Here’s something important I learned in the last two years: There can be a difference between art you like to look at and art you like to create. This seems obvious and simple. But it isn’t. At least it wasn’t for me. For the longest time, I’d look at layouts or art journal pages I loved and try to recreate them.
But then I’d hate my version.
And I could never understand why. It happened enough times that I just gave up trying to emulate anyone else’s art. I started to think I just wasn’t good at creating and I should walk away. Everyone can’t be good at everything and maybe art just wasn’t my thing. I was quite frustrated and pretty ready to give up.
Until I walked away from others’ art and just spent some time creating my own (a lot of it!) I didn’t realize what was wrong. The art I was emulating wasn’t what came naturally to me so I wasn’t doing a good job of creating my own version. It just didn’t feel right. And neither did the end result. Once I gave my head and heart some space from everything I was looking at, I was able to slowly find my own way. And now that I am more comfortable with my own voice, I can look at these pieces of art and clearly see that they’re just not the way I create.
That doesn’t mean I don’t like looking at them, however.
I enjoy a variety of art (and sketching, scrapping, etc.) Many things appeal to me visually. But what I like to LOOK AT is not the same as what I like to CREATE. That differentiation is crucial. For me, it meant the difference between giving up art forever and creating art every single day.
Huge difference.
Now that I’ve learned this, here are a few things I like to do:
1. Take a break from looking and focus on doing: I take breaks from looking at anyone’s art or scrapping and just spend time creating my own art. I’ll do daily sketching, or layouts for a month so I can really dive in and find my way or explore my own ideas or my supplies. Just for me. Not to copy something I liked or recreate an idea. I do it again and again and again until the ideas get bigger and deeper and the art becomes mine.
2. Dive deeper and pay attention to why I find something appealing: Often times, when there’s a piece of art or a layout that I love, I try to take a step back so I can figure out exactly what I like about it. Sometimes it’s the color combination, other times it’s the size of the images, or the size of the page. It can be about the sentiment and nothing about the design. Taking a step back and digging deeper allows me to see what part really speaks to me so I can emulate that instead of the whole page. It allows me to take things I’m inspired by and incorporate them into my own way of creating art.
3. Remember that enjoying looking doesn’t mean I will enjoy creating: Another one that seems simple but I’ve learned that awareness is super-important and not to be taken for granted. Being aware that this particular piece of art speaks to me visually but isn’t one I’d like to create allows me to not even attempt to emulate it. This way I can truly enjoy the art and never move into the realm of self-disappointment. I love looking at all sorts of backgrounds but I only create layouts with white backgrounds. It’s what I do. There’s nothing wrong with what others do and there are many layouts that appeal to me but do not have a white background. I just put them in a category of “love to look at” and leave them be.
So, if you’re where I was and finding yourself unable to create the art you admire in others, just remember that there’s a difference and maybe you’re working too hard to create something that doesn’t work for you.
Maybe it’s time to enjoy others’ ideas and then create your own.
A few weeks ago a friend was telling me how she doesn’t dance and sing with her kids because her parents never did that with her and it’s just not the way she is. But the way she said it gave me pause. It didn’t sound like she didn’t want to do it. It sounded like she secretly wanted to do it but justified it to herself by saying how she didn’t have it as a kid and so it was ok not to give it to her kids. (Or, you know, maybe I’m putting words in her mouth, but it doesn’t matter because this post isn’t about her. I mention it cause this conversation and the vibe I got triggered this post.)
And then this past weekend I was journaling the hundreds of questions last week’s Body Restoration class came with and one of them was “What do I wish I had never done?” And I thought about all the possible answers I could give. But then I realized that I couldn’t write anything down. The thing is, I only know this version of my life. And everything that happened before this is the sequence of events that took me here. How can I be sure that changing anything wouldn’t lead me somewhere else? The thing is, I love my life right now. I am deeply grateful for it. And regretting something in the past or wishing it had never occurred opens up the possibility of other paths. Other ways my life could have unfolded. And maybe I wouldn’t end up where I am now. There’s nothing that would make me wish that. Everything I did, good and bad, is what led me here. I regret nothing.
So when I thought of my friend’s situation and my thoughts on regret, and I decided that what I want is to never live a life unfulfilled. I don’t want to make excuses to not do the things I want to do. I want to live the best life I can. Not get hung up on regrets, past worries, other people’s mean words or expectations.
