The
Solace of Leaving Early by Haven Kimmel was recommended to me by
my good friend Michelle. Probably one of the most beautiful books
I’ve read in my life. It’s a story about a woman who drops out of her
doctoral program and goes back to her hometown and a minister in the
same hometown, both of whom are dealing with their own personal
problems and who are put in a situation where they have to take care
of two little orphaned girls.

It’s so touching and so very emotional to read. It’s really
beautifully written and the characters are three dimensional and
flawed and honest. There’s a lot of color in the book and great
descriptions of the children’s reaction to the terrible tragedy and
the adults’ differing ways of treating the children. It’s really a
phenomenal read.



I haven’t read Kimmel’s more famous book, A Girl Named Zippy, but I
think I will have to after this.

The second book I read this year is Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout,
another AskMe recommendation. A quiet, beautiful story about a single
mother and her teenage daughter who has a relationship with her
teacher. It proves my disturbing thoughts about how little parents
actually know about their own children and where they are and what
they’re doing at any moment in time. Disturbing at times, frustrating
at others, this novel rang relatively true to me. I enjoyed the
writing style even though I thought the book was a little slow but
still enjoyed reading it. I really am not looking forward to David’s
teenage years. And while I am sort of glad not to have a girl for
that reason, I know boys can be their own bag full of troubles and
worries.

While I didn’t acheive my goal of reading fifty books this year, I have managed to read 46 and, my, what a disappointment they’ve been. Out of the 46, maybe three are what I would call expectionally good reading. The list contains The Kite Runner, My Friend Leonard, and How We are Hungry.

The Kite Runner was simply an exceptional read. A book I would normally wouldn’t have even considered buying. My mother in law told me it was great and bought it for me for my birthday. The same week, I heard about it from six other people ranomly and decided it was a sign. When I finally sat down to read it, I finished it it in two days. I couldn’t put it down. The boys’ lives had me constantly thinking about the book. While some parts were unrealistically optimistic, the book overall is pretty depressing and eye-opening. However, the best part is how universal the story is and how much one can relate to the grief and regret. The beautifully flowing and engrossing writing doesn’t hurt either.

My Friend Leonard was another fantastic book by Daniel Frey who wrote A Million Little Pieces, one of the best reads of 2004. What’s amazing about this book is that most of the time, sequals are not interesting. I used to love Chuck Palahniuk but after three of the same , his books started to get old and the style was more annoying than interesting. Not so with Frey. The raw, short, and honest style of this author is fantastic and the story is amazing in the true sense of the word.

And finally Dave Eggers. I’ve been a fan of Eggers for many many years abut I’ll admit that I always thought his fiction wasn’t that great. I loved the Staggering Genius but not so much the Velocity. So when the New York Times said this short story collection was good, I was skeptical. But since it is Eggers, I bought the book anyhow. I’m not a short story fan in general. I am not sure exactly why but I can’t ever seem to get into them and always feel shortchanged by the end. So imagine my surprise when I loved this book. And I mean, loved it! I really enjoyed each story and found them unique and I couldn’t even tell you what it as about these stories that reached out to me but I did love the book.

What’s sad is that those are the only three that somehow stand out. There are a bunch (like the shopaholic stuff) that I expected to be stupid. A bunch that were so so like the Didion book and the Coelho one. Ones that I wished would be better like the Hornby one and Melissa Banks and John Irving – each authors I truly cherish and love the work of. A few non-fcition ones that were interesting like the Armstrong books and Graham – of course- and Blink. I did enjoy the Curious Incident… quite a bit actually. And Saturday was much better than I expected. But none were amazing.

And then there are those that I was really saddened by. The amazing Michael Cunningham who wrote The Hours did a sub-par job with Specimen Days. The author of the wonderful The Secret Life of Bees did a terrible job with The Mermaid Chair. Both of which made me want to cry.

In this year when so many of my favorite authors came out with new books (Irving, Hornby, Banks, Cunningham, Coelho, Gladwell, Eggers, Frey) it’s terribly sad that only three books really stood out. What books have you read in 2005 that spoke to you?

