When I first listened to this month’s One Little Word prompt, I had no ideas. This month’s assignment is to take one action. I’m the kind of person who takes action all the time. There was no one specific action for March that came to mind.
A little while later, I got an idea. And then I got like a ton more. So I wanted to share with you my process in an effort to maybe inspire some of you and also to hold myself accountable. And to help me track.
So the first action idea I had was to book a pedicure appointment each month. I don’t really like getting a manicure cause my hands are full of paint most of the time so I feel like it’s a waste. But a pedicure feels nice and would make my feet softer. So it’s a great way to be kind to myself.
I called the salon and made an appointment for this weekend and also told her I want to do a recurring appointment.
Once that was done, I thought about the post I wrote last week on kindness.Being kind to myself. And I decided I wanted to take this idea of taking action one step further. I wanted to do something to be kind to myself every single day in March. (The bonus is that March is not one of my favorite months so this makes March more fun for me.)
I did a little research online and came up with 31 things. They are not in order and I might not do some, and do others that aren’t on the list. I might do two one day and none on the next. I might repeat some. But I will aim to do at least one each day in March.
Here’s my list. I am so open to suggestions and other ideas:
1. do loving kindness meditation
2. get a pedicure
3. go sit at coffeeshop with book
4. take a bath
5. give myself a hug
6. go out with a friend
7. sleep in
8. take a nap
9. journal for an hour
10. say no to one thing i don’t want to do
11. practice doodling for 1 hour
12. practice alphas for 1 hour
13. pick five things to celebrate from this week
14. apologize from someone
15. call a good friend
16. help someone else
17. read/watch/share something uplifting or funny
18. clean up a pile that’s nagging me
19. get blood tests done
20. dress up
21. put on lotion
22. paint my fingernails
23. write down a list of what i want/dream of, everything
24. take a walk in the sunshine
25. have friends over – done
26. buy something for someone else – done
27. do something in nature as family – done
28. ask for feedback/testimonials
29. write a worry list and bury it
30. forgive myself for something I do that day
31. buy flowers for myself
Let’s see how it goes. I’ll touch base at the end of the Month and let you know how I did. If you’re up for joining me along for March, I’d love that!
Here’s to a March full of self-kindness!
On Tuesday night, I lay in bed and thought to myself “I did good today.” It wasn’t like I did anything extraordinary but I was lying there and I realized that I was having one of those looking-at-myself-from-the-outside moments and feeling like I had managed to do okay. I accomplished what I needed at work, I wasn’t mean to my kids, I spent time with them and I tried to do right by my clients. It was just contentment. That feeling of gratitude over an ordinary day. One where nothing goes terribly wrong and where I don’t feel defeated by my inability to measure up to the person I wish to be in the world.
Since I am trying to be present and pay attention to the good more this year, I paused to let the moment sink in. I fully appreciated it and locked in it.
I woke up the next morning still feeling good. I went through the day doing a good job, feeling strong, being kind, generous. It felt like maybe it was here to stay.
And then, last night, it all fell apart.
And this morning I was right back to the small-Karen who is sad, worried, scared. The one who messes up too often. The one who just can’t seem to do right. And, of course, as it’s wont to happen, more bad stuff happened. I struggled through the whole morning and barely made it through this day.
Now I’m sitting here, thinking about how quickly it all changed. Wondering which feeling was right. Worrying about what all this means. Trying to make sense of it.
And here’s what’s coming up: I don’t think either feeling was completely “right.” What was fundamentally different in the two days was the way I felt about myself. The way I looked at the world. The way I approached things, people, my goals. Even the way I approached how I judge things like success and failure. What differed was my attitude, my approach and my way of interpreting life.
All of which are in my control.
Even when it doesn’t feel like it is. It is. What I do, how I think and feel is always in my control. Even my sense of my place in the world is in my control. I was listening to Tara the other day and she said “What would you be without this thought?” which reminded me of Katie Byron and her four questions. I have a lot of fundamentals thoughts and viewpoints that don’t serve me. They are not productive. Actually, worse than that, they are counter-productive. They keep the small-Karen fed. They help me stay constricted, scared, worried. Without them I’d be calmer, more open, more generous, kinder and more peaceful.
