release, shed, surrender, I want to feel light.
Kind(er): I know I’ve picked this before but I always welcome kind in my life. I always want to do things that feel kinder.
Enough: This is the spacious word of this year. There’s enough time, enough money, enough love, enough to go around. There’s enough. I want to feel like there’s enough. I want to move through the world as if there’s enough, I am enough and I have plenty to give.
Magic: This word from 2019 is still hanging on to me, I miss it, I miss how it made me feel, I miss the choices I made when I sought magic so I am holding it close this year.
Wild: And since 2020 was such a cluster. I am going with my 2020 word for one more year. Here’s to going wilder. Stronger. Braver. In the wild. Adventures.
So there we are. I guess we still have a trend. Enough and light are my peaceful words, wild and magic are about being brave and possibly about being open, too?
I love all of these. Most importantly, I can immediately connect with the feeling I get when I say these words. I feel full. I feel content knowing these are the words I want for myself. They feel exciting and loving.
Here’s to a delightful year of feeling kinder and lighter while seeing magic and will and knowing it will all be enough.
I’m learning that sometimes saying yes is about saying no. I’ve had sciatica pain for the last 58 days or so. I kept living life and exercising on the bike. I kept hoping it would just disappear on its own.
But it did not.
Finally, I had a videoconference with my doctor and she recommended that I take a continuous dosage of aleve and stay away from the bike for ten days. When she saw me balk, she said ok start with 5 days. Try it for five days.
She also said that if aleve doesn’t work she’d have to move to more serious medication and this particular medicine has caused huge issues with me in the past so I reluctantly agreed to give it an honest try.
Despite my fears that if I stopped riding, I’d stop permanently, I stopped riding. Instead I’ve been doing pilates, strength, arms, meditation and yoga. But no bike.
Today was day five and I feel about 20% better. Not much to write home about but also considering how acute the pain usually is and how much the next medication scares me, I plan to email her tomorrow and see if she’d recommend I continue this Aleve plan another five days. I might even do the stretches she sent me.
I’m still scared I won’t ever go back on the bike and I’m scared to say no to it but I also know that if I want to say yes to being healthy, I need to give myself space to occasionally rest and heal.
So here we are. No in the short term so I can hopefully say yes in the long term.
I’ve written about little boy’s shiny hunting machine before. He’s rigged up an arduino, using an RGB sensor, a solenoid and a servo motor and some cleverly placed clamps (and a penny!) to have his game start and see if the pokemon is a shiny one and if not to reboot and start again.
After months and months, I basically sat with him while he spent many many hours working on it and he finally got the whole thing working.
It ran last night, broke again this morning, and he spent another 6 hours debugging it and finally it’s working again.
Yes to preseverence. Yes to crazy ideas. Yes to time together, encouraging each other’s dreams.
So here we are. A new year. For me, a new year usually comes with much anticipation. New projects. New dreams. New plans.But alas 2021 is filled with so much unknown that I wasn’t sure if I should make any plans at all.
I’m still not sure.
I spent a lot of time thinking about my word this year and about what I want and what I don’t want and in the end what I wanted more of in my life was just yes.
Yes.
Yes to trying new things. Yes to how things already are. Yes to being open. And yes to accepting what is. I like that for me it’s both daring and zen.
Up until a few weeks ago, I was determined that my 2021 word was going to be Light. I wanted it to be light. After the year that 2020 has been, I really thought a year of looking for the light, seeing the light, making light, etc. would be the exact right thing for me.
While choosing Light felt calming it just didn’t seem to have the boldness of the last few years’ words. I wanted something both quiet and bold. Sort of how magic was in 2019. I was craving both and light just didn’t feel enough.
So I went on a search. Here are all the words I considered:
surrender
release
cozy
rest
grow
leap
light
heal
open
change
ease
celebrate
alive
begin
create
nourish
construct
build
whole
calm
grounded
yes
here
now
see
play
connect
expand
abundance
breathe
design
flow
gather
quiet
pause
slow
perspective
tend
wait
After thinking about it all for a while, the word YES jumped off the page for me. That feeling of the fully owned Yes is what I was seeking for 2021. Stepping into my life. So I decided YES was exactly what I wanted this year.
