Today was a quieter day with fewer accomplishments. That’s usually the way it goes. Ebbs and flows.
To be honest, it’s cause I’m trying to force myself to read this book and despite my attempts, I am really not enjoying it but I can’t get myself to put it down (for the third time! i’ve attempted to read this book before.) but then when I try to read it, I fall asleep, I get distracted. Anything but read the book. Maybe it’s a sign.
I love watching the kids play together. It’s the best part of having two (at least so far.)
Nathaniel’s gotten old enough to eat a bunch of finger foods. He can now eat bananas, cheerios, and the teething biscuits all by himself. Without biting too much. He’s learned to pace himself and chew first. He has almost six teeth now so that’s a lot to bite with.
And he doesn’t stop at food. He will bite any and everything he sees and he will put everything in his mouth. David never did this as a baby. He was good at differentiating between food items and non-food items. I wish that were true of Nathaniel, too.
A short visit to my friends Nicholas and Ty’s house (where I got to meet their new bulldog, Peaches) and a trip to Michael’s where the other highlights of my day. I finished my week-in-life project. And now I can relax and see if I can read more of this book.
I hope your weekend was relaxing, fun, and joyful.
Note to Self:
Over the years, I’ve had different ideas on how long you read a book before you put it down. For a while, it was never, and then I decided it was 100 minus my age so when I’m 20, I have to read 80 pages before I can abandon. Now that I am 35, I can read 65 before I make up my mind. I know some people decide more quickly than that and others don’t ever abandon. I don’t know the right answer. I do know that if I spend time reading an 858-page book and in the end I still hated it, that time was not spent in the best way it could have been and I will never get it back. I also know that some books do get better and if I stick with it, I end up being grateful that I did. So what’s the magic? What’s the “I’ve read enough and I know if the rest will be worth it or not” point in a book?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for friends like Cole and Ty. For simple presents like honey.
2. I am grateful for some new edge punches I got. They always seem to make me happy.
3. I am grateful I feel fulfilled and happy at the end of this wonderfully simple and ordinary weekend.
Great, wonderful day! I got a ton of work done. I got to spend tons of time with my family. I embroidered. I did some art. I watched TV and I am off to read some now. Can it get any better? I think not.
Nathaniel was really cranky all day today. He had some blotches in his face (maybe the strawberries I gave him? or it could be his drool. hard to tell.) but mostly he was super tired and weepy and sad. I am hoping it was just a mood and he’s not coming down with something. It’s so hard to see him so sad. But so cute when he wakes up from a long long nap.
This morning, the three of us were sitting on the couch together, talking to my mom so I asked Jake to snap a photo (look at me, two times in two weeks!!) and I love this one of us laughing. Love my kids.
Well not much to chat about today. Trying to get organized and see what more I have to get done.
Note to Self:
I’ve noticed that having Nathaniel cry drives me insane. Even if he’s crying for no reason. When he’s grouchy and I can’t do anything to stop him, I get snappy at everyone around me. I am rude and mean and feel frustrated. The truth is, I feel incompetent. I don’t know why he’s upset. I can’t stop it. And he can’t tell me. All of this drives me insane. I have a biological response to it. A need to take his sadness away. And yet I can’t. I know this will happen again and I need to make my peace with it. It will happen to David, too. People will hurt him. He might even hurt himself and I can’t always take it away. I can just be here and make sure he knows that I am here. I can also try not to be mean to other people who love me. I am sorry, Jake. I love you.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Jake spent a lot of time with us today and played with the kids a lot. Wrestling, the Wii, laughing, hugging. I love seeing them together and am grateful for family-filled days like this.
2. I am really grateful for my little week-in-the-life project that I started last weekend. It’s turned out really beautiful and it’s been a joy to work on it all week.
3. I am grateful for a productive day. It’s rare that it’s family-filled and productive all in one and I am so thankful for it.
A sampling of what I’ve been doing in Teresa’s class. Loving it so far.
Lots of photos today. We went to the park with playgroup today so I snapped a lot of the kids.
I love these shots. Seeing David play with Nathaniel.
And some more of the sweet boy.
It was his first time on the swing.
And I can kiss this guy fifty times a day and it won’t be enough.
Got more work done today. Not a lot but still feeling ok about it. This was a rough week for me. A lot of crying. A lot of headaches. Not enough sleep. I am hoping I can be productive and rest a lot this weekend.