March is coming tomorrow and I took a look at the intention I’d set for the month: kindly present.
I don’t know how it worked out to be so magical and appropriate but this is exactly what I need right now. The first sentence reads: “be kind to yourself.” I think it’s time for me to put some of these negative thoughts down. Maybe part of me is worried that putting them down will mean I might get hurt. Maybe I am worried that they are what keep me working so hard and trying so much. But deep down in my heart, I know it’s not the case. Because when you make decisions or act from a place of fear and worry, those actions are not genuine. They are not heartfelt. They are not generous. They are protective. They are defensive. They are selfish.
But when I feel solid and grounded, that’s when true wholeheartedness emerges. When I think that I belong, I actually act like I belong. And I believe that’s how the true belonging starts. If I don’t believe it for myself, how will anyone else?
So that’s my goal for March. Paying attention to the negative thoughts. The deep worries around what I lack. Fundamental beliefs that are keeping me small.
And putting them down to rest.
Even if just for thirty-one days.
There’s no limit to what thirty-one days of positive outlook and wholeheartedness might do for my life.
On Monday night, Jake and I went to see Beautiful Creatures at the movie theater. There was a scene in the movie where the preacher is talking about sacrifice. I can’t remember the exact words but it was about how we think of sacrifice as giving something up. But how it’s really choosing something the more important/precious thing over something else. (Or at least that’s how I interpreted it.) When I heard this, it struck a chord with me.
There are times in my life where something feels like a sacrifice. Like not eating chocolate or baked goods I might want. Or not getting to sleep in. Even the boundaries I set for myself seem like sacrifice sometimes. And sacrifice seems like such a “burden.” I have to sacrifice, poor me. I’m such a victim. It’s another case where thinking of it as a choice point would allow me freedom and the ability to shift the victim mentality.
Thinking of sacrifice as choosing something over something else makes it feel much less about “giving up” something. Instead, it sounds a lot more like prioritizing. In this perspective, I have power. I am choosing X over Y and I could just as easily choose Y over X (or even Z over A). I am not the poor little girl who has to give something up. I am the powerful, confident person who chooses something more important for myself or others.
I am not a victim and I am not a martyr. I am deciding what matters most.
When I look up sacrifice in the thesaurus, I see abandon, surrender, forfeit, relinquish, resign, etc. Most of these seem to be associated with a lack of power. With giving up or giving in. What if letting go was an act of power?
What I’ve learned over the last few years is that no one story is true. No one perspective is right. No one way is accurate. All of the paths, perspectives and stories are possible and they are all available to me.
So why not choose the resonant one?
The one that makes me feel in control, empowered, and excited.
When I think of sacrifice as choosing something more important over something else, I feel less like a victim. I have the flexibility and control to change my mind. This is a resonant place for me.
So I’m going to go with it.
This past weekend, David made me a Valentine’s card out of the blue. It was super-sweet, full of hand-drawn hearts. It was obvious that he spent some time and care on it. When I opened the card, there was a list of all the reasons why he loved me.
The list made me cringe.
My first instinct was that he loved me for “all the wrong reasons.” I had my own ideas about why he should love me, what was good about me in general and specifically as a mom, etc., etc. I felt a strange sense of loss. Like I was doing it all wrong. Raising my kid with all the wrong values. Cause if he knew better, he’d come up with a much more “proper” list of what was great about me.
Yes, I cringe when I read that, too. But I am trying to be honest and pay attention. I’ve learned when I slow down and pay attention to my thoughts/feelings, I can truly understand what’s at the core. And then I can look at it carefully and take it apart. And this is where the learning opportunity lives.
Anyhow, so I paid attention to my thoughts and realized that I wanted to be loved for what I thought was valuable about me. I wanted to be loved the way I wanted.
But, alas, people love us the way they love us.
We don’t get to choose.
We don’t even get to choose why they love us.