Many years ago, I took a big life-changing class and I took a trip back home Turkey soon after. I remember sitting at dinner with my family and telling them about my class. My grandmother said that she wished she’d taken it. She had so many regrets about the way she’d lived her life. I was quite surprised cause my grandmother had never, ever mentioned such thoughts before. But it also made me think a lot. I want to be able to look back and feel like I lived my life to the fullest extent possible. Explored all my options. Lived true to my own dreams, goals, joys, and ideals. That I pleased myself and the ones I love over the people who don’t matter.
Just to top off all these thoughts, today, my grafting happiness class started and today’s post had the following quote: “The fear that something is wrong with you is your greatest block to joy. In truth, there is no other block.”
I don’t want to feel like there’s anything wrong with me. I don’t want to worry about what I am not doing, or who’s not approving of me, or who talks behind my back. If I want to sing and dance with my kids, I don’t want to worry that my mom didn’t do it with me so I shouldn’t do it. Or that I don’t know how. Or that it looks silly. I don’t want to wish away any of my past. It is the foundation upon which I rest: good or bad. It’s also gone. It’s completely over with. I don’t want to worry about regrets. I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to worry about people and things that don’t truly matter. And, most importantly, I don’t want to live a life unfulfilled.
I want to fill my cup of joy all the way up. And drink it all and then fill it up again. I want to live my day as if I am completely free to be and do anything I choose. There’s no rope tying me to the past and holding me down. There’s no shoulds, musts. Just a list of things that fulfill me and the people I love.
So that, at any moment in time, and know that I am making the very best of what I have.
Drinking every last drop of joy.
I’ve had a lot of managers in my life. Let me rephrase that: I’ve had a lot of bad managers in my life. But I’ve also been lucky enough to have a few good ones.
And here’s one of the biggest differences between the two: the good ones believe in you and give you opportunities that they know you can rise to. They push you and encourage you at the same time.
And you know what?
It works like a charm.
When I worked with a good manager, I rose to the occasion each time. I conquered problems I never thought I could. I blasted through what I believed were my limits. They showed me that I can be more. That I already am more and I just needed to see it. There’s so much magic in having someone believe in you.
Over the last few years, I’ve been trying to do this for myself. I can see a huge difference in my abilities when I change my mental state. This is not just about being positive (though that’s a big part of it, too.) This is about thinking you can. Thinking that you have what it takes to conquer your next challenge. You have what it takes to achieve that goal. What it takes to operate on the level you want to be.
The trick is that once you think you can, you can.
I know it sounds simple and I also know that it isn’t simple. I go through bouts of insecurity in my life. Over work, over my art, over my ability to be a good wife or mother. Over everything that actually matters to me. And I’ve noticed that when I am in that state, I end up being sub-par. I actually make more mistakes. So then my view of how I am actually comes true. Which is a vicious cycle, of course. I think I am mediocre, so I perform mediocre and then end up actually being mediocre.
See how that works?
But then there are times when I feel good. I feel like I can. I am excited and powerful and confident. Which also makes me kind, helpful, and uplifting. And, man, nothing can get in my way during those times. I am a powerhouse. I know things. I learn things. I am always surprised by how much and how well I can get things done when I am in that place. I am a star.
And you know what? They are both me. The mediocre girl and the star. They are both me. I have the capacity to be either. And while it’s nice to have managers who can activate the go-getter in me, there’s no reason I should wait for that.
There’s no reason I can’t do it for myself.
I know for a fact that thinking you can means you can. It gives you the energy, optimism, and drive to get things done. So you rise to the challenges. You work harder. You work more intelligently. And you reach the goal. Whether it be programming or drawing or learning to write more beautifully. The trick is to think you can.
And magic takes over from there.
In honor of my older son turning seven today, I decided I wanted to write a bit about Time. I’m very conscious of the passage of time. Not in that, wow-i-am-getting-old-wish-i-was-young way. I’ve never (so far) worried about getting old. I actually like getting older. I feel like my body/age is finally catching up with what my soul always felt. But, that aside, I am very aware that time is a very limited resource and if we don’t use it wisely, we lose it.
The fact is we lose it no matter what.