Yes comes with daring, it’s a Heck YES or it’s a no. It comes with the quiet yes too, the saying yes to life, yes to what is, and it comes with possibility. Yes to being open, yes to optimism. Yes to whatever may come. I want to choose my life instead of feeling like things are happening to me.
The Daring Yes: This is about trying new things, taking chances, saying yes to things that feel scary. Yes to adventure. Yes to the unexpected. This is about venturing into discomfort and stretching that zone of comfort bit by bit.
The Quiet Yes: This is the passive part. Listening to the quiet noises of my soul. Connecting to my breath and checking in with my quiet yeses. The whispers of my soul. What is sitting there, waiting to be stirred?
Yes to Life: This is for embracing the unpredictable nature of life. Saying yes to things that happen. Being deeply optimistic about how things will turn out and then embracing what is when things reveal themselves. Feeling like I own my life and drive my own life. Yes yes yes.
I really liked the lists I’ve made in the years past year so here are a few other aspects of yes for me (some new, some repeats.):
Say YES This is rule #1: Say yes to things, don’t do what feels easy. do what feels daring. when you are asked something say YES first.
Say no: Saying yes also requires saying no. You must say no to inertia. Say no to things that don’t light you up. Say no to things that weigh you down. Say no to things that crush your soul. No more.
Assume the Best: This year, I will be an optimist! I will assume the best. I will assume things will work out. I will assume we will fix it. We can overcome. Because assuming the worst hasn’t really been working out. I will still work hard, and try hard but i will also be an optimist!
Be Generous: Make room for others. Expand. Tell them why they are amazing. Praise. Donate. Be generous. Nothing is ever too much trouble and there’s always time.
Embrace Joy: Let all the available light flow through you. Dance. Live in the sunshine. Reflect the light of others. Choose the light again and again and again.
Surrender and Release: Let go and let it be. Choose peace. Choose what is. Let it all go. Remember what matters most.
Stronger: You have what it takes. You are getting stronger every single day and I am so proud of you. Just keep at it. Give yourself grace and keep going. Try a tiny bit harder.
Yes You Can: You are amazing. You have proven again and again that you can do anything you set your mind to. So have faith in yourself. Work hard. Work smart. Do it for you. Do what you decide you want to. Keep at it. You can do it. Yes you can.
And then here are some notes I took as I was picking this word:
I want to start by saying that this is going to be a long post. These reflective posts are how I make sure to live my life intentionally. They matter to me and I love being able to look back on them in future years. I know that this might not be interesting to many (if not any) of you, so please feel free to skip it. If some of you find it interesting, all the better.
This particular exercise is following Susannah Conway’s Unraveling 2021 sheet. You can download it right here. I split the reflective questions looking back on 2020 in and the questions to help clarify goals/dreams for 2021 into two posts. This is part I, part II comes next week. All questions are Susannah’s and are copyrighted to her.
Before we start unravelling 2021, let’s take a moment to look back over the last twelve months. Maybe there were lots of changes for you in 2021. Maybe it’s been a year of growing or nesting or exploring or letting go. Whatever’s happened this year it’s got you to this point, right now. Exactly where you’re meant to be. Pick up your pen and let’s do some digging.
First of all, did you have a word for 2020? Yes, my word was WILD.
If you did, how did your word help to guide you through the last 12 months? Can you think of any specific examples? Well my goal was to go hiking a lot more and be out in the wilderness more and we did start the year well as we went to Joshua Tree and New Jack City and climbed in the wild. But then the world locked down and wild took on a new meaning altogether. Despite all that happened this year, I was still able to go climbing outdoors a lot of times. We took a trip to Tahoe and a trip to Angel’s Camp. We were in the wild. I also spent a lot of time journaling this year and embracing the silence of the wilderness by grounding myself. And finally I definitely leaned into “embracing the unpredictable nature of life” even if this is not exactly what I had in mind. I learned a lot about how I can embrace the unknown. And as it turns out, this will be a theme for 2021, too.
What did you embrace in 2020? Unpredictability. Uncertainty. Grief that’s mine and my family’s. Leaning into the new normal. Having all of us at home. I embraced so so much this year, because really I had no choice. I also embraced climbing and running and biking and doing a lot of exercise this year. I’m proud of myself.
