I am not sure if this is a trend or it’s a backslide or if I should worry or rejoice but I think for the first time in a long, long time, I don’t want to set specific goals that are tied to days. This might mean I do a lot less or it might mean I venture into new things, I don’t know and I get to always choose a different path if it’s not working but for now, I decided I don’t want to track, count, or measure things. I want to give myself grace, rest, space this year. Here are some themes I plan to focus on and we’ll see what form they take.

• Staying open: Still trying to figure out if I will insta daily again, I go back and forth, we’ll see where I land on day 1.
• Art: I have done so so much art in 2022. I didn’t post any of it, not sure why but I loved doing it. I filled 4-5 journals and I hope to continue to do more. Watercolors, sketching, whatever else I might stumble upon.
• Reflection: Not sure about the reflection this year. I liked doing the monthly reflection but somehow it all fell apart towards the end of the year so I might or might not do it.
• Wellness: This is continued area of struggle and focus for me. Taking care of my body, my skin, my health, sleep, nutrition, exercise. I will continue to focus on this. And I might or might not also write about it we’ll see.
• Reading – I read a lot this year. I continued to read netgalley/edelweiss ARC books as well as audiobooks from the library and audible. I plan to continue this next year. I will continue tracking them on goodreads.

Here’s to a year of continuing to do what brings me joy and continuing to stay open to whatever magic might come and surprise me.

As with all the previous years, I knew I wanted to pick my core desired feelings this year, too. If you want to know more about core desired feelings, please go to my post from 2016 and you can see the links there.

Like last year, the words came to me easily this year as well because I know exactly which feelings I am hoping to cultivate and which feelings feel good to me right now.

So walking into this year, I knew exactly what I wanted to hold on to. What core desired feelings I had. I chose: soft, surrender, equanimity, spacious, magic and trust.

Here’s what I came up with this year and what they each mean to me:

• Soft: This is the peaceful word of this year. I want to feel light and peace and joy and ease. I want to feel quietly soft.
• Surrender: I want to let it all be. I don’t want to keep track, manipulate, control or contrive anymore. I don’t want to optimize. I don’t want to count. I just want to surrender to what is. I want to be here in this moment and I want to listen to myself and trust the universe. Trust myself. I want to release everything. It’s a crucial step in being open to what comes and what is.
• Equanimity: I love this word. I have felt it more this year than ever before. I felt that mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper. Emotional stability. It always results in unwavering kindness, expansiveness and deep peace.
• Spacious: This is the way I feel when I am really open. I feel possibility and I feel abundance. I feel like I have room to breathe. Room to fully open myself up. to take up space.
• Magic: And I think I want to hold a little closer to magic again this year. I want to feel that spark, that joy. that possibility.
• Trust: This one showed up very last minute but it took a hold of me and it wouldn’t leave. Trust that you are right where you need to be today. Trust the timing of the universe. Trust yourself. Yes.

I love all of these. As always, I can immediately connect with the feeling I get when I say these words. I feel full. I feel content knowing these are the words I want for myself. They feel exciting and loving.

Here’s to a year of being open to staying soft and spacious, surrendering fully, and embracing equanimity and magic.

Again, I want to start by saying that this is going to be a long post. These reflective posts are how I make sure to live my life intentionally. They matter to me and I love being able to look back on them in future years. I know that this might not be interesting to many (if not any) of you, so please feel free to skip it. If some of you find it interesting, all the better.

This particular exercise is following Susannah Conway’s Unraveling 2023 sheet. You can download it right here. I split the reflective questions looking back on 2022 in and the questions to help clarify goals/dreams for 2023 into two posts. This is part II. All questions are Susannah’s and are copyrighted to her.

It’s now most definitely time to look forward! I love how a new year holds so much possibility.  It’s a do-over, a blank slate, a new page to be filled with whatever we want. There’ll always be  the responsibilities and routines of our everyday, but that doesn’t mean we have to keep doing things in the same old way. Whether you wish to bring in big changes or do a bit of fine-tuning,  it’s all to play for in 2023.  

