I am learning more and more that the key to a happy and fulfilled life is knowing yourself.
On the good side, the more I know about what I like, the more I can fill my life with it. Colors, shapes, people. If I know what clothes suit me best, I can buy more of them and always feel at my best when I am dressed. If I know what foods make me feel the best, I can focus on eating those. If I know what songs, what TV, what conversations I prefer. I can bring them into my life.
Same goes with books, hobbies, places to go. Focusing a lot on my actual likes and taking a step back and thinking really hard about whether I like something because *I* like it (and not because someone else encouraged me or cause it looks good or sounds important, etc.) is a very valuable way to spend my time.
I wrote about this in a newsletter a few months ago but I’ve been thinking more and more about it everyday.
Today Brené and Jen were talking about shame triggers in the Ordinary Courage class and, to me, it was another reminder that how well you know yourself can be crucial in recognizing situations and being able to step away from them instead of getting upset, frustrated, or even worse falling into a shame spiral, again and again. Noticing how your body behaves when you feel ashamed allows you the opportunity to pay attention, take a moment, step back and take the next step accordingly.
Being aware is always the key.
I notice this helps when I go into arguments with people who are close to me like my family. I’ve known them for so long that I can recognize patterns, I can see my buttons as they are being pressed, I can see when an argument isn’t really about what it appears. I can understand that when the other person is just frustrated about something totally unrelated and is picking a fight. Knowing myself, knowing how I trigger, how my anger, shame, frustration, pride, etc. triggers is really really valuable in these situations. It stops me from escalating an issue unnecessarily and getting into a bad place.
One of the exercises we did for Karen’s Pathfinder class was writing down what matters to us. What our values are. What we strive for them to be. I think this awareness also brings so much light into our lives. It allows me to live my day to day life true to my priorities. If I spend time thinking about exactly the kind of mother I want to be, not what i think I should be or what others think I should be but what truly matters to me, I can make sure that the time I spend with my kids is focused on exercising those values and priorities. Same for my career or marriage.
It even applies to art. If I believe that preserving my family’s memories is crucial to me, I can spend more of my energy writing journaling on my pages. If I believe it’s more important to do play and experiment and use art to just relax and unwind, then I can worry less about the theme of my pages and focus more on the fun. For example, for me, having my art be meaningful is crucial so I focus on titles and journaling in my scrap pages and put themes and titles on my art journal pages. For me, a page isn’t complete until I have meaning. Ever since I figured this out, I always think of my “sentence” on my art journal first. And then even if the page doesn’t turn out exactly as I’d hoped, if it is meaningful, I am content. Knowing my preferences allows me to get to a more peaceful (or happy) place with my art.
To this end, I will spend the next few weeks spending extra attention on this. On how I think I want to be perceived (and not be perceived) and how that affects me. On what I truly want for myself. On my values and the kind of person I want to be in the world. On how I would truly like to spend my time. I plan to reserve my journaling time to note these observations daily and see if I can make some progress on getting to know myself better.
I believe it will some of the most rewarding time I spend.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned how David’s school has a regular Monday morning assembly where they talk about topics that change each time. David told me last week that he was going to be the class reporter for this week’s meeting so I decided both Jake and I should go be there to support him.
Despite some early morning chaos, we both made it there and it was clear that David was very happy to have us there. Before the class reporters, the main topic was presented. This morning’s topic was about the migration of the Monarch butterflies. And she talked about several amazing aspects of the butterfly and their migration across very large distances and how the great-grandchildren know exactly where to go and when by instinct even though the original family member butterflies are no longer around the guide them.
But the story that stuck with me the most was this one:
I am going to reword but it was about a man who found a butterfly right as it was coming out of its cocoon. He watched for a while as the butterfly struggled to come out and then it looked like the butterfly was stuck. He took a pair of scissors and gently cut the opening so the butterfly could come out. And it did. It had this big body and tiny wings. After a short while the butterfly died.
The man didn’t understand that the struggle of emerging is nature’s way of forcing blood out of the butterfly’s body and into the wings. The struggle is essential for the butterfly to live. If it does not struggle to emerge from the cocoon, fluid stays in the body, and the butterfly cannot survive.
And then when I came home, I read my daily email from the Ordinary Courage class and at the end was this one question:
What would happen if you tried on the perspective that your dark places are actually strange lights waiting to help you find a new way?
What if struggle is an essential part of survival? What if you have to go through the dark to live a full and extraordinary life? What if the darkness is what you need to travel through to get to the light on the other side and to be exactly who you’re meant to be? Without the struggle the butterfly didn’t even get to live. It never developed to what it needed to be to survive. What if this is also true for us? What if by avoiding the light we’re never growing the wings we need to have?
The homework email also has this quote:
The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. — Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
I am a firm believer that we need to face the dark. But I didn’t think too hard about going through the struggle before. I know there’s maturity in knowing when to walk away (this is very hard for me) and I do work hard despite struggles but I don’t always think that struggle is actually transforming me so I can be exactly who I need to be. I like that perspective.
