Nature. Stunning nature. (also our gratitude theme for April)
So I cut my hair. This is a bad photo but I wanted a record. I will try to get a better one this week. It will look cuter when my hair is natural (which is wavy.)
here’s Nathaniel coming to say hi while I work on the couch.
here he is asking for some milk.
here he is getting mad for not instantly getting what he wants.
yeah it’s fun. not.
but i love him so!
I am still feeling exhausted. I did a lot of work and cleaning up today since my parents were in the city. The house is looking much better between my mom, the cleaning lady and me. Oh and I finally got a coffee machine. A dinky little one but still….let’s see how it works.
Note to Self:
Tomorrow David goes on vacation for about 10 days. I want to make sure that we spend some of this time together doing things that we don’t normally get to do. I also have summer break coming up and there, too. It’s hard to juggle it all together but in a few months he starts kindergarten and then he’ll be in school all day long. I will miss having him around so much. He’s such a low maintenance and wonderfully helpful little boy.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for a more relaxing week this week. One that I hope to spend productively.
2. I am grateful that two books I am looking forward to and have preordered are coming out next week.
3. I am grateful that I signed up for a new workshop with Carla Sonheim and it starts in two days!
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Daddy bought him squeezable yogurt treats
2. Getting to watch some TV with mommy (while mommy folded laundry!)
Yesterday, by the time we came home from the movies (we saw Greenberg) I was way too tired to do anything at all. I didn’t even remember to take Nathaniel photos until at bedtime. Here he is looking out the window.
And more
ok, and one more.
I have so much to write but I’ve been so busy. My parents are only here for a few more days and I will catch up at length once they are out of town, I promise.
Note to Self:
I always stress when my schedule is off. It’s like things take just the right amount of time in my day so when I add something on, it throws everything off balance. I need to schedule “free time” more often maybe? Or prepare to just have it all go out the window when I have company. So I don’t ever stress.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Some more house improvements and just general small things. Love the difference they made in my home.
2. Sweet, wonderful date night with my hubby.
3. Family dinner at Donato, our favorite restaurant. Despite Nathaniel’s screams.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to have a chocolate croissant.
2. And chocolate ice cream!! (big day for little boy.)
More happy nature.
Here’s the little boy, whom I saw so very little today. I was out running errands all day and he spent most of the day with his Daddy and grandpa.
And David spent his day playing the Wii and running around and playing with my Dad. One lucky, lucky boy.
Great, productive day today. I got my hair dyed and cut. We went clothes shopping. We hung all the little frames in the living room. (and it looks great!) And then I went out to dinner with my parents. They’ve been here for 3 days and my mom and I already have done 90% of what I had on my list. It’s amazing. All things I’ve been putting off for months and months. I am so thrilled to finally be doing all these.
Note to Self:
So my plan for the things I mentioned yesterday has begun. It’s a major self improvement project (not on the inside but outside this time.) It started with cutting my hair, and getting new clothes. There are a few more major steps. I will write about it at length once my parents have left and I have some consistent chunks of free time.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. My hair, hair, hair. I was so looking forward to cutting it and I love it!
2. Some new, delicious tops from the always unusual anthropologie.
3. All the frames on my wall. This little project was 3-4 months in the making and it turned out beautifully. I am so grateful.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing wii! (shocker, right??)
2. Playing with with opapa (my dad)
Nothing like nature. Peaceful and beautiful.
Little boy’s ears are all clear! Woohoo! He’s still taking medicine for another day but he’s much better and I am so so thankful.
I caught David doing math today while he was working on a workbook my sister sent. He was so focused that he didn’t even hear me take the photos (and my camera is loud!) I am so proud of him and the person that he is. Beyond words.
And here’s one more of the little one.
I am glad this week is over. It was stressful and not productive in many ways. Now it’s weekend and I can focus on being with my parents. More pictures to hang. Furniture to arrange. Clothes to buy! You’ve all been quiet, too. I hope it’s cause you’re out doing really productive things and not cause you’re tired or overwhelmed.
Happy weekend everyone!
Note to Self:
Tomorrow I plan to start something I’ve been planning for a while. I will write about it at length over the next few weeks, I promise.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. My mom and how easily decorating the house comes to her. She has such natural talent and I am so grateful.