1. First, choose a word to guide you through the next 12 months. Pick a word that makes you feel  expanded. Encouraged. Inspired. There’s no right or wrong answer so go with your intuition. What’s your Word for 2023? My word is OPEN.
2. If you truly embodied your Word every day in 2023, what would you do differently? I would lean into the spaciousness that being open creates. I would be generous and kind and at peace. 
3. What one thing could you do each day to anchor your Word into your routine? Meditate. Smile. Hug myself and my people. Maybe do insta again but I am not sure. Give myself a hug. Ground myself in gratitude and remember my abundance.
4. How does your Word make you feel? Grounded and peaceful. 
5. Do you want any extra words to support your Word for 2023? Brainstorm here. Think about what  you need in the different areas of your life: home… work… relationships.. Health… self-care…  What would support your Word? Here are some other words that really resonate with me: surrender, spacious, brave, equanimity, abundant, grounded. 
6. What are you looking forward to in 2023? I am looking forward to some major milestones in my family. My younger one graduating middle school and my older one graduating high school and going off to college. Getting his license hopefully. Visiting my parents and celebrating my dad turning 80. I have a lot to be grateful for.
7. What are you feeling apprehensive about? I am apprehensive about a lot of things around the people I love and their journeys but I am also learning that we will all be ok. We will care for each other and we will weather whatever comes together. We can do this.
8. What life lessons are you taking with you into 2023? That I can only be there and hold someone’s hand but I can’t change them and I can’t fix things for them, I can’t walk their journey for them. I am one person and I can only walk my own journey. And all these mantras from last year still work well for me too: Is this mine to carry? Can I hold this lightly? Can I let this go? I have my own back. Give people an opportunity to delight and not disappoint. The ground beneath me is not going anywhere. Thank you for everything, I have no complaints whatsoever.
9. What area of your life do you most want to develop in 2023? To be honest, I am most interested and focused on sitting inside this peace and groundedness. Being open and remembering it’s all icing. I do still want to work on nutrition and exercise and body image because it’s a journey I would like to be in a different place with.
10. What part of yourself do you yearn to nurture in 2023? The spaciousness. The generosity. Remembering what matters and choosing to respond.
11. Fast-forward to December 2023. You’re sitting in a café, musing over the last 12 months.  Where do you want to be… … in your head? (work, dreams, goals) I want to enjoy my job, feel like I’m adding value and working with people I learn from and enjoy being around.
12. … in your heart? (relationships, family, friends) I want my family to be happy and thriving. I want to have a few close friends who I can have deep conversations with and grow alongside. And I want to see and hug my family.
13. … in your soul? (beliefs, practices, self-love) I want to remember how it’s all bonus from here onwards. I want to make sure to keep abundance and spaciousness and be open to being delighted and surprised. 
14. … in your physical world? (home, health, hobbies) I want to continue to do more art. Watercolors, sketching and things that make me happy. I want to continue to journal so I can stay connected to my soul. I want to find a movement that really resonates with me and I want to honor my body and feed it with love.

Everything is Possible 

1. Okay, let’s take it up a notch. Use this page to describe what 2023 looks like in your ideal  world. Be specific! What are your dreams for love this year? Work? Play? Where are you hungry  for change? How do you want 2023 to FEEL? Use your answers from the previous pages to craft  your ideal vision for the next 12 months. What would saying YES to your life look and feel like? Write out everything your heart desires for this new year. Be bold.
   1. It would mean that I wake up and do my exercise and then my meditation, I continue to do cardio, strength and restorative work. 
   2. It would mean I tell my kids and husband how much I love them everyday and see the joy of our life together and invest in each of them individually as well as a family unit.
   3. It would mean I find value in the work I do and feel a strong sense of belonging and contribution at work and find a way to give back.
   4. It would mean that I eat what feeds my body, take care of my skin, and do what feeds my brain and soul. 
   5. It would mean that I prioritize sleep.
   6. It would mean I spend time doing art and journaling and reading. 
   7. It would mean I see my friends in person.
   8. It would mean I go out into nature and ground myself physically in what gives me deep contentment.
   9. It would mean I would be open to possibility and surprise and growth and to listening.

