Delicious raspberries and blackberries from the weekend. They were full of flavor.
This afternoon we went for a short walk because it was so nice outside. I snapped photos of the kids and the flowers.
And in case you think I don’t photograph the older boy, I swear I try every day.
And here he is again blowing.
It’s been a quiet day here. Not much progress but not terrible day either. My parents are going to be here in 3 hours and I am so excited to see them. I’m on release this week and it’s been a bit stressful (though much less than usual). I’ve noticed that when I’m doing something I’m not an expert at and it’s intermittent, I tend to be unable to focus on other tasks cause I am stressing so much. I need to work on this.
Note to Self:
I wrote a long and personal email to a friend today. I was hesitant to do so. Email is one of those mediums where it’s all too easy to just spread with the click of a button. And what was meant for one ends up in the hands of many. I was unsure but I did it anyway. I know that typing things up is my way of working them out most of the time and I am much more capable of expressing my thoughts and emotions deeply on the keyboard than I am on paper. Maybe it’s cause I work on the computer. Maybe that’s why I can’t write journals anymore. I was thinking of that as I wrote the email today. Let’s see if I can keep a journal this year. Let’s see if this new art journal works. And let’s hope that my friend doesn’t forward my very personal email around. It’s important to have faith in people.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so so grateful for spring. Seeing the flowers bloom everywhere and the sun shine makes me so deliriously happy.
2. I’m grateful that I have such an kind and understanding sister. I adore her with all my heart.
3. I am grateful for art. Other people’s art. How much it inspires me. I am so thankful people have the guts to follow their dreams. The world would be a much uglier place without them.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Nathaniel was playing with the Tivo remote this morning and ended up turning on the TV to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. David said he was really grateful for that.
2. Playing with sand at school.
I cannot stop staring at Rebecca’s art. So happy to have it in my home.
What do you think, will he be a scrapbooker too? Well as long as he enjoys my scrapbooks we’re good.
I cherish those smiles so so much.
And a butt-shot cause he looked so cute in his shorts.
Today started out really rough. Nathaniel was wide awake at 5am and wouldn’t go down for an early nap so I decided we all get to stay at home and put him down around when I would have been taking David to school. A short nap then and a longer mid morning nap meant no afternoon nap which meant meltdown around 4pm and since I’d also been up around 12 hours and had had no nap, I was getting exceptionally cranky and tired, too which doesn’t help with the situation in any way.
Finally they all made it to bed and I am wiped. I still have work to do and the house looks like a mess and my parents will be here tomorrow night so I want to make sure to clean it up even if just a bit. Oh well, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Note to Self:
I love watching Ugly Betty and there’s this one scene in last week’s episode where she’s sitting with her sister and she tells her she’s worried about getting her braces of because what if even after that she still looks ugly. She’s been using that as an excuse and she’s worried once it goes away, she will be left without one. Her sister tells her that she’s so beautiful and if she could just start seeing what her sister sees in her, life could be so much better for her. (I paraphrased obviously, I’m writing from memory.). This scene spoke to me so deeply. My ideas of myself, of how I look, of how loved I am, of what kind of a person I am, of who my friends are, are so warped. I see them from glasses colored by years and years of mean comments, unkind moments, and small people’s nastiness. Sometimes I look in my husband’s eyes and I can feel his love for me. I can see my son’s eyes light up when he sees my face. He doesn’t care if others think it’s beautiful. To him, it’s mom. It’s the person who loves him no matter what. The person who feeds him, hugs him, picks him up. I know that I have friends who will come trough for me when I need them. I know that I am so blessed and so lucky, yet I cannot find a way to take those glasses off. (Better yet, I’d like to break them.) Such a shame to waste my life like that.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Getting to do some art today. Not a lot but it was a long day so I am glad I made the time for it.
2. I am grateful that I am almost done with my list of things to do so I can go and take a nice bubble bath.
3. I am grateful for my book reader because I didn’t feel like reading anything on my list today and yet I have so many other books to choose from that I found something easygoing and relaxing.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to play with bugs in the backyard
2. Hugs from Daddy
I bought this little egg at Colleen’s store Saffron and Genevieve last weekend in Santa Cruz. There were many eggs with different words like Peace. Love. Calm. but this is the one that immediately spoke to me and I am still not exactly sure why. But when I was picking I couldn’t resist buying this even though it felt so out of character. And now it sits at my table and I love looking at it.