A lot of how and why people love us has to do with them. What their perspective is, what they need, what they crave, what need in them we get to fulfill. I know this because this is why I love the people I love. I love them cause of things inside me. I might love someone cause they make me laugh and I am usually somber so I am attracted towards people who make me laugh. Or people who are honest because I have low self-esteem and value those who are upfront so I don’t have to second-guess everything. On and on. The point is the reasons I love them have more to do with me than them. They might think they’re lovable cause they are interesting or creative or whatever. But I love them for reasons of my own.
The same is true for my son. He loves me because of what’s meaningful to him.
And he loves me in the way he knows to love. In the way he can show his love. In the way that resonates with him.
I think, often, we have ideas of what makes us worthy of love and ideas of how someone should show their love. If they do this-and-this that means they love me.
But even if someone doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
After the few minutes of pausing, I looked at my son’s beautiful card and felt a deep sense of gratitude. Not only does my son love me but he wanted to show me why by making a long list. And he took the time to make it. He was creative, kind, generous, and loving. I am so lucky to have him.
And I am so lucky to be loved by him.
I was listening to Tara Brach this morning in the car and she tells the story of this girl who is mixing paints and discovers for the first time that if she mixes blue and yellow, it becomes green. She’s so excited about this that when her Dad comes home, she wants to share it with him. But when he comes home, he’s still working on a deal and he’s on the phone and busy. She follows him around saying “dad, dad” but he’s busy. Eventually, as he walks into his office, she’s still there, following him so he turns around and says, “What are you doing down there?” And she says “Daddy, I live down here.”
Tara then goes on to talk about feeling heard and feeling like people notice you and care about what you say, etc.
This was not the first time I heard the story. I like to listen to all of Tara’s podcasts and she tends to repeat stories occasionally when they fit the topic of discussion. Even though it wasn’t my first time, the story stayed with me longer than usual this time around.
It made me think about my life and the way I treat my kids. The way they might or might not feel heard/noticed at times. And what I could do about it.
I feel like one of my core issues in life is my lack of a sense of belonging. Somewhere along the line I decided I didn’t belong and I just can’t seem to discard that notion easily. Even in situations I excelled, I have a nagging feeling of not belonging, this constant wait for the other shoe to drop. I am not sure if it comes from this feeling of “not being heard” but I do think that if a kid feels like s/he is heard and his/her words matter, it certainly strengthens the notion of belonging.
Maybe I am not right but I’m thinking about it and trying to see if feeling heard might affect sense of belonging.
The fact is, I am not a stay-at-home mom and I am not able to give all of my minutes to my kids. And, honestly, I don’t think feeling sad about it will help so I am trying to be realistic. I have a job which gives my kids other opportunities that are also important in their lives. I have hobbies, friends, personal growth ventures, etc. all of which take time away from my kids. And I don’t necessarily think the answer is to do away with those.
But then, I am trying to figure out what the answer is. One thing I try to do is make the most of the opportunities we do have together. On the way to and from school, I make sure to listen to my kids instead of being busy doing anything else (well, except driving!) I make sure to spend time with them each morning and each night. I always ask about their day, we have our gratitude conversations, our projects, our celebrations, etc etc. But I was thinking today that I’d like to do more. I’d like to schedule some time each day for each of my kids to talk to me about whatever they want. Some amount of time where I am completely, uninterruptedly theirs.
This is easier with Nathaniel since he spends more hours at home. With David, I will have to carve time. He and I spend very little time without Nathaniel and most of it is spent on homework, learning, or other growth activities. He doesn’t get time to just freely share with me each day for more than 10mins or so. The rest of the sharing is interrupted by work, Nathaniel, dinner, homework, whatever.
So I am trying to find a way to make my kids feel more heard. It starts with them but, of course, I want to do it with everyone in my life. With Jake. with my friends. With people I encounter. I want to be able to be 100% present when I am with them, no matter who. So it shows that they matter and what they say matters. That they belong in this space with me at this moment.
