More snow. There was so so much.
Things are finally getting better here. The kids are feeling better. The noses are still running but fevers are gone and the moods are improved. I love watching my kids play together. I get so much joy out of it.
And here’s the little boy. Always with things in his mouth.
Chewing and chewing. He’s already got 4 teeth and I think 2 more are coming out. I am guessing that’s why he’s chewing so very much.
Nathaniel was really off last night. His nose was so full that he couldn’t sleep and wanted to hold my hand from 10-midnight. He slept on my hand and if I moved at all, he’d wake up and cry. And then he woke up at 4:30 and would not go back to sleep so he just nursed and nursed until morning and since he hadn’t eaten enough yesterday, I just let him drink. Which all meant that I was wiped all day.
Note to Self:
There are certain things that I just don’t deal well with and it’s important for me to know that. Today, someone came to fix the crack in our windshield and within minutes I was signing all these waivers that my windshield might crack or that I could still see the crack even when it’s filled and I just felt immediately stressed out. I was annoyed that I had to make such choices and I was frustrated that if they broke my window, it was going to be my problem. It could be that I was so tired but I just felt overwhelmed and unable to make the decision. As it turned out, he fixed the crack and we’re all set but it was amazing to notice how much I got worked up over it.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am really grateful that the windshield is now fixed.
2. I ordered our Christmas tree and that makes me really really happy. It was on my list since the first week of January.
3. I am thankful my family is healing and that things might slowly be getting back to normal.
Another photo from Big Bear. I don’t like the composition here but I love the photo for some reason.
The kids are still really sick. Nathaniel has a lowish grade fever. Last night he went to bed at 4pm and I thought he’d take a quickie nap but he would not wake up so I let him sleep and he woke up briefly at 10pm for some milk and then slept all the way to 7:15am. I woke up a few times but overall this meant that I got some really good sleep.
His nose is dripping constantly and I don’t want to wipe it cause he really hates it.
David’s is too and he’s all red under his nose. So it’s a lot of grouchiness and whining here, still. Rightfully so. Today was a bit better but I am still not back in my routine, David’s still home from school, and I just have so much catching up to do. But all shall happen in time. I am trying to be patient. And reminding myself that it’s not a race and all shall get done in time.
Note to Self:
I had to spend some of today shopping for gifts and some essentials and I just want to say that I HATE shopping. Even for fun stuff. I just spend hours and hours reading reviews that contradict each other 100% and get even more confused and then try to get a good deal so I spend way more hours that I should need to on that where it’s not even worth the deal anymore. So much wasted time and effort that by the end of it, I feel spent, frustrated, and just sad I have to do it at all. So I just hate shopping. I hate everything about it.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am grateful that Nathaniel seems to be getting better. He’s eating a bit more and is a little less lethargic.
2. I am really grateful that the stupid shopping is done and now I have booster seats coming my way and a bunch of other essentials. And I’ve already made appointments to get seats installed in the cars and get the windshield fixed and get the cars detailed. A bunch of todo list items are done.
3. I am grateful that while I have a bunch of things I’d like to get done, I don’t actually have any major deadlines so I can take my time and get things done slowly and deliberately. I am aware that this is a luxury.
A photo from our trip to Big Bear.
As it turns out, I am not really over our week. I am still feeling tired, worn out, and all around grouchy. I didn’t really get anything done today and yet I still feel uneasy and full of frustration. I am hoping it will go away.
Nathaniel is still sick with a fever, cough, and runny nose. He’s feeling miserable and I am not sure how to help him. So I try to make sure he rests a lot, drinks a lot of milk, and gets regular medicine. I am hoping he’ll feel better soon.
Though he’s generally in good spirits which is wonderful. So is David despite his continually running nose. (So much that he’s got sores between his lips and nose from blowing it so much.)
I am just feeling overwhelmed and tired. This vacation was supposed to be relaxing and a lot of resting, instead it was mostly stress and more stress so now I don’t know how to rest.
Note to Self:
I need to make a list of things that can help me get out of a funk. I don’t want to waste any of my days being in a funk but I don’t really know how to cure it. I know some people need fresh air, others use food, or a shower, or a good book. I just need to make my own list and when I am having days like this, I need to just go down the list until one works. Do you have such a list? Or things that often help you get out of a funk?