I like idea that the struggles that seem inevitable in my life come with the gifts of making me the person I am meant to be.
After the wonderful talk, David did get to get up and represent his class and he was wonderful. He wasn’t nervous. He read clearly and enunciated well. We were both very proud of him and walked away grateful to live the kind of life that allowed us to share this experience with him.
This morning I was reading to David as he ate his cereal. He was eating it so fast that it drove me insane. I said “You need to first chew your food and then put more in your mouth, David, this is not a race.”
And then he told me that when he and Nathaniel are eating vegetables I encourage them to race. He said that when Nathaniel finishes first I always say “Good job, Nathaniel.”
“So does that mean you did a bad job, David?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered unequivocally.
I put my book down and told him that he shouldn’t interpret it that way. Nathaniel got a “good job” because he finished his food in a timely manner and didn’t play with it and ate all the vegetables. I explained that when he does the same thing, he also gets a “good job,” there isn’t only one to get.
I then explained to him that the only person he should be competing with, in life, is himself.
I firmly believe that what makes us most successful is when we strive to become a better version of ourselves. (And not better than someone else.) In my experience, each time I tried to compare myself to someone external source, it’s led to frustration and disappointment. And, often, failure.
There are situations where one might feel like life is a competition against others but I think, in all the areas that matter, all we need to do is be the best version of ourselves we can be.
Even in a relationship, I feel like if I can just focus on bettering myself, my attitude, my expectations, my reaction, etc. I am much more likely to be successful than if I compare my efforts to the other person’s. Same goes for career and school, etc. Each of us is different and we all have different capabilities. Different strengths and weaknesses. Different ways and speeds of learning and growing. And I think comparing to others is just a path to frustration.
Not only that, it’s also a copout. Sometimes you can do MUCH better than others. Why wouldn’t you want to? And, I feel like being others-focused means you’re not working to grow in the ways you might want to. You’re letting others make the decision on what you should work on next. You’re letting others dictate your life.
How can that be a good thing?
So I told David that all I will expect from him is that he works to be a better version of himself. Not the best reader in class but a better reader than he was yesterday, etc. I explained that, it’s what I try to do in my life and that I will never compare him to Nathaniel or vice versa. I will only compare him to him.
This is something I try to make sure to stay focused on regularly. Am I doing something because I am trying to be something someone else is? Maybe it’s someone I admire or look up to. But even then, it’s better for me to admire them and be grateful that they inspire me, but not to try to be like them.
I am me and I am most powerful when I focus on who I am and how I work.
Another one of the assignments we did in Karen’s Pathfinder class was to put together a Life List. I’d seen this on Karen’s blog before and on Mighty Girl’s too and for some reason I was never tempted to create one.
Not even during the class.
But remember how I said I am a good student and I do my homework.
So I did it.
I came up with a list of 75 items so far and they are not in any order:
- Ride a hot air balloon
- Photograph all public parks and beaches in California
- Photograph top ten beaches in the world
- Visit the Galapagos
- Visit Antarctica
- Have one of my books for sale on Amazon
- Learn Hebrew
- Learn Russian
- Rent a house in Italy for a month
- Have an art show in a gallery
- Have my art in a book
- Visit New Zealand
- Get a Ph.D.
- Learn to make stop motion movies
- Learn to grow tulips
- Make bread from scratch
- Write 1,000 thank-you letters
- Throw a big birthday party for Jake
- Take a surprise trip
- Learn to sail
- Complete a marathon
- Attend the Oscar Ceremonies
- Go back to Seychelles with Jake
- Drink 500 blends of tea
- Visit all 50 states
- Photograph the Northern Lights
- See the fjords in Norway
- Learn to change a tire by myself
- Learn about all the planets + stars
- Visit the Sagrada Familia
- Visit Easter Island
- Renovate an old house
- Hire a professional clothing (stylist?)
- Get a small tattoo
- Rent a house over a lake for a month
- Experience zero gravity
- Go on a Safari in Africa
- Attend Feast of St. Francis of Assisi (http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/us/st-francis-assisi-feast)
- Learn to ride a bike
- Be conversational in 9 languages
- Taste 1,000 fruits
- Attend the lantern festival in Thailand
- Give a talk to more than 500 people
- Take a memorable trip with just David and me
- Take a memorable trip with just Nathaniel and me
- Visit all the National Parks in the US
- Photograph 250 species of butterflies
- Read 5 greatest novels of British, French, Russian, Italian literature
- Visit the Uffizi Gallery in Italy
- Read all of Shakespeare’s works
- Read 2,000 books to my kids
- Rent an RV
- Go to burning man
- Jump out of a plane
- Eat a super-fancy meal with Jake
- Donate one paycheck to a nonprofit
- Sell a piece of art I created
- Take 5 physics classes
- Cut my hair super-short
- Pull an all-nighter with Jake
- Work on a farm for a day
- Plant and grow a small fruit tree
- Learn to read music
- Learn to start a fire without matches
- Quilt a blanket for me
- Take the Eurorail across Europe
- Own a bookstore
- Start a nonprofit
- write a book
- learn to paint my nails and toes properly
- stay at the ten best hotels in the US
- Volunteer to hold babies at the hospital
- Read Modern Library’s top 100 books
- Read the Modern Library’s readers top 100 books
- Read Radcliffe’s top 100 books
- Drive comfortably on the freeway
I even made a list of my list items that are lists so I could check them off as I went along.
