Friday started just fine. Except that there were several more feet of snow and a lot more icicles in our balcony. As Jake and our friends were discussing when to go boarding, the Big Bear website said that due to rolling blackouts Big Bear was going to be shut all day. That meant that if they wanted to go skiing, they had to go to Snow Summit which is a drive. Except that the cars were under 6 feet of snow (so was the driveway.)
Hence began a day of plowing. All three of them plowed for hours and hours. And the big plow never actually showed up so after a day of plowing, all they got was nothing.
Nathaniel was in good spirits
and crawled all around the house.
the kids and I stayed inside and they played together and had a lovely time.
Nathaniel is thoroughly fascinated with these cars and I love watching him.
And then snapped a shot with Holly.
At the end of the day, we put the kids down to bed and five minutes later the electricity went out. On Thursday, we’d lost electricity a bit but not all day today. So I felt hopeful that it might come back but two hours later it was still not back and we called the electric company and they said it might take up to 48 hours to fix it.
That’s where the day turned ugly. The cars were still not really able to get out, all the roads were closed, and there was to be no electricity for a long long time.
The men went to get a lot of firewood and we even turned all the burners on for a bit.
The condo had come firewood but no paper and no kindling so it was a major challenge to start a fire but Kendall managed it. Since only that room was going to be warm, we brought the kids in there, bundled them up and decided we would all sleep in the living room. David went right back to sleep but Nathaniel was fascinated with the fire and watched it for a long time before he finally went back down.
I told everyone I’d stay up all night to feed the fire (remember all three of them had plowed for the previous 7 hours) since we wanted to make sure the kids stayed warm.
So I did. Jake slept right near me and I woke him up a few times. Once because I dozed off for 15 minutes and the fire almost went out and I panicked and didn’t know how to fix it. At 3, 4, 5am, I kept thinking I might doze off but I managed to stay up, sit in the dark and watch the fire. At six, I finally thought I might pass out so I woke up Jake to take care of the fire and passed our for 40 minutes. Nathaniel and David took turns waking up all night and it kept me a little more focused.
In short, it was the most horrible day ever. (Which is amazing since I felt that way yesterday AND the day before. It’s like each day was trying to break the previous day’s record.)
But we made it. We made it to morning with the fire burning and the kids nice and warm.
Note to Self:
I am never going to Bear Mountain again. I decided this time that Nathaniel is still too little to travel. I don’t want to put him through this and I can tell he’s so very uncomfortable in the pack’n’play. It was just sad watching both my kids struggle so hard to sleep. This, for me, takes all the fun out of the vacation anyway. So we might as well stay home.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Firewood. If we didn’t have any firewood, I can’t even imagine how horrible things would have gotten.
2. Kendall and Holly and Jake who spent the whole day plowing which turned out to be the essential step in us finally leaving Big Bear. The plow never came and the only reason we were able to get out was because the three of them plowed.
3. I am just thankful we survived the day with the least damage possible.
There are almost no words for how much snow there is here. Let me just say, we cannot see out the window of our balcony because it’s covered with snow. The kids and I spent the day in the house with rolling blackouts. But it was warm with plenty of food so we played games and relaxed. Nathaniel looked out the window a bunch. I think he liked the snow.
or maybe just the blocks.
When everyone came back from skiing, we bundled up the kids and took David outside to play in the snow. The stairs to our condo were covered with snow and our friend Kendall helped David slide down them.
and then David did it by himself with a lot of encouragement.
And then Kendall carried him back up the hill. Isn’t David so lucky?
All this time Nathaniel was super-grouchy. He woke up grouchy from the nap and never recovered. After he ate his meal, I thought it would calm him to chew on a teething biscuit but then he started eating big chunks and I got worried he was going to choke, so I took the piece out of his mouth which made him so upset he was beside himself and could not stop crying, he was crying so much he couldn’t breathe and went all purple and passed out. And then came back within seconds. The longest seconds of my life and I don’t think I have ever felt this bad in my whole life. I shook me to my core. Even though he’s completely fine now and has been since that moment, I will never ever forget that moment. This is something Jake used to do a lot as a toddler. He would hold his breath to get his way and he would hold it until he turned purple and passed out. God help me. I hope this is not a habit Nathaniel takes on because I know I could never ever handle it.
After the kids went to bed, we sat up and chatted and it was really nice and it’s quite awesome snow but it’s been quite a trip so far.