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Our car. We have a Honda CRV which has been a trooper this whole trip. We got it serviced today and I am so thankful for this durable, dependable car.
2. I am still so very thankful to be back in my home, under my own covers, with heating.
3. Since we were gone for a few days, there’s lots of saved shows on the TiVo. I am grateful to have so much fun stuff to watch.
edited to add: I actually wrote this last night but for some reason WP never published it. ugh. sorry.
Taken from the freeway on the way back home. All the rain has made the landscape lush and stunning. I wish my photos would do it justice.
We didn’t get home until late in the day so here’s the only Nathaniel photo for the day:
After a horrible night of the little boy screaming for the most part and burning up, we quickly packed up and got on the road. When we got to the Turkish Consulate, their internet was down and had been so since Friday. We did all the paperwork, left her all my identification and got on the road. We were supposed to see our friend Jess (hi Jess!) on the way home but she has two little ones and since Nathaniel was still sick, we all thought it was a better idea to skip it this time around. So we drove straight home.
And now we’re home and I am so grateful. I love my home. I love being home. I am hurting all over but I am home!
Note to Self:
I have the best kids in the world. They have suffered through so much in the last 5 days and they have taken it all in stride. They are amazing. No fits, no complaining, no yelling, no fighting. It’s a miracle. Not to mention all the math David and I worked on the whole time. Jake’s an angel, too. Puts up with everything and never complains. I am a lucky lucky gal.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Being home! This one doesn’t need any explanation.
2. Jake driving us home all the way without any complaints. At some point he was so tired that we had to pull over and he ran for a bit to wake up. But he powered on and got us home safe and sound.
3. I have been putting off doing the embassy stuff for so long, and I am so grateful it’s now done! At least my part of it.
Today was CHA. The Ranger booth always has something beautiful like this and the pieces of art always inspire me. This was no exception.
Nathaniel was in good spirits in the morning. After his breakfast and nursing, I put him down for his morning nap and left while Jake and David were relaxing.
Last night, I briefly met Michelle, Tonya, Jenn, and Staci for dinner and the SEI party. And then I came back at 8 and went right to sleep. This morning, they came to pick me up and we met with Krista and Stacy and got our badges and walked in. The show seems smaller and smaller to me each year. We did get to see some beautiful booths and I briefly got to meet a lot of the BPS people and that was wonderful. For a little over and hour Nathaniel was also with me and that’s when I realized he was a little lethargic and warm. As it turns out, he’s running a really low fever. And David’s coughing and both of the kids (and I) have cold, dry patches all over our faces. Jake and I are also covered with bruises.
At 4pm I could take no more of the walking and Krista dropped me off at the hotel before she went home. Both the kids needed some TLC and Jake was tired but watching some football. They are both coughing and I think really tired of not sleeping in their own beds. I cannot wait to go home tomorrow.
I hope that it’s a smooth day at the embassy and we can get home safely and early and relax and go back to our routine. And our beds.
Note to Self:
We are all too worn out. I am so grateful that my family is so strong and that we all worked together so well to take care of each other in the last few days. We were all looking forward to this vacation and never, in a million years, would we have guessed it would have been so terrible. It could have been millions of times worse, of course. Thankfully, we’re almost at the end. I hope.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Jake taking care of the kids so I could have some girl-time with my friends.
2. Warm weather. I have never been this happy not to see snow.
3. Nice scrappy friends. The AMM women are so wonderful and easygoing and great to be with. I am really glad to be a part of that group.
That’s us, leaving Big Bear. Never to come back. Thank God, it had only snowed only an inch more overnight so an hour of plowing was all they needed to get our cars out.
So while they plowed, I cleaned up and packed and Nathaniel watched.
so did David.
And because not enough crap had happened, we saw that we had a flat tire. We had called AAA yesterday but the guy showed up and then left without fixing anything and by the next day the tire was totally flat. Thankfully, our spare was in good shape and even more thankfully Kendall’s car had the tools we needed (because ours were missing.) So he and Jake changed the tire.
And as fast as we humanly could, we got out of there. There was only one road open and within minutes we were out of Big Bear and taking our chains off. Another hour and a half and we were safely in Los Angeles.
Note to Self:
As it turns out, I am too old to stay up all night. My whole body was hurting and so was my head and everything else. It was definitely a terrible experience. I am okay with never doing that again.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Kendall having the right parts to help us change the tire and helping us actually change it.