Nathaniel is being more demanding lately. I dare say he’s growing up.
A few extra shots of him today because I couldn’t resist.
Look at those eyelashes.
David got a scooter for his fourth birthday last year but I refused to let him ride it. And when he turned five, I knew I had to give in so while I was away this weekend, he and Jake bought a helmet and today he practiced for the first time. It was quite hard for him and I am not sure how he felt about it but he did say he was going to keep practicing. Crappy photo but still it’s a solid memory so I’m keeping it.
Today was an odd day as I expected. A few loose ends to tie, lots of email to go through and just not able to pull myself together just yet. Still swimming in thoughts and a bit of frustration, a little disappointment, a lot of excitement and ideas, and some major next steps that I’m determined to take.
In 48 hours my Mom and Dad are going to be here. I am so so excited to see them. I haven’t seen my Mom since Nathaniel’s birth (which was amazingly almost 11 months ago) and I haven’t seen my Dad since 2008 Thanksgiving. Way too long. Even though we Skype almost daily, I cannot wait to touch them, hug them, kiss them. I am so grateful that they are making the long long long trip over here.
Note to Self:
Last Wednesday, something happened that turned my mood from happy to sad. It was almost instantaneous and a really noticeable change. For a while, I couldn’t tell what happened. Why was I suddenly so down? and then I realized what it was but still I couldn’t understand the Why. I thought I did but it took me another five days to really understand it. In the end, what caused my sadness was a few little words someone wrote in an email. Few words that to any other person would be completely inconsequential as they probably were to the author too. And yet all it took were those few words to completely undo me. To rush in all my insecurities and make me feel small and inconsequential. Amazing how important word choices can be. Of course, the author of the email was not at fault. There was no way she could have predicted the effect her words would have on me and the email wasn’t even sent only to me (it was a group email) and yet it pulled me down and kept me in a bad, small place for way too long. When I finally realized the reason last night, I learned a lot about myself. I also learned about the power of words, about not taking others’ weaknesses for granted and the ability for someone to misinterpret my words or imbue them with meaning that was never there. This is a scary thought. Imagine how many people I might have hurt or angered without knowing. Especially in a medium like email where there are no facial cues or intonations. This is something that has thrown me for a loop today. But I appreciate the growth and awareness it has brought. It’s all about mindfulness in the end.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for my sister. She is such a joy and I got to video chat with her for 5 minutes today and it made me smile all day. I love you Yona.
2. I am grateful for lessons I am learning about myself and that I feel like I am continually growing and evolving.
3. I am grateful for my husband. He is more loving, more generous and kinder every single day. I always tell myself I wish I had my “person” in the world. My one girlfriend I could just be with. Go places, do things, chat with, lean on, laugh with, trust, etc. And you know what, while I might not have that, what I have with my husband is all that and more. He’s my person. All mine and I love him in every single way you can love another human being.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Riding his scooter!!
2. Playing puppies at school with Joseph and Jace.
This whole time while we were gone, I didn’t end up taking a photo of all of us. So right before we left, we asked Jake to snap some photos of us.
Unfortunately Colleen had already left because there was a fire in her building (which was actually fine in that it hadn’t touched her store at all, thankfully.) So here’s a shot of Colleen, too.
And of course here’s the little boy. This is the face I got when I told him no nursing for a bit (I was doing something but of course this face meant I gave in and nursed.)
I have a lot more to write about this weekend but I just got back home and I have so much to do, so more later.
Note to Self:
I realized so many things about myself this weekend. Things I want to change. Things I will change. Over the next few months I will explain more and more partly cause I am still thinking about so much of it and I prefer to digest it first. But it’s amazing how sometimes you think of something and it makes you sad and other times you are not just sad but totally driven to fix it deeply. The sense of urgency takes over. Let’s see if it will actually be action-oriented. Here’s to hoping.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful to be home. I missed my boys so much.
2. I am grateful for how my awesome husband took such good care of our little boy.
3. I am also grateful for some fun TV that has been waiting for me.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to watch TV
2. Playing with his legos
I asked him if he was grateful to have Nathaniel back and he said he was grateful to have me back. Sweet boy.
More photos of the beautiful place where we’re staying. Isn’t it breathtaking?
And here is Debi’s delicious creme brulee french toast. It was to die for.
