Well if it were two hours ago, I’d write all about how grouchy I’ve been and how frustrated I was all day but I did some scrapbooking and I am in such a great mood now so I won’t write about any of that. yey.

I’ll start with this super-blurry photo. Nathaniel keeps his hat on for less than a second so getting a nonblurry shot has been impossible but i love the expression on this one so I kept it anyway.

and here it comes off.

and it’s off! that was that.

See the arm? I put the sock on for naps and bedtime. I worry if he wakes up in the middle of the night and undoes it, he will suck on the thumb with a lot of ointment on it.

And here it is without the sock. At least this way he can use the other four fingers to grab things.

I’ve been a grouchy grouchy mom. Yelling a lot today. I will work on this a lot. And thankfully my boys are just the happiest bunch. Something I cannot take for granted.

see that smile?

Nathaniel loves making little “corners” for himself. He will take over a chair or a table and arrange his things just the way he likes them. I love watching him work. He’s so adorable.

Today was my day at the Big Picture Scrapbooking Big Idea Festival and it was so much fun to chat with everyone. If you haven’t checked it out, make sure to head over there. And I did a layout. And I did so much work. And I worked out. And David and I read. Now I am off to write my gratitude post before I head to bed. More scrapping plans tomorrow. And some happy mail coming this week. Yey!

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I scrapped. Turns out it was all I needed to turn my mood around.
2. I am grateful that my kids are so forgiving and even on the most grouchiest and difficult day, I am still so grateful to be home with them.
3. I am grateful for the happy mail I’m expecting tomorrow. it’s super awesome as David would say.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. watching pink panther.
2. playing with is star wars legos.
3. daddy and mommy and nathaniel.

Well, I never saw today coming. My plans for this weekend were the opposite of audacious. I wanted to rest some, play with the kids some, and read a bunch. I hoped to get up and take David to Target for back to school shopping and then to the library for some books. And we did do all of that. Then I came home, already dead tired to find Nathaniel’s thumb swollen and filled with puss. So I called the doctor who told me to bring him in right away. So I rushed right back out. Then we waited for way too long. Nathaniel has just woken up from a too-short nap and hadn’t eaten. After the really long wait, the doctor had to have two of us hold him down to puncture his thumb, get a sample, put ointment and wrap it like crazy so even if he sucked it, it wouldn’t matter. Nathaniel was weeping the whole time.

Then, we had to go to the Stanford Children’s Hospital to drop off the sample she took which involved a very tired mommy having to walk a long long way and then wait in long lines. Then I tried to get his medicine but the pharmacist wasn’t sure what the doctor wrote and the doctor’s office was already closed so we had to wait for over 45 minutes for the doctor to call us back and confirm the medicine. By the time we made it home, we were both a huge mess. I put him right on his chair so he could eat. And he swallowed the food like he hadn’t eaten in days.

Having only one thumb made things considerably harder for the little boy.

During lunch, David’s third tooth fell off and he was super-excited.

Once he was fed, Nathaniel did return to his good mood.

Even with a sock covering his arm.

As the day wound down more, he got a lot more frustrated and emotional. Cause he wanted to play like he usually does but he didn’t have the two hands he usually does.

During bedtime, we had to unwrap the whole thing and put a new one. And that was yet another challenge. Lots of weeping, turning purple, mommy freaking and yelling later we finally had him in bed. And I must say I am ready to crawl in bed myself.

Best laid plans.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I had the mind to call the doctor when I saw his thumb.
2. I am grateful that the school shopping (at least preliminary) is done.
3. I am grateful that my whole family is a lot more relaxed and chilled out than i am cause I don’t think it would work any other way.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. new legos he got for doing so much work on his reading.
2. mommy.
3. daddy.

Lots of photos today. As with all mornings recently, I got up, gave the kids food, exercised, did some art, some reading with David, and then started work. I found Nathaniel like this today and I grabbed my camera right away. I love the idea of my kids reading and reading is definitely my favorite thing to do with my time so I hope hope that the love has passed on to them, too.

And, David, too.

I don’t know if you remember, but back when we went camping, I was looking for the shoes I bought for Nathaniel. I had looked and looked and couldn’t find them to save my life. And, guess what? Nathaniel found them today! (and he is wearing different clothes cause he peed on the other ones. happens often in our house sadly.)