2. How wonderful and sweet Nathaniel was today when I grabbed him right after his nap and dragged him to IKEA for hours without food. He didn’t make a peep. Love that boy.
3. I am grateful to be resting a bit now. I feel incredibly tired. Grateful that it’s the weekend.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing police with opapa (my dad)
2. The new didj game he got (spelling and car racing.)
Trying something new. I found this beautiful frame here.
My mom and dad are here. It’s so great to see them and see how excited David was to see them. Nathaniel is still having attachment issues so he doesn’t like being with anyone but me.
Today was a stressful but also great day. For the next few days while my family is here, I expect the updates to be lighter than usual. Because if I’m not spending time with them, I’m spending time with my husband while they babysit so I am not home much. I’m sure to go back to my ordinary life when they’re gone.
Note to Self:
My mom and I finally put up some of the art and paintings I had lying around and my living room looks so much better now. My house actually has a personality. It’s quite amazing the difference it made. I plan to do more for the playroom tomorrow and also my bedroom and the kids’ rooms and I am really excited. I’ve been waiting almost a year for this and am so glad it’s coming together as I’d hoped. Tomorrow’s project is a bit bigger and more daunting but my mom is a master at this so I am not worried.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Hanging up the living room art.
2. Going to the movies with my awesome hubby.
3. Seeing David so excited to see all his presents and seeing him be so well behaved when opening them. Seeing the kids with my parents is such a joy.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Awesome awesome presents he got from my parents and my sister.
2. Playing with my dad for such a long time right around bedtime.
Delicious raspberries and blackberries from the weekend. They were full of flavor.
This afternoon we went for a short walk because it was so nice outside. I snapped photos of the kids and the flowers.
And in case you think I don’t photograph the older boy, I swear I try every day.
And here he is again blowing.
It’s been a quiet day here. Not much progress but not terrible day either. My parents are going to be here in 3 hours and I am so excited to see them. I’m on release this week and it’s been a bit stressful (though much less than usual). I’ve noticed that when I’m doing something I’m not an expert at and it’s intermittent, I tend to be unable to focus on other tasks cause I am stressing so much. I need to work on this.
Note to Self:
I wrote a long and personal email to a friend today. I was hesitant to do so. Email is one of those mediums where it’s all too easy to just spread with the click of a button. And what was meant for one ends up in the hands of many. I was unsure but I did it anyway. I know that typing things up is my way of working them out most of the time and I am much more capable of expressing my thoughts and emotions deeply on the keyboard than I am on paper. Maybe it’s cause I work on the computer. Maybe that’s why I can’t write journals anymore. I was thinking of that as I wrote the email today. Let’s see if I can keep a journal this year. Let’s see if this new art journal works. And let’s hope that my friend doesn’t forward my very personal email around. It’s important to have faith in people.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so so grateful for spring. Seeing the flowers bloom everywhere and the sun shine makes me so deliriously happy.
2. I’m grateful that I have such an kind and understanding sister. I adore her with all my heart.
3. I am grateful for art. Other people’s art. How much it inspires me. I am so thankful people have the guts to follow their dreams. The world would be a much uglier place without them.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Nathaniel was playing with the Tivo remote this morning and ended up turning on the TV to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. David said he was really grateful for that.
2. Playing with sand at school.
I cannot stop staring at Rebecca’s art. So happy to have it in my home.
What do you think, will he be a scrapbooker too? Well as long as he enjoys my scrapbooks we’re good.
I cherish those smiles so so much.
And a butt-shot cause he looked so cute in his shorts.
Today started out really rough. Nathaniel was wide awake at 5am and wouldn’t go down for an early nap so I decided we all get to stay at home and put him down around when I would have been taking David to school. A short nap then and a longer mid morning nap meant no afternoon nap which meant meltdown around 4pm and since I’d also been up around 12 hours and had had no nap, I was getting exceptionally cranky and tired, too which doesn’t help with the situation in any way.
