Not sure how i feel about that photo but I love the deep color in it.

I should start writing these earlier in the day, I’ve realized that after five pm, i hit a low for the day. I am exhausted and it all just descends on me suddenly so I am low on energy and positivity. Anyhow…

Here’s the face Nathaniel makes each time he sees the camera, now.

These shots were taken right after he woke up so his cheeks are red and he looks happy and rested. I love these photos.

And his funny, subtle, quirky faces.

My sister-in-law, Andee, makes these calendars for the whole family each year and both my kids love love LOVE looking through them. Thank you, Andee!

When we went to David’s school last weekend, we bought some used books for him. And he’s been reading them.

And there’s nothing that gives me as much joy as watching my son read.

Literally, nothing.

I love reading so much that seeing my kids doing it makes me deeply happy. I hope they love it as much as I have all my life.

I’ve been thinking more and more about 2011. And the rest of this year. My focus for October is the art journal and the walking. November will be a bit tricky with deadlines and short trip out of town and then my parents visiting. So I plan to keep walking and possibly pick something more flexible for the daily activity. Not sure why. Open to suggestions. Maybe drawing. Or watercolor. Something small, I can take with me. And then it’s December. December is all about December Daily for me. Tons and tons of family time. And planning and preparing for 2011.

For next year I think I will have year-long focuses like I did 52 things this year, and then monthly ones like LOAD. They both really help me in their own way. I also will be continuing with some of the things that I’m committed to or things I love like: layouts for The Girls’ Paperie, Tim Holtz, and A Million Memories, weekly books, daily diaries, creative therapy. Some things will end like 52 things, weekly gratitude (though I will continue the daily practice) and Crafting with David (which ended a while ago). And then some new ideas like: bringing back digital downloads, practicing other crafts like sewing/knitting/emboridery/etc., weekly art journal, weekly focus on health/exercise/diet, weekly books with david and journals with david. Those are some of my current ideas. I might get more or remove some. Who knows. I also want to do some more “thoughts” posts. Like the ones I do on Tuesdays for Weekly Gratitude. I used to write a lot of my thoughts on this blog and it sparked discussion and I loved it. So I am thinking it might be another good thing to do.

I will likely do a blog redesign. Probably a simple one that’s not drastically different but if you have input/feedback on the current blog look/feel let me know. I am open to comments.

That’s what’s on my mind today. How about you? What’s on your mind?

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am thankful that it’s almost Friday. I seem to be more tired than usual this week and I could use the extra rest time the weekend will bring.
2. I am grateful that despite not being so good at keeping in touch, I have some great friends who are amazing people.
3. I am so deeply grateful for the kind, amazing, deeply wonderful comments you’ve left recently. I am not great at getting back at people but I want you to know your words are touching my soul, where i need it the most and they make me feel so very very grateful. so, thank you. thank you. thank you.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. coloring at school (pumpkin)
2. playing with avi during lunch
3. reading books (Maisy)

Nathaniel woke up at 4am this morning and even after I changed his wet pajamas, he wasn’t able to go back to sleep so I got up with him. And thus my day started on a rough note. I was so tired and it took forever to wake up and get started on my day. But I did do a bunch of work, finish my art journal page, and I even got a bunch of important todos done so the whole day wasn’t a loss.

I snapped this photo of Nathaniel in the morning. He is getting new signs now. Last night he learned to sign flower. But his favorite is food.

For the rest of the day, I got no photos. So when I came back from the doctor’s I snapped this one of David.

And Nathaniel had grabbed some plastic cups from the pantry and was playing with them. He’s so good at focusing on things. He loves playing and I love watching him play.

And I love how he knows I’m trying to snap photos and I call his name and he smiles. He doesn’t look up or stop what he’s doing. But he does smile. I love him so deeply.

That’s all the photos I snapped before it was time to go to sleep.

I had a doctor’s appointment for TMJ today. TMJ is the joint between your jaw and skull. Mine is swollen and causes noises in my ear and a lot of pain in my jaw and headaches. It’s gotten considerably worse since Nathaniel was born. To the point where I am consistently in pain. I’ve had this problem for eleven years and I tried to get it fixed in the beginning but it only got worse so I gave up. Today was the first time I even let anyone talk about treating it. And if I do what the doctor suggests, it means mouth guards night and day and therapy and more. And it might get better. Which is of course worth it but just the thought of all that work and all that effort is making me sad. It’s not something I want to take on. And yet I know I should. Just sucks. And I know many people have it much worse but I am just feeling a bit low so I will let it get to me tonight and then I promise not to whine about it starting tomorrow.