“Blessed are those who are not afraid to admit that they don’t know something.” – The Zahir by Paolo Coelho

One of my biggest pet-peeves is when people don’t admit if they don’t know something. I had a friend like that. There were times when it was obvious he wasn’t following me and yet he’d simply nod and act like he was completely following me.

I find this to be true for both men and women, but for different reasons. Men are too macho and it’s not “macho” to admit that you may not know something. Women are too scared to look stupid, expecially when they talk to someone who isn’t. It drives me absolutely bonkers in both cases. Fact is, won’t you stay stupid if you never admit you don’t know something and thus never ask and never learn?

Somehow I misses the memo that said it was embarrassing to ask questions. I ask shit all the time to everyone. First of all, I find people like talking about stuff they know. Secondly, they love when they have the opportunity to teach you something. It makes them look good. So there’s an opportunity for you to learn something AND to make the other person feel good.

Why, exactly, would you pass that up?

Also, why does not knowing something make you look stupid? None of us know everything and we could all learn from each other if only we weren’t afraid to ask.

So, next time you have the opportunity to learn from someone. Seize it.

And then let me know,too, so I can learn!

I’ve decided that my favorite thing to do in my spare time is to read. This is after spending time with my family, of course. Of the things I love doing like writing, taking photos, surfing the net, knitting, etc, reading is by far my favorite thing to do.

There have been tims that I took a break from reading agressively. The most notable being during college. The first two years of college, I didn’t read much during the school year. When David was born, I stopped reading for a while. I wasn’t getting any sleep and I had a hard enough time juggling him and work that reading was out of the question. A few weeks ago, I randomly started reading again. I am not exactly sure how it happened but it opened some sort of flood gate. I’ve read 8 books in the last three weeks. I started with the fascinating Opening Skinner’s Box and the always wonderful Elizabeth Berg’s new Year of Pleasures. I moved on to Freakonomics and Hornby’s columns from the Believer and Wisdom of Crowds and Anne Lamott’s Plan B and Alice Munro’s Runaway. I am now reading Ian McEwan’s Saturday and enjoying it immensely, especially considering there’s very little happening in the story.



It’s almost as if I’d forgotten how amazingly rewarding reading is for me. It’s like food for my soul. I don’t even know why I feel that way but each time I put a book down, I can’t wait to get back to it. My favorite time of the day is the one hour after David goes to sleep where I crawl into bed and read. Okay, my favorite time actually is the mornings when David wakes up because he’s so ubelievably happy but right after that is the reading hour.

To add to my joy, some of my favorite authors are coming out with new novels this summer: John Irving, Nick Hornby and Melissa Banks. Thinking about those books makes me giddy!


I don’t know what prompted my return to reading, but I am so glad for the distraction. As David’s growing old enough to voice his boredom loudly and he’s still waking up anywhere from three to seven times a night, it’s the books that seem to keep me sane lately.

What’d they have to do?
Cap the outside two, fill a cavity on this one.
I point to my outside left tooth.
Root canals on these.
I tap the middle two. They are firm.
They give you good drugs?
They didn’t give me anything.
No fucking way.
Yeah.
They didn’t give you anything?
No.
You got root canals on your two front teeth without any drugs?
Yeah.
Leonard looks at me as if what I have said is incomprehensible to him.
– James Frey in A Million Little Pieces

This section of James Frey’s story reminded me of the anecdote I had told about my mom’s client a few years ago. When my grandfather passed away, one of my mom’s clients had approached her and said, “May God never give you as much pain as you can endure.” A comment that at first startled her but then revealed its wisdom.

Our bodies, minds, and hearts seem to be capable of enduring huge quantities of pain. Imagine moments of huge panic or fear. Enormous happiness. In those moments we appear to have extreme strength. We can take the pain. Think of the guy who cut of his arm because it was trapped and he was otherwise going to die. He broke each of his own bones and then cut it off. I don’t imagine he would have said he could endure that sort of pain, until he did. We seem capable of doing things beyond our imagination.

I guess the reason I wanted to note this was to remind myself that I am capable of putting up with a lot. That during weak moments of despair and sorrow, I’m still far away from what I can endure if I had to. And that things really are quite good, all things considered.

Reading Frey’s story is helping me keep things in perspective and also realize that humans have extraordinary strength and resilience.