What did you let go of in 2020? So very much. All of our routine. Seeing friends. Going places. Hugging people. 2020 was all about letting go.
What changed for you in 2020? Personally I’ve adjusted and readjusted all year. Learning what the new normal looked like each time. Learning how to hold each of my family members as they went through their own journey of 2020 and going through my own journey. My climbing got so much better. My exercise in general improved. Everything else went up and down throughout the year.
What did you discover about yourself in 2020? I discovered that I miss people, I miss going to work, and as much as I like being at home, I was definitely taking granted the freedom that comes with being able to go out as much as I want.
What were you most grateful for in 2020? Being healthy. The fact that we are all healthy and so are my parents and my sister and her family and my husband’s family. Not something I will ever take for granted.
When did fear hold you back in 2020? Well certainly the fear about the pandemic limited a lot of what I did and of course held me back. Most acutely we didn’t see any friends all year except for 2-3 times total. We didn’t go shopping at a grocery store except 5 times all year. We didn’t go into any restaurant, store, or anything indoor. I can go on and on. I felt scared most of 2020.
Where did you practice courage in 2020? A lot of emotional courage in 2020. Dealing with all that was going on, going for the promotion, speaking my mind, speaking up, advocating for my kids, and for people at work. I had to practice bravery often.
Aside from the pandemic, what surprised you in 2020? My promotion, of course. I was hoping hoping hoping but didn’t think it would really happen. And all the changes at work came out of nowhere too.
What was the best day in 2020? What happened? Likely new jack city was up there.
What was the most difficult day in 2020? What happened? The accident. That was most definitely the worst day of this year. A bunch of other tough moments too.
We all live in different parts of the world but the pandemic has been a shared global experience — some lives have been more affected than others, of course, but overall just about everyone has felt the effects of this crisis. Think back to the start, before the lockdowns and shelter-in-place orders — how did you view the coronavirus situation? Did it feel threatening or like something that wouldn’t affect your life? Did you stock up on food? Were you glued to the news? Write down everything you can remember about how you felt, reacted and behaved at the start of the crisis. I have to say that I really didn’t understand what was going on. I was traveling for work at the end of February, in Houston, and I remember watching the news and thinking that the situation was getting bad but never really internalized it. Never really thought it would change our life so fundamentally. I remember the week we left work, I thought i’d be back in a week or two. I remember when I was upset that the kids’ school didn’t close schools yet. I remember buying toilet paper on refresh refresh refresh. Going to TJs and having Jake super mad about how close I got to others. Canceling things one week at a time. Our trip to Vegas, our hopes for summer plans, celebrating birthdays in the pandemic. Ordering with instacart and doing take out for the first time. First time someone came into our house for repair. The fridge dying. Watching news nonstop. Jake watching the numbers climb up. So much of this year was one week, one month at a time.
We’re not completely out of the woods yet, but we ARE getting through this. How are you currently feeling? Whether it’s December 2020 or you’re writing this sometime in 2021 (hi future traveler!) — how do you feel? What do you need more of? Less of? I am feeling tired and worn out. I feel okay but I am ready for some rejuvenation. Some oxygen. Some source of joy and wonder. I am ready to hug my friends. I am ready for some routine. I am ready to go back to work. Having the kids go to school. I am ready for what normalcy felt like. But alas, I am not optimistic it’s coming soon. I don’t feel all that optimistic yet. There’s no vaccine for the kids. There’s no clarity on when things are coming. I want to be optimistic but I am too tired.
Write down everything that’s HELPED during this year. Consider: new routines, self-imposed boundaries and restrictions (eg only looking at the news once a day), connections with others (who? When? How?), online community, new things you tried (recipes? Fitness apps?), what have you read? Have you been able to work from home, and if so, what’s helped you do that? Homeschool?! Here are some things that helped:
The fact that I worked from home before.
That big boy is introverted.
That hubby had an office to go to.
Our backyard and California weather.
Weekly chats with Kelly.
Zooms with friends for dinner.
Book club zooms.
Zooms with highschool friends.
The peloton and regular exercise.
Climbing outdoors.
Puzzles, drawing, journaling.