I don’t know if it will instill more belonging. I don’t even know if I can do it consistently. But I know that I want to. And since they are both home all week next week, I am going to give it a genuine try. Let’s see if it works.
If you have a strong sense of being heard and/or belonging, I’d love to hear what makes you feel that way. What I could try with my own kids. And maybe even myself.
I was talking to a client this morning and I heard myself tell her that she can look at everything in her life as a choice point. After I hung up, I thought to myself that, obviously, this is true for me, too. (True for all of us.)
We all have our own list of what’s not a choice. But, for me, with the exception of my two children, every single thing I do (or don’t do) is a choice. I exclude my kids because they are still too young to take care of themselves and while it’s true that I have the choice to leave their care to someone else or to choose to not care, I feel like since I chose to bring them into this world, and they’re not old enough to self-sustain yet, it’s my responsibility to get them to a self-sustaining state. And, I admit that this is my personal thing and I can see others defining even this as a choice point.
But everything else is unquestionably a choice in my life. Even being a wife. I am choosing to spend my day with this person. I am choosing to stay married. I am choosing to share my life with him. I have other choices.
I am choosing the job I do. It might not seem like a choice but it is. There are many ways to make money and I am choosing this one. It might not seem like I have other options but I do. I could work at a Starbucks, a McDonalds, etc. There are many places that would hire me where I could still make money. Enough to make sure I get to eat. But I choose this job. I choose it for its ups and downs. But I do have other choices (as non-obvious as they might seem.)
I am choosing to spend my time the way I do. I am choosing to do the coaching. I am choosing to wake up at 4:30am once a week to attend the certification calls. I am choosing to fill my free moments with clients. I am choosing to do art. I am choosing to sketch. I am choosing to read. To eat well and to eat badly. To exercise. To not exercise enough. To sleep. To not call a friend I’ve been meaning to call. To not return an email I keep thinking about returning.
All of these things I do or don’t do, things I say or don’t say are choices in my life. I might not be making them consciously, but I am making them. And here’s the crucial part of why this matters:
I hold the power to make other choices.
When we don’t think of events/things/people in our lives as choices, we become the victim in our life. Things are happening “to” us and we’re not doing them. But this is rarely true. (I will relent that there are some rare exceptions, but they are much more rare than one might think.) And when we’re victims, we lose all the power over our own lives. This kind of life is no better than an enslaved one where you don’t actually have choice.
There’s a famous quote about how a man who chooses not to read is no better than a man who cannot read. I think choice is like that. If you choose to be a victim, you’re no better off than a person who actually is a victim.
The one thing we all want is to have power over our own lives. Even little babies want this control apparently. (there are specific scientific studies on this.) So realizing that every minute of our life is a choice point is very very empowering. The first step is always getting conscious of it. Being aware.
Because it is only when you’re aware that you can start making changes.
If you so choose.
It’s been a long day here and I’m quite tired and still have more commitments for the evening so I decided I’ll share my One Little Word for February with you instead. I’ll add some thoughts along with it so it’s more meaningful.
This month’s assignment was to create a vision board. I made one of these in 2011 for Karen’s class. I’m not a vision-board kind of person. Not sure why and not sure what that even means. But I just know that I don’t do them each year. So when I first watched the assignment I was all blah about it.
But I am a good student and I wanted to do my homework anyway. I knew from my experience before that I would do it digitally and have it available to add to my moleskines as well as my OLW binder.
So I opened up Pinterest and typed “present moment” into the search. I found a ton of boards, went through a whole bunch of them, tagged photos I liked, and then opened all of them in photoshop and just dragged and dropped, and moved and shuffled until I was happy with what I got. I tried to fit in as much as I could. I ended up with this:
I will admit that I love it. It has so much of what resonates with me right now. Last time, I’d deliberately added some images that were important to me, but this time I just pulled whatever spoke to me without any rhyme or reason.
My favorite part is the pooh conversation.
But I really love all of it. I love the peace, serenity, love, joy I see in it. It has so much of what’s meaningful for me and I know I could have spent another 50 hours on it but I love it just as it is.
and here it is in my olw binder:
If you did this, too, I’d love to see yours!