I’ve mentioned it a few times and I plan to write about it in a lot more detail but one of the things I decided to tackle for October (and onward) is my health. More specifically, I’ve been walking 30 minutes a day since Saturday. Today I only did 15 minutes but considering how I felt, that’s a miracle. I have a lot to say about this. I have had issues with the way I look ever since I can remember and while I’d like other areas of my life to improve, I know that at this point in my life, this is the single biggest issue for me. And if I were to actually face it head on and do something about it, it would change my life forever. So instead of putting it off (which is what I’ve been doing for 6 years now.) I am choosing to take it on. For now and November and December and all of 2011. This is going to be focus number one. I will drop other commitments or activities if necessary but not this. More on this later but I wanted to make sure to put it out there.

Today was a long day as is but then I received an email and reacted badly to it. Then I got full of regret and it pretty much killed the rest of my day. I rarely ever regret anything in my life. I tend to think a lot before I commit to things or take a step. I am a firm believer in integrity so I think before I commit to ensure I can deliver and then i just work without thinking of regret. But on the rare occasions where I do regret, especially hurting or disappointing someone, I handle it very badly. I get really really wound up and I want the issue to resolve immediately and wish that I should show the person how very sorry I am. On and on. This sense of urgency to resolve overwhelms me and takes over just about anything else in my life. When it happened today, I got very sad. And I realized that I need to work on this. I need to realize that these things happen sometimes and that I have to learn to be patient. I have to learn to let go and have faith that people know me and will not assume the worst of me. But it’s hard. Really hard. I don’t like disappointing people. So I am going to lay low tonight. Let myself wallow a bit and try hard to be patient. And hope that I didn’t damage anything permanently.

Today, I bought tickets to go to NYC in November. I will be gone for about 40 hours. 10 of which will be on the plane. It will be the first time I am leaving both kids behind. First time I am away from Nathaniel overnight. But I am going to see my sister whom I haven’t seen in a year and a half and her kids and husband whom I haven’t seen in almost 4 years. I miss them. I cannot wait to see them. Even if it means I have to be away from my boys for a little bit. Though that will be hard for me, too. I am glad I am doing it. It’s a step for me. I am not good at leaving my family. And I haven’t been to New York since 2006. It’s my favorite city in the world so it will be nice to walk its streets again, too.

Oh and I meant to say, today’s photo was not a cover. Just another page in my art journal that I was using earlier this year. And thank you for your kind words on it. I am telling myself that it’s not about how it looks. just about the process of doing it.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for glee and some snuggly time coming up tonight.
2. I am grateful the i walked despite the fact that I was feeling overwhelmingly tired today.
3. I am grateful that I bought my tickets to NYC. It had been on my list for two weeks now.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. the little book my classmates made me (david told them what he likes – rainbows, trucks, jedis, school – and they each made drawings for him
2. getting my new legos
3. making my rabbit puppet
4. helping avi color today at school

It’s been a lethargic weekend. I kept feeling like all I wanted to do was lie on the couch and doze off. David’s school had a celebration today so we went over for a while and David got to go down slides and bounce around.

I still remember the days he was so afraid of these things.

And now he slides on his tummy, even. My how the time passes.

Then we went to see these pets.

Lizards. Snakes. He didn’t want to touch them but they were cool.

So he and Daddy took a close look.

Starbucks was there and giving away mini-donuts. Nathaniel held on to his for a long while. but did not eat it. I wasn’t a big fan of mine either.

It’s Sunday night. Not my favorite. I’ve been thinking so much about 2011 that I am sort of done with 2010. I even picked my word for 2011, isn’t that weird. We still have a quarter of this year left!

I do have a plan for October and I’ve begun it even. A long term project that I’ve been putting off for years. Time to start. I also have plans for November and December is December daily of course. I’ve been thinking about how next year, I will do these monthly projects. I’m brainstorming ideas. Excited and looking forward. I love fall. I am happy it’s here. Despite the short days which are a bit depressing. But being in California means cool breeze mixed with sunshine and that’s just perfect.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that this weekend’s rough start calmed down.
2. I am grateful the joy of planning for 2011.
3. I am grateful that I’ve been making progress on myself. I am putting an effort to work on myself and I am grateful that I am doing that.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. going down the bouncy slide at school
2. eating a minidonut and vanilla ice cream with chocolate on the outside
3. buying books at school (and a lego since he did such an amazing job with reading. he’s on lesson 81 out of 100)

Happy Friday!!

I am normally very against putting diaper photos but this was way too cute and accurate representation of the little boy right now. Here he is, pants off cause he will not wear them, shoes on cause he is obsessed with shoes, same for the headphones with the dragging cord, chewing on a lego wheel. That’s pretty much my boy right now.

He’s been playing with the plastic containers of my new Tim Holtz goodies.

He likes opening them, putting little legos inside and then closing.

And then opening again.

I cannot believe this big, wonderful boy is my son. My son.