2. That one road being open, I know that all the roads closed shortly after so we just made it.
3. Jake was a superstar. He stayed up a lot of hours and still drove us all to LA and helped get everyone settled before he passed out for the night.
Friday started just fine. Except that there were several more feet of snow and a lot more icicles in our balcony. As Jake and our friends were discussing when to go boarding, the Big Bear website said that due to rolling blackouts Big Bear was going to be shut all day. That meant that if they wanted to go skiing, they had to go to Snow Summit which is a drive. Except that the cars were under 6 feet of snow (so was the driveway.)
Hence began a day of plowing. All three of them plowed for hours and hours. And the big plow never actually showed up so after a day of plowing, all they got was nothing.
Nathaniel was in good spirits
and crawled all around the house.
the kids and I stayed inside and they played together and had a lovely time.
Nathaniel is thoroughly fascinated with these cars and I love watching him.
And then snapped a shot with Holly.
At the end of the day, we put the kids down to bed and five minutes later the electricity went out. On Thursday, we’d lost electricity a bit but not all day today. So I felt hopeful that it might come back but two hours later it was still not back and we called the electric company and they said it might take up to 48 hours to fix it.
That’s where the day turned ugly. The cars were still not really able to get out, all the roads were closed, and there was to be no electricity for a long long time.
The men went to get a lot of firewood and we even turned all the burners on for a bit.
The condo had come firewood but no paper and no kindling so it was a major challenge to start a fire but Kendall managed it. Since only that room was going to be warm, we brought the kids in there, bundled them up and decided we would all sleep in the living room. David went right back to sleep but Nathaniel was fascinated with the fire and watched it for a long time before he finally went back down.
I told everyone I’d stay up all night to feed the fire (remember all three of them had plowed for the previous 7 hours) since we wanted to make sure the kids stayed warm.
So I did. Jake slept right near me and I woke him up a few times. Once because I dozed off for 15 minutes and the fire almost went out and I panicked and didn’t know how to fix it. At 3, 4, 5am, I kept thinking I might doze off but I managed to stay up, sit in the dark and watch the fire. At six, I finally thought I might pass out so I woke up Jake to take care of the fire and passed our for 40 minutes. Nathaniel and David took turns waking up all night and it kept me a little more focused.
In short, it was the most horrible day ever. (Which is amazing since I felt that way yesterday AND the day before. It’s like each day was trying to break the previous day’s record.)
But we made it. We made it to morning with the fire burning and the kids nice and warm.
Note to Self:
I am never going to Bear Mountain again. I decided this time that Nathaniel is still too little to travel. I don’t want to put him through this and I can tell he’s so very uncomfortable in the pack’n’play. It was just sad watching both my kids struggle so hard to sleep. This, for me, takes all the fun out of the vacation anyway. So we might as well stay home.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Firewood. If we didn’t have any firewood, I can’t even imagine how horrible things would have gotten.
2. Kendall and Holly and Jake who spent the whole day plowing which turned out to be the essential step in us finally leaving Big Bear. The plow never came and the only reason we were able to get out was because the three of them plowed.
3. I am just thankful we survived the day with the least damage possible.
There are almost no words for how much snow there is here. Let me just say, we cannot see out the window of our balcony because it’s covered with snow. The kids and I spent the day in the house with rolling blackouts. But it was warm with plenty of food so we played games and relaxed. Nathaniel looked out the window a bunch. I think he liked the snow.
or maybe just the blocks.
When everyone came back from skiing, we bundled up the kids and took David outside to play in the snow. The stairs to our condo were covered with snow and our friend Kendall helped David slide down them.
and then David did it by himself with a lot of encouragement.
And then Kendall carried him back up the hill. Isn’t David so lucky?
All this time Nathaniel was super-grouchy. He woke up grouchy from the nap and never recovered. After he ate his meal, I thought it would calm him to chew on a teething biscuit but then he started eating big chunks and I got worried he was going to choke, so I took the piece out of his mouth which made him so upset he was beside himself and could not stop crying, he was crying so much he couldn’t breathe and went all purple and passed out. And then came back within seconds. The longest seconds of my life and I don’t think I have ever felt this bad in my whole life. I shook me to my core. Even though he’s completely fine now and has been since that moment, I will never ever forget that moment. This is something Jake used to do a lot as a toddler. He would hold his breath to get his way and he would hold it until he turned purple and passed out. God help me. I hope this is not a habit Nathaniel takes on because I know I could never ever handle it.
