Wednesdays are hard. Today my first meeting was 8am and my last meeting ended at 8pm. In the middle there, I had to go get groceries, put them all away, cook some food for the week and now it’s 8:37 and I feel beat.
I noticed this last Wednesday so this week I chose to exercise in the morning instead and now I am tired but I am grateful for the decision I made this morning to get out of bed and exercise.
The evening me is thanking the morning me.
I think paying attention to the flow of the days, hours, weeks and months is something I haven’t done enough of and when I do I see benefits pretty quickly. There’s so much good in going with the flow vs trying to swim upstream.
Yes to paying attention and yes to working with what is.
To ensure I can keep my word close all year, I take @aliedwards One Little Word class. It’s a class that has monthly prompts to help keep your word front and center.
The February prompt is one of my favorites. It’s to make a vision board and this month is led by the magical @lucrecer who is so inspiring.
I used to do this project by hand but I don’t own any magazines and it is challenging for me to find images so a few years ago I decided to use pinterest to collect images and quotes that are meaningful for me and then use them to make a digital collage.
I love doing this process each year and a huge side benefit is that I can then print it and glue it to my journals throughout the year. But the best part, for me, is that I also make it the background and screensaver for my computers. Since I am on the computer all the time for work, I get to see and be inspired by my word all day long.
I love having all the layers and discovering some detail each time I look.
Yes to being inspired. Yes to creating tangible reminders of my word. Yes to connecting with why I wanted yes as my word and what I want to say yes to in my life!
Today was the second day of my 100 day project. Since I am already doing year of yes here, I started @karenikadoeswellness just to track that particular project which is more about focusing on different types of what I consider to be wellness for the next 100 days.
I looked over my list yesterday as I was asking my friend Kelly for more ideas on things to feed my soul. And she suggested listening to more classical music or opera and lighting candles. So this morning I put on some Pavarotti, lit a delicious candle, and journaled.
It was the most excellent way to start my day. It filled my soul up all the way.
Yes to music, yes to journaling and yes to focusing on wellness. Thank you Kelly!
After taking almost all of January off, hubby and I went climbing again today. The rock we usually climb on has three faces (at least if you don’t want to be near anyone, which we don’t). One face is super easy, and we did it many times last year, the other one is our most recent route that we’ve done 3-4 times and the third we’d never done before today.
When we got there, others were already doing the route we usually do, so we got adventurous and did the third face we’d never done. This required taking our shoes off and crossing a small river. Very cold water.
It also required just going for it and seeing what we could do since we had no idea what the rating was and if we would be able to climb it.
But we did. Several times.
It was hard, refreshing, invigorating. On the way home, we got to see an incredible sunset and I was feeling a deep sense of contentment and joy.
Fresh air, new adventures, exercise, and time with my husband. A perfect afternoon.
Yes to adventures. Yes to trying new things and taking chances. Yes to time together. Yes to nature.
I’m finding that so much of saying yes is about letting things go. Especially my thoughts and random attachments to things having to be a certain way. I’m paying attention to the judgemental, worried, and angry voices in my head. And then instead of reacting because I assume they must be right, I am choosing to slow down and notice them.
And then, if I can do that, then I can question them. Do I really believe that? Is that really true? Must it be that way?
Questioning these assumptions, judgements, default states has been very enlightening. I am noticing all sorts of things about myself.
And then I am gently trying to let them go. One at a time.
I am more successful with some than others but I am still grateful for the noticing. One step at a time.
Yes to letting things go. Yes to paying attention. Yes to grace. Yes yes yes.
We had parent-teacher conferences this morning. My kids have been doing school from home since mid-march of 2020. They have been home almost an entire year. Neither kid has seen a friend in that time in person.
No one.
As they presented their projects and successes and growth areas from the first semester of sixth and tenth grades, I kept feeling deeply grateful for everything. Grateful that they are finding ways to thrive despite these circumstances. Grateful that they are still finding ways to connect with friends and foster new relationships. Grateful that they are so resilient.
And grateful that we’ve been able to both be there for each other and give each other the space we need. We’ve had tough moments for sure and may still have many more but on the whole, we’ve all been making it work.
This wouldn’t have been anyone’s first or second or third choice. But we are here, and we’re finding ways to lean in and make the most of it.
Yes to leaning in. Yes to seeing them and the ways in which they shine.
I am a goal-oriented forward-looking person, I set goals and then I look ahead and find ways to make them happen. I am also reflective so I do take time and step back and assess and adjust etc. I try to look within and check in with myself.
But here’s something I don’t do nearly enough: really take a step back, look at the past and at the journey I took to get to where I am and the distance I’ve traveled. So I can see the progress.
