I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately. About appreciating what I have and not yearning for what I don’t have. I’ve been reading about happiness and one of the things I learned is that the old adage of “don’t go to bed angry” isn’t always true. Sometimes it’s better to leave things unsaid. To not argue every detail and just let things go. It turns out, it’s better to focus on the good. (Not really a surprise when you think about it, is it?)

Another thing I’ve read about happiness is that it’s just as much about reducing the things that make you feel bad as it is about increasing the things that make you feel good. This might be bad to admit but there are certain blogs that make me feel bad when I read them. This is not because of the blogger but because of things that I already feel that I’m lacking. I might see someone’s beautiful decor and yearn for the same furniture. Or the cooking. Or maybe I read about all their success in an area where I am struggling right now. And while I never ever wish anyone ill, I do notice that some blogs skew my perspective of my own life more than others.

I know blogging is one of those mediums where people only share what they choose to. Most people prefer to only share the good and I understand that. Having read what I have about happiness, I even welcome that. And I know their life isn’t all good. Just like the neighbor next door who might look perfect, but is struggling with an eating disorder, the blogger might have lost a parent. Might have a cheating husband. Or maybe a chronic disease. A sick child. Ongoing career struggles. Who knows? No one’s life is perfect. And everyone has struggles of their own, some bigger than others but we all do. And I know this. I know that even things that look perfect on the outside aren’t really perfect. But it still doesn’t always stop me from feeling bad about myself. I’ve noticed that this feeling is heightened when I am in a weaker place than usual. If I am struggling, then I take things more personally than usual. I make it all about myself. (and how I am lacking.)

So, a few weeks ago, I decided to take a break from reading some of these blogs. Just until I felt stronger and could stop making it personal. And while I am sad about some of the inspiration I’m missing, I must admit it works. Avoiding these blogs gives me room to focus on what I have and appreciate it and be in a more positive space.

Maybe it’s denial. Maybe it’s being weak. I don’t know. I just know it works. Just like it’s important to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, I think it’s important to spend my time reading sites that make me feel better, regardless of the reason.

Eventually I will have to work on my issues (or maybe they will just go away) but for now, denial is perfectly okay with me.

It’s amazing how many people come in and out of our lives every single day. People we don’t always pay attention to. The mailman who delivers your mail every day, rain or shine. The FedEx guy and the UPS one. The garbage and recycling collectors. The people who clean the streets you walk down. And the ones who keep the city you live in safe.

I read a short story collection recently called Let the Great World Spin and it’s about several interconnected stories that are taking place at the same time. And there’s a person or two that’s connected in each of them, some more visibly than others. That made me realize that if we were to zoom way way out and look down upon our lives, we’d discover that so many of us come in and out of each other’s lives daily. The woman you pay at the grocery store and the neighbor who’s walking his dog. The waitress who brings your sandwich or the one who prepares your coffee. We touch each other’s lives in small and big ways, often without even realizing it.

Who knows what’s happening in their lives. What tragedies they might be facing. What sickness. Or anticipation of something big. Fear. Even joy.

So, I thought, today we should take a moment to express some gratitude to the people in the edges of our life. The people that otherwise recede to the background. Maybe with a wide smile. Or a little note in the mailbox. A big tip.

You never know, it might be the highlight of their day. What you do know is that it’s guaranteed to be one of yours.

A few years ago, I took a class on increasing your energy. It sounds sort of wishy washy but it was the furtherest thing from that. It was tangible and actionable and I left the class feeling energized and it has changed my life considerably. Even years later, I am still benefiting from it.

One of the things the presenter mentioned during class was that he writes thank you notes every single day. Sometimes several. And how this energizes him and makes him feel happier and better instantly. That’s the power of expressing gratitude. It pays back as much as it pays forward. Thanking someone often makes you realize all that you have. All that this person has done for you. Even the small things add up. And those are the most worthwhile because I bet no one else takes the time to thank that person for them.

