No idea what these flowers are called. I need to learn more flower names.
Nathaniel is practicing walking all the time now but he’s still a bit wobbly. His body is too forward. It’s so cute to watch him.
And David’s a clown as always.
Nathaniel with his walker. Loves these things.
And here he is quietly playing. Love these moments. They are pretty rare but fully enjoyable. I love watching him play.
I got some more stuff done today. I talk about getting stuff done everyday don’t I? Isn’t it tiring to listen to it? I think I’ve also joined a new reading group. Still not sure but I’m going to read the book just in case. Can’t hurt to read a good book, can it?
Not much from me today, hope your day was well?
Note to Self:
I need to work on my yelling. I notice that I can go from calm to insane in a second. And I hate yelling. I hate who I am when I am yelling. I feel strongly that it doesn’t get my point across and it doesn’t make me feel better. I need to try to count to five or to walk away or something to calm myself down. I don’t want to be the mom who yells. I don’t want to be the person who yells or panics or loses her cool 50 times a day. I’d rather find a way to work on this while they are still small because I feel things will get more challenging with time. What do you do? Do you have ways to calm yourself down before you lose your cool?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Glee tonight! Yey.
2. Grateful for some crafting time with my son.
3. Grateful for a relatively quiet day and a 15 minute nap in the afternoon.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. playing at home and with Nathaniel.
2. grateful for my Daddy
3. Playing with my legos!
Flowers are nature’s music.
Here’s a typical shot of our life. David eating, Nathaniel walking around. Playing.
And then both of the boys playing.
And Nathaniel practicing some more walking.
Uneventful but nice day here. Quiet, peaceful. David had a playdate in the afternoon and it was nice to have someone over, playing with him. He’s always so nice to others and I love that about him. He works hard to control himself even when he’s frustrated.
Not much to say tonight. Hope your Monday was well.
Note to Self:
I worked on being calmer today. Trying to stay low key, calm, happy and not get frazzled. For the most part it worked; I need to work on it more. I’m the one setting an example for my kids. If I am not calm, it sets off everything on the wrong path. Not to mention, it ruins my day, too. I certainly believe things are self-perpetuating and happiness is a state of mind and something I can choose. So is calm. I really want to work on this. I think if i could be calmer and happier, it would make life considerably pleasant all the time.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Good books. I’ve been reading lately and each time I read I remember how much I love reading.
2. Nice chat with my mom and with my sis. I love them so and I am thankful to get to talk to them so often.
3. I am grateful for tulips today. I got a new bunch yesterday and I love them so much. They make me happy.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. I swear he said legos again.
2. Having a playdate with Ece.
The path to my house is filled with roses. They are each so large and stunning. So many colors.
A wonderful Sunday here. Some scrappy time, some quiet reading time, a delicious and wonderful lunch with my whole family, some more reading, and now a little bit of business. As always I didn’t get all my todos done but I’m ok with that.
The very best part of Mom’s day was getting wonderful photos of my family. One of all of us.
And then me with my boys.
And another.
And one of my three boys. The wonderful men in my life.
And another. The loves of my life.
I am a little sad the weekend’s over. But I am in a lot of pain, too. Maybe I’ll just take a sick day tomorrow and actually lie in bed. That would be a novel idea. I have no idea what to do to make my back pain go away. Anyhow. It shall pass.
A word for my mom. I love you mom. Over the years, you’ve always loved and supported me wholeheartedly. You’ve always always had my best interest in mind and you were patient and respectful of my choices (even if you didn’t understand them or agree with them.) No child could ask for a better mom. I love, adore and cherish you. With all of my heart and soul.
I also wanted to take a moment to thank and acknowledge my amazing sister, my grandmother, my other grandmother (who totally would have called me today. I thought of you so much Omama.), my mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law, and all the amazing moms in my life. And all the people who’ve taken the time to make me feel special in some way or another. Those of you who come to read. I might be just another blog in your surfing but it means a lot to me that you take the time to read my words.
Note to Self:
I was thinking today that days like this (Mother’s Day) comes with so many expectations. So much comparison. Bad feelings for those whose kids might have passed away. For those who lost a baby or those who cannot yet conceive. I have a lot of thoughts on this. So I will try to organize a bit.
