Daily Diary – November 26 2010

After Jake and I came home from the movies last night, we found my parents like this on the couch. It was only 9:15am. They are still very jet lagged.

My favorite thing about Thanksgiving is the fact that I get the next day off. When I worked on Wall Street, we used to have to go to work on Friday and it was so depressing. Now I get it off and I love love this extra day. All the thanksgiving events are over and since I hate shopping, black Friday is not an event for me. I just spend the day snuggling up with my kids and doing absolutely nothing. In fact, I told myself that this whole weekend will just be watching movies, reading books, and family time. Nothing on my todo list. I get the weekend off.

Unfortunately, Jake had to go to work today but he decided it would be fun to take David along, so they both woke up at 4am and went to the city. Jake was worried David might misbehave but I knew better of course. He was perfect. As he often is.

So the morning was just Nathaniel and me. I don’t think I ever saw him pickup this doll before. We’d gotten it years ago for David. At the time he was having some major speech issues and they’d told us to get him a doll. So we did. Anyhow, Nathaniel picked it up, so I snapped a photo.

And then he kissed the doll’s head. I couldn’t believe it. Never did that before. No idea where he got it.

He then continued to make a mess around the house.

In the meantime I changed my lens as I mentioned last night that I might. With my old camera (canon 20d) I used to use the 50mm 1.8 but then when I bought the full-frame 5d mark ii, I also bought a 85mm 1.8 and that’s what I usually use. It’s medium telephoto which means it is hard to get wide photos in a small space. And since I wanted my tree in our photos, I decided for the holidays I’d switch back to the 50mm. And here’s the tree.

I don’t like this lens’s portraits nearly as much but I think it’s an ok compromise for the holidays. I might go back, I haven’t decided yet. To be fair, this one’s also badly focused.

Nathaniel’s learned all about TV and likes it on. He doesn’t sit and watch often but i think he likes the noise like I do.

He also likes graham crackers almost as much as I do.

My mom came over early morning and we tackled David’s room. It was a huge mess so we picked everything up and moved everything around and did a fantastic job. Now I have room to fit a table there which is what I wanted to do. We did it while Nathaniel was napping and by the time David made it home, we were done. And he loved it!

My mom left shortly after and I worked out and Jake went out to work so I just snuggled with the boys and read my book. Little boy was really happy.

And the big boy sat with me and played on the computer.

And now they’re eating dinner and will be heading to bed, soon. David’s been up since 4am. My mom is about come over again so she can sit (or sleep?) while we go see another movie. Yey for getting to go on so many date nights.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that it was a quiet and wonderfully relaxing day.
2. I am grateful that we cleaned up David’s room. It was a big project I was dreading.
3. I am grateful that I exercised today. I was so tired and wanted to just be lazy but I got up and did it anyway.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. going to work with daddy {* his pick for the journal}
2. playing on the computer
3. playing with nathaniel

Daily Diary – November 25 2010

Happy Thanksgiving.

I didn’t grow up in the United States so Thanksgiving has never been a big holiday for me but over the years it’s become a wonderful way to spend some family time and remember everything we’re grateful for and today was no exception. It started like most mornings with the little one walking around in his PJs.

But then we took out the Christmas tree which I planned to setup after the meal. This is the first year we’re using the fake tree and it comes prelit. Nathaniel loved it. We all just sat around and relaxed as Nathaniel napped (or didn’t nap.)

And some of the grownups napped too.

While others played and read. (David’s nose was bleeding.)

I’m determined to be in the photos more so I asked my dad to snap a photo.

And then I asked Jake to take one of me and my parents.

Then we sat to dinner. And amazingly I can never get a good Thanksgiving dinner photo. It’s cause my lens is not wide-angle enough. I have to switch for the holidays.

David didn’t eat anything but green beans, rolls, and pumpkin pie.

And then there was Skype’ing with Jake’s parents.

When that was over, David helped me decorate the tree. And even Nathaniel did.

Before bedtime, our beautiful tree was up and running. Three cheers for Christmastime.

We didn’t get to the movies last night so we’re off right now! I hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful. If you’re not in America, I hope you still took the time to remember what you’re grateful for today.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that we put up our tree. I love it.
2. I am grateful that Jake’s ok. There was a small scare but I think we’re ok.
3. I am grateful for a wonderful, quiet day with tons of family time and no stress. Exactly how holidays should be.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. showing my ornaments to amore {* his pick for the journal}
2. helping mommy decorate the tree
3. playing with opapa

Daily Diary – November 24 2010

I am crossing my fingers, but I think we might be on the other side of this sleep thing. The little boy actually slept through the whole night. Me, I woke up at 4:30 am and could not go back to sleep but that’s something else altogether. Go Nathaniel!