I don’t look at this as a bucket list or even a list that must get done at any moment. Just a list of fun things that bring me joy. So the idea of having them in one list makes me happy. The items might change over time. I will likely add more. I might remove some. And I might alter some. I borrowed some items from all the different lists I browsed in case any of them look familiar to you.
But for now, I consider this assignment done and I am actually glad I did it.
Do you have a list too?
I’ve had a friend email me today to ask me about how she can stay involved and learn from all the classes she’s taking. She mentioned how I take classes and still manage to do my daily projects. Coincidentally, I was already thinking this morning about the different kinds of online classes and what I like and why, etc. So I thought it might be interesting to do a post about my thoughts. Just remember that we’re all different and these are my thoughts. I will highlight things that I think are important to consider when signing up for a class and then I will tell you my preferences. If you’re different, listen to the former and ignore the latter and make your own answers instead.
These are not in order cause I am a bit too tired to do that so please know they are not in any order of importance.
Types of Classes
I’ve learned, over time, that, like in real life, there are two types of classes online: lecture-based and discussion-based. The way I differentiate the two is the amount of teacher involvement there is in the class. All classes in this day and age have at least some way for the students to comment on and participate in the class. But in some of the classes I took, the teacher rarely comments and then only to resolve technical issues, questions, etc. And in the others, the teacher was really involved, a big part of instigating and moving the discussion.
Neither type is bad. You just need to know what you prefer and what your goals for the class are. If you are taking this class to learn a new skill, for example, you might be ok just watching the videos or reading the content and not interacting too much. Whereas in a different kind of class you might really want to have some involved discussion and expect participation from the teacher.
If you know for sure that you like classes that are one way or another, I encourage you to pay attention to this when you sign up. I feel it’s important to know this ahead of time because you can adjust your expectations accordingly.
Here’s what I realized for me: I love to teach discussion-based classes because my goal is for each student to take the material and customize it into their own life. For me to be able to achieve that I need active hand-holding and encouragement and explanations on how to customize the material. Those are the classes that I feel are most impactful for me. I really encourage people to share so I can make sure the class was useful to every single student and I firmly believe we can all learn more if we share more.
However when I am the student, it depends more on why I am taking the class. If it’s deep soul work, I don’t mind doing most of that completely on my own. I will read the discussion boards but I will rarely participate. If it’s a technique class, I will only participate if I need extra help. I know this is the opposite of what I like my students to do but I’ll be honest I have very rarely had active teachers in a class and with most classes even if the discussion is lively at first, it dissipates quickly because the teacher doesn’t encourage it. (Just in my opinion.)
Discussions
For me, I have found that often times the discussions in the classes I’ve taken haven’t helped enough to be worth the time they take away from actual work. So I’d rather be journaling or doing art than being a part of the discussion. But that’s mostly been because very very few of the classes I took have active teacher participation and while I appreciated the other students a lot, there wasn’t an instance where I felt I needed the extra help. So each time I have some downtime, I’d read the discussions so I can learn/grow but I didn’t participate that much. Discussions where the teacher really encouraged sharing and learning have been helpful and in that case I do participate.
I also tend to prefer to do the work first because I like to go through it without influence from others around me. So when I am done, I feel ok participating because I feel like I’ve already done the work. I prioritize doing the assignment over any discussion almost every single time.
Motivation
I think it’s important to know why you’re taking a class. Most of the time, I sign up for a class because the content really speaks to me. I like either journaling/soulwork classes or very specific technique classes. There have been a few times I took a class cause I admired the teacher and thought taking the class would get me closer to the teacher and give me an opportunity to interact with her. In each of those instances I was disappointed. It might be my bad luck but I have learned my lesson and I never do this anymore. I sign up for content and content only.
Pace
I find, for me, classes that are fast-paced are what I like. I like to be kept on my toes and feel the pressure of work to do. This doesn’t mean there has to be dense content each week. With soul work classes I’ve found sometimes I need more time to digest or more chewable portions than the teacher gives. But for me time and again the issue is bigger if I feel the class is moving too slowly or is not meaty enough. So I try to pay attention to that when I sign up. If the class is slow, I am likely to lose interest and not complete the work.
Follow up Work
I also lose interest if there’s no clear homework and examples. I want to know the assignment and I want to know what the teacher did or thought on that assignment. So, immediately after listening/reading/watching I can do my homework. This is what motivates me so I need it and I need it to be clear. And it needs to be reasonable sized.