Finally they all made it to bed and I am wiped. I still have work to do and the house looks like a mess and my parents will be here tomorrow night so I want to make sure to clean it up even if just a bit. Oh well, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Note to Self:
I love watching Ugly Betty and there’s this one scene in last week’s episode where she’s sitting with her sister and she tells her she’s worried about getting her braces of because what if even after that she still looks ugly. She’s been using that as an excuse and she’s worried once it goes away, she will be left without one. Her sister tells her that she’s so beautiful and if she could just start seeing what her sister sees in her, life could be so much better for her. (I paraphrased obviously, I’m writing from memory.). This scene spoke to me so deeply. My ideas of myself, of how I look, of how loved I am, of what kind of a person I am, of who my friends are, are so warped. I see them from glasses colored by years and years of mean comments, unkind moments, and small people’s nastiness. Sometimes I look in my husband’s eyes and I can feel his love for me. I can see my son’s eyes light up when he sees my face. He doesn’t care if others think it’s beautiful. To him, it’s mom. It’s the person who loves him no matter what. The person who feeds him, hugs him, picks him up. I know that I have friends who will come trough for me when I need them. I know that I am so blessed and so lucky, yet I cannot find a way to take those glasses off. (Better yet, I’d like to break them.) Such a shame to waste my life like that.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Getting to do some art today. Not a lot but it was a long day so I am glad I made the time for it.
2. I am grateful that I am almost done with my list of things to do so I can go and take a nice bubble bath.
3. I am grateful for my book reader because I didn’t feel like reading anything on my list today and yet I have so many other books to choose from that I found something easygoing and relaxing.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to play with bugs in the backyard
2. Hugs from Daddy
I bought this little egg at Colleen’s store Saffron and Genevieve last weekend in Santa Cruz. There were many eggs with different words like Peace. Love. Calm. but this is the one that immediately spoke to me and I am still not exactly sure why. But when I was picking I couldn’t resist buying this even though it felt so out of character. And now it sits at my table and I love looking at it.
Nathaniel is being more demanding lately. I dare say he’s growing up.
A few extra shots of him today because I couldn’t resist.
Look at those eyelashes.
David got a scooter for his fourth birthday last year but I refused to let him ride it. And when he turned five, I knew I had to give in so while I was away this weekend, he and Jake bought a helmet and today he practiced for the first time. It was quite hard for him and I am not sure how he felt about it but he did say he was going to keep practicing. Crappy photo but still it’s a solid memory so I’m keeping it.
Today was an odd day as I expected. A few loose ends to tie, lots of email to go through and just not able to pull myself together just yet. Still swimming in thoughts and a bit of frustration, a little disappointment, a lot of excitement and ideas, and some major next steps that I’m determined to take.
In 48 hours my Mom and Dad are going to be here. I am so so excited to see them. I haven’t seen my Mom since Nathaniel’s birth (which was amazingly almost 11 months ago) and I haven’t seen my Dad since 2008 Thanksgiving. Way too long. Even though we Skype almost daily, I cannot wait to touch them, hug them, kiss them. I am so grateful that they are making the long long long trip over here.
Note to Self:
Last Wednesday, something happened that turned my mood from happy to sad. It was almost instantaneous and a really noticeable change. For a while, I couldn’t tell what happened. Why was I suddenly so down? and then I realized what it was but still I couldn’t understand the Why. I thought I did but it took me another five days to really understand it. In the end, what caused my sadness was a few little words someone wrote in an email. Few words that to any other person would be completely inconsequential as they probably were to the author too. And yet all it took were those few words to completely undo me. To rush in all my insecurities and make me feel small and inconsequential. Amazing how important word choices can be. Of course, the author of the email was not at fault. There was no way she could have predicted the effect her words would have on me and the email wasn’t even sent only to me (it was a group email) and yet it pulled me down and kept me in a bad, small place for way too long. When I finally realized the reason last night, I learned a lot about myself. I also learned about the power of words, about not taking others’ weaknesses for granted and the ability for someone to misinterpret my words or imbue them with meaning that was never there. This is a scary thought. Imagine how many people I might have hurt or angered without knowing. Especially in a medium like email where there are no facial cues or intonations. This is something that has thrown me for a loop today. But I appreciate the growth and awareness it has brought. It’s all about mindfulness in the end.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for my sister. She is such a joy and I got to video chat with her for 5 minutes today and it made me smile all day. I love you Yona.
2. I am grateful for lessons I am learning about myself and that I feel like I am continually growing and evolving.
3. I am grateful for my husband. He is more loving, more generous and kinder every single day. I always tell myself I wish I had my “person” in the world. My one girlfriend I could just be with. Go places, do things, chat with, lean on, laugh with, trust, etc. And you know what, while I might not have that, what I have with my husband is all that and more. He’s my person. All mine and I love him in every single way you can love another human being.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Riding his scooter!!