On what I want for our family: Over the years, I’ve been through a lot of different feelings about these events. Even about birthdays and anniversaries and Christmas, etc. On one hand I think most of these have become commercialized events and I am not excited about that. On the other hand, I think there’s nothing wrong with taking an occasion to make someone feel special. I want to celebrate life with abandon. I want days to be filled with appreciation and joy. And if there are certain days reserved just for that, I am ok with that. Why not? I want to make cards and banners and celebrations. I don’t care if others think it’s dorky. I think it’s happy. And why not live with joy. Sarcasm is so overrated if you ask me.
On expectations: Having said all of this, while I want to encourage my family to play along with me, I also want to live my life with no expectations. I can’t find it now but Gretchen Rubin has this whole thing about gold stars and not looking for them or the one about no calculations and I wholeheartedly believe in it. And when I see myself slipping, I try hard to give myself a talking. The fact is, I chose my husband and I adore him. I chose to be a mother. I chose to stay/work at home and be there with them (which i love love love.) and they owe me nothing. My mom doesn’t owe me anything. No one owes me. I am so thankful for these people in my life. I am so thankful for how much I have. The best part of Mother’s day is getting to wake up and being in the house with the people I love. Knowing that they are in my life. The flowers, the chocolate, presents. Those things are meaningless compared to the love. To life. So, if you’re comparing, I hope you don’t. I hope you realize the amazingness of your life and its gifts. Cause I am working hard to do that over here. To live and love the choices I made. (and if I don’t, I love that I have the freedom to change my choices.) So no expectations here. If I want a special day, I want to be a part of creating it, not expecting it.
For those of you who have personal tragedies or stories that keep you from feeling good about today, I hope you take the time to be kind to yourself. To pamper yourself. Don’t wait around for someone to recognize you. Recognize yourself. You’re amazing, just the way you are. I swear. You are. So make sure you are acknowledging that. Today and everyday. (I know it sounds cheesy but it is true. It really is. Let go of the stupid sarcasm and embrace joy and happiness. Life’s so much better when lived with joy.)
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Photos of us. I love having photos of us. I love love love them.
2. An absolutely delicious lunch with all of my boys.
3. Grateful for my life today. Just the little moments in between the craziness, the meals, the routines, the rush.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. legos legos legos. yep. and again.
2. getting to eat chocolate and dessert
So I am pretty pleased at the progress of LOAD but it does seem to be sucking all the other creative energy out of me. I have no idea what I did today and here it is 8pm and I haven’t accomplished much. I did take a walk with my family and have a mini-picnic. I read a bit. Oh and I bought a bunch of scrappy stuff. That’s it. Ugh. I will read a bunch more after this and I plan to get organized. Even if I don’t do any of my todos, it’s good to know what they are.
David was playing the Wii most of today and this is the best shot he’d give me.
And Nathaniel played.
And laughed when I made noises.
Love my kids. Love my husband who puts up with my crazy. Cause I have so much of it, trust me.
Note to Self:
I find that I can go from normal to crazy in a matter of seconds. Sometimes I don’t even realize I am feeling bad and yet, I am. And it all comes rushing out of nowhere. I think I need to pay more attention to these feelings so I can catch them before they come. Once it’s here, it’s too late and too overwhelming and too crazy. All bad things. Because then I start creating more and more chaos and making things seem way worse than they are. Whereas if I were able to catch it ahead of time, maybe I could prevent it, or at least I could let it come quietly, with more awareness and hopefully with pass with less damage.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Grateful for chocolate. I am so grateful for chocolate. It makes me happy.
2. Grateful for our little walk. I love getting fresh air and being with my family.
3. Grateful that it’s only Saturday. One more wonderful weekend day.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to play wii, of course!
2. Having a pop-tart. Very rare deal for my little boy.
It all starts with the morning it seems. I woke up more rested today and that caused most of my day to go better. Amazingly simple and yet it’s something I cannot actually control. Oh well. Life.
I took a series of shots of Nathaniel getting up to walk today, I actually took like 12 of them but here’s a small montage.
A typical Nathaniel face. Checking things out.
And here’s a typical David look. Love this boy to bits.
David’s been learning how to ride his scooter. Two days in and he’s already better than I am.
We had some friends late today and one of the women gave Nathaniel some cheerios which he never eats when I give him.
But he didn’t hesitate when she gave him some. And jammed them all in his mouth.
As if he’s never seen them before.
Well, love these boys. I can’t believe a whole week of LOAD is finished and I am still going on. I didn’t think I’d make it this far honestly. My heart just wasn’t really in it even though I thought it would be a neat idea. And now, I have seven layouts every single one of which I absolutely adore. Let’s see if I can keep this going. Still taking it one day at a time. I am also hoping to read some this weekend, paint some, help a few friends with technical stuff, and maybe reach for my art journal which has been neglected a bit. I have a sewing project in mind too. Or and some long-overdue todo items. And the email. oh the email.