Touchless grocery delivery and video appointments by doctor.
A job that I can do remotely.
Having kids who are older and can take care of themselves.
Books, always books.
How have you taken care of yourself physically? I exercised quite a bit this year. I did a lot of climbing all year. I did the couch to 5K during the summer and then have been riding the peloton and doing the classes for months now. I’ve also tried to take care of my skin, my teeth and my hair.
How have you taken care of yourself mentally? I’ve done less well here, took a few classes and did a few puzzles but I thirst for more here. I need to think about this for 2021.
How have you taken care of yourself emotionally? For a while, I journaled quite a bit. And it was helping a lot. I took time for myself. I did drawing. But then I sort of gave all of it up. I miss it.
What have you missed this year? Friends. Eating out. Seeing my parents and my sister and my nephews. Traveling. Going on adventures. I even missed going to work.
What haven’t you missed? I haven’t missed drop-off and pick-up. I haven’t missed parties. Traffic. That’s about it.
What new ways of being and doing have you discovered? For a while we were cooking a lot and taking lots of walks. I liked those and they were very peaceful. The zooms and connecting through video while far away has definitely been a blessing.
What will you never forget? The surreal way this whole year passed. The way it feels like we’re on a mission to the Moon or Mars and living in our own bubble.
What have you let go of? All that this year could have been. My wishes and desires for the wilderness. The loss I feel not having seen my family. I am working on letting all that go and being grateful that we hopefully will have more time.
What feels more important than ever to you? Seeing people and hugging people and going on adventures.
What now feels unimportant? Checking off items on my todo list for the sake of it.
What are you ready to begin? I’m not sure yet. I still feel pretty out of sorts. 2021 doesn’t feel so different so far and I am uncertain what’s to come. I guess what I’m ready to begin is being more okay with the uncertainty.
How has this year changed your priorities? In the grand scheme, I don’t think it’s changed many of my priorities. I still want to work hard, love my people, do more good than bad, and be the kindest person i can be.
How has this year changed your home life? Well we’re all at home now all the time. Our house is constantly a mess. None of us have any privacy. But we’re warm, safe and sound.
How has this year changed your relationships? I have gotten closer with some friends, didn’t miss others, just postponed much of everything this year. Closer with my kids and husband, for which I am grateful.
How has this year changed your work life? I like all of us being remote, even as I miss the random work conversations or impromptu late nights. I miss my office mates. I miss the old organizational structure we had. I miss a lot but I am also okay.
What have you been most grateful for during this experience? Big things, little things, the profound and the everyday, what are you grateful for?
All of us have been healthy this whole time.
Being able to work from home.
The kids being able to attend school from home.
Jake having his own space to go to.
Being able to climb outdoors.
Having a way to exercise indoors.
The amazing CA weather.
Having a family that I love.
The internet, connectivity, and ability to do all this which would never have been possible 20 years ago.
Gentleness alert! Did anything happen in 2020 that needs to be forgiven? Maybe it was something someone did or said to you. Maybe it was something you did or said to someone else — or to yourself? Maybe you feel you let yourself down in some way. Here’s the thing — we are all beautifully fallible human beings doing the best that we can with the tools that we have, so where can you give the gift of forgiveness to yourself or to another? I forgive and let go of all the tough moments of 2020. I don’t want to remember any of them. I give myself grace for the times when I messed up and hurt anyone. I give myself grace for the times I fell short.
I now invite you to close your eyes for a moment and think about 2020 as a whole. As you cast your mind back over the year, consider the gifts that 2020 offered you on your life’s journey… What stands out the most? What really mattered? Togetherness and health. I am grateful.
I helped David with getting his club off the ground.
I helped Nathaniel with his science fair and with getting better at writing and much of his homework.
I traveled to Houston and Palm Springs, Joshua Tree and New Jack City.
I managed a small but very distributed team and took over management of another employee.
I read 270+ books. More than 77 from netgalley, on ebook.
I told 30+ stories from our lives.
I used both the weekly journal and the OLW journal to document our lives.
I worked out at work and rock climbed all year both indoor and outdoor. I moved from 5.9 to 5.10b,c and even a d.
I lead belayed Jake many times.