The other morning, I walked downstairs when it was still dark and big boy’s computer, that he built from parts, was glowing. A year ago, he would barely maybe have been able to tell you the name of all these parts, let alone build a functioning machine out of them and install arch linux. He has come such an incredible distance in this one year that it’s unbelievable. It gives me hope that such a profound amount of progress is possible in such a reasonably short time.
It also reminds me of the value of making progress visible. I often only focus ahead.
It’s like hiking up a mountain. It’s good to be focused on what’s ahead of me and getting to the summit. But at some point it’s also good to look behind me and see how far I already traveled, so I can celebrate the progress and use it as a way to build faith in myself that I have what it takes to get the rest done. And most importantly so I can make all the work up till now really visible for myself so I don’t just gloss over it.
It’s so easy to move forward, get the next achievement and immediately set your eyes on the next one. Or to dismiss the value of some serious result I worked hard for.
So, yes to pausing and looking back at the journey and really really seeing and celebrating the distance traveled.
The last time I rode the bike was December 28 before I talked to the doctor about my sciatica. It’s been a month and my pain is still here but finally dissipating enough that today I decided I wanted to get in the bike and see how it felt.
I took it very slowly and did a scenic ride so I wouldn’t feel any pressure. My leg is aching a bit now but no sharp pain yet.
It’s been a hard journey and I don’t plan to go right back to the tough rides, but I am excited to be able to finally ride again and trying to remind myself to take baby steps so I can continue to do this.
Yes to slow ramps. Yes to beginning again. Yes to staying healthy!
I know I seem to post a lot of flower photos. I am not really taking photos of anything lately except for the flowers all over my house so that’s all I have to share.
This morning I woke up at 5 am and couldn’t fall back asleep but I also refused to get out of bed, so instead, I lay there in the dark and listened to a talk with Byron Katie (at 2x speed of course because I can’t handle anything else at this point.) And it reminded me of how important it is for me to keep grounding myself in teachings like hers.
I signed up for a free conference early this month and I’ve been lucky enough to get to listen in on conversations with Kelly McGonigal, Sharon Salzberg, Jack Kornfield, and Byron Katie amongst others. It’s been such a gift to get to remember their teachings. Years ago, I used to listen to Tara Brach daily as I did art and I learned a tremendous amount from her and felt such a sense of calm and peace from the repeated practice. Even though I keep saying I need these repeatedly in my life, I rarely make room for it. Instead, I read books, I work, I don’t make room for re-learning.
After listening to Katie talk, I blissfully went back to sleep and slept until 8:30am. So grateful I chose to spend my morning this way.
Yes to slowing down. Yes to learning and re-learning.
I don’t like making mistakes. Especially when my mistake results in letting people down. I really have a hard time forgiving myself and for letting it go.
There was a communication mistake that I caught at work tonight and it resulted in a bunch of churn and frustration and now I am sitting here ready to jump out of my skin with frustration and disappointment.
The thing is, I’ve already learned the lesson I need to and I’ve taken the steps to ensure this particular issue doesn’t happen again. Which is really all I can do right now.
And if my kids came to me with all this, that’s exactly what I would tell them. That they did all they can do and now it’s time to give themselves some grace.
So here I sit trying to find a way to give myself grace. Trying to say yes to feeling this but also trying to stop myself from catastrophizing it so much and learning to be more generous with grace.
Yes to kindness to myself and others. It starts with me. I know it and yet it’s still hard.
After a three-month hiatus, I drew again today and it felt magical. Sometimes starting again is the hardest thing to do. But we start and stop and pause and rewind and fast forward all the time in life. It doesn’t mean anything unless we decide it does.
I’ve been anxious that I have had to take such a long break from riding the bike. I was in the middle of such a good momentum and now it’s been 25 days since I haven’t ridden and sometimes I worry I never will again.
But that’s just my mind playing tricks on me. Just like how when you’re sick sometimes it feels like you’ll never be well again. But then you get better and forget all about that feeling.
Today I got to draw again and soon when my sciatica is more under control I’ll get to ride again.
Yes to beginning again and yes to knowing that no decision is permanent unless we say so. You get unlimited chances at life.
When I was in college, Jake and I spent a whole weekend watching Twin Peaks. We spent weekends playing Day of the Tentacle and Full Throttle. We would really get into things and they would momentarily take over our lives.
A few weeks ago, we watched the first episode of the Korean drama show “Start-Up” together and he decided he didn’t want to watch anymore. I took a break too but then last night I decided I wanted to give it another shot.
The show is in Korean so I can’t do my usual multitasking and have to pay attention the whole time. This is pretty much a deal breaker for me. But somehow I got into it so much that with the exception of virtual birthday party for a friend, I’ve watched the show nonstop. I am on episode 15 and each episode is.75-90 mins long. So it’s like I’ve watched 13 movies today.
At first I was annoyed with myself for wasting the day away but right now I am feeling the comfort of really diving deep into something and living in that alternate universe for a while. It feels lovely.