Time passes. When just yesterday he was born, now my son is seven years old. I can’t stop him from growing. I can’t stop time from passing. The only thing I can do is make the most of it while it’s here. The thing with life is that day-to-day moments can be overwhelming. Filled with lots of small activities. Like cleaning, commuting, taking kids to activities, packing lunches, getting homework done, etc. Most of these can be annoying and time-consuming and are repetitive. So they wear us down. They make us notice the big things less.
Things like your little boy becoming seven.
One of my big goals for this year is to pay attention more. To pay attention to things in between all the daily churn. To slow down and notice the beauty and amazingness of our ordinary days. To stop and be grateful. Deeply grateful. For my very ordinary life. I think the best way to use time wisely is to pay attention. To notice what truly makes your heart happy. To notice what makes the people in your life happy. And to do more of those. Even if a little more. To infuse your days with a few more things that make you joyful.
Just a few minutes makes a big difference.
Making better use of your time, like all things, is about the little steps. You cannot change your life overnight. And those chores are pieces of life and will not go away. This doesn’t mean you can’t make changes. I’ve been making a huge effort to stop and pay attention. To smile at the little things my kids do when they don’t know I am watching. To give an extra hug to my husband. Send a sweet email to a friend. (In fact, my friend Jess sent me a book in the mail today. She said she loved it and wanted me to read it, too. Something relatively not time-consuming on her part, but completely made my day.) Paying attention allows you to make changes. Paying attention changes the way you look at what’s there. It’s sort of a magical way to slow time down.
With my photos, I capture my little magical moments in the day. When I process them later that day, I get to relive those moments. When I print them out later in the week, I relive them once more. And when I scrap them for my Savor Project, I get to relive them once again. That allows me to extend the one small/magical moment by reliving it four times. That’s pretty awesome magic if you ask me!
I am learning more and more that everything starts with paying attention. If you know what’s really happening, then you get the opportunity to make change. Without that, you’re operating blind. Taking everything granted. And not exercising the choices you have in life.
So this is a reminder for me to honor my word, pay attention, and try to savor the moments of my day.
And happy birthday my sweet son, David. I love you more than life itself. I am so grateful for you.
After reading the comments on yesterday’s post, two things came up for me. One was about being an advocate for yourself which I will save for another post. But the second one was about giving others the chance to do things for you.
There were a few comments about not asking because you didn’t think you deserved it or being worried to bother others. (I don’t want to put words in your mouth so just know that this is me rephrasing and not any particular person’s comment.) This made me think of how frustrating it is to have a friend/spouse/family member who won’t ask. Because here’s the thing: I really love being able to do things for people. Given the chance, I’d much rather do something I know they will love instead of doing something I might think they will like.
When someone cares about you, they love to see you happy. I think we all have this. It’s the joy that comes from giving presents to people and seeing their face light up. If I knew for a fact that I could do something that would make my husband, my son, my friend smile each time, I would make a huge effort to try to do that often.
There’s so much joy in being able to do something for someone you love.
And when you don’t ask, I think you’re denying that person the pleasure of being able to make you happy. This is one of the best things about little kids. They are quite vocal about what they like and they squeal with joy when they get it. And seeing them happy makes us happy too. It’s a huge boost.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What if you lived with someone and they wanted something but never asked you. Wouldn’t it be frustrating to know that there’s potentially something you can do to make them happier but you will never know because they are not asking?
In my personal relationships I find this terribly frustrating. As long as it’s asking and taking what you get (and not throwing a fit if you don’t get it) I feel like asking is giving the other person the opportunity to do something that will bring joy into your life. And if this person cares about you, they will try their best to do it. Won’t they?
And if they don’t care about you….well maybe it’s time to reconsider that relationship.
But, again, if you don’t ask, you won’t know. And if you don’t ask, you can’t expect them to read your mind. It’s not fair. By not asking, not only are you unhappy but you’re also denying them the chance to do something for you. If I found out that someone close to me was doing that, I’d be so sad. I’d feel terrible that they are not giving me the benefit of the doubt. They’re assuming I wouldn’t care.
But I do.
And I bet the people in your life do, too. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. And, even worse, you’ll be denying them the chance to get to do something for you. To give you. To show you their love.
And that’s a shame.
David has this habit where instead of asking for something, he’ll just say “you won’t say yes anyway.” I will admit, this always gets me annoyed. I feel like saying no just out of spite. But, that aside, I am a big fan of asking for what you want. I’ve noticed that people tend to make a lot of assumptions about what they can and cannot have.