After the kids went to bed, we sat up and chatted and it was really nice and it’s quite awesome snow but it’s been quite a trip so far.
Note to Self:
Seeing your child limp is the worst feeling in the world. I’ve really been struggling since it happened. Jake has been trying to explain to me that passing out is the body’s way of forcing you to breathe and that’s what he used to have all the time and it’s ok and it will likely not happen ever again and he’s been trying to calm me down. But it’s broken something inside me and I am not sure that will ever heal.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am thankful we are in a warm and safe home. I know they evacuated a lot of homes in LA yesterday and we are lucky not to be affected that way.
2. I am thankful that David got to have so much fun in the snow with Kendall and Holly and Jake. There’s nothing like hearing your son’s cries of joy and wonderment.
3. I am thankful that Nathaniel’s ok and back to his cheerful self. He’s such an amazing kid and I plan to make sure he’s happy all the time and those teething biscuits are going to trash.
We decided a day with flash floods, tornado warnings, and torrential rain would be a great time to take a car trip with the kids. Don’t you agree?
The one wonderful thing about all the rain we’ve been getting in California is that it’s made everything a lush green which is stunning to look at. I snapped this photo while Jake was driving 60 and used my little point-and-shoot so it’s not the best but it shows you how green it was.
And look at the tumbleweeds.
We ended up being in the car for fourteen hours and it was way way dark by the time we got to the condo so this was the only Nathaniel shot I have. Better than nothing I guess.
It was a long and pretty scary day but we made it safe and sound and since we got here there’s been so much snow that our car is already buried under it and you can’t see it. All this for a super-short vacation. Oh well. It’s nice for the kids to see all the snow.
Note to Self:
It was a long day. I realized that as I was getting more tired that I was getting more and more anxious. I think getting tired just makes everything feel so much more complicated and overwhelming. Which made me wonder what would happen if I weren’t as tired as I’ve been for the last year. It’s been so long since I’ve had a night of solid sleep that I wonder how much lighter I will feel when I am getting some high quality sleep again.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. For the fourteen hours we drove, the kids were total champs in the car. No whining, no tantrums, I am so very blessed.
2. Jake was also a total star today. He woke up at 5:30 and drove all of us in crazy, stupid weather for fourteen hours. He put cables in the car (learned how to do it right there while he was doing it, in the dark.) He was a total champ the whole way too. He’s just amazing.
3. Honestly, I am just thankful we made it safely. While it was never dangerous, I just wasn’t so happy with how bad the weather was so I am glad we’re here safe and sound.
I still write 2009 and then have to go back and correct it each time. I wonder how many days it will take me to get used to 2010. Today’s Nathaniel photos show what a happy and joyful boy he is. Just a pure delight.
Similar but I love them both.
And this is just in a league of its own.
Days are going really fast here. Not sure if that’s a good sign or a crazy sign. But here we are. Down to just a few todo items left. Which means it’s time to make another todo list…
Note to Self:
I don’t do well with having too many things happen at once. I had too many chores and tasks to accomplish simultaneously today and I didn’t sleep well last night because even though Nathaniel went back to sleep after nursing, I couldn’t. So now I am tired and have too much to do and I noticed that I was just way way too stressed out which made me incapable of getting anything done. Not good. I need to mediate every day. I need it for my back anyway. Stress does nasty things to my back pain too. Ugh. Just another reminder to slow down. I wonder how many it will take for me to get it.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Jake. I was crabby and grouchy with a big task we had to do today and Jake totally stepped up. He came home, without a single complaint helped me for hours until it was all complete. He’s amazing.
2. Tasty frozen food. Today I was so deeply hungry and I didn’t feel like making anything and we didn’t have anything fresh at home except for yogurt. So I dug up a dish from the freezer and it was delicious and made me feel so happy. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
3. Car trips. Ever since we made the big cross-country trip in 2003, I love being in the car. I love that I can just bring along anything I like, take breaks when I want and that I am on my schedule and not some company’s.
Well those last 8 items didn’t get done today after all. I managed only four. Eh that’s not so bad. Halfway there. Today started on a grouchy note but ended well and now I feel calm and relaxed. This week’s going to be a short week at work and I have to be super-productive tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me.
