This morning I woke up, I posted the catalyst, I snuggled up with my kid, I had my coffee. I was blissful and happy. I just decided this was it, I was going to relax. And i ended up getting much more than usual done and I am still relaxed.

Nathaniel is getting harder and more demanding but he also plays with his toys occasionally.

And he’s so wonderful so I cannot imagine doing anything else with my time. I cannot imagine leaving this one at home and going to work. I love him so.

And then I had to go to work so Jake came home and went to pick up David while I went to work. I was there for a little over two hours and it was incredibly useful and also great to get out a bit. I don’t get out much. While I was gone, Jake snapped this for me.

And now I am back, kids are tucked in and I am planning on doing more relaxing. Taking care of me day! I hope you make one too!!

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I went to work. I learned a lot.
2. I am grateful that I did actually take the time to relax today. I rarely let myself off the hook, so I am glad I did.
3. I am grateful that I feel calm now. That I am still walking and eating better and working on things. One day at a time….
4. Oh and i got this amazing email today. A reply I had long stopped expecting.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. making my Y puppet
2. watching movies with daddy
3. playing roll and recorder at school ( no idea what this is!! )

I’m back to that bad place of being paralyzed by too much work. I’m getting a lot of work done and when i make my todo list I can see that it’s actually manageable and i will definitely get it done yet I still feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start and then get all wound up and do nothing. Here’s my promise to myself and you can hold me accountable: no new commitments for November and December. I’ve already made some but other than those, i won’t take anything on for the rest of this year. Time to rest and rejuvenate.

Many people ask me how I get work done at home with Nathaniel. Well here’s what he does while I’m working.

And then here’s the face poor David makes when i tell him he has to clean it up.

He knows it’s not fair and tells me so often.

But then I remind him that he did this when he was little and i cleaned it up every time and that we look out for each other and that’s what it means to be a family. And he feels resigned. Nathaniel ends up sacrificing for him too, just in different ways.

And speaking of Nathaniel I’ve been trying to expand Nathaniel’s meal variety. So we’ve tried carrots, sweet peppers, broccoli, blakc-eyed peas, and heirloom tomatoes in the last two days. All with no interest. He’s gotten really good at shaking his head no.

I apologize for cutting it short and being so whiny. I am off to write some more lessons and once this set is finished, I will breathe a big sigh of relief and be so much more jovial. I promise.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that despite feeling low and overwhelmed i am still making time for giggling with my kids, walking, and the art journal.
2. I am grateful that my ability to be effective at work is increasing.
3. I am grateful that I’ve been working on some positive changes for my daily intake of food. Not just fewer calories but more nutritional food. One step at a time.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. bringing the books i made at school home
2. going to school!
3. doing the brainquest workbook with mommy

I have a lot of photos today and I have a melting down baby and a long list of todos tonight so I am going to keep the words short and let the photos speak for themselves. 52 Things is ideally going to come some time today or possibly tomorrow, too.

This morning, the kids went under the curtains and looked out the window to the backyard. Watching the birds and squirrels.

I love watching them.

Or maybe I just love them.

In the afternoon, we went to the park by our house. Nathaniel watched his brother a lot and he must have loved that cause he gave him a hug all on his own.

Here’s Mr. Handsome.

And the little boy. Beautiful boy.

David went down the slide many times. On his tummy.

And Nathaniel kept watching him.

So he kept doing it and laughing.

Our friend Ece and one of the neighbor boys came out to play, too. He brought out his swords which made Nathaniel super-happy.

I made considerable progress in my class but i am now running behind in many things. I feel tired and worn out a bit. So this is something I am going to have to take a step back and think about so that I can learn not to wear myself out. The list keeps growing even as I tackle more and more items.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that we got to play outside some with friends today. Five kids. It was fun.
2. I am grateful that I already wrote lesson one and two, six more to go.
3. I am grateful for that i am walking and making art journal pages. I am making progress this month, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel so.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. going to the park with Ece.
2. coloring.
3. playing wii

Well this week is coming to an end really fast. But the listing of items has been working for me. I’m on a roll and getting stuff done. At a slower pace than I’d like and I haven’t read a page in my book all week but I have written most of my first class and I plan to finish it all tonight. It’s about perfectionism. Great topic. Then a few detours/commitments and onward to the second class!