Little boy is having the time of his life and he’s being an angel.
And loves looking out the window.
This is has been such an experience for me, such a joy. More about it when I am back home.
Note to Self:
Today’s note to self is to let go and enjoy the moment. To not try to be something or do something but just enjoy and appreciate. More on this later.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I love being so near the water. Being so close to it makes me feel calm.
2. I feel grateful that Nathaniel has been so peaceful and sweet and kind the whole time we’ve been here.
3. Also grateful to be going home tomorrow. I miss my son and my husband so much.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1.For the new Lego sets that came in the mail
2. For the catalog of Lego games that came with the Lego sets
I normally don’t start with Nathaniel photos but for reasons I can’t really explain this photo took my breath away so it’s my photo of the day today. It was another wonderful day with soulful friends, endless chatter, blazing sunshine, and a mini adventure trip. Nathaniel has been the perfect trooper this whole time. He’s such a good little baby and really not a complainer in any way. It’s pure joy to have him in my life.
Well except from 12am-2am last night where he thought it would be more fun to hang out with me than to sleep. But other than that, he’s been the best baby ever.
Note to Self:
I’ve been thinking about kindness a lot lately. Being kindred spirits. Feeling a sense of belonging. Finding your place in the world. Finding your people. I wonder a lot about the importance, relevance, necessity of all that. About having the guts to put yourself out there. Whether it’s to find a partner or a friend. And how much kindness matters. How much authenticity matters. It’s rare to find authentic people these days. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s even possible. And then I wonder if that’s my insecurity taking over. Anyhow. Not sure where this is coming from and what my point is. But these are the thoughts in my head today.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Getting to stay in your pajamas with good friends and chatting for hours on end.
2. Art. I am grateful for art. For the beauty it adds into the world. For how happy it makes me.
3. I am grateful for a few moments of quiet so I can update here and sit back and think about the two full days I’ve had a bit. Sometimes it’s hard to think when it’s all happening.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
(Jake’s been emailing these to me while I’m away. It’s my favorite email.)
1.Watching scooby doo on TV
2. Playing t-ball in the backyard
I am in this beautiful piece of heaven of a place. Capitola, Ca. With a set of wonderful women. So just a few words today.
Here’s today’s Nathaniel:
Internet here is really really blotchy. So I am going to try to keep up but see if I can.
Note to Self:
I must say there was many worries in my mind for this weekend but there’s nothing like being around other wonderful people. people you like and it’s really good for your soul.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Beautiful beautiful weather… love it.
2. I am grateful that Nathaniel has the best doctor. He woke up with a fever of 102 again this morning and the doctor took us immediately. (he still has an ear infection 🙁 )
3. Grateful for good friends today 🙂
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. finding money at school
2. looking at the star wars movies in mommy’s condo
Last time we went on vacation, this is what it looked like. I hope that won’t be the case for tomorrow’s vacation. (chances are low.)
Nathaniel loves hanging out at David’s table. It’s his favorite place.
David doesn’t yell at him but he’s pretty good at ignoring him.
Still congested and frustrated and annoyed honestly.
Note to Self:
It’s amazing to me that I can go from being extremely happy to really sad in moments. For no reason even. I can read into a few words in an email and have them mean wildly different things than the sender intended and have that destroy my mood, my day, my feelings about a situation. How terribly stupid is that? I wonder what the trick is to avoid feeling like this? Is there a way I can stop myself before I dive into the despair and self-pity?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that my husband was able to take time away and I can go on this trip tomorrow. We both work pretty hard so it’s good to know that we can take time when needed.
2. I am grateful for a teeth-cleaning today. It had been way too long.
3. Grateful for a low-key week and I have two TV shows I’m looking forward to watching tonight.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing house at school (he got to be the Daddy. It’s my game, he said, I’m always Daddy.)
2. Watching Daddy mow the lawn. It was fun for me too! 🙂
I am running out of photos, I need to go take some. I haven’t taken time to do that in a while.
Nathaniel is eating a lot of food by himself lately. All sorts of fruits, cheese, bread, etc. and it’s good for me cause I can do things while he eats and he can pace himself as he likes but it’s also so much fun to watch him pick things up and stick them in his mouth and smack his lips. Just a joy.
David reunited with his ipod today and he’s overjoyed. He’d forgotten about it and I’d kept it away for a while. But I don’t mind him watching movies. Much better than TV since there are no commercials.