I hope you have a great weekend.
Note to Self:
I have a long list of todo items this weekend and it’s always so stressful to know that I have two days and everything must get packed into these days. Which is ridiculous of course. So I need to be realistic and just know that it’s only two days. And all that matters now is being with my family. The other stuff is nice but also can wait. Maybe if I say it enough times, I will believe it.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Our short visit to the park was wonderful. I was grateful for the good weather and some fun company. I like being around other people and so does Nathaniel.
2. I am grateful that my kids like to play together. I love watching them.
3. I am grateful for the embroidery class. It’s so relaxing and just what I need right now.
Another one from our walk.
Today was David’s school had its 100th day in their new building. So they had a pajama party and counted tons of snacks in tens and visited other classrooms. They had a lot of fun and it was great to see him so happy. I snapped a few photos of him in class and when I put Nathaniel down to take the photos, he hugged and kissed his brother.
I love these boys madly.
A little more productive today. At least at work. Feels great to be almost caught up. I’ve been having headaches every day this week though and I am feeling really tired. Sleeping fitfully. I am hoping this weekend will bring some rest.
Note to Self:
My audiobook has been discussing things like why siblings fight or how much teenagers lie to their kids. All of these things make me shudder with fear. I am so worried about all the milestones my kids will be passing. All the friends they might make. The choices. The struggles. There is so much room for things to go wrong. I just hope that the ramifications aren’t too high. It’s hard work raising kids.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Helping my husband get some stuff done tonight (some eat the frog stuff even!). It always makes me feel good to help someone else.
2. I am really enjoying my project this week (more on this next week) and I love getting to do some scrapping every night.
3. I got my Somerset Studio in the mail today and I love that. I don’t get any magazines except for this one and one more so I am always excited when they come in the mail. Just seeing Kelly Rae’s beautiful art on the cover makes me happy.
From our walk yesterday.
Thank you for all your kind comments and words. They mean more to me than you will ever know. My grandmother’s funeral is tomorrow and I am heartbroken that I can’t be there with my family. I ache to see them right now.
It’s been a mellow day here today. A small plane crashed into Palo Alto today and knocked out electricity for hours. So David went to school in the dark (with emergency lights on actually.) It was odd to drive down the street while none of the traffic lights worked.
For the rest of the day, I attempted to work a little, rest a little and play with the kids a lot. Nathaniel finally decided his walking toy is actually fun and played with it quite a bit today.
I have several things I was supposed to do last night that are looming over me so I am off to get them done.
Oh, and, I’ve been thinking of teaching a class at A Million Memories. A lot of people tell me they struggle with journaling and figuring out what to write. What if we made a book on gathering your stories? A minibook that you could have on your desk full of your story ideas so that next time you’re sitting down to make a layout, you can use your book to give you ideas on what to journal. It would include tips on what photos to match it with, how to remember older events, organized by person, time etc. Is that the kind of class you’d be interested in taking? Let me know your thoughts. And any other classes you might be interested in. (I do have a journaling+photo one I am supposed to work on for BPS but I’ve been putting it off for a while. I have to buckle down and work on it.)
Note to Self:
I’ve noticed that it’s hard for me to come down from a week of high stress and a lot of work. I’m still not very productive at work this week and the longer I go without getting through my todo list, the more items pile on and grow. It’s all sort of depressing. I need to find a system that allows me to accomplish a whole lot early in the day so I can ride the energy that provides me with and get more done. I know that getting things done always leads to getting more done so I need to find a way to leverage that more.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. All your comments and kindness. Thank you. They lifted me up all day long.
2. The laughter of my kids. Today even more so. David was entertaining Nathaniel during dinner and hearing him laugh made us both so happy. And seeing them play together makes me so thankful.
3. I am grateful for distractions today. Usually I’d try to avoid them but today they came in handy as I tried to not sit and think too much.
We lost my grandmother tonight 6pm my time (4 in the morning in Turkey.) My grandmother, Maya, was one of the most special people I’ve ever known. We’ve always been close to her and she’s always been the rock in our family. The one who brings everyone together. In the summertime, our house is in the same garden as hers and we used to go to her house all the time. So many of my childhood memories are full of her.
When I was little, I used to be afraid of my grandmother. She was strict and talked to us with a stern voice. But she was also incredibly generous with us from the very beginning. My all time favorite present (which was actually given to my sister but I got to inherit them from her) was an encyclopedia set she got. It may seem odd in today’s Internet age but encyclopedias were a big deal when I was a kid and they were very very expensive. It was a present I treasured for a long time.