Air

1. List 3 unhelpful beliefs about yourself you’re ready to release 
   1. I am alone
   2. I am weak
   3. I am ugly.
2. List 3 duties or commitments you feel ready to let go of in 2023 
   1. Others’ expectations.
   2. Going places I don’t want to go.
   3. Saying yes to things out of fear.
3. List 3 skills you’d like to learn or improve in 2023 
   1. Art. Drawing and painting. Landscapes. Urban sketching.
   2. Climbing, hiking.
   3. Cooking maybe, it might be interesting to learn it.
4. List 3 books you intend to read this year: I will read hundreds.
5. How could you bring more calm into your life (and head) this year? I will continue to meditate. I will go more slowly. I will lie in bed. 

Water

6. List 3 things about yourself you positively love 
   1. I am dependable.
   2. I get things done.
   3. I am kind.
   4. I always work on myself and try to improve.
7. List 3 ways you could be kinder to your body this year 
   1. I can eat more nutritious food.
   2. I can put moisturizing cream on more regularly. 
   3. I can floss more regularly. 
   4. I can exercise regularly.
   5. I probably can sit at my desk more or figure out a more ergonomic setup
8. List 3 ways you could connect with loved ones in 2023 
   1. I’d love to have some recurring connection with my friends.
   2. Daytrips and adventures with J.
   3. I can call/text an old/new friend a week.
9. List 3 people you could extend compassion to 
   1. Jake
   2. Myself + the kids.
   3. Everyone I see.
10. How could you bring more love into your life this year? I can do this by taking care of myself so I can stay grounded and open and operate from a space of abundance. 

Fire

11. List 3 interests/hobbies you would like to explore more in 2023 
    1. art
    2. cooking
    3. Online classes
12. List 3 ways you could feed your imagination this year 
    1. Maybe learning some new skills like cooking
    2. Traveling
    3. Go on artist’s dates+sketching dates
13. List 3 ways you could bring more passion into your world this year 
    1. Do something new with J regularly
    2. Volunteer for causes that matter to me
    3. Love/Hug my people
14. List 3 dreams you would like to manifest this year (personal or professional) 
    1. Get really good at sketching (urban) and improve my painting. 
    2. Find peace with nutrition
    3. Expand upon this newfound peace
15. How could you bring more creative energy into your life this year? Doing some sort of regular practice is what works the very best.