I’m not sure what it is that stops people from asking for things. I’ve found that when you ask for something straight up without being conniving and passive aggressive or annoying, you’re more likely to get what you want than not get it. I’ve asked for things in so many different areas of my life. In school, at work, in my personal life. My husband jokes that I am good at getting my way, but I find that, more often than not, I ask when others don’t. And people have a hard time saying no to your face. Especially when they have no reason to do so.
When I was in college, I did this often with the random class limits. I used to walk up to my advisor and ask him to let me take more classes than the limit. I figured if I kept my grades high and fulfilled my requirements, why shouldn’t I just be able to take whatever class I wanted. If the rules seemed arbitrary to me, I always questioned them. That’s how I ended up getting my Masters at the same time as my Bachelors Degree. It’s also how I ended up working three days a week on Wall Street and still getting promoted. It’s how I got to work at home now. There was no big trick to getting what I wanted.
I just asked.
This is not to say sometimes the answer is not “no” but you will never know the answer if you don’t ask. Trust me. Even when you think you know the answer, you often will be surprised. I find that if you do your part and are a reliable student, employee, spouse, friend, you often find the other party is happy to help accomodate you when they can.
The other side of asking for what you want is accepting what you get. Once you ask, you need to be ok with getting yes or no as answer. But here’s what I think about that: if you don’t ask, you’re guaranteed a “no” so if you ask and get a “no” you’re no worse off than if you hadn’t asked. But if you get a “yes,” you’re much better off. So, by asking, you can only end up same or better off. So why not ask?
That’s what I told David yesterday when he, once again, made some passive aggressive comment instead of just asking for what he wanted. I said that if he didn’t ask, he would never know what the answer is. And if he did this trick where he said “oh you will never say yes anyway,” he would end up being right because I would never say yes to that. So his best option was to ask straight out and take what he got as an answer with dignity. Sometimes I might say yes and other times he’s right that the answer might be no.
But he will only know if he asks.
When we went to David’s parent-teacher conference last week, one of the things the teacher mentioned was that David reported a lot of thumbs-downs post-lunch. His class has a routine where they sit in a circle when lunch is over and each of the kids get to say thumbs-up, sideways, or down for how their lunch period felt.
And David was often choosing thumbs-down.
This lined up with what I’ve been seeing lately, too. David seems to often choose to look at things from a negative perspective. And also he doesn’t always realize something is not enjoyable until quite a bit of time has been invested into it. For example, sometimes he gets to spend special time with Daddy at night before bed. Occasionally, at the end of this time, he’ll come down to say good night to me and tell me that it wasn’t fun and he didn’t like what Daddy and he spent their time on. When I ask him if he told Daddy this, he invariably says no. So I tell him that he needs to make sure to communicate when things aren’t going the way he’d like them to go.
But until this week, I didn’t realize something else might be at play, too. Maybe be he doesn’t realize that he’s not enjoying an activity while it’s still happening. It’s only at the end that he evaluates and feels regret. So I told him to try out a new strategy at lunch. I said, “About halfway through lunch, stop and think: Would I give my lunch a thumbs-up if I had to go back in right now? Pay attention to your answer. If it’s not a yes, you still have time to change things so that lunch is more enjoyable for you. You get to control how lunch goes for you. So if you go back in and it’s a thumbs-down, remember that you had the opportunity to fix it and you didn’t take it.” Of course there are times something happens to him and he doesn’t have control over it and it’s a genuine thumbs-down. But most of the time, it’s really because he’s not taking control of his lunch period as much as he could. He’s not stopping to pay attention to how things are going. He’s evaluating too late when there’s no way of going back to change.
That’s how regret thrives.
I notice that we do that often in our lives. We get into relationships that seemed right at the time but don’t take the time to regularly evaluate (or re-evaluate) if it’s still a good relationship. Same goes with long-term projects. Or anything where there’s a long or no defined end-point. I believe that one of the most powerful rights we have as humans is the right to choose. We have choice. This is no small thing. If we don’t exercise our right to evaluate and actively choose things over and over again, we’re no different from people who have no choice. This is a huge deal. It’s one of the major keys to happiness: realizing you have choice and exercising it often.