Timing
I don’t do well with “download and do at your pace” classes. Mostly because I feel like I can put them off forever since there’s no specific time they’re due. So I can postpone and deprioritize those over “going on right now” classes. And I often tend to do just that. I downloaded two classes in June and still haven’t finished them. That’s pretty much unheard of for me.
So pay attention to that. Do you like homework? Do you respond better to “do on your own pace” or to scheduled dates and times?
Integrating
I tend to only take classes that integrate into the life and work I am doing now. So I will use my journaling time to do the soul work class assignments. For example I am taking a class on shame-resilience right now and it involves a lot of thinking and journaling. I do mine during the morning journaling time. One or two days a week my journaling is the assignment from that week and the rest of the time it’s the free form journaling I do regularly. When I took Stephanie’s class back in January, every single day’s journaling was content from her class. I integrate the homework into my daily life.
Same goes for art journaling. When I took Christy’s classes, I used up my art journaling time to do her homework. I changed it to adapt to my own life. I even did one of my Pink Paislee blog assignments as her homework. I try to work it into my schedule as it stands.
For example at the moment I am taking three classes and here’s how I integrate them into my existing schedule:
1. Ordinary Courage: I read the classes while I exercise. I listen to the audio while I sketch. I do the homework during my journaling time.
2. Watercolor Pencils Miniclass Classes come to me once a week, I read them when I have downtime at night, I watch the videos as I exercise and I do the exercises as part of my daily sketching.
3. One Little Word This class has been a bit odd. In the beginning, I did the assignments as part of my art journaling. But then I mostly just watched the videos as I exercise and I thought about my word a lot and journaled and created some projects because of it but I haven’t actually done the album. I never really intended to do it so I am ok with that. For me this class was to keep my word at the forefront of my mind and its achieved its goal so I am happy with it.
Last month was two classes, one got integrated into my journaling time and the other to art journaling time. Next month is two classes, one will be art journaling and the other will be sketching or art journaling.
I do also take classes for a specific reason sometimes. For example I downloaded Remains of the Day a few months ago because I decided I was going to use the technique for my December Daily album. I wanted to buy that class for over a year but I didn’t want to do so unless I knew exactly what I was going to do with it so once I had the idea to use it for December Daily, I had no problem buying it because I knew I could put it into use.
I hope this makes sense. There isn’t one class in the twenty-one classes I have on my list this year that doesn’t integrate into either sketching, journaling or art journaling. So I think that’s why I am able to keep up with my classes. If my goal was to do a layout a day for example, I could take a sketch class that would give me daily sketches and I could easily integrate that into my daily layout time.
I think about my daily schedule and personal goals when I sign up for a class now. Is there a way I will immediately be able to put this class into use? If so, I look at the other points about pacing, homework, teacher participation and then if I am still happy, I sign up. If not, I pass. I still get disappointed sometimes but it’s getting rarer and rarer.
If you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to ask, as long as you remember it’s just my opinion, I am always happy to share it.
One of my favorite poems as a teenager was Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost. I can almost recite it from memory. Here’s how it goes:
Nothing Gold Can Stay (by Robert Frost)
Nature’s first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
When I was younger, I always thought this was a terribly sad poem. Everything dies, life sucks. That’s pretty much how I interpreted it.
As I grow older, I am looking at it differently.
Yesterday was a frustrating day for me. I got upset about some small detail that went wrong in my day and as it tends to do, it threw off my mood for the day. Then, at night, I visited a friend who was sad. His reason was a lot more legitimate than mine (trust me.) I came home feeling sad for him and mad at me. This morning I woke up and while I was journaling I kept thinking about life and this poem.
The thing about life is that everything is ephemeral. Life changes. Constantly. With and without warning. Sometimes you’re the one instigating the change. Sometimes someone else is. Sometimes it’s a completely outside force. Sometimes it’s even bigger than that. And then there are things that change regularly. Days end. Months, years. Kids grow up. People get old. Seasons end. Change is around us constantly. Things that seem set in stone, never are.
I think that’s the reason some big, unexpected change throws us off course so much, it’s a reminder that the ground you’re on is not as solid as you might think it is. The life you built isn’t indestructible.
And while this feels scary on some scale, to me it’s also a relief. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that things will change. And I know that I can’t even begin to predict the extent and size of these changes.
The other thing I know is that life is pretty great now. I am very blessed in big ways. I have a wonderful husband and kids who are nothing short of miracles. I have a job I am proud of and a home I love. All of us are healthy. Including me, and I am getting healthier each day.
Of course, there are a million little things that go wrong all the time and things I want, wish for, desire, etc. But most of life is amazing. Right at this moment. And it might all change tomorrow. Let me correct that, it will all change tomorrow. It might be better or worse or just different.
But this poem is a reminder that things will change. Things will end. And at the same time, right now things are gold. There are wonderful things happening in my life. As life is so ephemeral and fragile, I need to pay more attention to those things. I need to be in this moment more. I need to be really aware and present. This very moment is here right now and it’s great.
If you noticed in my vision board from yesterday, I have a quote there that says “If you’re always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?” And this is something I need to work on again and again.