And here’s one of Nathaniel crawling. It’s blurry, I know but I love that his little foot is in there.
I am still having an allergy attack and my nose and eyes are all red and dripping and it’s no fun. But the medication to fix it also dries up my milk so I am stuck this way until it goes away. I pray that it’s soon.
Another layout done today, that makes 5 in 4 days, not so bad. I then did a lot of work, too. I am really excited that I am getting stuff done and going through my todo list. It’s nice to cross things off. There are a few insistent ones sitting there but I plan to finish them before the week’s out, too. Then I can start planning for May.
Note to Self:
I’ve been thinking a lot about being unreliable lately. Over the years, it’s become a trait that irritates me more and more. I feel like if you say you should do something then you should do it. On most occasions, no one is forcing you to commit to something so it’s often by will. And I know life gets in the way sometimes. I respect that but most often it’s cause some people have no integrity and don’t value their word or promise. I don’t want to be a person like that. To anyone. I really want to be careful what I commit to and I want to make sure I can actually do what I say I will, when I say I will. Is that possible all the time? I want to take a good look at my life and see what I promise and see if I can deliver it without pain and agony. I want to be able to have my word mean something. I also want to surround myself with others who practice the same thing.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Getting my layouts done. I am grateful for the joy they give me and for the sense of accomplishment I’m getting from doing them.
2. I put together an art journal/journal of sorts last night. I used my trees from last week and some papers from a kit I’d bought from Rebecca Sower. I am planning to take it with me on my trip and I am grateful for the possibilities it’s opening in me now. Maybe it’s the first art journal I can actually use.
3. I am grateful for competent customer support. I have the luxury of going through business tech support for some of my devices and it’s amazing what a difference it makes. Grateful for speedy service and kind people who take the time to resolve my problems.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to watch movies in his ipod (surprise, surprise!)
2. Playing superheroes at school (he was Batman again. I’m always Batman, he says)
Beware the ides of March.
I always talk about how David is so nice to Nathaniel and he really is. Nathaniel loves playing with this push-toy and he often pushes until he gets stuck so David was following him around today to help him turn around so he can keep going.
Isn’t he marvelous?
And I love watching Nathaniel play. David has always been a fantastic self-player. And Nathaniel is growing to be one too and it’s so much fun to watch.
I woke up with a sore throat today and didn’t think I was going to end up doing my layout but within 20 minutes or so, I was more awake and did sit down to do my layout. Four so far this week. Not bad. Then I took David to school and did a lot of work while Nathaniel was napping. So all in all the day is a success but I am just so tired from being sick that I can’t dwell in its joy.
Note to Self:
I often wonder if getting sick is your body’s way of telling you to slow down. What would happen if instead of fighting it, I just lay in bed (or on the couch) and really did nothing. Rested, watched TV, read, or whatever low energy thing I can think of. Would it go away faster? And isn’t it better because this way I can get better and go to full productivity faster? I don’t know. I know it’s really hard for me to completely slow down. It’s not in my system but I do wonder if my body is trying to tell me something.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Getting my layout done even though I really really didn’t think I was going to.
2. I am grateful for a considerably lighter to-do list this week. I feel like it gives me space and time to think of new endeavors and projects.
3. I am really grateful for working from home especially on days like this when I feel so under the weather and can spend the day in my PJs and still get work done.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Snack time at school. (crackers and grapes)
2. Story time with Mommy (we read The Snow Bear)
I hadn’t had a tulip for a week. So here we are.
My little boy is still pretty clingy. But he does seem to be happier, thankfully.
Nathaniel got sent a book from Cbr (the bone marrow place) for his first birthday (which is coming up, amazingly) and David was trying to read it to him but he wasn’t paying any attention.
He did finally come by for a few seconds, but didn’t stay for the whole story.
And then he played with his walking toy.
And since some of you asked, I got Jake to grab some photos of me and David. They are not clear but I still like them.
And Nathaniel snuck in one, too.
Great day. I really finished all my tasks this weekend, I am flabbergasted.