I did weekly calls with Kelly.
I took several hikes with Jake.
I got promoted to Director.
And I sponsored an arm of the diversity council at work.
I did over 100 peloton bike rides. And over 50 meditations.
David finished 9th grade and started 10th from home. Nathaniel finished 5th and started 6th from home, too.
I am still blonde.
Jake and I went on several date nights, watched a lot lot lot of TV and movies, ate a lot of zucchini and hotdogs and took lots of walks.
I supported Jake in several of his personal dreams around climbing.
I mentored several women in my organization.
I took several online classes but only really stuck with OLW.
I supported my friends and a few others who were going through a tough time this year.
I supported several Life Coaching clients this year. Though I’ve wound them down.
Describe 2020 in 3 words: wild, unexpected, unsettling.
If the events of 2020 were made into a film or a book, what would it be called? Meh I think there are already too many pandemic movies. I don’t want to see this year made into anything.
Before we finish with 2020, take a few minutes to write out anything else you need to say to the old year in the box below. You might like to say some goodbyes and thank yous…Thank you Dear 2020, thank you for keeping us safe and healthy. Thank you for all the prosperity and luck we’ve had this year. I am acutely aware that it wasn’t the case for everyone. I’ve learned a lot this year and I don’t plan to take any of it for granted. Thank you for your lessons, now it’s time to say goodbye. I am calling you complete.
My favorite read of the year was: Valentine and The Death of Vivek Oji
My favorite YA read of the year was: The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender
My favorite non-fiction read of the year was: Untamed and Know my Name
My favorite SciFi (sortof) read of the year was: :The Midnight Library
My favoriteFantasy read of the year was: The House in the Cerulean Sea
My favorite Historical Fiction read of the year was: This Tender Land
My favorite Mystery read of the year was: Magpie Murders
Here are all my five star rated books from this year:
Noble Heart: A Self-Guided Retreat on Befriending Your Obstacles
Echo Mountain
Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man
The Cold Millions
What I Carry
We Begin at the End
Being You: A Journal
Year of Yes
Live Your Best Life
Moonflower Murders
Mediocre
Magpie Murders
Growth
Conscious Creativity
The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
The Midnight Library
Miss Benson’s Beetle
Ordinary Grace
Pale Morning Light with Violet Swan
This Tender Land
Heart Talk: The Journal
The Death of Vivek Oji
Transcendent Kingdom
Watercolor Techniques for Artists and Illustrators
The Complete Urban Sketching Companion
Know My Name
What’s Your Enneatype?
The Science of Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
The Feel Good Effect
The Book of Longings
Valentine
The House in the Cerulean Sea
The Anxiety Skills Workbook
An Artful Path to Mindfulness
Success in Art
Navigate Your Stars
Drawing and Painting Expressive Little Faces
Untamed
The Silent Treatment
Leave Only Footprints
The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender
The Love Story of Missy Carmichael
Radical Compassion
Yes and I love you
And here are all my reads from 2020 in reverse order. You can find all the reviews here and my drawings with reviews on instagram here.