Being present and being grateful.
The thing is nothing gold does stay. But if we take it for granted and don’t appreciate the gold while it’s here, we’re missing out on the best moments of our life. And when the going gets tough, which it invariably will at some time, we will need these gold moments to get us through those not-so-great ones.
As I journaled about my bad day, I realized how much can change in just 24 hours. How my perspective changed and the specific problem that frustrated me actually went away. I wasted an entire golden day on some stupid frustration. The talk with my friend was a wake-up call that things are ephemeral and these golden days are not guaranteed so I cannot waste them with idle frustration. My goal is to remember this more. And make a point of basking in the glory of the golden moments while they are here.
Here’s to being more present and being more grateful.
I mentioned some of the work I did in Karen’s Pathfinder class a few weeks ago. I’ve been meaning to come back and tell you more about some of the other things we did.
One of the assignments was to create a vision board. She talks about her process in this post. The idea was to create a similar one in the class. On canvas, etc.
I will admit that I resisted doing this assignment. I don’t have any magazines. Literally, not one. And last time I went through magazines to tear images (for Melody Ross’ class) I didn’t find it enjoyable. I don’t like to make canvases because I have nowhere to put them in my house. I don’t want to create more clutter. I don’t like dealing with glue if I can avoid it (I know this is crazy.) I didn’t have any ideas. Honestly, I just did not want to do this.
But because I am one of those students who has to do all the homework assigned, I couldn’t let it go. I borrowed magazines from neighbors. I thought about it for a few days. I even tore a few images. I just couldn’t get into it no matter what. So then, I tried to tell myself it was ok not to do it.
But I just couldn’t let it go without at least trying.
I finally decided to try a different route. I opened up my inspiration board on pinterest. And picked images and sayings that spoke to me. Since these were images I’d already pinned I knew that they were all meaningful to me so I couldn’t go wrong.
I saved them all on my computer and then opened them in photoshop to create a collage:
Once I was done, it made me really really happy. I also added my word right on the butterfly. And I was done.
I picked images that are inspirational, peaceful, and happy for me. Mental notes I try to remember. There are a lot of images of nature because nature makes me happy. Creates a wide sense of peace in me. I also chose books, music, birds, butterflies. Color. Flowers. Exercise. And some good messages about being in the present moment and appreciating myself. I love all of these images and having them together is really powerful for me.
So once I was done, I printed it out and taped it into my current notebook (more on this notebook coming soon).
Now, I get to look at it anytime I want. It didn’t involve any magazines, cutting, or modge podge but I still did my own version of a vision board.
And it was so worth it.
If you’ve never done this exercise, I recommend it. I am glad that the good student in me didn’t give up. If you’ve done it, I’d love to see your vision board so please do leave me a comment with it.
As part of my sketching each morning, I’ve begun to collect images from some of my favorite poems. This got me thinking about poems I like. I’ve always wished I understood and knew more poetry but my education in that area is poor.
Here are some of the poems I love:
One Art by Elizabeth Bishop
The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams
This Is Just to Say by William Carlos Williams
Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost
The Secret Sits by Robert Frost
Fire and Ice by Robert Frost
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost
Funeral Blues by W. H. Auden
i carry your heart with me by e. e. cummings
I love pretty much anything by Shel Silverstein and I have a little book of poems by Jean Little which I cherish and adore.
I used to love The Road Not Taken by Frost, too but we recently read about this poem and it changed the whole meaning for me so I am not sure where I stand with it at this point.
What about you? do you have poems you love? I’d love to discover new ones. One of these days I should take a class on poetry just so I can expand my knowledge.
Yesterday, I received a really nice email about how much I get done and some questions about any tips I might have so I thought it might be a good idea to share some of my thoughts and ideas with all of you. Please know that this is what works for me and your mileage might vary.
First of all, there are many many many things I don’t get done. Many! I don’t cook or clean or do most of the household chores many people do. My kids do not have after-school activities and rarely go on playdates. My days are pretty similar to each other and allow for consistency. Even though I work at home, I have quite a demanding full-time job so I don’t commit to anything during work-hours. My kids know and understand that even though I am around, during the day my job takes priority and most of the time they are respectful of that and play independently. But I also get to spend a lot of time with my kids during the day.
One of the things I have is a relatively strict and consistent schedule. This changes with each school year and during the summer. But here’s my schedule at the moment:
5:30-6:00am – wake up and immediately exercise (I check email while I exercise)
6:00-6:30am – done with exercise, shower, write in journal
6:30-7:00am – start sketching
7:00-7:25am – prepare lunches, breakfast, wake up kids, read to David while he eats
7:25-7:45am – continue sketching
7:45am-8:30am – drive kids to school
8:30-9:00am – finish sketching, take photo of sketch
9am-5:30pm – work, eat lunch, walk to pickup Nathaniel from school, make lunch for him, etc.
5:30-6:30pm – kids bedtime routine and write blog post
6:30-7:30pm – write in weeklong art journal then start daily art journal page (sometimes David reads to me while I do art.)
