It’s Friday and I am totally wiped. Five days of getting up at 5am will eventually get to you. I am really hoping that Nathaniel decides to sleep until morning soon. Please tell me it’s coming soon…
He spent most of the day glued to me as I wavered between tasks, accomplishing not much. Oh well, at least it’s now the weekend. And there’s much to be done, of course.
Note to Self:
I have a long todo list. And yet I don’t want to do any of the items on there. I want to curl up with my book and let myself off the hook at least for tonight. This always makes me feel guilty. But I have to remind myself that the strong urge to be let off the hook is a sign that I need some down time and I need to listen to it. Down time is important. Rest is how you recover the energy you need. So tonight I will rest and I can tackle the todo list tomorrow.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that bedtime with my kids is not painful. We eat, we take a bath, we read stories, we brush teeth, we nurse, we look out the window and laugh a bit and then everyone goes to bed. No whining, no complaining. It’s a miracle.
2. I am grateful that I am almost caught up in Nathaniel’s baby book. A few more layouts and I’ll be all there. It’s quite amazing.
3. I am grateful that it’s a quiet weekend with no commitments. I cherish being at home more than anything else.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing superheroes with his friends. David was Batman. Jace was robin. Joseph was superman and Noa was supergirl.
2. David said he’s so grateful for all of his friends at school.
Today was a long and stressful day. One of those days where things go wrong which causes the panic that then makes other things go wrong and it multiplies from there. Nathaniel woke up at 4 and would not go back to sleep. When I finally gave up and nursed him, he sat up and started giggling and wanting to play. Which made me mad and I put him back in his bed and passed out. Then when we dropped off David, Nathaniel wound’t take his morning nap. After complaining for a long time, he slept 25 minutes before it was time to get David which meant I had to wake him up. And then he would not take his afternoon nap and I was in the middle of the release craziness and he wouldn’t eat and then he wouldn’t sleep and I just was going a bit insane the whole day.
But in the end, it all worked out of course. Release went out. He slept, even if for 30 minutes. The kids took their bath where they hugged and smiled and played.
And they all went to bed and Jake and I got some quiet time and I got to play with my copics and do my trees. My arm is still hurting a lot and I am very tired. I think tonight will be a reading night. Haven’t done that in too long.
Note to Self:
I really need to focus on not letting the panic build. Sometimes I can literally feel the stress physically and it only does damage and causes more stress and causes more things to go wrong. Causes me to make stupid decisions which cause the whole thing to get worse. I need to take a moment, walk away, take a breath and come back calmer and more collected. I really need to work on this. For my sanity more than anything.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I was really at my wit’s end when Jake came home tonight and he just helped me and supported me all the way and thanks to him I now feel back to my calm and collected self. So thankful for him.
2. I am almost done with my art challenge and I love how my journal is turning out. I need another idea so I can keep the journal going. I am thankful for the internet for the inspiration and ideas.
3. I got a lot of support from another work mate today. I am thankful to work at a place full of kind, supportive people. I can never say this enough. People are what make a job suck or rock.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. School. He said he’s grateful for all of school.
2. Bath time!
I finally finished my stitching sampler and I love how it turned out. More on this on Saturday.
I am really enjoying doing this art challenge. In the last three days, I’ve played with fabric, pastels, stitching, copic markers, felt, beads, and wires. And I’m not even done yet. It’s awesome to get to have so much fun. Exactly what I was hoping for, for my journal. I am going to continue working on the journal for a few more weeks. Maybe I’ll do it two nights a week or something so it’s not so consuming. Or maybe I will just let it consume me.
Nathaniel is still being really clingy and quite grouchy about what he eats. I am hoping it’s recovery and antibiotics related and that it will go away. I just hate seeing him sad and frustrated so much. Not that I don’t get many many smiles, too.
At some point today, I had to put him down next to David who was playing and they just sat there next to each other and played and then they looked at each other and smiled and I just felt so grateful for my life all over again. I feel that way every night in the bath, too. And then Nathaniel just discovered that he can lift the curtains in his room and see light and look out the window and he loves doing that at bedtime now. So he and David looked out the window for a while together, too. I love watching them be together. So. much.