Note to Self:
Seeing your child limp is the worst feeling in the world. I’ve really been struggling since it happened. Jake has been trying to explain to me that passing out is the body’s way of forcing you to breathe and that’s what he used to have all the time and it’s ok and it will likely not happen ever again and he’s been trying to calm me down. But it’s broken something inside me and I am not sure that will ever heal.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am thankful we are in a warm and safe home. I know they evacuated a lot of homes in LA yesterday and we are lucky not to be affected that way.
2. I am thankful that David got to have so much fun in the snow with Kendall and Holly and Jake. There’s nothing like hearing your son’s cries of joy and wonderment.
3. I am thankful that Nathaniel’s ok and back to his cheerful self. He’s such an amazing kid and I plan to make sure he’s happy all the time and those teething biscuits are going to trash.
We decided a day with flash floods, tornado warnings, and torrential rain would be a great time to take a car trip with the kids. Don’t you agree?
The one wonderful thing about all the rain we’ve been getting in California is that it’s made everything a lush green which is stunning to look at. I snapped this photo while Jake was driving 60 and used my little point-and-shoot so it’s not the best but it shows you how green it was.
And look at the tumbleweeds.
We ended up being in the car for fourteen hours and it was way way dark by the time we got to the condo so this was the only Nathaniel shot I have. Better than nothing I guess.
It was a long and pretty scary day but we made it safe and sound and since we got here there’s been so much snow that our car is already buried under it and you can’t see it. All this for a super-short vacation. Oh well. It’s nice for the kids to see all the snow.
Note to Self:
It was a long day. I realized that as I was getting more tired that I was getting more and more anxious. I think getting tired just makes everything feel so much more complicated and overwhelming. Which made me wonder what would happen if I weren’t as tired as I’ve been for the last year. It’s been so long since I’ve had a night of solid sleep that I wonder how much lighter I will feel when I am getting some high quality sleep again.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. For the fourteen hours we drove, the kids were total champs in the car. No whining, no tantrums, I am so very blessed.
2. Jake was also a total star today. He woke up at 5:30 and drove all of us in crazy, stupid weather for fourteen hours. He put cables in the car (learned how to do it right there while he was doing it, in the dark.) He was a total champ the whole way too. He’s just amazing.
3. Honestly, I am just thankful we made it safely. While it was never dangerous, I just wasn’t so happy with how bad the weather was so I am glad we’re here safe and sound.
I still write 2009 and then have to go back and correct it each time. I wonder how many days it will take me to get used to 2010. Today’s Nathaniel photos show what a happy and joyful boy he is. Just a pure delight.
Similar but I love them both.
And this is just in a league of its own.
Days are going really fast here. Not sure if that’s a good sign or a crazy sign. But here we are. Down to just a few todo items left. Which means it’s time to make another todo list…
Note to Self:
I don’t do well with having too many things happen at once. I had too many chores and tasks to accomplish simultaneously today and I didn’t sleep well last night because even though Nathaniel went back to sleep after nursing, I couldn’t. So now I am tired and have too much to do and I noticed that I was just way way too stressed out which made me incapable of getting anything done. Not good. I need to mediate every day. I need it for my back anyway. Stress does nasty things to my back pain too. Ugh. Just another reminder to slow down. I wonder how many it will take for me to get it.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Jake. I was crabby and grouchy with a big task we had to do today and Jake totally stepped up. He came home, without a single complaint helped me for hours until it was all complete. He’s amazing.
2. Tasty frozen food. Today I was so deeply hungry and I didn’t feel like making anything and we didn’t have anything fresh at home except for yogurt. So I dug up a dish from the freezer and it was delicious and made me feel so happy. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
3. Car trips. Ever since we made the big cross-country trip in 2003, I love being in the car. I love that I can just bring along anything I like, take breaks when I want and that I am on my schedule and not some company’s.
Well those last 8 items didn’t get done today after all. I managed only four. Eh that’s not so bad. Halfway there. Today started on a grouchy note but ended well and now I feel calm and relaxed. This week’s going to be a short week at work and I have to be super-productive tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me.
Nathaniel is quite squirmy. Especially when I have him on his back, he always tries to go back to being on his hands and knees. Today, he was sitting with me on the couch when he spotted something and went after it. As he sat up and started chewing David’s superman, David ran up to stand behind him on the couch so he wouldn’t fall backwards. I swear he did it all by himself. And the kiss, too.
He even grabbed the paper on Nathaniel’s hand to make sure he wouldn’t eat it.
Can anyone ask for a kinder, better brother? I think not.