Earth

16. List 3 ways you could bring more mindfulness to your mornings 
    1. Exercise + meditation
    2. Skin care 
    3. Some art or journaling
17. List 3 ways you could bring more mindfulness to your evenings (I added this because I want to do both mornings and evenings.) 
    1. Diffuser for a few minutes + foot cream
    2. Floss
    3. Maybe insta, maybe some reading
18. List 3 ways you could cherish your home this year
    1. Buy flowers and twinkle lights
    2. Let things be what they are
    3. Enjoy the backyard.
19. List 3 ways you could connect more deeply with nature in 2023 
    1. Go on hiking/climbing trips
    2. Toes in sand/water + watch sunsets
    3. Sit outside as much as possible.
20. List 3 places in your city, town or neighborhood you want to explore 
    1. The city more 
    2. More parks
    3. Caltrain.
21. How could you bring a sense of groundedness into your life this year? Continue to meditate and do restorative yoga. Journal. Stay present. Regularly release. Remember the icing.
22. Using your favourite tarot or oracle deck, draw one card for the overall theme of the upcoming year and then a card for each month of 2023. Okay, let’s take it up a notch. Use this page to describe what 2023 looks like in your ideal  world. Be specific! What are your dreams for love this year? Work? Play? Where are you hungry  for change? How do you want 2023 to FEEL? Use your answers from the previous pages to craft  your ideal vision for the next 12 months. What would saying YES to your life look and feel like? Write out everything your heart desires for this new year. Be bold.
    1. It would mean that I wake up and do my exercise and then my meditation, I continue to do cardio, strength and restorative work. 
    2. It would mean I tell my kids and husband how much I love them everyday and see the joy of our life together and invest in each of them individually as well as a family unit.
    3. It would mean I find value in the work I do and feel a strong sense of belonging and contribution at work and find a way to give back.
    4. It would mean that I eat what feeds my body, take care of my skin, and do what feeds my brain and soul. 
    5. It would mean that I prioritize sleep.
    6. It would mean I spend time doing art and journaling and reading. 
    7. It would mean I see my friends in person.
    8. It would mean I go out into nature and ground myself physically in what gives me deep contentment.
    9. It would mean I would be open to possibility and surprise and growth and to listening.
23. Now let’s give those dreams and plans some shape. Use the grid to start plotting the details of 2023. Use words and pictures, dates and anniversaries. Include actual events and made-up dreams, too. Be playful. Doodle your heart out. Back in 2013, our January OLW assignment involved setting intentions and I really enjoyed that, so I thought maybe I can do that instead. 
    • January: Open Eyes: Start paying attention. What’s there that you’re not seeing. Can you look with a different perspective. What are you choosing to not look at? See all of it.
    • February: Open Heart: Choose to be all in for the people you love. Don’t hold back. Be vulnerable. Share your feelings. Give them chances. Give it all.
    • March:  Open Door: This is usually a hard month for you, so open that door. Walk through what has felt closed, what has felt hard. Try new adventures and things to do. Do something you haven’t done before. Welcome the new.
    • April: Wide Open: How far can you go? Are you feeling the spaciousness? Are you living the full depth and breadth of your life? Open to the goodness of your life. Remember it’s all icing.
    • May: Open Mind: This is the time to try something totally new. Challenge your assumptions about yourself. Take a class. Dance class?
    • June: Burst Open: Hug your people. Celebrate them. So much to celebrate this month. Let it all out. Crack open. Break open. Let the gratitude and joy flow in. Leap.
    • July:  Open Air: The summer is here. Go have new experiences outside. Feel Alive. Watch the sunset and sunrise. Climb. Hike. Feel the water.
    • August: Open Arms: It’s time to be open to life, to experiences. Hug more. Reach out to your people. Receive the love, the kindness, let yourself feel it.
    • September: Open Sesame: This is your birthday month. Let’s make some magic happen. David will be in college. Aurelia in high school. So much change. Make it magical.
    • October: Open House: Take responsibility for friendship. reach out. show up. connect. Host people.
    • November:  Open More: can you open wider? where are you still holding back? What’s getting in the way? go farther. risk more. deeper, wider, longer, what’s the next level? where can you lean in more?
    • December:  Open Book: Reading, writing, journaling, telling our story, feeling seen and making others feel seen. Snuggle and connect.

The Wrap-Up 

• 2023 will be the year I finally make peace with my body.
• I will nourish myself with kindness and love.
• I will make more time for art, people i love, exercise.   
• I will recharge my batteries by resting, journaling and doing yoga.
• This year I will open my heart to love.
• I will pay more attention to my openness and abundance vs scarcity.
• I will learn more about how to sketch, cook, move. 
• I will release my attachment to controlling the outcome. 
• I wish for 2023 to feel spacious.
• This year I will say NO to what doesn’t matter. 
• This year I will say YES to being here now and loving my people as they are.
• What is your secret wish for 2023? Declare it here! That I continue to live in this space of peace, ease and equanimity. That I am open to what comes, that I operate from abundance. That I can see the pure magic of life. That I can be grounded in gratitude.

I wholeheartedly believe that everything is possible in 2023!