7:30-8:00 or so – kids are down, finish off art journal page. if I have a layout due, I work on that instead of art journal page
8:00-10:00pm – hang out with hubby, read book, do a layout, watch TV whatever. This is extra time for me to do whatever I want.
10pm – go to bed.
Some of these change a bit. Like sometimes the blogging takes longer or I finish the sketch more quickly, etc. But I always exercise first thing and I rarely ever go to bed past 10. I often sleep around 9:30 to try to get a full 8 hours of sleep. I wake up at least once a night and take David to the bathroom. I am not a morning person. I changed my schedule because I found that most nights I am too tired to motivate myself. By the end of the day I feel worn out and I am more likely to sit in front of the TV rather than sketch. Whereas if I woke up early, while it was unpleasant, there was no one to bother me or to worry about. I could do my stuff, start my day on the right foot and by the time the household woke up I felt like I already did a few wonderful things for myself that day.
so there you have it. On the weekends, it’s pretty similar except I wake up around 7am and go to bed around 11. Instead of working, I will do more art, layouts, and hang out with my family.
Since I was asked for some tips, here is what I came up with that works for me. They are not in order:
1. Set a schedule: I find that having something scheduled for a particular time always works for me. I am not a roll-with-it kind of girl so having something on my schedule makes it more real and tangible and often means I get it done. It also gives my activity validation and value.
2. Schedule short bursts of time: I try to not have any activity that needs more than 30 mins. My exercise is 20 minutes, journaling is around 20 mins and reading to David is the same. The sketching takes a bit longer but I break it up so I draw for 20 mins and color for 20 mins and write for 10 mins so I can do them throughout the day if needed. I reserve time consuming activities for the end of the day so I don’t feel like I used up a lot of my day and have to stress. I feel trying to find a 30-minute slot in your day feels a lot less overwhelming than finding a 2-hour slot. If you take 15 minutes a day to do art journaling, it’s still MUCH better than no time. And 15 minutes a day adds up to almost 2 hours a week. Whereas if you don’t let yourself do it unless you have a 2-hour block, you might not art journal for weeks. There are many things you can do in a 15minute slot, if this is stressing you out, let me know and I’ll make a post with ideas.
3. Batch up a few activities to do during your “you time:” I do most of my personal goals during two slots in the day. 5:30am-7:30am and 6:30pm-8pm. That’s 3.5 hours during which I don’t have work and my kids are sleeping. I specifically wake up before my kids wake up to use some quiet time to get my personal goals done. I am NOT a morning person but I know that starting my day like this is incredibly peaceful for me so I do it. Most of us have some down time during the day. Maybe it’s your lunch hour. Try to divide the hour into two 30 minute slots and do two things. You can read for 30minutes and art journal for 30 minutes. You can eat while you read. I find that doing a few things in a row helps me more than doing one thing for a long period.
4. Eat the frog: The concept of eating the frog means doing an important to-do list item that you’re dreading. For me, this is the exercise. I dread it and it’s the most important thing I do for myself everyday. So I get up and I do it first thing. This means if the rest of my day goes downhill and my schedule goes out the window, I still did the most important thing. I do it well before work hours and well before my kids wake up so the chances of something interfering with it are low. Eating the frog means I start my day with a big win.
5. Just do it: Stop making excuses. Stop saying you don’t have the time. I have never ever met someone who doesn’t have 15 free minutes in their day. You can draw 15 minutes a day or read or art journal or learn something new a bit at a time. When you just sit and do it, you suddenly discover you have a lot more time than you think you do. If you get in the habit of not making excuses, you end up getting more done and that motivates you to do even more. It’s a positive cycle to be in so you just have to kickstart it by sitting at a table and doing something for 15 minutes.
6. Make the Time: Similarly to the previous one. There will never be time in your day unless you make it. Look for the holes. Wake up earlier. Go to bed later. Eat lunch in half the time. Clean a little bit less. Whatever it takes. If what you want to do is important to you, create the time. Steal it away from something else. You matter and what you want to do matters so create time however you need to.
7. Talk to your family/friends: If you have friends or family, husband, kids who depend on you, talk to them. Tell them why it’s important for you to take this time for yourself. Why it matters. My kids know that even if they wake up before 7am, it’s mommy’s quiet time and they play quietly on their own while I do my journaling or sketching. Seeing me value this time for myself shows them that it matters to me so they learn to respect it, too. Respect and value starts with you. If you’re always willing to postpone activities that bring you joy so someone else can have what they want, you’re telling them your personal joy doesn’t matter as much. I think there needs to be a balance and mutual respect. Some kids are too young to understand but most aren’t. In my opinion, of course.