Note to Self:
Today’s note to self is that life is short and I need to remember that more often. Fill up the moments with joy. With what makes me the happiest. I think I love the recent layouts cause they are happy. They make me happy. Making them and looking at them. I need to shed as many “obligations” as possible and use my time happily. Not wisely but happily. Doing joyful things. And I need to give up more. When something stops being fun, I need to quit it. It doesn’t make me a quitter. It makes me appreciate that life is short and I need to make the most each moment’s value. Suck the marrow of life as my favorite movie quotes.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for a few hours of talking and relaxing with my husband. It’s wonderful to me that after sixteen years we still have so many interesting things to discuss. I love that he’s my best friend.
2. One of the mom’s in David’s school told me I looked great today. She had no reason to and it made me so happy. Grateful for random acts of kindness today.
3. I am grateful for a quiet weekend with almost no events planned. I want to rest a lot and maybe get a bunch done. Let’s see if I do.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. legos legos legos. yep. and again.
2. and the scooter again. he loves that thing.
I’ve discovered today that I don’t do well during the 4:30-6pm timeslot. No matter what, I get stressed, cranky, tired and overwhelmed. I’ve been suffering from back and jaw ache and I now have allergies again which is causing me to have headaches and means medication and lots of tiredness and crankiness. All in all, not good.
But I am still loving doing my layout a day and I’ve just received the May kit from A Million Memories which is full of beautiful October Afternoon which I love so I am really excited to be ripping into it tomorrow.
I can tell you without a doubt that my favorite thing in the world is watching my two kids play with each other.
And they both love it too.
I adore them.
With all of my heart.
I love how Nathaniel looks at David and how patient David is with him.
And how he walks him around. (I know this is blurry. I don’t care.)
I adore them. They and my incredible husband are the highlights of any bad day. Of any day. I swear. Even when they frustrate me, my heart swells with love at seeing them. I know I say this every night but I think I am going to head to be early tonight. I can tell I need rest. I just can’t seem to get enough of it. I am really behind in email and I apologize if you’ve sent me mail. I am not ignoring you, I swear.
Note to Self:
I was listening to the Feynman book today on my way home and one of the letters starts by this gentleman explaining how he puts off writing back to his favorite letters so he can dedicate them the time and effort they deserve. Which often means they end up sitting in a pile for a long long time. This made me laugh because I do the exact same thing. With email of course. But when I receive a wonderful email, I always put off replying to it. I feel like I want to do it justice and I constantly put it off cause I never have “enough” time to give it the time it deserves. In the end, it means I always choose the urgent instead of the important. I need to fix this. I think it means the people and the words I value always get the short end of the deal.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am extra grateful for my husband today. He was an angel to me both in the morning and in the evening. He always comes through for me. over and over.
2. I am grateful for Advil. I’ve been having a lot of headaches and it really is the medicine that works almost immediately.
3. I got to go out last night and have dinner with several of my workmates. It was quite lovely and I am grateful that I was able to take this time to sneak away, have some good food and some quality conversation.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. legos legos legos. yep. again.
2. david mastered his scooter today. here i was all worried he would never learn and boom he just did it. he loves loves loves it now.
Long, frustrating day here. I don’t even want to rehash it. I am ready to be over with today. Ugh.
Nathaniel’s started to push things around. He loves David’s chairs especially.
And when they fall over, he tries to pick them up.
But he can’t.
So he gives up.
And starts getting into other things, of course.
He’s a big fan of the empty water bottles I recycle.
And David spends most of his days with legos still.
And that’s pretty much life here.
Note to Self:
I noticed today that a small little problem can set my whole day off. This is ridiculous but maybe it’s cause I am operating at such full capacity that a tiny new drop causes me to spill over. Or I am easily frazzled. Or I am so tired. But either way, it’s a bad sign that small things can set me off. That they ruin my day and cause me to be angry and to yell and to look at everything else through negative eyes. There aren’t that many days and each is really precious. I do not want any of them to be ruined by my bad attitude. I need to work on this. I need to know how to stop things from triggering me. Things happen. This is life.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that my husband lets me vent when I am feeling frustrated for no reason and don’t want my problems resolved but just wanna vent. I know it’s hard not to try to solve and I appreciate it a lot.