Back when I applied to college, there were some common questions across most of my applications. What’s your favorite book? What’s your favorite movie? I don’t know if they still ask these but what’s interesting to me is that both my favorite book (books in my case) and my favorite movie hasn’t changed since I was 17. I might have added a few to my list but the originals are still at the very top.
My favorite movie is still Dead Poet’s Society. To be honest, I think it’s quite interesting that I grew up in Turkey, in a very different system and yet this movie about a bunch of boys going to a private school in the US really spoke to me. There are so many themes in the movie that I love: non-conformity/individuality, making the most of life/seizing the day, making your mark, doing what you love. I can go on and on. The movie might be about a bunch of private-school boys, but the themes are clearly universal. (Not to mention Robin Williams’ excellent acting.)
Here’s a little clip I was revisiting today that’s especially resonant for me at this moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8fu-hq3S7A
“We must constantly look at things in a different way….Just when you think you know something you have to look at it in another way. Even though it may seem silly or wrong, you must try.”
He then goes on to say, “you must strive to find your own voice, cause the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all.” And this is yet another huge insight that I think matters deeply. But, for today, I want to talk about this idea of looking at things in another way.
I think that many of us do this at the beginning of a decision. We try to look at things from many different perspectives. Maybe because we feel like we’re at a choice point, or maybe because we have no idea how things will turn out so we try to do more visualization than usual. But, either way, I think many of us practice different perspectives prior to making a decision/taking a path.
But then we rarely ever do it again.
This path we embarked upon four years ago might have made a lot of sense then. But life’s changed in four years. We’ve changed in four years. Our priorities, our goals, things that bring us joy, etc. could all have changed in this time. And, yet, we rarely ever stop and change our perspective and look at the path again. We feel like we’re now stuck with this path, all because it might have been the right one four years ago.
I think, in most cases, this lack of revisiting does a disservice. If you took the time to “stand on the desk” per se, and look at your situation from a different perspective, you might:
1. find a way out
2. change course
3. see things in a different light
4. realize you’re in the right path after all
in my opinion, any of these will make you feel better. Any of these will help you realize you have choice.
And as humans, we crave feeling in control of our own lives, so having choice is essential.
The more I grow up, the more I am starting to believe that nothing is real. That everything I believe to be true is imbued with my stories, my perspective, my past, and my ways of seeing/believing things. Which might sound depressing but it’s also very liberating. It means that, at any moment in time, I can choose to believe a different story. One that makes me feel good. One that empowers me. One that serves me.
I can change my perspective and pick one that works.
I get to decide.
It’s amazing that, after twenty-four years, this movie can still remind me what I felt most strongly as a teenager: Life is rare and precious and it is up to me to live it the way I want to.
Lately, I’ve been finding that there are certain conversations that repeat in my head on a loop. I wake up with these thoughts and go to bed with them and no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to snap out of it.
It might be obvious but I’ll mention it anyway: these are negative thoughts that do not serve me. Some are complaints about how my life is stuck in certain ways I don’t like it to be. Some are frustrations of hard work (or at least consistent work) not paying off as much as I’d like. And some are just good old whining.
None of these are making my life better.
In fact, they make my days worse. I get caught up in the chatter and the negativity encompasses all of my brain. Next thing I know, the day’s over and I’m all bitter. And if there’s one thing I hate almost as much as sarcasm (which I despise) it’s being bitter. I think that being bitter doesn’t serve me at all. It sucks all the joy out of my life and leaves me nothing. I refuse to have my life be that way.
But no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t get these thoughts to stop. I could quiet them down a bit but then they’d come back full-force. It’s like when you trust someone and then they do something to betray you. From there on the seeds of doubt are inside you and infect every single moment. That’s how these thoughts were for me. They were taking over my thoughts and emotions and infecting my days.
This morning I got up and asked myself a crucial question.
“What do I want?”