I believe it’s crucial to take the time to evaluate and re-evaluate all the things in your life. I make a point to choose my husband each morning. I don’t want to be married to him just cause it’s the status quo. I want to choose to be with him on that very day. I want to remember why I made the choice in the first place and see if I still feel that way. Or see if I still want to be with him even if it’s for different reasons than I had when I first met him. Even though the alternatives aren’t as wide, I make a point to choose my kids, too. I remember why I wanted kids. I remember the joys they bring into my life. I make the choice. Same with my relationships. It’s better to not have any relationships than to have one that feels destructive. It’s important to reevaluate because people change constantly. You change and the other person changes, too. Sometimes it’s not in the same direction. Sometimes conflicts that weren’t there show up and it’s no longer a positive friendship. It’s ok to put it on hold for a while. And it’s ok to let it go, too.
Same goes for work. You need to make the choice so you don’t feel trapped. Maybe it’s not the work itself but the fact that the income allows you the freedom to buy things you want. Either way, you need to evaluate and actively make a choice. I do that for my art even. If I don’t feel like scrapping or art journaling many days in a row, I step back and evaluate. While I work hard to honor my commitments to myself, I also take the time to evaluate my choices again and again so I can modify as needed. So I can feel like I am savoring my life fully and not feeling trapped in it.
Some choices come with harder consequences than others. Some even feel like non-choices. I understand this. And, trust me, I feel it too. But I still think it’s important to take the reins when it comes to your life. And you can only do that if you take the time to evaluate regularly.
And make the choice to live a thumbs-up life.
I was reading this wonderful post by Karen Russell this morning and though several parts of the post spoke to me deeply, the part that resonated the most with me was when she wrote this:
So it really doesn’t matter what I feel, it only matters what I do.
Even though her context is different, I work hard to apply this way of thinking to my life regularly. (By the way, I loved her context too but she already talks about that beautifully so I didn’t think it needed repeating.) I am a big proponent of doing things. In one of the Soul Restoration classes, there’s a whole session called “She did it anyway” and I remember it being my very favorite week.
When we don’t feel like doing things, we tend to think that others are doing it because they “feel” better about doing it. When I didn’t exercise at all, I used to look at others and say “Well she loves running.” or “She’s so good at it, I could never do that.” on and on. I didn’t, for a second, imagine that they didn’t want to do the activity either. I can apply this to practically anything in my life. Scrapping, working, exercising, eating a good meal, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the yard, reading to my kids, playing with my kids, spending time with those I love, etc, etc.
There are certain activities I pretty much never feel like doing. Like exercising. Having done it for quite a while now, I can confidently say that exercise will not be something I look forward to or feel like doing. But it will always be something I do anyway. I won’t wait until I feel like doing it. I will just do it. Just like cleaning up the dishes or picking up a mess. It’s something I don’t like to do but I appreciate the outcome so I deal with the process. I do it for the rewards that come from having done it per se.
(I want to mention that there are other areas where the rewards are not worthwhile to me and the doing is also dreadful so I don’t do those. For example, I don’t like cooking and I do believe I can provide nutritious meals for my family without having to cook, so I don’t cook. I just wanted to make sure to highlight that there are cases when neither the work nor the outcome are desirable and it’s important to recognize those too so we can stop doing them and use our time more effectively. These items are clearly personal. A tidy house might be less important to you than a home-made meal so you spend your time cooking and I spend mine putting the dishes away. There’s no right or wrong here, just knowing what your personal preferences are and using them to make yourself happy.)
Anyhow, back to my point. I also have a list of things that I do enjoy most of the time, but only after I begin. As I’ve mentioned here before, I feel a strong sense of inertia. When I am reading, I rarely want to stop reading so I can draw. When I am scrapping, I rarely want to sit with my kids instead. There’s a strong pull to continue whatever it is I am currently doing. It doesn’t matter what the current activity is (as long as it’s something I tend to enjoy), I just don’t want to transition to another one. But I’ve learned over time that, for me, doing a variety of things each day makes me feel more fulfilled at the end of the day. I have several projects and I like to move them all forward frequently. So there are many days where I don’t feel like sketching. Or art journaling. Or sometimes even hanging out with my kids. But I don’t wait for that feeling to pass. I don’t wait to feel like doing art.
I just do it.
I tell myself it’s time to sketch. I stop what I am doing and start sketching. Invariably, about ten minutes in, I am lost in the activity and grateful I’m doing it. So much so that when I am done, I don’t tend to want to move to the next activity but just continue what I am doing. But I move on. And at the end of the day, I am always grateful.
