My husband and I have been waking up at 5am every day this week to watch the sport climbing Olympics.
I watch sport climbing competitions every single morning as I ride the bike so I am very familiar with each climber in the competition and it’s been such a joy to get up and cheer for them.
This morning as I watched I could feel my heart beating super fast, holding my breath and rooting for each of them. My heart broke as a speed specialist made a tiny mistake that cost her so much and she started crying. I cheered as the favored winner topped every bolder in one shot. It was so inspiring to watch.
I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow and Friday for the finals. With live sports you never know and it’s always magical to watch and root for these amazing athletes who get to be Olympians for the first time ever.
I have found that how I choose to show up into a situation completely determines how I feel during and after it.
My expectations and attitude control if I consider the outcome a success.
Years and years ago when I was pregnant with my first son, we used to be part of a parent group at the hospital. After we all had given birth we got together and talked about our experience. One of the things my husband and I noticed when the session was over was that the people who had disappointing birth experiences were often people who came in with particular expectations that were not met.
So if they really wanted to have a natural birth and then ended up having to be medicated it felt like their experience was devastating. Or if they wanted to have all the medication and somehow couldn’t take it, they felt disappointed by the outcome. This is not to say there weren’t several cases of just completely unexpected sad stories too but those were rare in our group. For the most part, the frustration or sadness with the experience was much more correlated to the expectation as opposed to the experience itself.
I find this to be a theme in my life, too. If I show up to a situation with a very particular expected outcome I tend to be a lot more attached to how it went. Instead if I show up open and willing to take potentially different outcomes, it makes it easier for me to pivot as needed and it makes the outcome more likely to be a success because there wasn’t such a strict definition up front.
And if I show up willing to learn and grow as opposed to just trying to get things done, I tend to again be more open to receiving and adjusting and as a result growing from the process. And even when I disagree I am engaging with curiosity and not with frustration which makes the conversation a lot more productive.
So this is just a reminder to myself that things go much easier for me when I’m open and curious.
I was thinking today about how the very best thing each of us can do is spend our energy being our very best selves so that we are living in our own sunshine. So that everywhere we go, we can bring our sunshine with us and shine it on everyone around us.
Family photography day is always my favorite. I love these people so much. On days like this where I get nothing done and feel frustrated about having to drive from errand to errand, it’s a good reminder that I am so lucky to get to drive around these people I love so much.
Yes to perspective. Yes to gratitude. Yes to being in the pictures.
Date night tonight with my awesome husband. Every phase of raising kids comes with challenges and rewards and I’ve liked and struggled with all of them.
But this phase might be one of my favorites. Our kids are old enough to have deep, intellectual and emotional conversations with and they are still interested in talking to us.
And they are old enough to leave home without a sitter for date night.
I’ve been listening to Brené Brown’s podcast series that she did with her siblings for the anniversary of “The Gifts of Imperfection” and feeling so much gratitude for all the reminders and honest conversations.
There’s a lot of new at my work and I’m adjusting and learning and readjusting a lot lately. As someone who has a core value around service and helpfulness and struggles with worthiness, it can be a doozy to deal with constant adjusting to a new person and a new rhythm. It’s often 3 steps forward and 2 steps back and sometimes vice versa so it feels like so much effort for so little progress.
And it can be easy to beat myself up for not getting it faster, not landing things, not making enough progress, and on and on.
Instead I am working hard to release the pressure and trying not to beat myself up. I am showing up and trying to do a good job. Listening to the feedback and adjusting as best as I can. I am showing up and doing the work. That’s the best I can do at the moment. And when I know better, I’ll do better.
And every day I am working on letting the frustration and disappoinment go so I can start my days fresh and show up to do the work again instead of carrying it around with me all day, every day, everywhere.
Onward.
Yes to releasing what doesn’t serve me. Yes to being patient with myself.
I realized today that we have about three weeks left before school starts. I am not a huge fan of transitions because I am such a routine person and transitions usually require a change of routine.
So the beginning of each school year is tough for me. I expect this one will be even tougher as uncertainty is rising again in California.
This is just to remind myself to take it day by day and that the last two years have been all about changing and pivoting. I can do this.
Last night, I went to the climbing gym with my husband and decided it was time to take the lead test. He’d been wanting me to take it for several months and when I saw this route at the pipe ( the one the person is climbing in the photo ) I was relatively confident I could make it happen. So we did it and I passed.
I am now lead certified.
Major achievement for someone who is not the least bit athletic.
It was a great lesson in bravery, having faith in myself and attempting things before I thought I was fully ready. It was a good signal to my nervous system that in fact I was ready and I wasn’t giving myself credit. So there we are.
Yesterday I got to sit outside and do art and document our stories and read and journal and relax. I’m finding that I need this reflection and recovery time more and more lately. It’s a way to fill my cup, assess where I am and what I’d like to add to and remove from my life. It helps me be more intentional and more grateful and just in general more present in my life.
Again and again I find that if I don’t take time to fill my own cup, it changes how I show up for others.
The sky was all over the place today. Made me think about how sun finds a way to shine through. And how there are always some clouds even on a clear day. And how clouds can make the sky more beautiful and more interesting all at the same time.
Not sure what it all means. But that’s what was on my mind today.
From the moment I wake up on the weekends I find that the time starts tick tick ticking. Hours pass and my list of things I want to do grow and grow.
I read two books today. It was lovely and relaxing. I exercised and talked to my mom. And I did nothing else. My list of what I want to do in a weekend is 10 days worth in two days.
And such is life.
I will never get through all my list and that’s wonderful because it means I have a lot of things that give me joy. So I will tackle a few each time and look forward to the others next time.