Over the years, my grandmother softened up but she stayed as the solid power that always drew the family close to each other. All religious holidays were celebrated at her house. I have so many memories of delicious dinners surrounded by all of our family at her house. She spoke French better than Turkish and as a kid, I was always mesmerized by her stockings. (She wore garters, which I am guessing was something she adopted during the 50s and 60s.) She was a master tennis player. She had started at 5 and was still playing at 75. She was famous.
She was also a master bridge player. She made the most delicious chocolate dessert (mousse au chocolat) and would make a point of making it each time I visited home. No matter what. Back when I used to drink them so much, she also made a point of having Diet Coke on hand for when I visited. After I moved to the US, she instated family night where one night a week, any family members who wished to were invited to dinner at her house. No pressure, just an open house. And my family went often because without the pressure, it was actually fun.
I remember she had so many crystal bowls and as a kid, I loved going through them and discovering the candy, chocolate or nuts that awaited me. She loved playing Scrabble and could play for hours. (In French, of course.) I remember the fascinating books that filled her bookshelves. In French and English and Turkish. She also loved to travel and until her first heart attack, fifteen years ago, she used to travel all the time. She had so many friends. People who loved her.
I can go on and on. I loved my grandmother so much. So so so much that my heart aches. She was 91 and the night before she had her heart attack, she went to the movies and had a great time. I am glad that she enjoyed her life all the way to the last moment and I am so glad that she didn’t suffer. I know she lived a full life and she now gets to join her husband who was gone before I was born. But I am still so heartbroken. And I already miss her so much.
I love you so much, Omama, and I am so thankful for each and every moment that we got together.
Note to Self:
It is so easy for me to focus on all the regrets. How my grandmother never got to meet Nathaniel. How I wish she’d spent more time with David. How I wish I’d known more about her. Seven years ago, I took this course that changed my life and when I was telling her about it, she mentioned that she wished she’d taken it and how she had so many regrets and I ached to ask her more (at the time we were having a big family dinner and I felt like that was a 1-1 conversation.) but I never did. I regret so much. And yet, I think it’s better to focus on the good. I am so lucky that I got to live so close to my grandmother. That I got to enjoy 35 years of my life with her. That she got to see both my kids. (even if through Skype.) That I know (I always knew) how proud she was of me. How much she loved me and how very much I love her. These are the things I want to focus on. The amazing and long life she lived. She was quite healthy for 91 years of life, may we all be so lucky. So, I am forcing the bad thoughts away from my head and focusing on the good today. Celebrating her. Feeling the love and letting it fill me up.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so grateful my grandmother didn’t suffer. And I am grateful for the 35 years we had together. That I got to know her as much as I did.
2. I am grateful for a long and wonderful walk I took with my kids today. I’ve wanted to do this walk for months but kept postponing it. I am glad we took the time today.
3. I am grateful for my family today. For Jake hugging me tight and holding me while I cried, knowing exactly what I needed. For my kids who are the definition of bliss. For my parents who are so loving, so kind, so generous and truly one of a kind. For my sister who is there for me through and through. And her husband who is amazing and her kids whom I adore. And my other grandmother who shines with each smile. And my aunt and uncle who’ve always supported us and encouraged us. I am blessed and I know it. I will not forget it.
And, of course, the little boy. Always the little boy.
So here’s a little sneak of what ended up being my totally random side project for the weekend for no reason. I will be crossing off one of the items in my 52 Things list eventually so I spose it’s not so bad. I also signed up for a new workshop. I seem to be all into embroidery lately so it seemed awfully fitting.
Other than my little project, I got nothing done today. I read maybe 10 pages of my book before I fell asleep. I played with my kids. We went to the park. We watched TV. That’s about it. Unproductive but relaxing.
I love that little piece of hair sticking up. It makes me think of Tintin and it makes me want to hug him nonstop.
And here are two Jake took of us. I absolutely hate the way I look of course but I love that it’s a photo of the two of us. (More on this coming tomorrow for my WG post.)
I love love love this boy. I can never get enough of that baby smell and I can never kiss him enough.
Long weekend gone. But it’s a short week and I am not on release this week. Yey!