David’s nose was dripping so I told him to blow it and minutes later this is what we saw little boy doing.

He loves to imitate his brother. And then we all went out to the yard and played ball.

Well the kids did while I read. David also read his “Biscuit Goes to School” book to me. I still cannot believe that he can read. It’s like magic.

Thank you for all your feedback from yesterday, I truly appreciate it. I’m still thinking and planning it so please feel free to give me more feedback. I am also trying to figure out if I will do something for October. I am thinking of trying out journaling daily. I’ve done this before several times but had almost no success each time so I am not entirely optimistic. I am thinking of taking on daily projects for a month like I did in May and June. Despite the struggling in August, I still think this is the right method for me. So I am thinking of things I might want to tackle. Suggestions welcome 🙂

I must say that despite the fact that I love it and my kids are wonderful and easygoing and most days I manage it all well, there are days when I snap at my kids and husband way more than necessary and then I look back on it and I am embarrassed for myself. For the way I behaved. It’s setting a terrible example for my kids and my marriage. I want to work on this. No reason to treat anyone with disrespect especially since I would not like to be treated that way myself. Just felt like I needed a slap in the hand today.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that it’s the weekend!
2. I am grateful that I scrapped last night and this morning. Lately I’ve been doing 80% of a layout at night and then leaving the stitching to the morning and this makes me feel happy both days and gives me something to dig in to in the morning.
3. I am grateful that David can check out a book from the school library all on his own and read it all the way. I am truly truly amazed and thankful for the progress he’s made.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. helping avi color his castle shapes
2. coloring my eagle at home
3. having matthew choose me as the star of the day for monday

So the little boy woke up at 4:20am this morning, crying and burning up and coughing and miserable. I was exhausted but also a little at my wit’s end. I almost took him to the urgent care. After I gave him some medicine, he was better but still very lethargic. He couldn’t hold his head up so I put him back down in bed where he slept for a tiny bit and then woke up coughing. We even drove over to the hospital but then thought better of it. At this point, he was much more himself so I knew it was better to be calmer and more organized. Jake took David to the bus, I came home for the cleaning lady and waited for the doctor’s office to open. They were awesome and gave me an appointment quickly. We rushed over there and yes he has something like croup. Throat is sore and inflamed. Poor little boy.

We came back home and he was so tired so I put him down.

We had a lot of these sad faces today.

But he was much better as the day wore on. I decided to take a personal day from work and rest, too. I did end up working more than planned but it was still good to stress less. We picked up David who’d had a good day at school and came home to rest and eat dinner.

I snapped this odd photo of Nathaniel that’s blurry but it’s the only non-crying photo I have from today so I want to put it here so I can remember that it wasn’t all crying.

By the evening, he was in better moods and even played outside a bit. I am overwhelmingly exhausted and behind in so many tasks but just hiding behind my book. It will all sort itself out soon.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that Nathaniel isn’t too sick or having huge coughing fits. He’s a strong little boy and hopefully will be much better soon.
2. I am grateful I was able to take the day off and rest a bit and grateful that despite my day off, made some progress at work and set the space up for a good day at work tomorrow.
3. I am grateful that while I am letting things slide, people have been so kind and understanding.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. making my P puppet (penguin!)
2. playing road game with my friend Hassen at school
3. creating rhymes with words that end with “en” at school

This morning, we drove David to the school bus and then after a brief stop at home, we drove over to his school to volunteer for an art project. I helped and took photos of the kids (I am also helping with yearbook photos for the class.) Nathaniel was well behaved almost the whole time and it was fun to see the variety of art projects in the class. While we were there, a woman came to assess each of the kids on their math skills one by one. She was amazed by David’s interest, excitement, and knowledge. She said he was the best she’s assessed in all of kindergarten. And she loved that he was having so much fun with it. Yey for David!

We then rushed home and I put the little boy down. He slept for a short time and woke up all cranky. It took a long time but he did finally relax. I got a bunch of work done and watched him play a bit.

Then we went to get David. Since I showed you some Nathaniel faces a while ago, I thought it would be fun to do some David faces, too. Like this one.

And this one.

Thinking hard.

Nathaniel wasn’t sure how he felt about the whole thing.

But David started making funny faces.

And funnier faces.

And won the little boy over, of course.

I am still indescribably exhausted. Besides work, David’s school and some reading I did not do one thing all day. And my plan for tonight is sleep and then some more sleep. Maybe a tiny bit of reading squeezed in there.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that Nathaniel is in a good mood again, he had me worried for a while today.
2. I am grateful that David’s so good at math and more importantly likes it.
3. I am grateful that my work was on the twopeas blog today and also on crate paper’s blog. I am so so honored.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. making nathaniel laugh
2. doing homework with mommy
3. checking out a new book from the library (biscuit goes to school)