My parents arrived safe and sound last night and I got to hang out with them for a bit. This morning, I did some scrapping, some working and some working out before they got here. Once they got here, there was the opening of the luggage full of toys.

Nathaniel grabbed one box immediately and when David took it back, there was much anger and screaming.

Which morphed into a full-on melt-down.

Until David got another box and gave the original back to Nathaniel.

And then we moved on and started playing with the toys.

I tried to sneak a photo of David in. Got the “here ya go” smile.

Nathaniel tried to master the pen.

And looked cute doing it.

Didn’t get enough photos of my parents, will do soon I promise. Now it’s dinner/bedtime and then Jake and I are off to date night. Yey!

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that my parents made it safe and sound. It’s so nice having them around and seeing them play with the kids.
2. I am grateful that my mom brought tons of clothes for Nathaniel, he had almost none and I hate shopping.
3. I am grateful that we get to go out tonight and then have a full family day tomorrow. Love love love family time.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. getting lots of toys {* his pick for the journal}
2. playing the cars game on my didj
3. playing with opapa (my dad)

Daily Diary – November 23 2010

I didn’t take nearly enough photos when I was in NYC. This is one of the few I took.

I’d like to say today was super-awesome with my new attitude but Nathaniel woke up 3 times last night and I was dead tired all day. I did a few of my todo list items, especially one big one but I still have a few dangling items I wish I could get to. I also have been thinking a lot about next year and my projects and my life in general etc. So that’s keeping me up at night too. Not in a bad way, just preoccupying my mind.

My little boys are being angels of course. Because that’s what they are.

David decided he was going to turn this box into a house and drew all the rooms in our house and the people in them etc. etc. Then explained it all to me for a good twenty minutes. Love this boy!

He then played with his Didj while Nathaniel napped and I worked.

After Nathaniel woke up, I worked out. My knee is still hurting and more than anything I am annoyed about it. I wish it would just go away and leave me alone now that I am finally working out. In the afternoon, they lounged around a bit while I worked. I love the way Nathaniel’s playing here:

And David played at sprout on the computer.

Then Nathaniel decided it was time to play with balls and convinced David to put this on.

I told David to throw the balls slowly and that Nathaniel couldn’t hold three at the same time. Alas, I was wrong.

And now they are eating and I am waiting for Jake cause I have to rush out to the hairdresser and then my parents will be here. I can’t wait to hug them!

I don’t know how many of you read my asides on the side of the blog but in case you didn’t see it, Tim Holtz decided to no longer have a design team and I just wanted to say that it was an amazing honor to design for him for as long as it lasted. I still remember the day I got the email from him and I was sure it was a prank. I hope you’ve enjoyed my layouts and thank you for all your kind words. I have more Tim stuff coming up and I will of course continue to use his amazing products on my work. Cause how could I not? He’s amazing. Thank you, Tim, for the opportunity.

And I also wanted to thank you for all your kind words about my pity party post. I really appreciate your kind words and will reply individually but I wanted to take the time here to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that we get a few days off work. I need it. I need to sit and relax and read and be with my family. I have two more projects and then I plan to sit and do nothing for a few days.
2. I am grateful that my parents will be here for a while. Not only is it awesome for me, for the kids, but it also means date night!
3. I am grateful for my kids again and again. They hugged so many times today that I almost cried. I adore them so deeply and am so thankful that they are in my life.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. making my box house
2. helping mommy by cleaning up {* his pick for the journal}
3. playing the cars game on my didj

Daily Diary – November 22 2010

I woke up this morning feeling rested for the first time in a long time but then I got cranky and whiny and just unmotivated to do anything at all. I am obviously in a mood lately and I wish I could snap out of it but I’ve learned from months of experience now that I just need to wait it out and it does go away. Cycle of life I guess.

At some point I decided to just bite the bullet and work hard and then workout and I was really glad I did. I have been worried that I was losing some of the hard work I’ve put into exercising since all I’ve done this last week was 1mile walks and they were tiring. But today I felt better so I walked for 2 miles and could probably have gone for a while longer. I am still trying not to force my knee so I go slowly but it was still good to do 2 miles. I will get my knee brace tomorrow and let’s see if that helps at all.