So, I’ve learned to never wait for the feeling to be there. There are times I really feel like creating or reading, and I work hard to honor those times. But more often than not, it’s just about doing it anyway.
This applies to being kind too. And not participating in the gossip. Making healthy food choices. Not yelling. Not being sarcastic or passive aggressive. Calling someone you’ve been meaning to call. Doing something when you said you would do it. It applies to the areas of doing your share in the world like Karen’s story in her post. Being a kinder, helpful member of a family, of a society. Lending a hand when you can. Not because you’re feeling like it but because it’s the right thing to do.
I’ve learned over time that many other people don’t feel like doing it either. Do you think most writers feel like writing every single day? When you look at others without the cloudy glasses on, you can clearly see that the reason others get things done is because they are dedicated to their goal and focused on the outcome. And they certainly don’t feel like doing it all the time either. But they don’t wait until they feel up to it.
They just do.
I spent the weekend at the Craft and Hobby Association’s Trade Show at Anaheim, CA. I’ve been going to this show for about six years now. In the beginning, I went with my friend Michelle as one of her design team members and then, for the last few years, I’ve been going with Maya Road so I can help them out during the show. Since I have a job and the show is during the week, I only tend to go for about 36 hours.
The interesting thing about the show, for me, is that I always look forward to going and then after the first day, I always look forward to coming home. At the end of a full show day, I often feel drained, overwhelmed and worn out. So 36 hours is just about the right amount of time for me. I need to go home and recharge.
Which is odd because if you meet me in person, you’ll quickly notice that I talk a lot.
A lot.
Quickly, nonstop, a lot, and animatedly. I am Mediterranean after all.
So most people make the assumption that I am extroverted. I’ve come to understand that while, in certain situations, I am not shy (though in others I am that, too), I am most certainly introverted. And the show is the opposite of that. You end up running into a ton of people you know, mostly from online communities. You each have only a few seconds so you have brief, ephemeral conversations. You might feel genuine, deep emotion for this person but there’s no time or chance to express it. And this happens all day long. There’s a ton of talking in groups and not a lot of content.
Exactly the opposite of what I like.
I’ve come to learn that I exclusively prefer tete-a-tete conversations. Even three people are too many for me. I find that the depth of genuineness is unparalleled when it’s just the two of you. When there’s no one to act for, no one to worry about, no one to look good for. You might not be able to achieve the deep connection even then but the only chance you have at it is when it’s just the two of you. This is strictly my opinion, of course.
So, for me, this show is a bit like torture because there are a lot of people whom I’d love to finally be able to sit down with and have a face to face conversation with but neither of us have the time for it. So it always ends up withering down to snippets of conversations that leave me even more unfulfilled than if I’d had nothing.
I often find that I come home with a sense of emptiness. A sense of missed opportunity. I often wish there were more one-on-one conversations and more time to deeply connect.
That’s the thing for me. I crave the deep connection. Everything else just eats at my soul and leaves me worn out. And the convention is rarely the setting for authentic connection.
This is not to say there isn’t anything good about the show, of course. I do get to hug the people I love and see their pretty faces. I get to express my gratitude in person. I get to see and touch wonderful new product. All of these things are great.
I just wish I could magically create the opportunity to make this rare occasion work more profoundly for me.
A few months ago, I posted a list of classes I took in 2011. I thought it would be useful to share classes I’m signed up for, so far, in 2012 as well. So here’s what I have so far:
- I Heart Drawing: I actually started this class at the end of 2011. I am a huge fan of Jane Davenport and a class on learning how to draw full figures (as opposed to just portraits) seemed very alluring. A class specifically designed for drawing and not mixed media was also something I really wanted. So even though it was the end of the year (and a really busy time) I just went for it. And I am so so glad I did. Jane is not only an excellent teacher but she’s kind, patient, sweet, and funny. And talented. She’s amazingly talented. Her videos are detailed, step-by-step and extremely well done. If you’re interested in drawing figures at all, I cannot recommend her class enough. I am still working my way through the very comprehensive lessons and enjoying every single minute of it.
- One Little Word: I took Ali’s class last year but didn’t really do the work each month. This year, I am taking the class again and doing the work. My word this year (savor) is really important to me and I love how this class ensures that I keep it front and center all year round. In my opinion, a class with Ali never disappoints.