2. I am grateful that Nathaniel decided to take both of his naps today, I really needed it today.
3. I am grateful that despite my unreasonableness at times, David is still wonderful and loves me.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. legos legos legos.
2. more batman movies!
Good day here today but wish I could be a bit more productive, mostly at work. I still feel like I have so much to learn and I wish I could do so faster and more efficiently. But such is life. I do love and adore my work.
Nathaniel’s been playing more and more by himself. When he feels hungry or thirsty (or alone) he’ll come over to my side of the couch and give me a face.
And then will start screaming if I don’t pay attention.
He does walk and stand up more and more lately.
And plays with his toys for a long time.
And when David’s playing at the table, he reaches up and tries to get him to include Nathaniel, too. (But David isn’t really interested.)
Days seem to be passing too fast lately. I feel like I am perpetually behind. But I am trying to not stress about it. Just doing the best I can each day. Getting my layouts done, reading, drawing faces, playing with the kids, relaxing, and working. Things will get super productive soon again, I am sure of it. For now, I am trying to enjoy the slower pace.
Note to Self:
I am trying to slow down lately. I noticed that when several things are happening at the same time and I don’t feel like I have one under control, I tend to freak and react badly. I immediately get frustrated. So I am trying to slow down. I am also trying not to overthink. I am a lot less planned than usual lately and I think that’s actually a bad thing but since I don’t seem to be in the mood to plan, I am trying to go with it and instead slow down. Only think of one day at a time. Only worry about the next thing. I make lists still but tiny little ones. For tasks for the next hour and I leave it at that. For now, that’s as good as it gets. I am trying to accept it instead of fight it. It turns out things work much more smoothly this way.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Taking a little time to walk down the street with the kids and get some ice cream. I need to get out more each day especially now that the sun is out. So I am thankful I did today.
2. I’m grateful for the 4 layouts I’ve done so far. I love them all and even if I get no more done, I am already thankful for this project. But I intend to keep going, I promise.
3. I am grateful for everyone who comes here and takes the time to comment. I am a practical stranger to almost all of you and yet you come, you read, you take the time to say kind things. I cannot tell you how much it means to me, thank you so much.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Going to eat some ice cream with mommy.
2. Listening to songs (sung by his friends) at school.
Well I threw out my back today and my jaw is still really overwhelmingly painful but other than that, happy day here. I am feeling good on the inside.
I love watching Nathaniel walk around. He’s like Frankenstein and he’s so funny and so cute.
David got these glasses at the birthday party he was at and I couldn’t resist those lips.
And that smiley face of course.
Then we asked the big boy to wear them and he made a funny face of course.
And finally my three boys. The true joys of my heart.
Relatively uneventful day here. We went to school, wired money from the bank, did a layout, got some legos, got a new TV, and played a lot with Daddy. That’s about it.
Note to Self:
One of the biggest plot points of last night’s movie (City Island) was about lying. A tiny spoiler, but really not one, is that the mom, the dad, and the kids each smoke and yet they are all hiding it from the other three. It’s all a bit ridiculous and I am sure purposefully done so, but it’s not that far from the truth that so many people have so many secrets from their loved ones for a multitude of reasons. I am a big believer that secrets can ruin a relationship. I also believe they almost always come out anyway and it’s so much more work trying to keep it up all the time. I also think it almost always leads to more secrets, getting things more wound up and messier. I feel like it’s best to be honest as much as humanly possible. If you can’t trust your loved one to have an open mind and to assume the best of you, there are deeper issues there anyway. If you’re doing something your loved one would really really be sad to know, well then should you really be doing it? I am not naive enough to think people aren’t lying to me but I do wish and hope that people who are really close to me know that they can always tell me the truth and I will do my best to keep an open mind and a trusting heart. And I hope this goes for my close friends too. That I can be honest with them and trust that it’s kept safe. It’s hard though, isn’t it? Telling the truth….
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. We saw City Island last night and it was amazing. I laughed and laughed. I am so thankful for good and funny movies. I think they are very rare.
2. Our much-larger-and-so-nice TV arrived today and it’s so pretty. It’s making me a bit overwhelmed but also so very happy.
3. I have been taking it really easy with layout a day so far and I’m using all these super-happy colors and I am really enjoying the process so much. I am thankful for this relaxed and positive attitude and I hope it stays around.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing with lego men. I bought David a box of just lego men and he was thrilled to bits.