Note to Self:
Today was my friend Levent’s birthday. (I mentioned him in a recent catalyst. He was the first person I loved and he’s still one of my favorite people in the world.) I called him first thing in the morning and we talked for a long time. It had been quite a while since we chatted and it was so great to talk to him. There’s something magical about old friends. About the ease with which you talk and the comfort you feel about not ever having to be something you’re not. There’s a small chance I might see him in a month and the possibility fills me with joy.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. My chat with Levent. It started my day on such a great mood.
2. Some happy mail today. DMC floss and Copic markers. Yey!
3. Oh and I bought a piece of art today. If you have read my blog for more than a day, you know that I’m a big fan of Rebecca Sower and I’ve been staking her etsy store for a while now and when I saw this piece, I had to have it. I actually have that book and saw it in there first. I don’t know if it’s the little boys or the cream color that I love so much but I can’t wait to get it. I am grateful for inspiring, beautiful art.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Snack time at school (bagels and cuties – which is what he calls tangerines.)
2. Playing with Jakie’s speedracer. (it was share day today where kids are allowed to bring a toy to share.)
Another tree themed art in progress. I am using all the deliciously inspiring books I’ve recently bought.
I’m feeling happy. I’ve learned over the years that with rare exceptions there are no real reasons we feel the way we feel. I feel happy and then I feel sad and I work hard to attribute meaning to each. Instead I am just going to bask in the glory of it for a bit and enjoy it best I can.
I meant to mention this last night. Nathaniel stood up all by himself for the first time last night in the bath. When he was taking his bath, he pulled himself up on the tub and then I gave him this plastic toy and he held it with both of his hands, just standing up. David and I both cheered and Nathaniel of course didn’t even notice it. He was busy chewing his toy. We didn’t try to repeat it but I think I might practice with him some tomorrow.
He’s eating almost all by himself a lot now and I get to sit there and enjoy watching him.
Work is going well actually and I am feeling relaxed for a change. Trying to do the best I can everyday without stressing myself deeply. I hope I can continue to do this.
Note to Self:
I need to take care of myself more. Not only in the daily ways like taking time for myself, eating something besides graham crackers and coffee, etc. but also in the bigger ways. It’s been two years since my last checkup. A year since I’ve been to the dentist (even for a cleaning) and longer since I’ve had my eyes checked. My TMJ has gotten considerably worse and my arms are hurting and so is my back. I know sleep helps a lot with most of these but I do need to pay attention. I am not that young anymore (I am not saying I’m old, but I am certainly not 20.) and it’s part of my responsibility to not just myself but my kids and husband to do a better job of taking care of myself. This is just a reminder for myself for when I tell myself I am too busy or overwhelmed to take care of these things.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I felt some air going into my tooth this morning so I am thankful my dentist squeezed me in to check and even more thankful that nothing seems to be wrong.
2. I am thankful for art. SO thankful for art and how happy it makes me.
3. Thankful for my full life. That I get to do so much of what I love. That I get to have such a great husband and the most amazing kids. And that I get to work for a company i love with people I admire and respect and for a product I value and use daily (using it right now). That I get to do art every day. That I can afford to buy new supplies when I really want to. That I have the kindest and most supportive parents. And a sister who is so amazing and kind and generous and always makes me feel special. I can go on and on. There is so much I am grateful for in my life and when I sit to think about it, it always overwhelms me. I want to remember that feeling forever.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing imaginary ice skating with Ofir.
2. Getting a car that self-winds from my dentist.
No wii? Yep, didn’t get to play wii today.
Sometimes things just happen in so much synchronicity. Last week, I decided that my next project was going to be an art journal/journal of sorts. I am very inspired by Judy Wise’s journals and I love how there’s art all over and then she journals right along with it. I decided I wanted to do that, too.
Simultaneously, thanks to Jennifer Mcguire, I got completely obsessed with copic markers and ordered a whole bunch which promptly made me feel bad about spending money on something I might not use. Then I felt even worse about all the other “art supplies” I’d bought in the last year that I hadn’t really used. So…. instead of pouting I decided to take them all out and put them to good use right now.
So the plan is that my journal will have different methods used in all of the pages. Depending on my mood, depending on what I am practicing or wanting to dive into that day. The plan is that these will eventually incorporate both the “draw everyday for a week” and “finish a journal” items on my 52 Things list.