For each of these issues that were driving me mad, I wanted to know what I was seeking. What my true, realistic goal was. For me the first answer is always flippant. It’s rash action that’s just not realistic or even ideal. It’s just an extreme that would immediately make this nagging thought disappear. Like “move away” or “quit that commitment.” etc.
But this time I didn’t let myself off the hook. I just kept asking. What do I want here? What’s an outcome that would make me happy? Or at least content enough to have the nagging thoughts out of my head. How can I change this situation/worry/problem so I can be at peace again?
When I really sit to think about it, this is not an easy question. Because realistically, if this were an easy problem to solve, I would have solved it already. And clearly there’s some emotional issues here, too, since it’s getting in the way of my peace. So it’s hard and emotionally loaded. But I still kept at it. What do I want? I asked myself.
The next set of answers that came to me involved other people. I might want so-and-so to fix the problem for me in some way or another. But, as I know quite well, the only person I can control is me. I am the only one I can change. And since these are my personal concerns and are messing with my peace, well I should be invested in fixing them myself.
So the question morphed a bit and became “What do I want and What can I do about it?” What are some actions I can take to make the situation better for me? To change my reality, my perception, and my ability to not let it get to me. Those are the three things I can adjust.
1. I can take action.
2. I can change my point of view.
3. I can change the value I assign to this issue emotionally. (As in how much I should/will worry about it.)
I can change one of these, all of these or any combination.
So for each of the items on my nagging list, after I already figured out what I wanted (which is the HARD part) I wrote down which of the three I could change and how.
Just writing it all down made me feel better already. We often tend to get upset when we feel like we have no control over things in our lives. We get into these cycles where we forget that at some point, this was a choice and now it feels like a trap. But we do have choice. We have the choice to decide what we want. We have the choice to take small actions in the direction of our wants. We have the choice to change our perspective. And we definitely have the choice not to let it nag us. Even if it feels impossible, all of those choices are there, available to us at all times.
And they all start with the magic question:
What do I want?
I was talking to a client the other day and he told me that once he accomplished such and such goal, he would then be able to relax and spend a lot of quality time with his wife. For this person, spending more high quality time with his wife was at the top of his things-i-want-to-do-more-of list. I paused for a second and then I told him that he was no longer allowed to wait for his one-day life.
Here’s the thing.
This is your one-day life. You can’t put off living, happiness, and joy until the “one day” comes. Because it might never come. We tend to always move the target as we get close to it. So what was “one day” to you ten years ago might look very different now. You might already be living the “one day” you hoped to have back in 2003. And, yet, here you are putting things off for this magical “one day” again.
And if you ever reach that “one day” it might not be what you expected. You might find yourself busier, unhappier, less fulfilled than you imagined the “one day” would look like.
You might not live to see the one day.
You might have some terrible thing happen and it would change your possible “one day” scenario completely. You might have a huge fortune befall you and the definition of “one day” would turn topsy-turvy again.
None of us know what tomorrow will be like. None of us know what really will happen. All we get is this one day. This day. All we get is this moment.
And in this moment, there’s really no good excuse to put off doing something that gives you joy over doing anything else.
There are exceptions of course, I don’t mean “quit your job, move to some remote beach until your money runs out and you’re penniless.” I am not speaking extremes of any kind, actually. I am talking about weaving in some of what you love, some of the reward you keep postponing, into your everyday.
What is on your list of things you’re going to do “one day”?
The day you’re finally rich enough to quit your job. When your kids are finally grown and out of the house. When you’re finally healthy again. When you’re thinner/prettier. Whatever your personal reason is, I encourage you wholeheartedly not to put off all your dreams/joys/happiness to “one day.”
Instead, make your “one day” list right now. Sit down, get a paper and pen and write it all out. From the smallest/easiest to the craziest. Write it all out. First of all, it’s wonderful to have dreams, goals, ambitions, hopes and things to look forward to.
But even more importantly, once you make the list, it’s real. You can start weaving some fo these into your life already. Want to go to Africa? You can start buying books, learning about what parts of Africa you might want to visit. This way you’re actually one step closer to achieving it. You can spend time with your loved ones. Go out to dinner with a long lost friend. Maybe you can’t quit your job and hang out with friends all day long, but you can certainly schedule a weekly dinner with friends. There are many ways to start taking baby steps into your “one day” life. Many ways to fulfill some of them right now.