And then tried to put them on.

And then gave up and chose to play with the box instead.

Then, I put them on for him. He wasn’t sure he liked them but since he discovered them, he didn’t complain.

He kept walking to the door, so we decided to take a little walk.

We often walk to this bridge by our house. I like to take photos there. So we did again.

On the way back, the kids played for a bit. I love the way David looks at Nathaniel here.

And how happy they both are, here.

And the way Nathaniel’s looking at his brother here. Look at that love.

On the way home, David did what he does best: run run run.

All in all it was a good day. Good time with the kids, good work done, some art done, some chatting with friends, and some reading with David. I am still in a bit of a funk but way better than yesterday which is good news for tomorrow.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for the art I’ve been creating. Some better than others but I like that I’ve been doing it consistently.
2. I am grateful for work being relatively smooth this week. I am not done yet and shouldn’t jinx it but so far, so good.
3. I am grateful that David’s making such big strides in reading. It’s so wonderful to see him get excited.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. legos
2. eating a peanut butter sandwich.
3. daddy.

Today went by way too fast. I can hardly remember it. I did however work out and work a whole bunch and read with david and take photos. Those are pretty much the norms of my day now. oh and i FINISHED the garage woot woot woot!!!!!

Early morning, we watched a little TV and when I turned over, I saw David sitting like this and had to snap a photo. Love him.

Later in the day, we found David’s DVDs so he spent a lot of time watching them as Nathaniel walked around.

And gave me looks.

Tried tasting some toys.

And then put them together.

And then my goodies from Tim came. So it was like Christmas in my house! (Exactly like Christmas actually since his products are often what’s on my Christmas list every year.) I wish I could stay home and play with them tonight but I am heading out to my book club. Tomorrow morning, after I work out, I will have to play some.

Now, off to feed the little boys.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for the wonderful box of goodies from Tim. Happy happy joy joy.
2. I am grateful for the finished garage. I cannot tell you how amazingly happy I am about this.
3. I am grateful about going out tonight. I like getting the chance to go out every now and then and I always look forward to my book club meeting.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. watching my DVDs
2. reading with mommy
3. daddy.

I think the kids must have felt bad for us after the night we had because we didn’t hear a sound until 8am today. It was like a miracle. A good night’s sleep makes such a difference. I gave the kids food and then got to my exercise. Six days out of seven last week. Not too bad. Then I sat and read for a while and the kids played.

Nathaniel’s really good at understanding things and when I say “pis” which means dirty in Turkish, he knows to put the item in the trash. But sometimes he finds things he likes in the trash and digs them out in the process. Despite my pleading “no no no.” Today he found this magazine cover.

Then he found David’s lego box.

Held on to it well.

Dropped some legos into it.

And gave himself a round of applause (we all need to do this more: give ourselves some applause).

Then he tried to fit some tiny pieces of legos together. Worked really hard and once he made them fit, he moved it and made car-like sounds.

Earlier in the day, we were playing in the yard and David got into our red wagon and asked me to push him around but I told him he was too big and I was too weak. So he patiently waited until Daddy was free so he could do it. And, as you can see, it was totally worth the wait. He had a blast.

Nathaniel watched them through the backyard door.

And then got really upset that he couldn’t go out.

So Jake grabbed him and gave him a round on the wagon, too. He loved it.

For a brief moment, he tried to have both kids at once but I got too worried about kids falling off and could not look anymore.

From the squeals I heard, I think there was much joy and no falling. Then it was time for dinner and David and I spent some more time reading. It’s only been four days since we got this book and he’s already in lesson 17. He said he wants to do it all day long and loves it so much. I cannot tell you the joy of seeing one’s kid get excited about reading. It’s so awesome to watch. I have to say huge thanks to Caroline who wrote about the book on Facebook and I am so glad I saw it!! (I also have to thank Deb who I’m told actually found the book through her research. Thank you Deb!!). Reading has become fun here and David’s really figuring it out. It’s awesome to be a part of it.