2. Playing puppies at school with Joseph and Jace.
This whole time while we were gone, I didn’t end up taking a photo of all of us. So right before we left, we asked Jake to snap some photos of us.
Unfortunately Colleen had already left because there was a fire in her building (which was actually fine in that it hadn’t touched her store at all, thankfully.) So here’s a shot of Colleen, too.
And of course here’s the little boy. This is the face I got when I told him no nursing for a bit (I was doing something but of course this face meant I gave in and nursed.)
I have a lot more to write about this weekend but I just got back home and I have so much to do, so more later.
Note to Self:
I realized so many things about myself this weekend. Things I want to change. Things I will change. Over the next few months I will explain more and more partly cause I am still thinking about so much of it and I prefer to digest it first. But it’s amazing how sometimes you think of something and it makes you sad and other times you are not just sad but totally driven to fix it deeply. The sense of urgency takes over. Let’s see if it will actually be action-oriented. Here’s to hoping.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful to be home. I missed my boys so much.
2. I am grateful for how my awesome husband took such good care of our little boy.
3. I am also grateful for some fun TV that has been waiting for me.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to watch TV
2. Playing with his legos
I asked him if he was grateful to have Nathaniel back and he said he was grateful to have me back. Sweet boy.
More photos of the beautiful place where we’re staying. Isn’t it breathtaking?
And here is Debi’s delicious creme brulee french toast. It was to die for.
Little boy is having the time of his life and he’s being an angel.
And loves looking out the window.
This is has been such an experience for me, such a joy. More about it when I am back home.
Note to Self:
Today’s note to self is to let go and enjoy the moment. To not try to be something or do something but just enjoy and appreciate. More on this later.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I love being so near the water. Being so close to it makes me feel calm.
2. I feel grateful that Nathaniel has been so peaceful and sweet and kind the whole time we’ve been here.
3. Also grateful to be going home tomorrow. I miss my son and my husband so much.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1.For the new Lego sets that came in the mail
2. For the catalog of Lego games that came with the Lego sets
I normally don’t start with Nathaniel photos but for reasons I can’t really explain this photo took my breath away so it’s my photo of the day today. It was another wonderful day with soulful friends, endless chatter, blazing sunshine, and a mini adventure trip. Nathaniel has been the perfect trooper this whole time. He’s such a good little baby and really not a complainer in any way. It’s pure joy to have him in my life.
Well except from 12am-2am last night where he thought it would be more fun to hang out with me than to sleep. But other than that, he’s been the best baby ever.
Note to Self:
I’ve been thinking about kindness a lot lately. Being kindred spirits. Feeling a sense of belonging. Finding your place in the world. Finding your people. I wonder a lot about the importance, relevance, necessity of all that. About having the guts to put yourself out there. Whether it’s to find a partner or a friend. And how much kindness matters. How much authenticity matters. It’s rare to find authentic people these days. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s even possible. And then I wonder if that’s my insecurity taking over. Anyhow. Not sure where this is coming from and what my point is. But these are the thoughts in my head today.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Getting to stay in your pajamas with good friends and chatting for hours on end.
2. Art. I am grateful for art. For the beauty it adds into the world. For how happy it makes me.
3. I am grateful for a few moments of quiet so I can update here and sit back and think about the two full days I’ve had a bit. Sometimes it’s hard to think when it’s all happening.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
(Jake’s been emailing these to me while I’m away. It’s my favorite email.)
1.Watching scooby doo on TV
2. Playing t-ball in the backyard
I am in this beautiful piece of heaven of a place. Capitola, Ca. With a set of wonderful women. So just a few words today.
Here’s today’s Nathaniel:
Internet here is really really blotchy. So I am going to try to keep up but see if I can.
Note to Self:
I must say there was many worries in my mind for this weekend but there’s nothing like being around other wonderful people. people you like and it’s really good for your soul.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Beautiful beautiful weather… love it.
2. I am grateful that Nathaniel has the best doctor. He woke up with a fever of 102 again this morning and the doctor took us immediately. (he still has an ear infection 🙁 )
3. Grateful for good friends today 🙂
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. finding money at school
2. looking at the star wars movies in mommy’s condo
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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