8. Find What motivates you: I am motivated by schedules. I rarely feel in the mood to do something. Inertia is very strong for me. So Getting up to sit at my table and starting the activity motivates me more than anything else. So I just do it cause my schedule says I have to. And once I start I am in the zone and enjoy it. But getting started only happens because it’s on my schedule. Classes motivate me, too. I am a good student and take homework seriously. So I take a lot of classes because I know it helps me journal and do art. For some people it’s having a buddy. An exercise buddy, an art buddy etc. For others it’s having a personal, quiet space. Or really loud music. Whatever it is for you, figure it out and use it to your advantage. Another thing that helps me is being prepared. I generally have an idea of my sketch subject the night before so when I sit to sketch, I am not looking for ideas. I don’t do this for art journaling or layouts but I do it regularly for sketching.
9. Track Progress: For me, this does wonders. I track my exercise with the nike+ and fitbit. I track my sketches and art journaling by posting them here weekly. I have daily tasks lists with all my recurring activities so I make sure to cross them off each day. Seeing progress really helps me so I do it. I track books that David and I read, too. And we both love looking at the little book full of all the cards we made with each book we read. It’s very rewarding and I recommend it.
10. Create Rewards and Celebrate: This may sound touchy-feely but rewards are a big part of self-motivation. I reward my exercise by buying a piece of clothing each month. I buy art supplies or sign up for online classes regularly. I use income from my classes or designer work to buy supplies or classes so I am rewarding myself for working hard and keeping an art practice. Take the time to celebrate and congratulate yourself. Being disciplined is hard. But truly worthwhile.
Well this is really really long, I hope it’s helpful. Remember that it’s just what works for me. I prioritize these things over other things because this is what matters to me. Find out what matters to you. And if art journaling doesn’t matter enough to you to create time over it, do not chastise yourself. I think a big part of this is owning up to what you like and what you don’t. Earlier this month, I had allotted 15 minutes of my day to writing a book. But I quickly realized I never enjoyed that time and even though I would love having written a book, I didn’t like actually writing it. So I walked away from it. During this you-time, don’t try to do what you think you should. Do only the things you love and things that truly make you feel good.
Remember that your time is super-precious and runs out each and every day. So use it however it makes you feel most fulfilled.
Thank you for your comments yesterday. I had a much better day today. Sleep always helps me get some perspective, too.
If you’ve been following my blog for any time, you know I love taking (and teaching) online classes. I had decided to focus on taking more this year and I thought it would be good to keep a list of all the classes I’ve taken this year so far. My plan is to add to this so I know what I took when. I will only tell you the general area of the class and refrain from giving too much of my opinion because each person experiences a class differently and I think it’s best for you to make your own decisions on what works for you. If you have specific questions, leave me a comment and I will answer truthfully as long as you realize that I only have my own personal experience and perspective.
With that here’s what I’ve taken (and have already signed up for) so far in 2011:
January
Stretching Within with Misty Mawn (mixed media, drawing, collage, journaling and photography)
Shifting Ground with Stephanie Lee (journaling, personal-growth)
One Little Word with Ali Edwards (scrapbooking, journaling, photography)
Soul Restoration I with Melody Ross (personal-growth, journaling, art journaling)
February
Sketchbook Delight with Alisa Burke (sketching)
Recycled Journal Pages by Pam Carriker (art journaling)
She Art by Christy Tomlinson (art journaling, mixed media)
I taught classes through February to mid-April so I didn’t take anything then.
May
She Had Three Hearts by Christy Tomlinson (art journaling)
June
Watercolor Bliss by Alisa Burke (sketching and watercolor)
Soul Restoration II by Melody Ross (personal-growth, journaling, art journaling)
Pan Pastel 101 & 102 by Donna Downey (mixed media, art journaling)
Remains of the Day by Mary Ann Moss (scrapbooking, art journaling)
July
21 Secrets by Dirty Footprints Studio (art journaling, mixed media)
August
Creative Color: Art Redefined by Christy Tomlinson (art journaling, mixed media)
Art Journaling by Dina Wakley (art journaling, mixed media)
September
Uber Media: Pan Pastels by Nathalie Kalbach (mixed media, art journaling, scrapbooking)
The Pathfinder by Karen Walrond (personal-growth, journaling)
October
Ordinary Courage by Brene Brown and Jen Lemen (personal-growth, journaling)
Watercolor Pencils Miniclass by Cathy Johnson (sketching, watercolor)
November
She Art 2 by Christy Tomlinson (art journaling, mixed media, sewing?)
letterLAB by Lori Vliegen (calligraphy, art journaling)
That’s it so far. I will be teaching a class in December and likely doing December Daily so I don’t think I will be taking anything then but you never know!
I’ve learned that my favorite classes are either technique-based art journaling or personal growth so I tend to favor those. If you have any questions about any of these feel free to ask. Also I keep track of online classes I find interesting on a pinterest board so you might be able to find a few other ideas there, too.
I had a rough day today.
I was scheduled to have a time-consuming appointment today that I’d been worried about. It was with someone that I wasn’t sure I could count on. I’ve had appointments with this person before and more than half the time something goes wrong and the whole schedule goes awry. But when she does show up, she still does a kind of service and quality I cannot find elsewhere and she’s also nice. So I keep trying again and again even though the lack of predictability and dependability drives me absolutely mad.