I have a few more todo items to get done tonight and I am off to bed. All in all, great weekend. I got 2 layouts done, finished one book and started another, lots of family time, some alone time, tons of photos, some exercise, and a lot of reading with the boy! Yey for weekends. Already looking forward to the next one.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that David’s enjoying reading so much. As a kid (and adult) reading was my favorite thing in the world so I cannot wait to share that with my little boy.
2. I am grateful for a full and yet relaxing weekend.
3. I am grateful for all the happy mail I am hoping to receive this week.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. reading with mommy
2. riding the wagon with daddy
3. daddy.

Nathaniel is such a big fan of David. Yes, he loves playing with David’s toys but he also just likes being around David. This morning, David was watching some movies and Nathaniel took all of his toys and played at the table where David was sitting. David’s so kind and doesn’t get annoyed and it was so cute that I had to snap a photo.

And in case you think he just clasps his hands in the back, he claps them in the front, too.

And then David was playing with his Didj and Nathaniel sat next to him to watch. When he got up to walk away, David got sad and said he liked having Nathaniel sit with him.

I love capturing these ordinary moments of my boys. Our life. The faces. The looks.

Lost in playing games.

Smiling and laughing with mama.

More faces.

Cute ones.

And some cuddling with toys.

Might be boring to some but I love seeing the ordinariness of our lives. These are the details that change over time. You never ever forget your wedding day or your honeymoon, but you do forget that your son really liked this one toy and pressed its buttons over and over again just to squeal with delight. I like to remember these details because I know I will otherwise forget them and they will be such fond fond memories many years from now.

Note to Self:
This has been an interesting week. Some very big highs but also some lows. It has, yet again, showed me that art is subjective. One of the reasons I’ve always loved being a math-person is that it’s not a matter of opinion. 2+2 always equals 4. My teacher can’t have his own opinion, can’t tell me I did it wrong. I either get it or I don’t. I love that about math. Things that are subjective like art or English essays etc. also open the room for scars. Like if you’re young and some jerk of a teacher (or someone who has influence of you at that age, not always just a teacher) tells you you have no talent, you basically spend your whole life thinking you have no talent. This can be true in math, too, in that someone can make you feel you’re too stupid to get it but if you study enough and really do get it and can conclude that 2+2 is 4 and get the correct answer, no one can argue with you that it is not correct. So you can theoretically work your way into proving to yourself (and others) that you are indeed good at math. This is not true about art, writing, etc.

The way people get “validation” in these fields is by someone “authoritative” or “well regarded” showing interest in them. Someone willing to publish your book. A gallery displaying your art, etc. But even then, it’s not as simple as 2+2=4. Other people still might think your art sucks or your book is terrible. So if you’re harboring doubts about yourself, you can always hang on to the naysayers and feed the doubt regularly. Again, not true for math. No one can say “well actually even though Joe says 2+2=4 and this big mathematician agrees with him, I disagree.” I am oversimplifying of course but I hope you get the core of my point.

I do not have an abundance of self-confidence (this is an understatement) so I’ve always favored the fact-oriented fields. I’ve always loved art and loved writing and have, at different times in my life, wished I could be successful at either. But, math was always my savior. Something that came relatively easily to me and something that was provable beyond a shadow of a doubt. It left no room for interpretation, for judgement, or opinion. For someone who’s weak on confidence, this is a good ground to be on; it feels steady and safe.

When I first started scrapbooking, I had never heard of any of the manufacturers. I went to the store, bought a bunch of blue paper that I liked and thought matched and I made my first album. It wasn’t until I joined an online community that I even realized different manufacturers existed. However, because I really get into things, I quickly learned a lot more and wanted to be a bigger part of the community I was in and applied to be on their team, etc. etc. For a brief period, I submitted to magazines (maybe a total of 5-10 times) and applied to other design teams. I didn’t think too hard, I just wanted to belong. I got rejection after rejection. I quickly got depressed, felt bad about myself, and my scrapping. The days of “fun new hobby I discovered” were gone. Then I backed off completely. Didn’t apply for anything. Started my own thing. Tried to find what I liked and didn’t. But it wasn’t until this past May that I really found my groove. And coincidentally (or not, who knows) that’s when I got on my first manufacturing team. And I was incredibly shocked and honored (and still am.) but since I luckily had just found my groove, I just tried hard to continue to do my thing and hope that it was what got me there in the first place. I am incredibly lucky that Margie is unbelievably kind and so incredibly supportive.