In the Quick
Heart Bones
Yes and I love you
I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
Piranesi
One Way or Another
Layla
The Future is Yours
The Love Proof
Good Girls Lie
Echo Mountain
We Are All the Same in the Dark
Written in the Stars
Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man
The Cold Millions
A Children’s Bible
Crow Court
How I Learned to Hate in Ohio
Don’t Look for Me
The Beauty in Breaking
All These Beautiful Strangers
What I Carry
This Time Next Year
The Center of Everything
The Chicken Sisters
Snapped (Playbook, #4)
We Begin at the End
The Wife Upstairs
The Searcher
What’s Your Story?: A Journal to Free Your Mind and Rewrite Your Life
Being You: A Journal
Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person
The Urban Sketching Handbook: Drawing Expressive People: Essential Tips & Techniques for Capturing People on Location
Live Your Best Life: 162 Reasons to Rethink Your Daily Routine
Moonflower Murders (Susan Ryeland #2)
Ready Player Two (Ready Player One, #2)
Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America
Magpie Murders (Susan Ryeland, #1)
The Thirty Names of Night
Why Birds Sing
The Girl with Seven Names: A North Korean Defector’s Story
Growth
The Divines
Leave the World Behind
Crazy Stupid Bromance (Bromance Book Club, #3)
The Mirror Man
Agatha Arch Is Afraid of Everything
Dear Justyce (Dear Martin, #2)
The Survivors
Conscious Creativity: The Workbook: experiment, explore, create
Goodnight Beautiful
Breathless
The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
The Midnight Library
A Deadly Education (The Scholomance, #1)
Miss Benson’s Beetle
Just Like You
Boy
Tools of Engagement (Hot & Hammered, #3)
Ordinary Grace
Pale Morning Light with Violet Swan: A Novel of a Life in Art
All the Way to the Tigers
All Things Left Wild
The White Coat Diaries
This Tender Land
Boop and Eve’s Road Trip: A Novel
Before the Ever After
The Friendship List
Migrations
Musical Chairs
The Book of Personality Tests: 25 Easy to Score Tests that Reveal the Real You
Heart Talk: The Journal: 52 Weeks of Self-Love, Self-Care, and Self-Discovery
One by One
Where the Edge Is: ‘original and Shattering’ Marianne Lee
Sisters
Before You Go
What Are You Going Through
Take Care of Your Type: An Enneagram Guide to Self-Care
The Death of Vivek Oji
Boyfriend Material
A Room Called Earth
Kiss My Cupcake
Transcendent Kingdom
A Traveler at the Gates of Wisdom
The Boys’ Club
The Stationery Shop
Watercolor Techniques for Artists and Illustrators: Learn How to Paint Landscapes, People, Still Lifes, and More.
Self-Knowledge
The Complete Urban Sketching Companion: Essential Concepts and Techniques from The Urban Sketching Handbooks–Architecture and Cityscapes, Understanding Perspective, People and Motion, Working with Color
The Idea of You
The Night Swim
The Comeback
How Lulu Lost Her Mind
Stranger in the Lake
The Worst Best Man
The Silent Wife (Will Trent, #10)
The Bright Side Sanctuary for Animals
In a Holidaze
The End of Her
The House of Deep Water
Bear Necessity
She’s Faking It
Vanessa Yu’s Magical Paris Tea Shop
Pretty Things
Once Again
One to Watch
The End of Everything
The Pull of the Stars
The Book of Wild Flowers: Color Plates of 250 Wild Flowers and Grasses
Midnight Sun (Twilight, #5)
The Butterfly Lampshade
What You Wish For
The Trouble with Hating You
Full Disclosure
The End of the Day
The Henna Artist
The Girl from Widow Hills
Faking Friends
The Biggest Bluff: How I Learned to Pay Attention, Master Myself, and Win
Vesper Flights
The Nothing Man
His & Hers
The Switch
Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything
The Book of Hidden Wonders
A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor (The Carls, #2)
All Things Reconsidered: How Rethinking What We Know Helps Us Know What We Believe
Clap When You Land
Self Care
Know My Name
The Dilemma
What’s Your Enneatype? An Essential Guide to the Enneagram: Understanding the Nine Personality Types for Personal Growth and Strengthened Relationships
Kawaii Doodle World: Sketching Super-Cute Doodle Scenes with Cuddly Characters, Fun Decorations, Whimsical Patterns, and More
Ordinary Hazards
Friends and Strangers
The Other Mrs.
The Swap
I Was Told It Would Get Easier
142 Ostriches
Happy & You Know It
Follow Me
Party of Two (The Wedding Date, #5)
500 Miles from You (Scottish Bookshop #3)
This Is How I Lied
The Bitter and Sweet of Cherry Season
Parakeet
The Motion of the Body Through Space
Exciting Times
With or Without You
Sad Janet
A Burning
The Second Home
Little Eyes
The Library of the Unwritten (Hell’s Library #1)
The Guest List
Stray
Anxious People
The Science of Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: How to Build New Habits to Transform Your Life
Your Year in Art: Watercolor: A project for every week of the year to inspire creative exploration in watercolor painting
The Feel Good Effect: Reclaim Your Wellness by Finding Small Shifts that Create Big Change
Learn to Paint in Acrylics with 50 More Small Paintings: Pick Up the Skills, Put on the Paint, Hang Up Your Art
Colourful Fun Embroidery: Featuring 24 Modern Projects to Bring Joy and Happiness to Your Life!