Note to Self: I’ve realized that I still spend a lot of time thinking about the “next thing.” The next minute, the next activity, the next todo list item. The meal, the changing, the nap, the bath, the book. I focus so much on what’s next that I don’t spend enough time cherishing what’s now. I don’t slow down enough. This is something I need to work on. Being in the now. This was one of the things I wanted to focus on more in 2010. The whole reason I started the “note to self” section, so I can be more aware. So I can pay attention.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Skype. I spend a lot of time chatting both with my mom and my sister on skype. It’s how both my kids get to “see” my parents and sister so regularly. It has changed the way we live. I am so thankful for it.
2. Video monitor. When David was a baby, we never bought a video monitor, just an audio one and then at around two, he went through this phase where he’d strip naked after we put him in the crib. After the second time we found him naked and covered in pee, we tried several tricks and of course he mastered all pretty quickly. So we finally bought a video monitor so that we could run in there as soon as he began to strip. It worked like a charm and it made me realize how much I’d been missing out. The peace of mind that comes with being able to see the baby is literally priceless. Highly highly recommended for anyone who has a baby. I cherish mine.
3. Yesterday, when I was at Ikea, I bough a sixpack of their cinnamon rolls. Four of them are already gone. Sweet, delicious snacks make me happy. Yum.
Happy Sunday. I’ve been sleeping a little more than usual lately and even the tiny bit extra has had a tremendous impact. I’ve been less grouchy, more productive, and just happier to be with my kids.
We started the day with a long and expensive trip to Target. We were out of everything so it took us two full carts to stock back up. And it took 25 minutes for the checkout person to ring it all up and it was expensive. But now we’re fully stocked except for veggies and fruits which is a different trip.
Then we came back, put all the stuff away and I put Nathaniel down and ran to Ikea for a project I am doing. I also bought a bunch of frames for the art I’d bought a while ago and came and put them all in their frames. Getting ready for my mom to come in March. She’s going to help me hang everything up.
When I came back Nathaniel was up and I snapped some photos. Can you ever get enough of the toes? Not me, I can’t.
And here’s the cute face behind them.
Then David and I did some crafts while Nathaniel snacked and had a failed nap attempt. I read a bit, relaxed and now it’s already 7pm. Amazingly, I am down to eight items left from the original 53 items. Not bad for five days. I am hoping to be down to only one or two by the end of tomorrow. Let’s see.
Or I might just relax 🙂
Note to Self:
I am not the best driver. I didn’t learn to drive until I was well into my late twenties and I’ve just always been nervous. I still don’t drive on the freeway. I also tend to have a space perception issue and don’t always remember directions really well so I am often nervous. Today, when I got to Ikea, I was looking for a parking spot and I realized that I was already stressing about driving back home. Would I be able to find my way? What if I got lost? I was worrying and worrying and I hadn’t even gotten to the store yet. I took a big breath and told myself to relax. Maybe I’d get lost or maybe not but right now I was here for a purpose and I needed to focus on that. On this moment. It was amazing to notice how much anxiety I was already carrying.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am really grateful that we have an Ikea so close to our home. In New York, the closest one was hours away and I know this is true for many people. Even though I don’t shop there often, I love the practicality of having one so nearby.
2. This is going to sound funny but today, I am grateful for Twitter. I love award shows and always like to watch them but I had totally forgotten the Golden Globes were tonight until someone twitted about one of the wins and I turned on the TV and started recording it asap. Go twitter.
3. I was thinking today that if we lived in New York we would never be able to do what we did today. There’s no Target closeby, carrying all those groceries back to our home would have been terrifying and we’d have nowhere to store them either. I love that here we have a home, a lot of space, cars and big stores nearby. Maybe others don’t but I do.
Happy Sunday.
Happy Saturday. It was a hectic and yet calm day here today. I had a chat for my BPS class which was great and then I spent the day playing with the kids. Feeding them and doing workbooks with David. He can now write all the lowercase letters and spell words. I am flabbergasted.
Nathaniel gets around swimmingly and can play by himself for a long time now. He loves little, tiny things and spends hours with them. Little the sticker or the button on the Wii Fit board.
and he’s so so cute.
I spent the rest of the day doing some art, going down my todo list items, watching some TV and relaxing. In just a little bit, I am off to read my book. Feeling tired yet not stressed. I hope your day was good, too.