David had a supershort day at school today so I had to get a lot done in the morning, including my walk and then run over to get him. I spent most of the afternoon working hard while Nathaniel slept and David colored. Both of the kids really love playing this game where they fall to the ground. Not sure why. They like doing it on the pillow, on each other, and on just nothing.

And David told me today that this is him doing ballet. I don’t think he’s going to have a career in ballet, do you?

Here’s Nathaniel grabbing the pillow (so he can fall on it.)

and his reaction to my saying no.

And more of it when he sees that it’s a firm no.

And, finally, full blown meltdown.

But my no stays no, so he goes and finds other adventures. Then he decides he’s hungry so he grabs the cinnamon crackers out of the pantry and brings them to me. And I get to snap what is likely my favorite shot of him.

And there we go.

An angel. that’s what my boy is. Both my boys. Even when they are melting down. Even when they are driving me literally insane. David lost two sweaters in school in two days. I was beside myself. I need to learn to be calmer. It’s better for him and for me. My jaw hurts like insane. Like 3-6 advils a day insane. Not good for either of us.

So far, I’m enjoying art journaling month but I am not sure i’m learning much or conquering my fears. I think I am not paying enough attention to it. I am still walking however. No less than a mile each day. Ideally two miles. So far so good. I’m almost done with the 7 habits so I will have to find another book to listen to. Any recommendations? Something non fiction I think. It’s easier to listen to nonfiction.

I bought some math books to do with David but neither are nearly as good as the reading book we’ve been doing. I wish I could find some fantastic ones. IF you know of any, please do let me know.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I am almost done putting together my new class. Big item off my list.
2. I am grateful that Jake seems to be enjoying himself in NY. I miss him like crazy but I am happy he’s happy.
3. I am grateful for the kind, happy mail from Caroline. Thank you so much Caroline, you’re truly amazing, generous and so supportive. I am deeply grateful.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. sitting with maggie on the bus.
2. coloring at home.
3. sharing my book at school (the cat in the hat!)

Something a bit different. I am sorry if you don’t like flowers. I seem to have a thing for them.

Today was a bit better and I actually woke up with the drive to get things done. And I got a bunch done. And then tonight I finally got organized. I have a LOT on my plate but I feel like I can do it. It seems more possible now. Thankfully.

This is Nathaniel most of the time. He is in his seat and reaching for something other than what’s actually on his plate. It doesn’t even matter what, the other thing is more appealing.

And here’s David giving me “please please let me smile so she can leave me alone” face. Ugh. This made me feel bad. He looks so sad.

Here’s Nathaniel signing for food. He asks for food all day long. All day long. Literally.

And then I say, Nathaniel smile for me and I get this.

I love this. I don’t care that it looks funny. It’s perfect. It shows that he gets it. He knows that you smile. He’s been watching his brother practice and doing the same. He’s such a joy.

I’ve just finished writing the most of my lesson for the first class next year. I’ve replied to a slew of emails. If you’re awaiting an email from me, can I ask that you please please email me again? I might have totally missed it in the slump of the last ten days. I apologize. Please email me again.

I took today off work and tomorrow too. Not for a specific reason. Just to rest and not stress about work. And it worked. I felt more relaxed all day. Let’s see how tomorrow feels. How was your day? You’ve been quiet lately, I hope I’m not boring you to death.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I finally got organized. I now have a schedule. I work well with a schedule. It’s agressive but I can do it.
2. I am grateful for a few days off work. I need the rest.
3. I am grateful kindness from so many people. At the least expected times. For no reason. People are amazing.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. taking the computer test (he took a test at school today apparently.)
2. playing cards with Daddy last night
3. coloring at school today