- Move More Eat Well: Cathy’s journey and blog posts were the biggest reason I started my own health journey. Even though I did the work, I don’t know if I would be here without her and I will forever be grateful to her for it. At first I wasn’t going to take this class but as I thought about it, I decided I could use some encouragement and active attention as I maintain the weight loss, work on nutrition and strength this year. I’ve taken classes with Cathy before and I know she’s an attentive and dedicated teacher.
- Body Restoration: This is Melody and Kathy’s new class. Last year, I took Soul Restoration 1 and 2 and they were two of the best classes I took all year. So when this class was posted, I didn’t even hesitate for a second. Even though I’ve lost a lot of weight and many of my body issues have improved a lot in the last year, I knew this class would be powerful and useful and one I was glad I took. And I was right. We’re three weeks into it and I already love every second of it. As it always works with Melody’s classes, I am discovering thoughts I didn’t know I had. I am learning, growing and doing art. What more can you ask from a class?
- The Science of Willpower: This is a local class I am taking so I linked to the book that my teacher published that’s based on the class content. This year, I wanted make an effort to take more classes locally. When I looked at the Winter offerings, this class stood out to me. As someone who works on being organized and has a lot of daily tasks, willpower is a fascinating subject to me and I figured I’d love to learn more about it. So far, I’ve only had two sessions and it’s proven to be incredibly interesting and wildly useful. I really look forward to the rest of the classes. And I love leaving the house and going to a class at a university.
- grafting happiness: I’ve taken several of Stephanie’s journaling courses and have found each of them to be profoundly moving. I have loved every minute of her lessons and when she announced (today) her new one, I didn’t even hesitate for a second. Stephanie is an amazing artist and an incredible soul. Her journaling classes are some of the best I’ve ever taken. I can’t wait for this one to start.
- The Art of Wild Abandonment: I’ve already talked about how much Christy has affected my art journaling journey. So I tend to take all of her classes. I’m also a huge fan of Junelle as a person and as an artist, so when Christy announced that she’d be hosting Junelle’s first class, there was no way I was missing it. I would have taken this class just to support Junelle and Christy as the wonderful people they are, but I also happen to adore, admire, and am awed by Junelle’s art. So I have no doubt this class will be truly amazing.
- Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction: I’m not actually taking this class until the summer but I am already signed up for it. It’s another local course offered at a nearby Medical Foundation. So I linked to the wikipedia page that explains the idea behind the class. One of my major goals this year is to learn to slow down and meditate and breathe. Here’s the short blurb about the class: These benefits include an increase in the body’s immune system’s ability to ward off disease, a shift from a disposition towards right prefrontal cortex, associated with anxiety, depression, and aversion, to the left prefrontal cortex, associated with happiness, flow, and enjoyment. Other benefits include a different and less invasive way of healing patients with chronic pain related illnesses, a reduction in debilitating stress and the hormones that come along with it,(such as cortisol,) and an improvement in one’s overall happiness and well-being in life. Doesn’t it sound worthwhile? I figure it might help with my TMJ. Or help me finally create a meditation practice. And if neither, well I certainly always welcome even more improvements in my overall happiness.
There we go. This is the list of classes I have for 2012 so far. I know it looks long, but, this year, I’m being a bit more mindful about the classes I am taking. Keeping in consideration cost, time commitment, and alignment with my goals. This allows me to make sure I give each class my full attention.
Added after this post:
- Letter Love 101: Art Journaling: If you read here at all, you know that I am trying to get better at lettering so this class was absolutely perfect for me.
If you remember from my post about the yearlong classes my one goal for January’s Move More, Eat Well class was to find a personal trainer. I had sort of been looking for one for a few months without success. To be honest, I didn’t really know how to find one and just kept getting more agitated as time passed. So when I was setting my one goal, I gave myself an out. I wrote that my one goal for January was to find a trainer and to write everything I eat down. I figured this way I could be successful if I hit either of my goals.
Oh the ways we give ourselves a way to get out of jail for free.
I started to track my food in early January but it was so boring that I stopped. I eat almost the same thing everyday so it seemed pointless. And I was making no progress on the trainer either. So last week, as I realized how close the end of January was I started getting annoyed with myself for not achieving either of my goals.
And then things just magically fell into place.