Thank you for your kind wishes and thoughts. My grandmother is still in ICU and in critical condition. I am thinking of her nonstop.
Note to Self:
I follow a few people on formspring and one of the questions I read today was about confidence. The person who replied said that she thinks “confidence means being really comfortable in your own skin” and I totally agree. This is something I’ve been striving for, for as long as I can remember. Feeling good about who I am. Not that I don’t want to improve or that I don’t get worried now and then but to have a general good sense about myself and to feel good in my own skin is definitely a major goal of mine. Not exactly sure how to achieve it. What are the steps to this kind of a goal?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I’m grateful that I’ve had a low-key weekend. Sometimes it’s good to do something completely random and not on my list.
2. I am grateful that the days are getting longer. I love that and the warmer weather.
3. I am grateful for markers and coloring books. David loves them so much, he can color for hours and hours. It’s amazing to watch and I love the quiet time.
Happy Birthday Yona!!! I love love love love you so so so much!! So much!
Today was promising to be a quiet and relaxing day until I decided to work on a new project for no reason at all. And now I have a whole bunch more stuff to do before tomorrow is out. Oh well. That’s how my life seems to go.
This is the face Nathaniel makes at me when he wants attention and I am not giving him any. Or enough.
We took a little walk around the neighborhood today. And I snapped photos of my boys because I love them so much. The one with the blue eyes.
He was pushing around his little brother. Who was enjoying it thoroughly.
And here are all three of my boys. They are my life.
I got some really sad news today. My grandmother had a heart attack and is in the hospital in intensive care. If you believe in that sort of thing, please say a prayer for her. I love her so much and I wish I were there, holding her hand right now. I love you, Omama.
Note to Self:
I am not a big fan of Valentine’s day. Not sure why. It’s not a holiday we had in Turkey so I didn’t grow up with it but I feel like if I had it as a teenager, I would have always felt nervous and scared on Valentine’s day. Just another way to see how rejected I was. I think it’s meant to celebrate love but instead, it emphasizes the difference between those who have and those who don’t. And who needs a reminder of that? Maybe it’s too negative but I just feel like it’s an unnecessary holiday. If you’re lucky enough to love and be loved, cherish that every day. If you aren’t, don’t focus on it and live your life to the fullest and love will find you in due time. We don’t need flowers, chocolate or cards to remind us of that. I know, it’s weird how I feel about this holiday.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for my sewing machine today, I’ve used it a lot tonight and love it. I am thankful for the hours of joy it gives me.
2. I am grateful that my family is honest with me and despite the fact that they know I will worry, they tell me the truth about what’s going on there and how sick my grandmother is. I have a tendency to think the very worst so knowing I can count on them to tell me and to tell me the truth makes it easier for me to stop my imagination from wandering.
3. I am grateful for Skype again today. I talked to my sister, my mother-in-law (and brother and sister in law and niece and father in law), and my mother today. All through Skype. So thankful for technology and high speed internet.
I love them even when they are dead. Look at that velvety texture and deep color. How could you not love them?
Today was a good errand day. We finally switched David to a booster seat and moved Nathaniel up to the bigger car seat. We got both in Jake’s car, too so now we can use either car. Yey. That alone would have been a big deal but then we had our appointment with the accountant (using one for the first time this year.) and that made me feel good, too. Then I came home, put the kids down and did two catalysts. More yey. I am also almost caught up on my email. Almost.
Here are two shots of the little one from today.
Loved them both, couldn’t decide.
I am trying to a few more small things and then I will have to go sleep because I’m still waking up at 3:30am thanks to the little one so it’s been pretty painful not getting any sleep. I’m sure the 9pm coffee isn’t helping either.
Note to Self:
I was reading the Simple Abundance book yesterday and it was talking about how when I was ten was the last time I probably trusted my own instincts. Without worrying about my mom, sister, friends, etc. That’s when I had my own opinions, she says. I don’t really remember much about being ten. I do remember feeling ostracized pretty early on so ten might have been too late for me already. But I do love the idea of having my own instincts. Not hearing anyone else’s words in my head. Not listening to criticism inside or out (and the one inside is always louder for me.) Just going on a journey to find my own instincts. I love that idea. I wonder if I could still do it or if it’s too late?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that we have a free service at the Stanford hospital right by us that installs car seats for us. They make sure it’s installed correctly and that’s a big load off my mind.
