I miss the sand under my toes and the ocean washing over me.
Last day of vacation today. Let’s see if I can carry over this zen feeling into work. At least this is no meeting week so I expect things to be quiet and that will help.
I feel very quiet right now in my head and I am really thankful for it. I feel grateful and present and slow in a good way. I tend to rush through things and try to do as much as possible in my day. I tend to stress about things going differently than planned. I worry all the time about small annoyances of daily life. About having to return packages, making appointments, etc.
Right now, I am not worried about anything. Just being here, now, I am enjoying being in the backyard with the sun in my face and the blankets on my lap as I breathe the fresh air.
And I know there’s a strong chance tomorrow I will be hectic again, frustrated with the small things, annoyed with myself for trying to please people, and disappointed in myself for letting people down. I will be stressed and overwhelmed.
So I want to remember this moment here, now. This serenity is rare for me and I know that documenting it will help me pause and remember.
I have been off work for a week and three days. I have one more day off tomorrow and then I’ll be back to meetings and emails and more.
In the meantime, I’ve managed to really wind down and have been doing a lot of mindless art while I listen to books. I’ve also been reading and exercising.
And that’s it.
It’s been really nice to slow all the way down and to empty my mind. I don’t know how quicky things will fill up again once Wednesday comes and in the meantime I am just enjoying being here now.
Today was the last day of summer. Tomorrow we wake up at 6 and get a new school year started. 7th and 11th grades. Yet another reminder of how quickly time passes.
Here’s to an excellent school year, full of friendship and joy and learning and curiosity. Here’s to not getting sick and not having to be remote. Here’s to classes that are interesting and teachers who are one of a kind.
I love that my kids go to a school they love, have friends they enjoy and teachers who love teaching.
We are almost at September. Just a few more days and then it’s the last quarter of this year.
September feels like the beginning of a new year with the kids going back to school, transitions and new routines and my birthday.
It’s an opportunity to step back and assess what’s working and what’s not. To adjust my routine, my perspective, and my goals.
2021 is not over yet. Every single day I get to choose who I want to be and what I want my life to look like. It’s never too late and never too early. It’s always just the right moment to do whatever it is I want to do.
Both of the kids went to school today for orientation. It was the first time they were at school since March 2020.
As I dropped off my younger son, I felt both excited and anxious. I was happy to have him finally see some of his friends in person. And I also know that many kids are already getting sick now that they are back at school. My older one took public transportation so that also comes with risk.
I am still grateful that they got to go and be with their friends at school for a few hours. A tiny version of normalcy is still better than what the last year has been like. And I really really hope that as they fully return to school, on Monday, they can both be safe and healthy and one step closer to thriving.
A while ago I wrote about a reminder I keep above my desk. “Will this matter in five years?” It’s a way I help ground myself in remembering how to prioritize the important over the urgent or even the irrelevant.
Another mantra I use all the time is: “it’s not about you.”
I can easily take everything personally. When someone around me is sad, angry, frustrated, or stressed, I tend to absorb the blame. Or find ways to make it my fault. Even when it clearly isn’t.
So I’ve been practicing saying “It’s not about you.” Sometimes I say it out loud. Sometimes I say it in my head as someone is speaking or as I read email. I need the reminder again and again because when I think it’s about me, I react and my prefrontal cortex shuts down. I cannot be kind or generative from that place.
And when I remember that it’s not about me, then I can approach with empathy and kindness because service is one of my core values and I love to help others.
The difference is substantial.
And honestly it’s never about me. Even when it’s a reaction to something I did or said, how others react is all about them not about me.
I painted for hours today and it felt exquisite. I didn’t have any goals, didn’t complete any pieces of art. I just used the gelliplate and had hours and hours of fun while listening to a book.
It’s not often that I give myself permission to just do something without an end goal. I tend to like finishing things. Checking off items. Today I did none of that.
I love going to the ocean and looking out into the vast horizon. It reminds me of how big the world is and how small my problems are.
The amount of time we spend on this earth is tiny. It’s so small and it goes by so quickly. It seems a shame to waste any of it on worrying about the small things.
And yet I don’t remember that as often as I should. As often as I wish I did.
Our evening took an unexpected turn when my husband’s leg was in a lot of pain last night after we left the movies.
A trip to the ER during vacation isn’t anyone’s favorite way to spend time and during covid times it means sitting in the ER for four+ hours all by yourself.
Even though it took him until 3am to see a doctor, it turned out that he had a bacterial skin infection so the long night was absolutely worth it.
Now we’re all enjoying our lovely little house in paradise by relaxing as much as possible. Powering our brains all the way down and letting our bodies rest and recover.
That’s what vacation is all about.
This is not the way we planned to spend this one but sometimes the universe has other plans and when the universe speaks, we listen.