By early afternoon, I’d not taken any photos of the kids so I snapped some of the little boy while he tried to make a mess with the lego box.

He wouldn’t give me a smile but I still love these. I love his little hands. Soft hands. I love having him sit next to me on the couch and hugging him and smelling him. He’s growing up so fast. I love that he gets jealous when David hugs me so he cuts in to hug, too. I love that when David was lying on the floor today and I told Nathaniel to give him a hug, he walked over and lay on top of David to give him a hug. I love them so much.

i got a few of my older boy, too. Those magical blue eyes.

They can pierce my soul.

I’d promised David we could spend some time together after I finished my work. So I took a little break at the end of the day and colored with him. I did the girl and he did the boy.

The kids are eating and watching a little TV. I made my peace with the fact that there will be a bit more TV than usual around here for the holidays. Not a lot but a little more. That’s ok with me.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that my parents are coming tomorrow night. I haven’t seen them in too long and I miss them. I love them so.
2. I am grateful that I get my hair done tomorrow. I feel like changing it up but I am not sure how. Let’s see if she comes up with something.
3. I am grateful for a little perspective today. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately (more on this tomorrow) and several people have been giving me perspective which I sorely need lately.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. watching chloe’s closet
2. playing with nathaniel
3. coloring with mommy {* his pick for the journal}

Daily Diary – November 21 2010

I had big plans for today. I’ll admit it, most of my major to-do list items for the rest of they year are completed. And yet, I’ve been creating a bit of work for myself. Which is stupid. I know this and yet I can’t seem to stop myself. So I had a full plate for today, all of which went out the window when Nathaniel decided that 3am was a perfect time to wake up for the day. We’re on something like day twenty without a normal night of sleep. We had bad tummy, teeth, time change, drippy nose, etc, etc. Many excuses to wake up all over the place. But I am officially worn out. (Actually I was like a week ago.) and I need to find a way to work with him so he goes back to sleeping relatively normal hours.

Anyway, so I got up at 3am tried to get him to go back to sleep but there was a lot of yelling. He doesn’t cry, just screams. REALLY loudly. I then took him in my bed but to no avail. Around 4-4:30, I just gave up. And thus began our day.

I figured it meant nothing was going to get done today, so I actually got to work right away. I did some of the mindless work I had left from last night and then I did a bit more after David woke up and I fed the kids, etc. Despite the early wake up, Nathaniel was in good humors.

After I put the little boy down, I took a little nap on the couch while David colored. Then he played on his Didj for a while and talked about how good he is at it.

Here’s the “just take the photo so I can move on, Mommy” look.

And here’s a spunky one from Nathaniel.

And one more.

After lunch, I finally felt ok enough to do the treadmill. I’ve been taking it slow. My knee is still in pain so I am walking just one mile everyday. Which is definitely effecting my stamina because I was barely able to do it today. Then again, it could be getting only 3.5 hours of sleep. Anyway, I am still doing it even if a little.

The rest of the day was more craftiness, hugging and watching TV and just lying around, enjoying a quiet Sunday. I did end up accomplishing most of my to-do list and I even backed up my computer which is always a good good thing. Here’s to hoping the little boy actually sleeps past 5am tomorrow.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that Jake comes home tonight. Our life just doesn’t feel complete without him.
2. I am grateful that this is a short week at work. They tend to make me super-productive and I am hoping this one will not be an exception.
3. I am grateful for my aching muscles. While i don’t like the pain, they are a sign of the fact that I am still working out and working on becoming healthier. So they can ache as much as they want.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. watching sprout. {* his pick for the journal}
2. playing with my didj.
3. playing with my legos.

Daily Diary – November 20 2010

I ended up staying up much later than usual last night so I woke up all tired this morning, which meant I just relaxed and enjoyed my morning with the kids and with checking email and blogs. While I was on the computer, the kids put the pillows on the floor and fell on them and laughed. Watching them laugh gave me endless joy.

Then they started playing legos.

Nathaniel would give the pieces to David and he would put them together. It was amazing to watch and they were so so cute, I almost cried. Nathaniel even got up and hugged him.

Because I missed it, I tried to get him to do it again so David helped me out. But Nathaniel wasn’t biting.

So David just hugged him anyway.