So I went to bed last night worrying about this and when I woke up, I was still worried. Lo and behold, something went wrong on her side and then some more things went wrong and she didn’t show up at all. Not only that but now I am not sure when the follow up will be and it was something I really needed.
There’s nothing quite like unpredictability to completely ruin my day.
Even though my plans went out the window, nothing major really went wrong today. My kids are fine, work is fine, I am fine and so is Jake. My family. Everything else went as expected and if I had to bet on it, I would say chances are this particular issue will get sorted out pretty soon as well. She will eventually show up and all will be fine.
But, alas, it still ruined my day. While one side of me was frustrated, dejected and even panicking at the schedule change, the other side of me was yelling at the first side for being such a pain. Even as I fully recognized what I was doing was immature and unhelpful, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling frustrated and off balance.
I am not a “just roll with it” girl and I never will be. So when I get notice for jury duty (which I did recently, by the way) it will frustrate me. When someone I made an appointment with doesn’t show up and doesn’t schedule a solid follow up, it will frustrate me. When something unexpected happens, it will frustrate me. I’ve learned that it’s better to accept who I am than chastise myself for being who I am.
But here’s the thing about life: unexpected things will happen.
I have a husband and two kids. Unexpected things will happen. I rely on other people to help me out with certain things. They have their own lives and families. Unexpected things will happen. I use machines and scripts and systems to do my job. Machines fail. Scripts break. Unexpected things will happen. Unless I live in a hole and don’t talk to anyone, ever, unexpected things will happen.
It’s part of life.
And since I know this and I know those things will always frustrate me and throw me off, I need to find a way to make it all work. I need to find a way to be able to sit with it and not let it ruin my day. Not let it affect the rest of my life. Not have my frustration spill over to my kids and husband. So I’ve been thinking about this a lot today.
One obvious solution is to remove as many undependable people from my life as possible. And I can make such changes so people in my life have integrity and are reliable. But in some cases that will be impossible. Unexpected things will still happen. So what do I do then?
I think one trick is to take a walk. To clear my mind and realize the relative importance of this disruption. Often times, the problems that come up are resolvable and not critical. I can also do what I am doing right now, which is to write it down. Writing not only helps with perspective but it also allows me to get the frustration out of my system. And, finally, I can take time to actively play with my kids or do art. Both of these things give me temporary relief and joy because I tend to get lost in what I am doing and as opposed to just watching TV, they don’t leave me with an empty feeling afterwards.
I don’t know if any of these will work but I think they are all worth trying because letting every little curveball ruin my day will mean many many ruined days and I cannot afford to waste my precious time here like that.
How about you? Do you have a good way to deal with feeling frustrated?
Here’s the check-in for September. Almost a week late, but still. You can see the original goals for 2011 here.
Family
I have still been reading regularly to David and we’re both enjoying it a lot. I’m still keeping up with weekly family shoots, daily diary, and gratitudes. I’ve changed things up for October but even then I am still taking daily photos, just posting them weekly. We’ve done so-so on family night in September and Jake and I had not enough date nights in September but we’ll rectify that in October. September was hectic with new schools, new routines, back to school, etc etc.
Health
Going strong on the running and walking. I did 5K a day all September. I will admit I totally flaked on the crunches or situps or leg lifts. I did well with the food. No coffee and no graham crackers so I am proud of that. I did start seeing a weight loss trend in September so it was a sign things are moving in the right direction.
Art + Photography
Still Sketching daily every day. I did find a solution out of the rut but didn’t start that until October either. And also still doing weeklong art journaling and the daily art journaling. The art journal pages are getting a bit old for me and I think I need to change things up a bit again but I am not sure how yet so that’s an October goal. Let’s see if I can figure something out.
Scrapbooking
Not too much scrapping in September. I did a few pages and have begun preparing for winter CHA as well so I am not feeling bad about this category.
Reading
Still reading my weekly book regularly. Reading to David, too. I did return back to my old book club in the beginning of October so there are changes coming here, too.
Writing
I journaled almost every single day in September. I am proud of that. I also wrote my newsletter. I didn’t do so great on the thoughts-posts but I came up with a plan for those and I am implementing it now in October. So hopefully I will put more focus in this area soon.
Learning
September was Uber Media: Pan Pastels and The Pathfinder class. I have already signed up for three for October. Taking Brene’s Ordinary Courage class and Christy’s She Art 2 class and Cathy Johnson’s watercolor pencils class. Nothing on the iPad front yet or the stop motion movie.
Community
Mom’s group appears to be kaput. I’ll have to think about whether I want to implement it again. We did have dinner guests. I also had a really nice breakfast with a friend and have two more scheduled for October as well as a mom’s night out for David’s class. So making progress here.
And that’s it for September. Overall, I think I did okay especially considering all the schedule changes. Lots of good goals met and new routines established. Let’s bring on October! I have already made some tangible changes for October and I am hoping they last the month and serve me well.
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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