I definitely do see the advantages of having dreams and goals. Things to look forward to. Sometimes life is hard and those goals keep us hopeful and give us the energy to make it through the rougher times.
However, there’s a difference between having something to look forward to and postponing joy. Postponing living. Especially postponing connecting with your loved ones. The time to spend with your kids is now. With your spouse. With your friends. With your parents. Now is the time to connect with the people you love. Now is the time to take a few moments every day and do something that gives you joy. Draw. Walk. Sing. Run. Whatever it is, putting it off is not the answer.
Maybe we will all get lucky and the “one day” plan will completely work out. And then you can do every single thing on your list.
But in the meantime, let’s live the one life we have fully. I’ll give you the same homework I gave my client. Schedule date night right now. Spend time with your wife. Don’t put off your happiness. Give this day everything we have. Soak in it. Go all in.
This is your time.
Since I’ve decided to spend February celebrating and my word for this year is present, I’ve been thinking about ways to celebrate the present moment. I work at home and spend most of my day alone. I’ve noticed that it’s relatively easy for me to get into a funk at some point during the day. And if I don’t acknowledge it and do something about it, I can carry that funk all day and spread it to those around me.
I decided to work at home so I could be around more for my kids, so if I am going to be crabby, it sort of ruins the whole reason why I moved my life around to make this setup work. I am trying to be more aware of how my mood can spread and spill over to the way I interact with anyone. And the way I write emails. The way I make assumptions about the people I run into. The way I read/interpret emails. The way I talk to my kids and husband. I can go on and on but I think you get the point.
So I decided to take two kinds of actions that will allow me to be more present, celebrate this moment, and get out of my funks:
1. Notice the joyful moments and take a pause:
I get to have many moments in my day where something wonderful is happening. For example, every day, after his nap (or quiet time since naps seem to be disappearing) my son comes to snuggle next to me as he watches an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He will hug me and let me kiss him and smell him as much as I want. I now make a point of taking a few minutes off work and really basking in the joy of smelling his neck and kissing and hugging him.
It doesn’t have to be a snuggly activity. I do the same thing with my older son and his homework. On most days, I get to help him with his homework. This often means playing a math game together or brainstorming ideas on what to write. Instead of trying to get-it-over-with, I now take an extra ten minutes and really enjoy getting to be here with him and teach my son while we play. This is something I care about and I am grateful to get to do it (instead of being at work when he comes home from school.)
It doesn’t even have to involve others. I have to go out daily to get the mail. This two second walk from my door to the mailbox reminds me that I live in sunny California and the weather is exquisite on most days. Instead of rushing in and out, I take a few extra seconds and soak in the sun. If there was snow, I could certainly soak in the snow, too!
The other day, I was exercising on the treadmill and I looked out the garage to see an incredible sky filled with orange and red as the sun was coming up. I stopped my movie and watched the sky, marveling in its beauty.
Most of these activities are really small moments. Ordinary life moments. All of these things are things that already naturally occur in my day. Things that really really give me joy but things that I know I overlook (or things that get overshadowed by other things that annoy me.) And this extra pause allows me to remember (and lock in) the joy of all the little, ordinary moments. To be really present. To feel it in my body, be conscious, and really be here to completely savor this very moment.
2. Make a list of small acts that give me joy and do 3-5 each day
I’ve been noticing that besides the things that naturally occur in my day, there are small things that I can do to really pickup my mood. For example, there are a few songs that almost always put me in a good mood. So if I am really feeling tired, funky, or crabby, I can just put the song on and there’s an 85% chance I will be in a better mood.
The sun is another mood-lifter. It’s proven scientifically that our brains like being outdoors. Seeing the sky and trees and wind and sun make us feel better. So I can definitely take a 5 minute walk around the block. Or even just open my door and look out for 2 minutes.