The Vanishing Half
Something to Talk About
The Knockout Queen
A Good Marriage
The Kingdom of Back
The Bookshop on the Shore (Scottish Bookshop, #2)
Love Poems for Anxious People
You Deserve Each Other
The Family Next Door
A Bad Day for Sunshine (Sunshine Vicram, #1)
The Eighth Detective
The Silence
Beach Read
The Secrets of Love Story Bridge
Pew
Big Summer
American Dirt
Writers & Lovers
The Imperfects
All Adults Here
Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything
How to Save a Life
Dear Emmie Blue
Grin and Beard It (Winston Brothers, #2)
Girl Gone Viral (Modern Love, #2)
The Sight of You (The Sight of You, #1)
If I Had Your Face
The Other People
The Margot Affair
The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires
The Happy Ever After Playlist (The Friend Zone, #2)
Sorry for Your Trouble: Stories
Master Class
Latitudes of Longing
Hidden Valley Road: Inside the Mind of an American Family
The Book of Longings
I’d Give Anything
Getting Schooled (The Wright Brothers, #1)
Valentine
Days of Distraction: A Novel
The House in the Cerulean Sea
You Are Not Alone
Truth or Beard (Winston Brothers, #1)
The Anxiety Skills Workbook: Simple CBT and Mindfulness Strategies for Overcoming Anxiety, Fear, and Worry
An Artful Path to Mindfulness: MBSR-Based Activities for Using Creativity to Reduce Stress and Embrace the Present Moment
If I Never Met You
Providence
Success in Art: Mastering Perspective: Techniques for mastering one-, two-, and three-point perspective
Crochet: Over 130 Techniques and Stitches
Brunch and Other Obligations
Navigate Your Stars
Redhead by the Side of the Road
Undercover Bromance (Bromance Book Club, #2)
The Sun Down Motel
Drawing and Painting Expressive Little Faces: Step-by-Step Techniques for Creating People and Portraits with Personality, Explore Watercolors, Inks, Markers, and More
Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You
Mum & Dad
Eight Perfect Murders (Malcolm Kershaw, #1)
Last Couple Standing
The Glass Hotel
The Sweeney Sisters
Daisy Cooper’s Rules for Living
In Five Years
Untamed
The Silent Treatment
The Two Lives of Lydia Bird
Leave Only Footprints: My Acadia-to-Zion Journey Through Every National Park
Postscript (P.S. I Love You, #2)
Meditative Stone Art: Create over 40 Mandala and Nature-Inspired Designs
The Art of Spiral Drawing: Learn to create spiral art and geometric drawings using pencil, pen, and more
21 Rituals to Connect with Nature
Expressive Sketchbooks: Developing Creative Skills, Courage, and Confidence
My Path to Happy: Struggles with my mental health and all the wonderful things that happened after
The Opposite of Fate
Moon of the Crusted Snow
Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor
Interior Chinatown
Run Me to Earth
Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion
Yes No Maybe So
The Girl with the Louding Voice
The Holdout
Perfect Little Children
Minor Dramas & Other Catastrophes
Loveboat, Taipei (Loveboat, Taipei, #1)
Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World
Weather
Followers
The Operator
Things in Jars
Woman Last Seen in Her Thirties
The New Life of Hugo Gardner
The Fifth Risk: Undoing Democracy
The Wives
Home Making: A Novel
The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender
The Bookworm Crush
The Better Liar
Say You Still Love Me
The Camera Never Lies
Love Her or Lose Her (Hot & Hammered, #2)
Big Lies in a Small Town
The Love Story of Missy Carmichael
Long Bright River
Godshot
The Beekeeper of Aleppo
The Honey-Don’t List
Come Tumbling Down (Wayward Children, #5)
Lost at Sea
You Were There Too
Dear Edward
The Joy of Movement: How Exercise Helps Us Find Happiness, Hope, Connection, and Courage
Recipe for a Perfect Wife
Willa’s Grove
Such a Fun Age
You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters
Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN
I am grateful for all the great books I’ve read in 2020. Here’s to another great year of reading in 2021!