That idea stuck with me all these years later after having read The Happiness Project recently, I decided I wanted to take this on for one of my July projects.

During the month of July, I plan to send a thank-you note to at least one person every single day. Actually I will send an email. Yes, it might be more impersonal but I use email all day long. I type fast and I am efficient with it. I also can express myself much more eloquently when I am typing. All these things mean that the letter will actually get written, be meaningful, and get sent (without my having to forage for stamps.). What matters most is that I write it and I send it.

Maybe I can convince you to join me. Spend the 31 days of July writing thank you letters. It will take about 15 minutes a day and I promise it will be worth every single second. And imagine the karma from sending all that goodwill out there…

I am not a morning person. I can be chipper and alert and happy and productive and anything else you need me to be at night but I am not a happy camper in the morning. Before I had kids, I slept in as much as I possibly could and routinely stayed up late.

But then I had kids.

My kids wake up early. And I mean early. Most mornings, the little one is up by 5:15am. Even though I’ve learned to go to bed early, I am still bleary-eyed and miserable at that time of the day. And it used to take me quite a few hours to wake up and find my balance. Often times, it would be 9am before I felt awake and alert. That meant that I wasted almost four hours of my day every single day, feeling groggy and tired.

Since trying to convince my son to sleep longer didn’t work out, I decided to try a new routine. For the last month and a half, I created a list of projects for myself that I “schedule” for first thing in the morning. I give myself until 6:30 or so to wake up and then I sit at my table and work on my project. This project might be art, scrapbooking, journaling, sewing, stitching, knitting, or crocheting. It’s often something visual and something I do with my hands. It generally takes anywhere from 30 minutes to 90 minutes (depending on the project and on my kids’ patience). By the end of the allotted time, I have a lovely project I just created and I am fully awake. And, more significantly, I feel a sense of accomplishment and I am in my happy place.

This has become the most wonderful new routine. It starts all my days in the best way possible. It means I’m wasting less time, trying more of the projects I’ve wanted to do, and I am even more patient and kinder with my kids since I feel more awake and happier.

If, like me, you’re not a morning person, I urge you to try this. If 90 minutes is too long for you, try 30 minutes. Make a list of techniques you’ve wanted to try and try each of them for 15-30 minutes every morning. You’d be amazed what you can learn in that little time.

Quite amazingly, we’re about halfway through the year. When I look back upon this year, I remember so many little things and yet most of the year is a blur. I take a lot of photos everyday but I can’t remember if a photo was taken this year or last. The days, the weeks, the months all seem to merge.

I think that’s partly because so many of us lead such busy lives. We’re always on the go go go. And we’re also always thinking one step ahead (assuming we’re not lost in the past.) Worrying about tomorrow’s assignments, next week’s deadlines, and sometimes even about things that are far into the future. If we’re not focusing on the future by dreading it, we focus on it with anticipation. Counting the days until the next vacation. Waiting for the moment the kids are in bed. Looking forward to date night. I could go on and on.

The future has a strong effect on us. It also has a way of stopping us from focusing on the most important thing we have: now.

This very moment.

I’m a planner so I know all about planning for the future. The near and the far. Looking forward, dreading, anticipating, etc. I do them all. But one of the things I’ve been working on more this year is mindfulness. Being more in the moment. This moment. I guess this is something I’ve wanted to work on for a while because my word for 2008 was journey. As in, “life is the journey, not the destination.” Destinations are great. I daresay they are necessary.

But the journey is the key.

Focusing only on the destination will mean missing millions of opportunities for fulfillment, joy, growth, and most importantly, gratitude. I’ve spent a lot of time this year, looking at my moments, feeling grateful for the journey of everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I love the destinations, too. I am grateful when we finally reach a milestone or accomplish something we’ve been working towards. But I am also trying to focus on the moments in between. The paths that lead us there. The churn of the ordinary moments.

Those are the pathways and the journey is life. Being grateful for the journey, leads to being grateful for life. So I invite all of you to spend a little more time focusing on the journey and being grateful for its paths.