As always, I mention many of these same thoughts from last year and here, here, and here. I am pretty sure these themes have been in my life in some way or another for many years. I know that they will likely still be around in 2023 and onward. What I’d like to do this year is to make a dent. To move things forward a little bit. Every forward step I take moves me in the right direction and that’s all I can ask for.

• Close your eyes for a moment and imagine stepping into the shoes of you from December 2023, one year from now. You are one year older and one year wiser and you’ve lived every day of 2023 fully and completely. You have a message of encouragement about 2023. There’s stuff you want to share… stuff you’re eager to tell yourself. When you’re ready, open your eyes, pick up your pen, and write a letter from your future self, starting with Dear Karen: I love you and have your back. Keep going, you got this!

• This time next year I will be at peace.
• This time next year I will have gratitude for what is.
• This time next year I will feel light.
• This time next year I will know that I got this.

It’s interesting that both last year’s word and this year’s word started with a feeling.

2022 was a really tough year for me. Both personally and professionally, I had some of the most challenging times of my life. I finally had to say uncle and take a leave of absence from work during the summer so I could reset and take some time to go within an see if I could feel better.

I resisted taking the time and made up all the reasons why it was a bad idea when my coach recommended that I consider it seriously. I resisted it when my doctor told me I needed to start taking care of myself. I had a long list of reasons why it was all a bad idea and I couldn’t take what I needed.

And then I realized that I had no other choice. I had gotten to a place where I felt like my cup was full before I even got out of bed. My anxiety was overflowing and I could no longer contain it. The smallest things caused me to break down in the most unpredictable times and in the most unpredictable ways.

What finally helped me pull the trigger, unexpectedly, was a meeting with my old manager. I was talking to him and realized suddenly that he didn’t see me at all. It became so shockingly clear in that instant that every story I had been telling myself about everything instantly crumbled. Within hours, I had reached out to people looking for another job and decided I was going on a leave after all.

It was the best decision I’ve made in a long, long time.

I quit the job I was doing, moved under my new manager and took 2 months off starting right away. I was off from May to July.

For the first few weeks, things were hectic and i was traveling, and then I was home and I was reading and painting and doing nothing most of the days, which felt just right but I was still counting the days until it was time to go back to work. During my check-in appointment, my doctor decided I needed 3 more weeks off to really heal. When she said that, I felt instant relief.

And those three weeks made all the difference. For reasons I can’t explain, I finally was able to finally and completely release everything. I had this moment where I realized that I had already done everything I had hoped to do with my life. I had managed to move to America, study what I had really hoped to, make a life for myself, get citizenship, get married to the love of my life, have incredible children who are kind and smart and loving. I have a job I like surrounded by smart people. I have a home in a state and neighborhood I love and I have friends who see me and love me for who i am and enrich my life. I honestly feel like I am all set. I have books, paint and music and people I love. This is all I’ve ever wanted. I am done.

Everything from here onward is icing on the cake.

I also realized that in the grand scheme of my whole life, I didn’t care about any more “outside in” things. I didn’t care about things that look good but aren’t meaningful on their own. All I care about is my people and making sure they know how much I love them. Nothing else is really important.

As soon as I realized all that, I felt a huge shift.

I went from being scared, anxious and waking up with a feeling of scarcity to feeling spacious, expansive and as if I had all the time I needed. Because really I didn’t need any more time. I didn’t need to read one more book or do one more thing. I was done. It was all bonus from here. Which meant I could wake up and just do whatever my people wanted to do. This didn’t mean I couldn’t wake up and do what I wanted to do, too but I just didn’t feel that closing in anymore. I used to wake up on the weekend already worried about running out of time. But I don’t anymore. I have nothing I have to do. It’s all choice now.

This feeling of spaciousness and abundance has been the greatest gift. For the first time in 40 years, I feel a sense of deep, quiet and resounding peace.

I’d been chasing peace my whole life, thinking it was one of the few things that might never be possible for me. But here it was, when I least expected it and it came in the quietest way.