2. I am grateful that we have an accountant this year and we will not be arguing about the taxes being done on time.
3. I am grateful that it’s a 3-day weekend and that even though I already feel productive, I have two more days to get things done or to just sleep or to read my book.
This was a long week. Definitely one of the longest since I’ve started my job three years ago. There was too much uncertainty. Too much going on at the same time. I was learning a lot and all remotely while the kids were at home and needed my attention, too. It was hard. But the release did happen and as soon as we confirmed that things were ok, I took both the kids and we went to a local bakery to celebrate. We needed to get out of the house and I needed some good food and some chocolate and I wanted David to get anything his heart desired as he was so incredible all week. He not only was quiet when I asked him to be but he also helped with Nathaniel the whole time. He’s my angel.
So is this one.
When we got there, David got to have a big chocolate cake all by himself. And mango juice and I ate a warm sandwich.
Even Nathaniel got to gorge on puffs after he had his dinner.
After that hour, we were all happy with tummies full of yummy food. We came back home, played some and they all went to bed and I am sitting here and enjoying my TV. This three-day weekend will be nothing but rest, art, family, and relaxing.
May you have a fantastic one.
Note to Self:
Sometimes when you think nothing’s going right, things just come together magically. Have faith in those moments. Have faith in life. Things have a way of working out. This happened to me twice this week. Once for work, once for a magical trip that looks like it might be happening…I need to have more faith.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. The release. I can’t believe it actually did happen.
2. My son. Both my sons. But especially proud of David this week.
3. I am grateful for chocolate and its ability to make me feel happy. Chocolate and coffee. Life is not the same without them.
Early Valentine’s flowers from my wonderful hubby. Stunning roses.
The crazy week continues. Amazingly stressful and unproductive this week. Oh well, just one more day. And then we get a 3-day weekend. This time, I could really use it. Nathaniel is still waking up at night and we’re trying to get him to sleep more so it’s a lot of short nights for me on top of the crazy stress. fun fun.
Here’s my boy with the stunning eyes and the amazing soul.
And the little wiggly one who puts everything in his mouth.
We found David’s DVD player yesterday and he’s been watching a They Might Be Giants music video about science that his uncle gave him for his birthday. Nathaniel walked over to him to check it out today too. David is so kind, so generous, he didn’t mind it one bit. He even gave his brother a kiss.
Joy.
Note to Self:
I’ve been listening to this book about new studies around child rearing and one of the topics they discuss is on lying. And they talk about how parents admonish their kids for lying and yet tell them to “not be rude” when it comes to social lying. For example if someone gives them a gift they don’t like and they say they don’t like it, it’s rude and they are supposed to say “Thank you, it’s great” or whatever. Yet, this is lying, too. Cordial or not. This made me think a lot. Lying is lying. Especially for kids who don’t really understand shades of gray so well. So what’s the trick? How do we teach them not to lie but not to be rude or hurt someone’s feelings? Maybe just thank people and not tell them whether they liked it or not? Even if they receive a gift they don’t like, it’s still generous of the giver to gift. So maybe focus on that?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. A get together that I thought was falling through might actually be happening. I’m delighted about the possibility.
2. My beautiful roses. I am not even a fan of roses but these make me happy.
3. Warm dinner bought, made, and served by my awesome husband.
Because there isn’t enough going on this week, I thought it would be a good week to “sew everyday”. I took my cue from Rebecca Sower’s wishes to spread hearts around and I am hand stitching hearts everyday. Today’s day five. Not so bad.
Little, sweet, smiley boy.
And another one.
Another stressful, stressful day. It appears they will all be so all the way to Friday. Oh well. I will survive. It’s amazing how little I got done this week especially considering how much I have on my todo list right now. Just two more days to go.
Note to Self:
I am feeling overwhelmingly tired. This book I’m listening to talks about the effects of lack on sleep and they range all the way from body fat to depression. To lack of focus, bad memory, only remembering the “not good” stuff. It’s a long long list and I need to find a way to get better sleep. To sleep more soundly. Or nap during the day more. Something to fix this exhaustion.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. My husband came home early today to help me out and it was really really helpful.
2. I am grateful for sewing this week. It’s the only thing I’ve done for myself (besides the blog of course) and it really has been making me happy.
3. I am grateful to David this week, too. He’s been amazing at playing by himself for a long time while I work and at making sure Nathaniel is taken care of too. Playing with him, kissing him, just being amazing all around.
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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