I was at a show with my friend Nicholas and I was complaining about how I was having trouble finding a trainer. He suggested I use Yelp. I did it right then and there on my phone and lo-and-behold there were four trainers I could call right by my home. So I called one the next day and gave her two days to respond.
When she didn’t, I called three other places on Monday and finally found one. As it turned out it was a three-minute drive from my house. I made an appointment for Wednesday and felt good about finally making progress.
In the meantime, I had another session of my The Science of Willpower class on Monday night. During the class, amongst other things, the teacher talked about several studies around increasing willpower. One of the exercises they tested was tracking things that you don’t usually track. I decided that maybe this was the sign I needed to get my other 1-goal going as well.
So Tuesday morning I started tracking my food.
Today, after dropping off the kids and doing my sketching, I drove to the personal trainer center and met with my new trainer. I was there for one hour and he gave me about thirteen exercises (after collecting some baseline information). Now I have a set of exercises, some kind of plan, and another appointment.
And I am sore.
I will admit that I am so very inclined to walk away from this whole thing because I am really aching all over for the first time in a long while. But I know that this means I am using muscles I haven’t used in a while and this was exactly why I wanted to get a trainer. While losing weight is great, my goal is not just that. I want to be healthy and strong. The running is great for my heart but doesn’t really do a huge amount for my core strength. I want my arms, legs, thighs, and stomach to be firm and strong. So I can be healthy and not just thin.
So I have begun yet another part of my “healthy for life” journey. I will admit to being scared and maybe a bit overwhelmed. But I am also determined. I know that a few months into this I will be stronger and the exercises will be easier. I know that this is another part of establishing a new baseline for my body and my overall health. And I know that this is the right thing to do for my body.
Even if it’s a bit hard at the moment. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy after all, is it?
So there we go. Tracking food: Check. Personal trainer: Check.
Tomorrow, I get up and do it all over again.
Life’s been a bit of a whirlwind lately. I feel like since 2012 started, I’ve been go-go-go. I’ve had commitments several nights a week and appointments, meetings, doctor checkins, etc. I’m going to CHA this weekend and then have in-laws visiting next weekend and then it’s David’s birthday. And to top it all, work’s also at an all-time high pace.
Ordinarily, this would be enough to stress me out and make me want to curl up and cry. But alas, it’s one of the things I’ve been working on for 2012. So I think it’s just good luck that all this chaos is coming my way early in the year to test my resolve and commitment.
When you live as structured a life as I do and you have as many goals and tasks each day as I do, curveballs or one-off changes aren’t easy to handle. Last year, I noticed that when such things occurred, I didn’t do a good job of reacting to them and recovering from them. My goal this year was to be better about it.
To accomplish this, one of the things I did was to create a more flexible schedule. I changed my goals so instead of sketching daily, I told myself I would do it 4 times a week. Same with art journaling and several of my other daily tasks. The goal was to take the pressure off such that if I had to skip one day, I was still meeting the goals I set for myself. The only thing I do each day is my exercise, everything else was more flexible.
As it turned out, I have been sketching daily but making only 1-2 art journal pages a week. If that. I’ve learned over time that creative ventures have an ebb and flow so I am choosing to let it go where it flourishes more at the moment. And sketching is the fun part for me, for now.
Last night, as I sat in class, we talked about how there are theories that consider Willpower to be a muscle. And just like any muscle, you can wear it out, so then you need to rest and rebuild and while you’re doing that, it’s not as strong. This led our teacher to say “Pay attention to where your willpower goes each day.” And that’s the part that really resonated with me. The trouble with setting so many goals, restrictions, plans in my day is that I have to use willpower for each of them. And then as the day wears down, so does my muscle.
So now I pay attention to where my willpower goes. I set my goals accordingly. I prioritize. Things that “must” get done that day and things that would be nice to do. I leave room for last minute changes (because with two kids, a job and a hubby those are not as rare as I might like to think) and I regularly let go. I also know that eventually things do calm down. So I fit in whatever I can into the nooks and crannies of my day and take time to be grateful for them.
Even as I’ve become more flexible, I still have a lot of structure to my days and I still have my non-negotiables (more on this some other time). But as I learn more and more about willpower, I am learning to grow, adjust and leave room for rest. The trick is being able to take the curveballs with grace.
And to be better with adding more flexibility to my life, one of the habits I will add to my morning routine is this idea of prioritizing my willpower. So I can make sure to savor this rare resource and use it well.
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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