I thought of choosing bonus or icing for my word this year to help remember that it’s all bonus but those don’t feel right. I also thought of picking abundance, spacious or light because those are how i feel. But then I realized what I really want to remember is to stay open. Being open is what welcomes all those feelings. It creates space and it encourages abundance and keeps me light and generous. From a place of being open, everything feels possible. I am my most peaceful, kind and generous self.

So what I want to work on the most in 2023 is holding on to this choice to stay open. To remember that I already have all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t have to do or be anything. I am good.

I’ve spent the last few years picking words that can be active and passive and in some ways “open” is that way, too. I can open the door and step through the threshold. But for the most part, open is a word that’s about receiving. Being open to the universe, the people and circumstances around me. It’s about paying attention and keeping myself open to receive. And this year, it feels just right to me.

Here are some things I hope to focus on:

• Open Eyes and Open Ears: Pay attention. Look at the people I love, listen to them. Listen more than you speak. Let people tell their stories. Create space for people. The most loving thing I can do is pay attention.
• Open Heart: Choose to be all in for the people you love. Don’t hold back. Be vulnerable. Share your feelings. Give them chances. Give it all. Be generous with your time and love.
• Open Mind: Let yourself grow intellectually. Be curious. Challenge your assumptions about yourself. Take a class. What do you think you can’t do, are you sure? What do you think you don’t like to do, are you sure?
• Open Door: Walk through what has felt closed, what has felt hard. Try new adventures and things to do. Do something you haven’t done before. Welcome the new. Choose to wander. Choose wonder.
• Open House: Take responsibility for friendship. reach out. show up. connect. Host people. Make new friends. Reconnect with old ones. Make time to talk to friends.
• Open Air: Go have new experiences outside. Feel Alive. Watch the sunset and sunrise. Climb. Hike. Feel the water, sand and earth.
• Open Sesame: Make magic happen. You’re the magician.
• and most importantly:
• Wide Open: How far can you go? Are you feeling the spaciousness? Are you living the full depth and breadth of your life? Open to the goodness of your life. Remember it’s all icing. Hold on to the abundance and peace. They are yours to keep.

Here are some mantras I intend to keep for this coming year as they have served me well so far:

1. I already have all I need: I am done. I did all I needed to do. All I wanted to do. I am good. It’s all bonus from here onward. I can rest now. I can give now.
2. Is this mine to carry? Ask yourself this each time before you pick something up. Don’t get on the rollercoaster. If it’s not mine, I will not pick it up. I can love my people and I can offer to help, but I will not pickup what’s not mine to carry.
3. Surrender and Release: Let things go. Now you know you can. Visualize the balloons. Let them all go. They are not serving you.
4. Can I hold this lightly? Just like remembering what not to carry, I am trying to get clear what I can hold lightly. Does this really, deeply matter to me? Does it need to be held so tightly?
5. I have my own back. I have what I need. I am grateful to the people who love me and share my life and I am grateful for all I have and at the same time, when I remember that I have my own back, I feel stronger and more solid in the world.
6. Reset your expectations: Try to set expectations as low as possible. People don’t owe you anything. It’s wonderful when it happens but it’s not expected. Life is not transactional. Give people an opportunity to delight and not disappoint you.
7. The ground beneath me is not going anywhere: Things are solid. The ground is not moving. Especially when I choose not to get on the roller coaster.
8. Be Generous: Make room for others. Expand. Tell them why they are amazing. Praise. Donate. Be generous. Nothing is ever too much trouble and there’s always time.
9. Stronger: You have what it takes. You are getting stronger every single day and I am so proud of you. Just keep at it. Give yourself grace and keep going. Try a tiny bit harder. You can keep doing this.
10. Yes You Can: You are amazing. You have proven again and again that you can do anything you set your mind to. So have faith in yourself. Work hard. Work smart. Do it for you. Do what you decide you want to. Keep at it. You can do it. Yes you can.

So there we go. Here’s to staying wide OPEN in 2023.