I usually start the year with a lot of plan and goals and todos. It’s something I enjoy and helps me feel like I hit the ground running and started the year on the right foot.
This year, I wasn’t feeling it. Instead I started January slowly and without aggressive goals. I’ve slowly been shedding the requirements, expectations and the rush of getting things done.
My husband has kindly been taking our youngest to the bus drop off so I can start my mornings slowly and enter the day quietly. I’ve been taking breaks and each time I feel the anxiety rise around how behind I am, I take a breath and then let the issue go. I am not behind. All is well. Whatever needs to get done is getting done.
The rest is bonus.
If I fill all the moments up, there’s no space to be open to the unexpected and no space to be open to surprise.
This is one way I’m intentionally creating that space.
So much of life is an inside job. We all grow up being told how to behave, what to aim for, who to be.
And then we have to spend the rest of our lives unraveling that and really looking within to see who we want to be, what brings us joy, what feels good and what is truly meaningful.
I find that a big part of being able to stay open for me is going within and being really clear on what matters to me and then making choices that bring those things to the front of my life.
No one else can do that for me. It’s an inside job.
I can’t wait until the days are longer again and I can’t wait until it’s no longer raining in California.
I’m grateful that days without sun are so rare here. I find that sunshine is one of the things that helps me stay open. Just like sand and sea, tall trees, birds and mountains. Nature is so healing and so wide open.
I took a while to read this book because I knew it was going to be really sad. And it was. The horrible story of abuse and gaslighting told through a creative and beautiful memoir reminds you that abuse is not reserved for a certain kind of relationship and it exists between same-sex. relationships too. It’s heart wrenching and brutal.
This might be one of my all-time most favorite series to read. The Wayward children series is so creative, so original and each of the books is so unique. This one might be one of my favorites in a long time, which is a little odd to say because the subject matter is so tough and so heart wrenching. I really really appreciated the author’s note in the beginning, it allowed me to enjoy the story and be present instead of triggering the whole time.
I felt so much compassion and love towards Antoinette, who loses her father and her life from thereon is never the same. One day, she walks through a door and finds herself in the place where the lost things go. But like all the places in these books, things aren’t what they first seem.
This book is so sad and yet so very beautiful. I really loved the themes around innocence, loss and time.
with gratitude to netgalley and Macmillan Audio for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review
This story was hard to follow for quite a bit of the beginning but eventually I couldn’t stop reading because I wanted to know what happened to Maali and what the photos were about. As the story slowly unravels, we learn so much about Sri Lanka’s political situation and get to know these amazing and interesting characters. This book has some of the best one-liners I’ve read anywhere. It’s visual, rich and an experience unlike anything. But it also requires patience and endurance to be willing to stick with it.
I really liked this fast-paced story about Catherine who is a nurse at an elderly home and her mother, Ruth. They have been together all their lives and have a very close dependable relationship. Until things start to unravel. Catherine catches her mother in one lie, and then another, until she is not sure she can believe anything her mom says and their paths start forking.
This story goes back and forth between the present time and Ruth’s diary entires about her past. While I liked the diary entries, it felt a bit like telling more than showing so made those parts of the story feel like I was reading someone’s synopsis of a book.
Unlike so many mystery books, this one didn’t have any dislikable characters and I found myself rooting both for the mom and the daughter. I read this one in a single sitting and I am sure you will, too.
With gratitude to netgalley and St. Martin’s Press for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
One of the things I want to be open to changing this year is how things have to feel. I like to work hard and I like being helpful and getting things done.
I think over the years this has meant that life feels hard. My calendar is full, my email is overflowing and I am perpetually behind. Or I must be doing something wrong.
This year, my goal is to shift this mentality. I would like things to feel easy. I don’t want to glorify being busy and I want to teach myself that hard work and productivity doesn’t have to feel hard and is not the same as busy work.
We climbed so much in 2021 that I had made a lot of progress and could climb pretty tough routes.
And then Jake broke his collarbone in 2022, and then had a trip to Italy and then one to Vietnam. This means 2022 was considerably less climbing focused.
Which meant I lost much of my skill and stamina.
So 2023 is about building it back. Because that’s how life goes: some steps forward and then some steps back and we just keep showing up and keep doing what gives us joy. It’s more about the journey and less about the destination.
Staying open to the possibility that the second time around, I’m building on a stronger foundation and not starting from scratch.
I know some people prefer to ignore.it when they are feeling bad. They will distract themselves, they will make a joke, they will minimize it or just not acknowledge it at all.
They will want to skip over it.
That’s not me.
I am comfortable sitting tough things. I can sit with others in their tough stuff and I can sit with my tough stuff. In fact, I believe it’s when most growth happens. It’s another way of staying open and present with what is. Not covering it up, not glossing over it but sitting in the discomfort so I can eventually move through it.
Happy Friday. I am ready and grateful for the weekend even though it’s expected to come with a lot more rain.
I got to connect with an old colleague today and I remembered again how easy it can be with people who know you and see you. And how comforting that can feel.
Establishing new relationships and trust takes time and energy. But it’s a worthwhile investment. So as long as all parties stay open and curious, it’s an investment I’m willing to make. Let’s see if they are.