Then he started playing Wii and Nathaniel played by himself. Fully content and happy. (Look at the way his legs are sitting. Yikes.)

It’s been pouring rain here so when Nathaniel heard it, he rushed to the back window and watched it all come down. He was really excited and confused at the same time.

David took a lot of breaks today. He just didn’t feel like playing Wii if you ask me. Another example that if I just let him do it, he will get sick of it and do other things. He colored, played, and then found a Sudoku book so we did it together and he colored it.

We did a lot of cleaning up today. Went through all of David’s stuff in the living room and my piles all over. I am sure it will all accumulate again but for now it’s so much cleaner and so much less overwhelming and I have so much more room to put more scrapping stuff. I also did a big crafty projects I’d been thinking of for a few days. It turned out quite neat, but took hours and hours. I have no patience as I find out again and again. So the plans for tomorrow are to keep things simple. And play with the kids for hours. Cause really there’s nothing else I’d rather do.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that we cleaned up so much. I feel lighter and more librated.
2. I am grateful that despite the relaxing day, I finished a big task (well, 90% finished) that was on my list.
3. I am grateful for my kids and my husband and my sister and my nephews and my parents. I just feel so loved and so grateful. I often worry that I do not have those close friends I seem to think I need but I have such an amazing, loving, supportive family and I am so deeply grateful for all of their kindess, company, love and kindness.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. coloring. {* his pick for the journal}
2. playing wii.
3. doing sudoku with mommy

Daily Diary – November 19 2010

So today was a great day! I put a bunch of tasks on my calendar last night so that I would keep getting alarms and just finish the tasks. And that’s exactly what I did! I did my work, my tasks, my exercise and even made some videos. I even went to the doctor because my knee’s been hurting a bit so I wanted to make sure it wasn’t something really bad. (It’s not. Runners knee. Be careful. Ice. Do inner thigh exercises. etc.) And then after I picked up David, I went grocery shopping with both kids and filled the house with fruit and yogurt and veggies. Yey! Good way to jumpstart my weekend.

All of this meant that I lost sunlight by the time I made it home. So I rushed the kids outside and tried to catch the last tiny bits of light. David gave me some funny faces.

And some sorta sad looking ones.

Nathaniel just ignored me altogether and rejoiced in being outside. Put shoes on, grabbed the ball and went for it.

I love that he’s wearing David’s shoes on the wrong feet. Love this boy.

Love both my boys so much. David and I did another grateful page in his journal and then the kids ate, played, etc. Jake’s out of town for the weekend so I have quiet time to read and craft at nights. My calendar is full of weekend reminders too, so let’s see how many of them I get to finish before he’s back.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I crossed of some of the annoying tasks on my list. Always happy to have those done.
2. I am grateful that the doctor told me I could keep exercising. I am worried if I stop now, that will be the end of this venture.
3. I am thankful that I talked to a friend tonight who gave me good advice and changed my perspective on something that was bothering me. Now I feel so much better and it’s amazing how a tiny shift can change an entire outlook.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. doing sand art in Native American Day.
2. walking in the Native American Day parade at school.
3. going shopping with mommy and Nathaniel

Daily Diary – November 17 2010

I was low on photos today. Not exactly sure why. I have this sweet boy.

And this sneaky one who’s smirking.

I’ve done a lot today. I’ve scrapped, worked, edited and uploaded some videos, played with my kids, walked 3+ miles, and yet I still feel like I have this todo list that I am putting off. Items I don’t want to do but I should. Items that I am wondering if there’s a reason I’m dreading doing them or if I am just tired.

I must admit all this exercise is making me tired. and worn out. I am going to try to power through tonight and get a bunch of items done and maybe the euphoria of that will help me get the others done. That’s how it works isn’t it?

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I am still working on the getting fit project. I have lost 12 lbs so far. Not enough but still a good start. I am working at this goal with determination.
2. I am grateful that my parents are coming next week. There’s some stress with visitors but I missed them so much and I love them so much.
3. I am thankful that I have only one more item left on my calendar. Which means I am home for the next few days after tomorrow. I can relax, play with my kids, and not feel like I have to be somewhere when I’d rather be home.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. playing with the big yellow alphabet classroom toy
2. music class at school
3. having daddy come home early cause he came home late last night

Daily Diary – November 16 2010

This morning started much better than yesterday. I woke up without pain so I was thankful. Especially since today was Nathaniel’s MMR shots. He was blissfully playing before we left for the doctor.