So today, I’m reading Kal’s blog and she talks about an art challenge she is going to do this week. One topic, 5 mediums. And I was like “Wow! Exactly what I had in mind and the push I needed to get going!” You know me, I like having a project.
So my theme is tree. I am going to do a tree 5 ways (maybe 7 even). Here’s the list of mediums I plan to use:
1. Photography
2. Oil Pastels
3. Embroidery/Stitching
4. Copic Markers
5. Fabric art
6. Water Colors
7. Water soluble markers
As I said, I might or might not do 7. I will be ok with 5. I might end up using other mediums depending on my mood. Let’s see if I can do it. I know the art won’t be magnificent but the idea is to try new things and I need to not be afraid to suck.
Good day today. Relatively productive and the boys were mostly happy and I was in a really good mood, too. Though my arm is still not being very cooperative. Thank you for the suggestions, I think I will try some of them and especially try resting it. Sucks to be in pain.
My little boy is much better though he’s waking up a lot around 4am and having a really hard time separating. I am trying to balance being there and leaving him alone enough to relax and sleep. It’s hard and I don’t enjoy this part at all.
I love him so much.
Note to Self:
I noticed today again how much I like organizing things, optimizing things, and getting work done. Solving problems and finding organized solutions is really really something I enjoy. I know it sounds odd but I really love it. And starting my morning with a solved problem gave me positive energy and confidence all day long. I should find a way to do that more often.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for Kal’s idea because it was the last kick I needed to get my project started.
2. I am grateful for solving this problem at work because this was a new area to tackle and now I feel much better about it.
3. I am grateful for inspiring books and for people who share their art online and inspire me so much. Yet another way in which the internet is magical.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
David had 3 today.
1. Having fireman Will come to school to talk about fire safety. (He even got to spray the hose.)
2. Playing house at school (he was the Dad, I’m told.)
3. Playing the Wii! (you could have guessed that one!)
Look, Kim, no food items!!
Yes, I am learning to crochet. It’s HARD! hard hard hard.
Nathaniel’s having a little detachment problems lately and he seems to think that 5am is a perfectly ok time to wake up. So today started on a rough note. And then I had a photo shoot at 8:45 which meant I missed the morning nap which is usually my relaxing time. And my arms are hurting like crazy from the stitching I’ve been doing which makes me ultra sad since I have a long list of things I want to do that require my arm. Ugh.
David played some more Wii today. Yep, he gets to play 45 mins a day or so. I think it’s better than watching TV.
Nathaniel is eating a lot by himself now. Bread and cookies and fruit and cheese and turkey and chicken. He’s doing great!
And here I am watching the Oscars and yes I will be stitching in a few minutes and yes it will hurt my arm and no I don’t care. I’m on release again this week so it promises to be a long week which means I need to relax.
Note to Self:
This arm pain is new to me. I’ve never suffered from carpal tunnel and I hope it won’t start now. I know I am supposed to rest it but that’s ridiculous, how can I do anything without my arm? I’m frustrated and dejected. I cannot imagine how others live with this. Please, please let it be temporary.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I had a shoot today. It was challenging in a lot of ways but I love being with the families and sharing in their private family time and getting a glimpse of their wonderful life and getting to capture it.
2. I am delighted that I got to crochet a bit today. Grateful for a clear, well detailed book my mother in law gave me.
3. I love love love award shows. Always have! When I was in Turkey I used to wake up at 4am just to watch them. Yey for the Oscars!
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Wii. Wii. Wii. It would make the list everyday.
2. Daddy reading to him. (They’re reading the Little House on the Prairie.)
Good day. Lots of reading (tho the book is still not finished), a nice chat with mom, and lots of craft time with David. And lots of baby hugging. What more can one ask for?
I would write more but we’re watching a movie 🙂
Note to Self:
I realized today that what makes a day feel productive or not has really less to do with what actually gets done but how much it meets my expectations. I could get one single task done in a day but if it was the one I’ve been putting off for a long time, it will feel like it was an extremely productive day. I know it’s obvious but it also means that I could feel more productive sometimes if I just lowered my expectations a bit.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Finally digging deep into my book and I love this part where it just flies.
