Finally feeling calm after a long week of roller coaster. Starting my day at 4-5am every day this week was painful (worth it and still painful) and my emotions and thoughts have been all over the place. This was also the “let’s do all the things before school starts” week so we did the orthodontist, dentist, dental x-ray, tutoring, car maintenance, and hose cleaning all in one week. There was a lot to juggle and a lot to finish.
And we did it all.
As we approach to the last four months of the year, I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to do this year and how I wanted to grow. One item that was on my list was to take a class. I used to take a lot of online classes and in-person classes at local university near me. This year, except for a few art classes, I haven’t taken any and I am still craving it.
So I’m hoping I can make some progress on that this weekend.
I don’t have anything’s pithy to say today. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to change the way I interpret things and how to be more open and present and optimistic. This was my big goal behind picking yes as my word. I wanted to become a more optimistic person. Which I think starts with being open and willing to receive in a positive way.
My husband and I have been waking up at 5am every day this week to watch the sport climbing Olympics.
I watch sport climbing competitions every single morning as I ride the bike so I am very familiar with each climber in the competition and it’s been such a joy to get up and cheer for them.
This morning as I watched I could feel my heart beating super fast, holding my breath and rooting for each of them. My heart broke as a speed specialist made a tiny mistake that cost her so much and she started crying. I cheered as the favored winner topped every bolder in one shot. It was so inspiring to watch.
I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow and Friday for the finals. With live sports you never know and it’s always magical to watch and root for these amazing athletes who get to be Olympians for the first time ever.
I have found that how I choose to show up into a situation completely determines how I feel during and after it.
My expectations and attitude control if I consider the outcome a success.
Years and years ago when I was pregnant with my first son, we used to be part of a parent group at the hospital. After we all had given birth we got together and talked about our experience. One of the things my husband and I noticed when the session was over was that the people who had disappointing birth experiences were often people who came in with particular expectations that were not met.
So if they really wanted to have a natural birth and then ended up having to be medicated it felt like their experience was devastating. Or if they wanted to have all the medication and somehow couldn’t take it, they felt disappointed by the outcome. This is not to say there weren’t several cases of just completely unexpected sad stories too but those were rare in our group. For the most part, the frustration or sadness with the experience was much more correlated to the expectation as opposed to the experience itself.
I find this to be a theme in my life, too. If I show up to a situation with a very particular expected outcome I tend to be a lot more attached to how it went. Instead if I show up open and willing to take potentially different outcomes, it makes it easier for me to pivot as needed and it makes the outcome more likely to be a success because there wasn’t such a strict definition up front.
And if I show up willing to learn and grow as opposed to just trying to get things done, I tend to again be more open to receiving and adjusting and as a result growing from the process. And even when I disagree I am engaging with curiosity and not with frustration which makes the conversation a lot more productive.
So this is just a reminder to myself that things go much easier for me when I’m open and curious.
Weekly Intention: My intention this week is to not take anything personally. Honestly I am very tired and I can’t handle any more emotional roller-coastering. I just need a week of peace even if it’s only in my head. So this week I will have strong boundaries and do the best i can and not get on the roller coaster.
This month’s intention is:August: Yes to Life: Time to get organized again, transitions are coming. Eleventh and Seventh grades. Get organized, plan, prepare and do what you need to do. Write down all your dreams. Make plans. And August is here, the beginning of transitions. We will have to get the kids ready for school and i have to transition myself into a new routine.
One way I will leap this week: My goal this week is to slow down and not get on the roller coaster at all. To not strive.
One boundary I will set this week: I will eat lunch outside every day.
One area where I will go deeper this week: my communication with C.
What do I need to sit with this week? the stories i am telling myself.
I am looking forward to: our vacation.
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): i think i am leaning into all of these except being lighter. i need to work on that.
This week’s challenges: just making it through unscathed. that’s the goal this week.
Top Goals:
Work: stay on top of email, align on cadence, align on strategy next steps.
Personal: lean into journaling and art somehow, find one class.
Family: climb with J, get david to do class+ACT, do more SAT with N
This week, I want to remember: it’s ok not to get it all right.
I was thinking today about how the very best thing each of us can do is spend our energy being our very best selves so that we are living in our own sunshine. So that everywhere we go, we can bring our sunshine with us and shine it on everyone around us.
The Best Part of this Week: The best part of this week was getting my hair done on Friday.
I celebrate: date night with my lovely husband on Saturday
I am grateful for: my coach who’s been helping me help myself.
This week, I exercised: I’ve been riding, climbing, doing core, arms, restorative yoga and stretching regularly.
This week, I said yes to: being vulnerable even when it was hard.
I said no to: sitting with the discomfort of unhappiness.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): the last few weeks have been such a roller coaster. i am working hard to honor my values and i am finding that they sometimes clash with each other.
Top Goals Review:
Work: did stay on top of email, did FOW reviews, did prep for QBR.
Personal: did not really restart journaling plan, looked up a lot of classes but didn’t pick or do one
Family: climbed with J, passed test!, got david to do class, did more SAT with N
My mood this week was: this week, too, was tough and all over the place
I am proud of: getting my lead belay. look at me go!
I release: i am constantly working on releasing so i don’t have to hold on to things but the constant work on myself, constant triggering and then having to do the work again and again is so much.
Here’s what I learned this week: it is not all on my shoulders.
Family photography day is always my favorite. I love these people so much. On days like this where I get nothing done and feel frustrated about having to drive from errand to errand, it’s a good reminder that I am so lucky to get to drive around these people I love so much.
Yes to perspective. Yes to gratitude. Yes to being in the pictures.
Date night tonight with my awesome husband. Every phase of raising kids comes with challenges and rewards and I’ve liked and struggled with all of them.
But this phase might be one of my favorites. Our kids are old enough to have deep, intellectual and emotional conversations with and they are still interested in talking to us.
And they are old enough to leave home without a sitter for date night.
I’ve been listening to Brené Brown’s podcast series that she did with her siblings for the anniversary of “The Gifts of Imperfection” and feeling so much gratitude for all the reminders and honest conversations.
There’s a lot of new at my work and I’m adjusting and learning and readjusting a lot lately. As someone who has a core value around service and helpfulness and struggles with worthiness, it can be a doozy to deal with constant adjusting to a new person and a new rhythm. It’s often 3 steps forward and 2 steps back and sometimes vice versa so it feels like so much effort for so little progress.
And it can be easy to beat myself up for not getting it faster, not landing things, not making enough progress, and on and on.
Instead I am working hard to release the pressure and trying not to beat myself up. I am showing up and trying to do a good job. Listening to the feedback and adjusting as best as I can. I am showing up and doing the work. That’s the best I can do at the moment. And when I know better, I’ll do better.
And every day I am working on letting the frustration and disappoinment go so I can start my days fresh and show up to do the work again instead of carrying it around with me all day, every day, everywhere.
Onward.
Yes to releasing what doesn’t serve me. Yes to being patient with myself.