Note to Self:
It’s amazing how tasks can have an effect on each other. I had a bunch of things I wanted to do this weekend. none of them were urgent and a few were things I really wanted to do but wasn’t really excited about. I did one of those big ones on Friday night which then gave me the energy to keep going and next thing I knew, I literally did all the items on my list. I know that the one task on Friday really caused all the others. This is the whole point of “eating the frog” but it’s amazing to see it in action. I think there’s something magical about starting your day with something for you (for example art for me) and then doing something that needed to get done that you’ve been putting off. The rest of the day is just icing in the cake. I’m going to try to do that this week and see if I can. Start my day with a layout and then when David’s in school and Nathaniel is napping, do my most important and burdensome task. Let’s see what that does…
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. An upcoming trip to Santa Cruz. I am filled with mixed feelings but also joyful anticipation.
2. Excited that I scrapbooked two days in a row just for myself. Grateful that I can.
3. Grateful for sunshine. It’s nice and sunny in beautiful California right now and I am so happy when it’s warm and sunny.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Craft time with Mommy. (I love hearing that!!)
2. Reading with Mommy and Nathaniel. (love this too!)
Today there are a lot of photos of me and the little boy. Feel free to skip 🙂
This is shaping to be one of those weekends where I didn’t think I would get to do my todo list items and yet I get them all done. Unpredictably. I processed my client shoot from last weekend. I did two layouts. I did a crafting project with David. I finished my book. I got a pedicure and a brow wax. I am even processing David’s birthday movie and photos. Quite surreal.
I asked Jake to take a bunch of photos of Nathaniel and me today:
And I snapped one of him.
And we’ve made a new rule that David can only play the Wii one day of the week. He chose Saturday. So here he is focusing.
I swear he doesn’t look that sickly in real life.
After I came back from my pedicure, Jake snapped a few more photos of us:
Photos of me with any of my boys is rare and special to me.
Note to Self:
I am doing really well with this “a project daily for a week” process I started. It’s making me create more every day and I love the feeling of it. I was reading this on Jen Lee’s blog today: ” I remember that someone once told me that balance isn’t doing it all, all the time, but it is often doing one thing for a time, then doing another and creating balance in this turn-taking fashion over the course of a month or a season or a year.” and I realized that’s exactly how I feel. I love the process of focusing on one thing for a while and then shifting gears. My creativity and interest goes in ebbs and flows and I love following it around. Since February, I’ve done:
– Feb 6 – 13: a week of heart stitching/sewing
– Feb 15 – 21: a week in the life project – daily scrapping of our day
– Feb 22 – 28: daily creative therapy catalysts
– March 1 – 7: daily stitching (for the sampler I posted today)
– March 8 – 14: the 5 in 5 challenge (using one concept – trees – with 5 mediums)
I never intended to do this and it wasn’t planned but I am loving it and I plan to continue. So this week, I am going to do a layout a day. I started on Saturday cause I am leaving town on Thursday and don’t think I will be able to do it where I’m going (I am not one of those “away from home” scrappers. I like to have all my things with me.) I already did two layouts today and it felt great. I have all my photos printed and I will be hand journaling. Sometimes I long for the days when I didn’t know about all the scrapbooking sites and books where I learned “how” to scrapbook. I wish I could go back to the days where I didn’t worry about design or products so much and really focused on telling my story, capturing the moments. In the end, that’s all that matters and I need to keep that in mind so much more often. So here’s to hoping this week can be about capturing that spirit.
I think I will sit and plan the next few weeks too. I’m thinking daily copics, daily drawing, daily journaling just to name a few. I also want to incorporate some of the recurring events into my week. Like actually sit and do a creative therapy and a layout each week. I work better with schedules, time constraints, and creative constraints. So I think I’d like to find some way to incorporate that in my week. Let’s see what I can come up with…
If you have ideas for weekly creative ventures, please do let me know. I’m up for pretty much anything.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. The two layouts I made today were for no one else but me. no assignment. no required products. nice journaling but nothing too long or even too deep. just genuine. for me. for nathaniel. i loved doing them. i have enough product to last two lifetimes and i am grateful that i got to use some of it.
2. I am grateful that I got to take some time to myself and get a pedicure. It’s as much about the time alone as it is about the pedicure itself.
3. I am grateful for how nice, kind, and easygoing my husband is. It’s a rare quality and one I appreciate deeply.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing the Wii! (of course)
2. Buying his lego toy (Jake’s brother got David a lego giftcard for xmas. we are now getting around to buying it.)
3. Learning to wash his own body during bath time.
He had three today.
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projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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