Nathaniel is quite squirmy. Especially when I have him on his back, he always tries to go back to being on his hands and knees. Today, he was sitting with me on the couch when he spotted something and went after it. As he sat up and started chewing David’s superman, David ran up to stand behind him on the couch so he wouldn’t fall backwards. I swear he did it all by himself. And the kiss, too.
He even grabbed the paper on Nathaniel’s hand to make sure he wouldn’t eat it.
Can anyone ask for a kinder, better brother? I think not.
Note to Self: I’ve realized that I still spend a lot of time thinking about the “next thing.” The next minute, the next activity, the next todo list item. The meal, the changing, the nap, the bath, the book. I focus so much on what’s next that I don’t spend enough time cherishing what’s now. I don’t slow down enough. This is something I need to work on. Being in the now. This was one of the things I wanted to focus on more in 2010. The whole reason I started the “note to self” section, so I can be more aware. So I can pay attention.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. Skype. I spend a lot of time chatting both with my mom and my sister on skype. It’s how both my kids get to “see” my parents and sister so regularly. It has changed the way we live. I am so thankful for it.
2. Video monitor. When David was a baby, we never bought a video monitor, just an audio one and then at around two, he went through this phase where he’d strip naked after we put him in the crib. After the second time we found him naked and covered in pee, we tried several tricks and of course he mastered all pretty quickly. So we finally bought a video monitor so that we could run in there as soon as he began to strip. It worked like a charm and it made me realize how much I’d been missing out. The peace of mind that comes with being able to see the baby is literally priceless. Highly highly recommended for anyone who has a baby. I cherish mine.
3. Yesterday, when I was at Ikea, I bough a sixpack of their cinnamon rolls. Four of them are already gone. Sweet, delicious snacks make me happy. Yum.
Happy Sunday. I’ve been sleeping a little more than usual lately and even the tiny bit extra has had a tremendous impact. I’ve been less grouchy, more productive, and just happier to be with my kids.
We started the day with a long and expensive trip to Target. We were out of everything so it took us two full carts to stock back up. And it took 25 minutes for the checkout person to ring it all up and it was expensive. But now we’re fully stocked except for veggies and fruits which is a different trip.
Then we came back, put all the stuff away and I put Nathaniel down and ran to Ikea for a project I am doing. I also bought a bunch of frames for the art I’d bought a while ago and came and put them all in their frames. Getting ready for my mom to come in March. She’s going to help me hang everything up.
When I came back Nathaniel was up and I snapped some photos. Can you ever get enough of the toes? Not me, I can’t.
And here’s the cute face behind them.
Then David and I did some crafts while Nathaniel snacked and had a failed nap attempt. I read a bit, relaxed and now it’s already 7pm. Amazingly, I am down to eight items left from the original 53 items. Not bad for five days. I am hoping to be down to only one or two by the end of tomorrow. Let’s see.
Or I might just relax 🙂
Note to Self:
I am not the best driver. I didn’t learn to drive until I was well into my late twenties and I’ve just always been nervous. I still don’t drive on the freeway. I also tend to have a space perception issue and don’t always remember directions really well so I am often nervous. Today, when I got to Ikea, I was looking for a parking spot and I realized that I was already stressing about driving back home. Would I be able to find my way? What if I got lost? I was worrying and worrying and I hadn’t even gotten to the store yet. I took a big breath and told myself to relax. Maybe I’d get lost or maybe not but right now I was here for a purpose and I needed to focus on that. On this moment. It was amazing to notice how much anxiety I was already carrying.
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1. I am really grateful that we have an Ikea so close to our home. In New York, the closest one was hours away and I know this is true for many people. Even though I don’t shop there often, I love the practicality of having one so nearby.
2. This is going to sound funny but today, I am grateful for Twitter. I love award shows and always like to watch them but I had totally forgotten the Golden Globes were tonight until someone twitted about one of the wins and I turned on the TV and started recording it asap. Go twitter.
3. I was thinking today that if we lived in New York we would never be able to do what we did today. There’s no Target closeby, carrying all those groceries back to our home would have been terrifying and we’d have nowhere to store them either. I love that here we have a home, a lot of space, cars and big stores nearby. Maybe others don’t but I do.
Happy Sunday.
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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