I can take a 20 minute break and sit down to eat a healthy food that I really enjoy (instead of rushing through it while I reply to email.) I can play with my kids for 6 minutes. I can hug my kids, my husband, or even myself. I can buy myself flowers. I can read a book I love for 15 minutes. I can draw. I can write a thank you note, gratitude note or just a catch-up email to a friend.
The goal here is to change modes. So I can add an activity to my day to jolt my brain from the funk it might be sinking into.
Most of these activities make me happy and they range anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. I can definitely take 3-5 breaks throughout my day to incorporate them and see if they inject more joy into my day. At a minimum, they will refresh my mind/body/soul so I can work more efficiently when I am done.
So those are my two goals every day. Find five naturally-occurring joyful moments where I can pause and really soak and lock it in and create three-to-five small moments where I am doing something I know is likely to bring me joy. My task tonight is to make my joy-list for category two so I have a long list of ideas to pull from. Not too long since too much choice can be a bad thing but enough that I am not doing the same things every day.
There we go. Plan for celebrating the moment, being more present, and adding more joy into my days.
When I looked back upon 2012, one of my favorite things was all the thoughts-related posts. As I was planning out my year and creating projects, I told myself that I would come up with a way to continue those. And here we are almost at the end of the first month and I’ve written like two posts.
Dismal failure.
The funny thing is, I think about writing stuff all day long. But then I have no ideas. I don’t know what to write about. I don’t have time to write. I am too tired. I have a headache. I’d like to catch up on TV. I want to read. I have art to do. On and on it goes.
I have nothing to share, I think.
I’ve even sat in front of the computer and stared at it for a while a few times. No ideas came and I figured if I don’t have anything interesting to say, I really shouldn’t waste anyone’s time, right?
Well I went back to my intentions and January was all about taking time off. Being quieter. Listening. And, in many ways, it’s been a quieter time than usual. My crazy life is about to get a notch or two crazier in a week when certification process starts and work starts getting more insane and I have to be super-organized to keep it all from falling apart. So taking time off in January makes sense. (At least that’s what I’m telling myself.)
But here comes February. And my intention for February is to be JOYFUL. I could use some more of that in my life. A LOT more actually. Even though my word this year is present, I’ve been trying to do a lot of gratitude and a lot of celebrate. I think those two things keep me in the now. So February is all about celebrating.
Here’s what I wrote on my card: celebrate the joy of life. drink it up. buy a present. spread the joy. how could you celebrate more?
So that’s the plan for February. Celebrate.
I want to remember that, like all things, writing comes with practice. Ideas come with practice. The more I write these posts, the more ideas come to me. And I love having a place to write down what I’m thinking. What’s important in my life right now. What are some of my struggles, my successes, my learnings. This is my little place to celebrate my life. To celebrate my every day.
To celebrate me.
So here’s a good-bye to the quiet January and a welcome to the joyful February. My hope is that even as my life kicks up a notch in its hectic-ness, I will still find a way to show up here and celebrate my life.
If you read this today, I hope you can come by the blog for one minute and tell me something you’re celebrating. Or something you want to celebrate more. I’ve come to believe celebrations are super-important and will write all about that sometime soon, I promise.
I’ll start: I am celebrating starting my certification process even though I am quite scared of it. I am celebrating selling a little art, getting published, and making a lot of art. I am celebrating getting to hug my kids in the morning and at night. Getting to take them to school and getting to pick them up. I am celebrating all my clients and their wanting to take their life to the next level. I am celebrating my quiet-er time at work. I am celebrating my husband and his pursuing his dream. I am celebrating teaching Nathaniel how to read and teaching David a little programming. I am celebrating how much David loves reading. I am celebrating all of our good health. I am celebrating the miracle of getting to go to bed early and getting a full night of sleep.
I can go on, but I will stop. I have to say just writing that all down made me smile. So I hope you’ll take a few moments and share yours with me, too, however small or huge. I will read each one of them, cheer with you and smile that much wider. I would love to celebrate with you.
Here’s to a February full of celebration!
|
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
|