2. I am happy to have figured out what I am going to do about my new project. At least, I think I have.
3. Some wonderful movie time with my hubby!
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Craft time with Mommy!
2. Not having to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
Sick of tulips yet? You know I’m not 🙂
So the little boy is finally better (I know I’ve said this before.) He’s still a bit clingy but appears to be a lot happier in general. I know this is a serious shot but isn’t it so pretty?
And he’s playing a lot too. Yep, making a huge mess.
And there’s the smile.
I must say I am glad this week’s over. It was a long 10 days for me and I am ready to rest and relax. This weekend is reserved for reading, crafting with David, and digging into some of the new art books I bought. And some stitching so I can finish my workshop. I sort of broke my sampler into two since I put the other one into the WIL project. So I am going to have to catch up and then add some of the bits from week 1. That’s ok. I love doing this. I even bought an embroidery book. So I just plan to spend the weekend with my little ones, hugging, reading, crafting, relaxing. Oh and I have a shoot on Sunday. I haven’t had a family shoot in a while so I am nervous but also excited.
Note to Self:
There’s a project I am trying to start for next week (or maybe the one after) and it’s sort of growing and becoming all-encompassing which is making the whole thing considerably harder to take on. But I am resisting the idea of making the project smaller. So I decided to just take a step back and maybe let myself sleep on it. I’ve found that my best ideas come right as I am falling asleep or actually in my sleep. And I think I need to let myself do that more often. Stop and let time help me out a bit.
I’m also thinking about my list of 52 things. There are some things I want to add, and some I already know I am not doing. (Or there’s a really small chance). So should I change the list? Is it ok to add but not to remove? Is that cheating? I can’t decide 🙂 Maybe I’ll keep them all there but add and gray out the ones I don’t think I’ll do. Or maybe I’ll let the year go on and I might change my mind about those items I think I won’t do? Lol. Maybe I am over-thinking this?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I went to Joann’s today with both the boys to get some fabric. They were both so amazingly well-behaved that several people commented. I am so grateful for my wonderful boys.
2. I am grateful that I had to do the release a few times this week so now I feel like I know things much better. I needed the practice and will get some next week, too.
3. I am grateful for wonderfully inspiring books. There are some that just make me want to stop time and play and play and play with my art supplies. There’s nothing like a fresh batch of inspiration. I am also grateful for fabric. The texture is so good for my soul.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. David got to buy two coloring books from Joann’s and he worked on them as soon as we got home.
2. He also got to have hot chocolate this morning.
I’ve noticed that his are often about buying or eating things…
From our walk on Tuesday. Isn’t it so pretty?
Nathaniel is better today. He woke up without a fever but I’ve been keeping an eye on him. I can’t help but worry nonstop.
I am so behind on “regular” life. Haven’t read a book in weeks now, I have fallen behind in my stitching, and haven’t returned soooooo many emails. And the list goes on and on. I am hoping that eventually life will go back to normal (is there even such a thing?) and I can catch up a bit. Or at least catch my breath.
At least the weekend is coming.
Note to Self:
It’s been two months into this year now and I feel like I’ve been living my life so much more mindfully. The effect is already profound I think. I’m calmer, more aware of the choices I make and the choices I don’t make. I am more aware of my anxiety. More aware of the reasons for my actions. Just a lot more present. I am really happy with the results so far. I have a long long long way to go but you know it’s always one step at a time.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I was all happy about the release because it went out today but then we found a big bug and let’s see what tomorrow will bring…still grateful for having released.
2. I am again thankful to my boy. He is so helpful and he had to stay home today because the baby was sick and he was still such a doll all day long.
3. Thankful for some goodies coming in the mail early next week. They will hopefully help me with an item on my 52 Things list and I also ordered some craft items for David and me.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. David got to play the Wii today and that was fun for him.
2. He’s also grateful for the pretzels and ice cream and chocolate milk he got today. (A lot of treats!)
Love and adore these flowers more and more everyday.
So Nathaniel woke up happier today.
But he was still cranky a bit.