2. I’m grateful for my school, Mom, he told me.
Happy Sunday! Tonight’s date night so I’m doing the diary in the middle of the day today. This morning I was dead tired so honestly, I have no idea what I did until 10am or so. Around 11 Jake and David went to David’s friend’s birthday party so I took a nap while Nathaniel was napping. Then I woke up and did my layout and fed the boy etc. When David came, he had a little party bag and had a little toy that you blow in (no idea what they are called) and he and Nathaniel played and played, laughing the whole time.
There’s nothing like watching your kids laugh.
And then David watched some Batman while Nathaniel moved anything that moves so he can practice pushing things around.
Now we’re waiting for my friend Manu, his wife Hana, and their little daughter Anika to come by and then it’s going to be bedtime and then date night! Haven’t accomplished a huge amount this weekend but feeling great! Hope your weekend was good.
Note to Self:
It’s funny to note that my productivity hasn’t increased at all in the last three days and yet I am feeling happier and way less weighed down. I am even still in pain but it doesn’t seem to bother me as much. I wonder how that works. Mood is such an odd thing. Did the good weather help? I have no idea. But I am so glad I am feeling better and I will not take it for granted one little bit.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Date night!
2. Doing a layout a day so far has been super-fun. Let’s see if I can keep it up once the week starts.
3. It’s amazing the power of a nap and the power of a nice bath. I am so thankful for both today.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. A little bit of extra Wii today.
2. Going to Joseph’s birthday and having a lot of fun.
3. Playing with a frog that slips down the wall that he got at the birthday party.
Ok I have to admit that today passed and I absolutely have no idea what I did all day. I did take Nathaniel for his one-year appointment and I did do one layout but I think that might be it for the whole day. Ouch.
Today was David’s Wii day so he played and played.
Nathaniel ate his legos.
Walked around and watched David play. Occasionally turned off the TV which drove David insane, of course.
And then he picked through the trash which drove Mommy insane.
But then he smiled at us and all was forgiven.
Life with kids is an ongoing craziness. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Note to Self:
I have been listening to the book on Richard Feynman’s letters and there are several to his mom in there and it’s so awesome to see that even when he was doing his PhD, he was interested and excited to have his mom come visit and obviously liked her a lot. I hope that when my kids are grown, our relationship will be that way. I think it’s hard and it’s something I really hope to achieve. Not gulting them into seeing me but having them actually want to see me. I would love that.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Jake and I played a little Wii of our own tonight and it was so much fun. I am grateful that we both like to play together.
2. I am grateful that Nathaniel’s appointment went well and he’s doing great. Yey.
3. I am grateful for a relatively quiet Saturday. I like quiet days and I hope to read tomorrow.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Wii, of course.
2. Watching batman.
Roses. Beautiful roses.
This is the kind of stuff that happens around here when I am working. Little boy walks around with his toy and laughs at me.
And then plays with his legos.
And then hears my voice, and smiles again.
My older boy will not look at the camera without making a silly face.
And then smiles after a lot of begging.
But the best part of today was that Nathaniel is finally walking around. I mean more than one or two steps here and there. He’s really walking for a few seconds. And trying it again and again.
I tried really hard to capture it but I cannot do a good job. The joy of watching your kid walk for the first time is indescribable.
I still remember David’s first walk. And it still brings tears to my eyes. I feel extra blessed today. Just remembering the value of everyday little moments.
Note to Self:
I haven’t gotten organized for the layout a day. I am thinking should i do something creative a day but then I think that’s a cop out. But then I tell myself it’s not about random rules and that I am doing this for myself and not anyone else and can’t I just let it go. I go on and on in my head. I’m such a basket case sometimes. And if it’s this complicated, shouldn’t that be a sign? Well so I am still planning on doing this. And the plan, for now, is to take it one day at a time. Let’s see how that goes. Without overplanning. Not my style but maybe that’s what I need right now. Something more whimsical and something different.
Ps: Oh and I meant to mention that we’re having a weekend long crop at AMM this weekend. BIg prizes! Come join us.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so grateful to be able to be at home to get to experience the milestones and the everyday moments with my kids.
2. I am grateful that I live close to work. I had to go in to work today for a security thing and I was grateful to be able to do it quickly and with both kids in tow.
3. I am grateful for people who let me help them. I find it a privilege to help people and it gives me a boost of happiness. So I am always grateful when someone comes to me for help or allows me to help.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Grateful for getting some yummy snacks at the fair at school.
2. Grateful for playing with legos! (seriously, they’ve become an obsession here)
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projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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