Note to Self:
At some point today, I was reading my mail, feeding Nathaniel, and helping David with his lowercase letters. And, no, this is not about multi-tasking and whether it’s great or evil or possible. For just a moment, I felt like I was out of my body, watching myself and felt such a rush of gratitude for the ordinariness of life. For getting to sit with my sons. Feeding and helping them. I always loved school and homework and it’s such a pleasure to help my son with his studies. It’s a joy to get to feed Nathaniel some fresh vegetables and see his smiling face. It might sound silly or stupid, but I love the everyday life I have. I love being a mom. I love my home and my husband and my life and I am so so grateful.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am grateful that David likes to practice his letters and numbers. I love seeing how he learns and seeing the joy in his face when he gets something right. It’s such a pleasure to get to take this journey alongside him.
2. I am grateful that bedtime is so painless in our house. The kids are great at taking their baths, listening to their stories, and then going to bed without any complaints. David puts his own pullup and pajamas on and gives us kisses and hugs and says bedtime words (I love you with all my heart, sleep tight, i’ll see you in the morning.) and just goes to bed. No whining, no complaining.
3. Fabric. I got to play with a lot of fabric today and I love touching it. I love the texture, the softness, the thickness. All of it. I love it.
A piece of art I am in the middle of for my sister-in-law. I don’t think she reads my blog so I am pretty sure I’m safe.
And the little boy. Today went by quickly. Come to think of it, this whole week went by really quickly. And now we have a 3-day-weekend. Love those. Honestly, just love not having to drive David to school. Not sure why that’s such a chore for me but it is. We had playgroup again today and as much as I love Nathaniel to be able to play, those things are so weird for me. Even though I talk so much, I think I still am an introvert at heart. I prefer to be home, with my books or art, and my kids, and just be here where it’s safe.
Note to Self:
Sometimes it’s better not to overthink. There are some decisions I go over and over and over and never seem to be able to quite make. I wreck my brain thinking there must be an answer somewhere there but often times there isn’t. Or I think I know it and then the next day, I feel the opposite. So today, I decided to just let it all go. I won’t search for the answer anymore. I won’t make the decision. I will just continue life until the solution comes to me. It might not work but it’s worth a shot. Learning to let go, one step at a time.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. This will sound silly but I got a new battery for my laptop at work yesterday and the difference is amazing. My old one could only go around 18 minutes unplugged. This one goes for 2 hours. I can’t believe I waited this long to get the new one.
2. I am thankful that I had some time to sit and do art today. Stitching and working with my hands. I do love it and it’s so relaxing.
3. Thankful for the 3-day weekend and a short vacation coming up. I am looking forward to reading and relaxing and being present with my boys. All three of them. (and seeing some old friends and making new ones.)
Happy weekend.
I snapped this photo of my morning ritual for an upcoming weekly gratitude entry.
Good day, today. Thanks to Jake mostly. He was home today so he could take David to his dentist appointment. He then took David to school and back, too which meant my morning was a lot calmer and more productive than usual. That started my whole day on a different foot. Here’s a shot of Nathaniel from the morning while he was crawling around in my room. He regularly stands up now and likes to come to the edge of the bed and smile at me.
See the top teeth? One’s out and the other also broke through the skin. My sweet boy.
Took two trips to work today and then a trip to the place where we’re having David’s fifth birthday. Got a ton of work done and even started a piece of art tonight. So, all in all, a great day.
Note to Self:
It was great to go to work today even for a short time. I had to get my photo taken but I ended up getting my computer fixed too and walking in the hallways at work, I just remembered how much I love that place. How l lucky I feel to be working at Google. I love being there. I love being a part of this wonderful place and working with these wonderful people. I truly feel blessed and lucky. I think sometimes when there’s a lot of stress or work, it’s easy to lose sight of all the good stuff but today was a reminder for me. I love the people I work with. I love the product. I really do love it. Must remember this more often. And must make time to go to work occasionally.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Work. Ok I know I said a lot above so I won’t repeat it. But I really am thankful for work today so I couldn’t not put it on my list.
2. Mentioned this too, but I am thankful Jake took the day off to take care of David all morning. Made my day go 1000 times more smoothly than it would have otherwise.
3. I did two hours of hand stitching and sewing and machine stitching tonight. I am thankful for the time to do this. I don’t know what I am doing at all so I am thankful to YouTube for teaching me how to make a French Knot. Thankful for people like Rebecca Sower who inspire me. Thankful for art.
I am tired. I say this and feel it so much of the time. I can’t even remember anymore what it feels like not to be tired. I wonder if I ever will.