On and off all day. Then in the afternoon, when he woke up from his nap, I realized he was hot again. I took his temperature and it was 102.5. Off to the doctor we went. He has an ear infection. Which is really odd since he didn’t have a runny nose or any congestion anywhere. Even the doctor was very confused. Now he’s on antibiotics. Ugh. Ten days.
It’s been a rough few weeks here. After my grandmother, my great aunt passed away. I got sick. Then we had visitors, then Nathaniel got sick and I am busy at work and feel like I need a vacation for a bit. Just a pause button so I can catch up and then restart life. Oh well. This, too, shall pass.
Note to Self:
I worry so much about the kids and seeing them sick. It’s worse than when I am sick and especially bad when it’s Nathaniel since he can’t speak and tell me how much or where he’s hurting. It makes my heart break into pieces and I start imagining the worst each time. I know it’s not constructive and I know there’s really nothing more I can do but the helplessness is so upsetting. Seeing your kid in pain is really a terrible feeling.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I was able to finish a small errand on my list today but one of those that I’d been putting off for a long time, so I am thrilled.
2. I am so grateful that David is the greatest kid in the world. He helped me so much today when I was so worried about Nathaniel. He played peek-a-boo with him in the car. He was quiet when I needed to focus. He’s just such a joy.
3. I am thankful for the quiet moments in my day. Lately I need them a bit more than usual.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. David got to have lots of iPhone time today when I was at the doctor’s. He doesn’t usually get to play on it but today was an exception.
2. And he got to have story time with mommy in the morning right when we all woke up, we snuggled up in my bed and read a book of poems. He was so happy, he thanked me 6 hours later again. (Honestly this should be on my list too, I really enjoyed snuggling with them both so much.)
From today’s walk.
It turns out the little boy has Roseola. He woke up with a rash all over his body and face (can’t really see it in the photo but it was all over.) I only didn’t freak out cause David had had it before. (It’s called The Sixth Disease) He’s still pretty grouchy. One more day and I hope we’ll be back to normal.
My mother in law is still here so we took a little walk today and it was a good time to snap some photos today.
Nathaniel wasn’t really accommodating but I tried anyway.
I am off to work on getting creative therapy up for tomorrow. I hope you’re having a good week.
Note to Self:
We saw The Blind Side to night and it was quite wonderful. It made me think on the way out that I hope I can be that kind of person. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone but basically it made me hope that I am the kind of person who would stick up for others and do something even if it goes against the grain. And that I’d trust myself and believe in myself enough to not care if others question my judgement. I wonder if I am that brave.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Five date nights with my husband in a row. Could I ever be more grateful for anything else?
2. I am grateful that this week’s release process seems to be going more smoothly (let me now jinx it) and I still have so much support from my team. So grateful for the kindness of others.
3. I am grateful that my kids are still young and at home with me. I know this sounds odd but I am so glad they are here. I love them. I love all of our times together. Even the challenging ones. I am just grateful for them.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. His grandmother got David these little cheese crackers and he said those were the highlight of his day.
2. And the little walk we took.
March already? I am so not prepared for how fast this year is going already.
Nathaniel is finally fever-free! Thank goodness.
It’s been nice to have my inlaws around but it also means we’re out of our routine so much and the daily things that get done just don’t get done and it throws everything off balance for me. It’s ok though, next week we’ll be back to regularly scheduled life. In the meantime I get to enjoy all the 1-1 time with my wonderful husband.
Oh, and, for those of you who asked, we saw “It’s complicated”, “Dear John”, and “Avatar” in the last week. All were good. But I really like almost all movies.
Note to Self:
I’ve realized today that I’ve gotten addicted to listening to books in the car. I finished the book I was reading and didn’t have another one backed up so I’ve been having withdrawal for two days now. Something I didn’t realize I was taking for granted until it was gone. I have a few more now so let’s see if any of them turn out to be good. Really open to recommendations here, too!!
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I’m grateful that after 16 years together, my husband and I still have so much to talk about and still enjoy each other’s company so much.
2. I’m grateful that Nathaniel is finally fever-free and back to his happy self (mostly).
3. This is a hard week at work and I am grateful that I am able to take it a bit easier this time around.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. A great 100-piece dragon puzzle that he and Meme (grandma) got to make together today
2. He got to watch batman on his grandfather’s computer and that was great fun for them both
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projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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