Especially with David’s toys while he was at school.

He cried a lot during the shots (MMR, flu, and chicken pox) of course but then was quiet soon after. When we came home, I put him down for his nap right away cause this week David has 3 minimum days in a row. When Nathaniel woke up we went to get David and I asked for a smile. Here’s what I got.

Yes, we need work. But I love the faces he makes as he speaks. He’s so full of expressions.

And so is this little one. Who’s been in good humor despite the shots.

And he’s been making messes and playing with everything in sight. Especially if it’s David’s.

I have book club tonight. A big group this time and I am not sure how they will fit in my house but I am not going to stress or try to look good. I am going to do my best and be me and hope for the best. Three cheers for authenticity.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I made a layout today. It had been three days since my last one.
2. I am grateful for some amazingly good news that I cannot share just yet. But very thankful today.
3. I am thankful that most of what I was worried about for the last month seems to have dissipated. I am still more stressed than I’d like but I am slowly coming around to that calm, happy place.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. watching some sprout
2. playing on nickjr.com
3. making a picture for mommy and one for daddy
4. making a vest at school for native american day

Daily Diary – November 15 2010

I woke up this morning and I was feeling really terrible. My headache had exploded overnight and it took more than three advils to make it go away. I had to lie on the couch for several hours before I could even get up. I was so upset that I would be too tired and sick to function and I just decided to give myself the day off. I slept, napped, relaxed and just didn’t do anything. If I get sick, everything will fall through so I might as well take one day and heal.

My sister sent Nathaniel some stuffed animals. Which he inspected closely.

And then grabbed all at the same time.

David got some toys, too. You’ll see them in his gratitude section.

And I snapped one more of the little boy who has a boo boo on his chin. (and he’s suffering a bad tummy which also caused diaper rash. Not to mention the MMR and chicken pox shots he’ll be getting tomorrow 🙁 ).

In the afternoon I felt much better, thankfully. I had David’s parent-teacher conference. He’s doing great. On target on everything and socially doing great, too. Knock on wood. Now that the kids are sleeping, I have a list of 20 items and I am still feeling far from 100% so I am going to go slow and try to finish as much as I can. It will all work out eventually. As it always does.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I am back home and getting back into my routine. I am a person of routine and as much as I loved being with my sister, home is the best place for me.
2. I am grateful that the weekend went well and I didn’t freak out. It was my first time leaving Nathaniel and I am so glad it went so smoothly.
3. I am thankful that David’s doing well at school and thriving. I wasn’t (and still am not) sure about public school but it’s going great so far. knock on wood.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1.getting the math toy – yona sent him a match quiz toy
2. playing tic tac toe – also a toy yona sent him
3. writing in my journal at school (he wrote about how happy he was to play wii)

Daily Diary – November 14 2010

Yesterday was a weird day in that I spent most of it on the plane. And yet I did so much before the day was half over. I exercised, I had brunch with my sister and her family, I went to FedEx to print my boarding pass, and I even got to meet with my highschool friend Burcu before I took off for the airport.

While I did all that, Jake and the kids went to the discovery museum which is where I imagine these were taken.

Yea, not the best ones but I still am happy to have them, especially since I didn’t live these days with them.

I was snapping photos on the other side of the country. Here’s my amazing sister.

Isn’t she so beautiful?

And so is her family. Wonderful, beautiful people inside and out.

Here she is with one of her twins, Aksel.

And here we are, the two of us. We look very different but we love each other so deeply.

I should have taken a photo with Burcu, too. Bummer.

The flight back was painful. I watched movies but I had a terrible headache. I am guessing it was from talking all weekend and my TMJ. But it would not end. Not when I got there. Not when I went to sleep. Not even when I woke up. So I went to bed at 8pm as soon as the kids were in bed and I checked in on some small things and went right to sleep. Grateful to be in my own bed. With my family.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I got to spend such a great time with my sister. We didn’t fight one single time. It was authentic, genuine and honest and so so so heartfelt. I love her so much.
2. I am grateful that I got home safe and sound and that the kids and Jake were all happy and relaxed and happy to see me.
3. I am thankful that thanks to a great coincidence I got to see my friend Burcu. I hadn’t seen her in probably six years and it was a miracle that we got to be in NYC at the same time.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. playing indiana jones on the wii
2. going to the museum with daddy
3. having mommy come back