Here’s David because I don’t take as many photos of him anymore and that makes me sad.
And here’s the daily Nathaniel.
Relatively good day here besides being so tired. Not doing so great on the food thing either. I’d like to. Especially reducing the coffee since I am not sure it’s not affecting Nathaniel. And who knows if it’s one of the reasons he doesn’t sleep well….
Note to Self:
Making a todo list does work wonders. I got twenty-some items done yesterday. Of course there’s still a lot to do but it’s nice to get some things done and nice to have it all on paper. It means I don’t have to keep waking up at night just to send myself an email on something. (Yes, it’s stupid I know.)
I need to remind myself that I don’t always have to be ahead of the game. It’s okay to live life as it happens. Sometimes it’s even better. It’s ok to slow down. It’s ok. I’m still taking my time with the driving and that has helped a lot. Need to do that in other areas of my life.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. A little walk I took with my neighbor Sara today. I don’t get to spend a lot of time with grownups and I don’t get out much. So it was nice to take a walk with Sara and our kids and get some fresh air and chat.
2. Amazon delivery. Last week, I finally gave up and ordered some baby food instead of going to buy it. I cook some but I also supplement with Earth’s Best. Amazon shipped immediately, for free, and arrived in my doorstep in less than two days. And, no, I don’t have Prime. I love Amazon.
3. I am extra grateful for my home and health today especially in light of all that’s happening in Haiti. It’s so devastating and I can’t even imagine.
Well I finally got around to doing the todo list and let me tell you, it didn’t make me feel better. Maybe it’s cause there are 53 items on there. Ugh. Well at least now it’s all on paper and I can slowly start churning through them all.
Relatively good day today, got some work done, got some personal stuff done, only a few meltdowns in the house, what more can I ask for, right?
Here’s the little boy. He’s so so cute, I cannot help but kiss him all day long. I don’t understand how some moms can wear lipstick. How do you kiss your baby all the time if you have lipstick on?
Well I won’t linger too long, got lots to do.
Note to Self:
It’s amazing how a tiny good thing can give you an energy jolt. A small case of output being higher than expected. A teeny good news. Anything really. Just like one insignificant fight can ruin the day. It feels like my psyche is so fragile, so easily influenced. This is something I need to work on, at least on the down side. Understanding that things happen and they don’t mean anything. I plow onward and upward.
I also tend to take on other people’s bad moods. If David is sad or Jake or Nathaniel and I can’t fix it. It ruins my day. Even if I wasn’t the cause of it, because I can’t fix it, I decide it’s my fault and soon I am even more depressed than they are. Which is stupid and it’s doesn’t help. Something else I have to work on. Add it to the list.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. My list. As long as it is, there’s nothing like seeing it all in front of you. Now it’s much more likely to get done.
2. Creative Therapy. I was working on tomorrow’s catalyst post tonight and I love seeing all the art. I love how diverse our team is. I love the guests we have. I love what the site represents to me. I love that we’ve been doing it week in and week out for 96 weeks. That’s a long time. I am so proud of that site. So proud of that tiny lot in cyperspace.
3. Leftovers. Since we had guests last night, we got some delicious Turkish food and there were plenty of leftovers which I ate for lunch and dinner. Nothing like delicious Turkish food.
Apologies for the delay today. We had guests over last night and by the time they left I had to go to sleep.
Here’s Nathaniel in action.
Mondays are very hectic for us. It just feels like a rush after the quiet of the weekend and I have an afternoon meeting close to dinner time which throws off the evening into a mad rush. But this week the meeting was canceled so that made the day a bit easier and meant we could slow down a bit which was a welcome change.
I got a lot done today. After I dropped off David at school, I went to the school he will attend next year for a tour. Then I called several embassies for all my paperwork. Then I got a ton of work done and by the end of the day I felt spent but also happier. Still have to make that to do list though. Haven’t gotten in the groove of the year yet and it’s halfway through January.
Note to Self:
We had dinner with four of Jake’s friends from college. It was neat being in the same room with people who went to the same college as I did and rehash some old memories. My first years in America were so different than my life now and I often wish I could go back and re-live them with all that I know now. I bet I will say that about my kids later, too. But life doesn’t work that way, of course. It goes in the order it does.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Dinner with new-old friends. It’s nice to have company and adults to talk to.
2. Getting to see where David will go to kindergarten. Living close to a good school.
3. My meeting being canceled. Nothing like getting an hour of your life back.
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projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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