I am perfectly happy working for The Girls’ Paperie and could easily just do that for a long time (on top of A Million Memories and Creative Therapy, of course.) But last month, on a whim, I applied to American Crafts. I own very little of their paper and refused to go buy more just to apply. So I did the best I could with what I had. I made a project, I had just made layouts for a kit, and I made a card with the papers I had at hand. I didn’t think too hard. With encouragement from a good friend, I sent it in. When this week first started, I was hoping to hear from them. But instead I got the email from Tim Holtz. I can tell you that I own considerably more products by Tim. (Yes, I have a zillion Thickers but that’s about it.) and not that I don’t love American Crafts and their products, cause I do, but this is just to say I am a huge fan of Tim. And then I got some more good news this week and some more not so great news, too. All within this scrapping world. This showed me that I was lucky enough to be around when Tim was looking for people. I am not one of those people whose work is everywhere. I am not a known name. I am pretty much a nobody in the scrapbooking industry. But I was lucky. Tim happened to see my layouts. He somehow liked something about them and made me an even luckier girl. And I am utterly thankful for that. But I do not, for a moment, miss the substantial role of luck and “being in the right place at the right time.”

And while on the outside it might seem like I’m winning constantly lately. I just wanted you to know that I got rejected this week, too. From an opportunity I wanted. From something I did hope and wish for. And this happens all the time. Wins come with losses. Just like losses come with wins. And while it’s obvious that taste plays a big role in this whole process, what might be less obvious is that so does luck. So does coincidence. And, as it seems, this was a good week for my luck. And I am so thankful for it. And I will not take it for granted for a minute. And I will also not forget the role it played.

I guess I wanted to write all this down for a few reasons. One is because I am one of those people who sometimes thinks “wow all the good things are happening to so and so” but the fact is bad things might be happening too and the person just doesn’t talk about them. Nor should she have to. Back when I applied to teams, I never talked about it. I never said I applied and never said I didn’t get it. I figured it was painful enough, I didn’t need to share it. And I wouldn’t have shared American Crafts either. But it happened this week. At the same time as Tim Holtz. And it taught me a lesson. So there we go. And in case any of you out there are thinking only good stuff happens to me, now you know it’s not true. And don’t get me wrong, I am not whining. I am THRILLED beyond belief about my opportunities. I am thankful more than you can imagine. I still wake up thinking maybe it’s a joke someone’s playing on me. Or maybe Tim made a mistake and meant to email someone else (I often still think that about Margie, too.) so I am grateful. Very much. But I just wanted you to know the truth. All of it, not just the good bits. So you can’t play the game I play about how only good things happen to some of the people around me.

Also, this is a reminder that it’s all so subjective. This is like getting rejected from Harvard to get into Princeton. And it happens. It happened to people I know. I’ve been on the other side of hiring for several prestigious firms and I know it’s so much less scientific than it would seem. At the end of the day, people making the decisions are human. They have moody days, they have personal preferences. Maybe this person secretly hates purple. And without even realizing it, they wrote off your layout cause it had so much purple. We are more instinctive than we’d be willing to admit. So much is luck and coincidence. This is always on top of hard work, of course. You don’t get into either Harvard or Princeton without perfect grades. But if you did the best you can and worked hard, at some point you’re just playing the luck game, I think. Which is a good lesson for me to keep in mind. Because being a math person I so wish there were a formula. Then I could study really hard and just master it. And be done.

Wow lots of blathering, eh?

I also wanted to say thank you again, for your kindness and support. I really doubt myself way too many times a day and hearing every little word boosts me and my heart so much. It makes me feel stronger and more hopeful. And so so so very grateful.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for my husband. Who loves and supports me and makes me feel like one-and-only. My husband with whom I can talk for hours even after sixteen years together.
2. I am so grateful for all the amazing things that happened this week. The doors that opened other ones. The unexpected surprises. I am feeling like I won some lottery I wasn’t playing but really really wanted to win.
3. I am grateful that David loved the new books we’re using to learn how to read. He just wants to keep doing more and more exercises and he is loving it. He literally begged me to do more tonight. How could I not be thankful for that?

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. having lunch with ece (and her mommy and brother) at a retaurant
2. our new reading book!
3. daddy.