Good day here today but wish I could be a bit more productive, mostly at work. I still feel like I have so much to learn and I wish I could do so faster and more efficiently. But such is life. I do love and adore my work.
Nathaniel’s been playing more and more by himself. When he feels hungry or thirsty (or alone) he’ll come over to my side of the couch and give me a face.
And then will start screaming if I don’t pay attention.
He does walk and stand up more and more lately.
And plays with his toys for a long time.
And when David’s playing at the table, he reaches up and tries to get him to include Nathaniel, too. (But David isn’t really interested.)
Days seem to be passing too fast lately. I feel like I am perpetually behind. But I am trying to not stress about it. Just doing the best I can each day. Getting my layouts done, reading, drawing faces, playing with the kids, relaxing, and working. Things will get super productive soon again, I am sure of it. For now, I am trying to enjoy the slower pace.
Note to Self:
I am trying to slow down lately. I noticed that when several things are happening at the same time and I don’t feel like I have one under control, I tend to freak and react badly. I immediately get frustrated. So I am trying to slow down. I am also trying not to overthink. I am a lot less planned than usual lately and I think that’s actually a bad thing but since I don’t seem to be in the mood to plan, I am trying to go with it and instead slow down. Only think of one day at a time. Only worry about the next thing. I make lists still but tiny little ones. For tasks for the next hour and I leave it at that. For now, that’s as good as it gets. I am trying to accept it instead of fight it. It turns out things work much more smoothly this way.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Taking a little time to walk down the street with the kids and get some ice cream. I need to get out more each day especially now that the sun is out. So I am thankful I did today.
2. I’m grateful for the 4 layouts I’ve done so far. I love them all and even if I get no more done, I am already thankful for this project. But I intend to keep going, I promise.
3. I am grateful for everyone who comes here and takes the time to comment. I am a practical stranger to almost all of you and yet you come, you read, you take the time to say kind things. I cannot tell you how much it means to me, thank you so much.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Going to eat some ice cream with mommy.
2. Listening to songs (sung by his friends) at school.
Well I threw out my back today and my jaw is still really overwhelmingly painful but other than that, happy day here. I am feeling good on the inside.
I love watching Nathaniel walk around. He’s like Frankenstein and he’s so funny and so cute.
David got these glasses at the birthday party he was at and I couldn’t resist those lips.
And that smiley face of course.
Then we asked the big boy to wear them and he made a funny face of course.
And finally my three boys. The true joys of my heart.
Relatively uneventful day here. We went to school, wired money from the bank, did a layout, got some legos, got a new TV, and played a lot with Daddy. That’s about it.
Note to Self:
One of the biggest plot points of last night’s movie (City Island) was about lying. A tiny spoiler, but really not one, is that the mom, the dad, and the kids each smoke and yet they are all hiding it from the other three. It’s all a bit ridiculous and I am sure purposefully done so, but it’s not that far from the truth that so many people have so many secrets from their loved ones for a multitude of reasons. I am a big believer that secrets can ruin a relationship. I also believe they almost always come out anyway and it’s so much more work trying to keep it up all the time. I also think it almost always leads to more secrets, getting things more wound up and messier. I feel like it’s best to be honest as much as humanly possible. If you can’t trust your loved one to have an open mind and to assume the best of you, there are deeper issues there anyway. If you’re doing something your loved one would really really be sad to know, well then should you really be doing it? I am not naive enough to think people aren’t lying to me but I do wish and hope that people who are really close to me know that they can always tell me the truth and I will do my best to keep an open mind and a trusting heart. And I hope this goes for my close friends too. That I can be honest with them and trust that it’s kept safe. It’s hard though, isn’t it? Telling the truth….
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. We saw City Island last night and it was amazing. I laughed and laughed. I am so thankful for good and funny movies. I think they are very rare.
2. Our much-larger-and-so-nice TV arrived today and it’s so pretty. It’s making me a bit overwhelmed but also so very happy.
3. I have been taking it really easy with layout a day so far and I’m using all these super-happy colors and I am really enjoying the process so much. I am thankful for this relaxed and positive attitude and I hope it stays around.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing with lego men. I bought David a box of just lego men and he was thrilled to bits.
2. I’m grateful for my school, Mom, he told me.
Happy Sunday! Tonight’s date night so I’m doing the diary in the middle of the day today. This morning I was dead tired so honestly, I have no idea what I did until 10am or so. Around 11 Jake and David went to David’s friend’s birthday party so I took a nap while Nathaniel was napping. Then I woke up and did my layout and fed the boy etc. When David came, he had a little party bag and had a little toy that you blow in (no idea what they are called) and he and Nathaniel played and played, laughing the whole time.
There’s nothing like watching your kids laugh.
And then David watched some Batman while Nathaniel moved anything that moves so he can practice pushing things around.
Now we’re waiting for my friend Manu, his wife Hana, and their little daughter Anika to come by and then it’s going to be bedtime and then date night! Haven’t accomplished a huge amount this weekend but feeling great! Hope your weekend was good.
Note to Self:
It’s funny to note that my productivity hasn’t increased at all in the last three days and yet I am feeling happier and way less weighed down. I am even still in pain but it doesn’t seem to bother me as much. I wonder how that works. Mood is such an odd thing. Did the good weather help? I have no idea. But I am so glad I am feeling better and I will not take it for granted one little bit.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Date night!
2. Doing a layout a day so far has been super-fun. Let’s see if I can keep it up once the week starts.
3. It’s amazing the power of a nap and the power of a nice bath. I am so thankful for both today.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. A little bit of extra Wii today.
2. Going to Joseph’s birthday and having a lot of fun.
3. Playing with a frog that slips down the wall that he got at the birthday party.
Ok I have to admit that today passed and I absolutely have no idea what I did all day. I did take Nathaniel for his one-year appointment and I did do one layout but I think that might be it for the whole day. Ouch.
Today was David’s Wii day so he played and played.
Nathaniel ate his legos.
Walked around and watched David play. Occasionally turned off the TV which drove David insane, of course.
And then he picked through the trash which drove Mommy insane.
But then he smiled at us and all was forgiven.
Life with kids is an ongoing craziness. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Note to Self:
I have been listening to the book on Richard Feynman’s letters and there are several to his mom in there and it’s so awesome to see that even when he was doing his PhD, he was interested and excited to have his mom come visit and obviously liked her a lot. I hope that when my kids are grown, our relationship will be that way. I think it’s hard and it’s something I really hope to achieve. Not gulting them into seeing me but having them actually want to see me. I would love that.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Jake and I played a little Wii of our own tonight and it was so much fun. I am grateful that we both like to play together.
2. I am grateful that Nathaniel’s appointment went well and he’s doing great. Yey.
3. I am grateful for a relatively quiet Saturday. I like quiet days and I hope to read tomorrow.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Wii, of course.
2. Watching batman.
Roses. Beautiful roses.
This is the kind of stuff that happens around here when I am working. Little boy walks around with his toy and laughs at me.
And then plays with his legos.
And then hears my voice, and smiles again.
My older boy will not look at the camera without making a silly face.
And then smiles after a lot of begging.
But the best part of today was that Nathaniel is finally walking around. I mean more than one or two steps here and there. He’s really walking for a few seconds. And trying it again and again.
I tried really hard to capture it but I cannot do a good job. The joy of watching your kid walk for the first time is indescribable.
I still remember David’s first walk. And it still brings tears to my eyes. I feel extra blessed today. Just remembering the value of everyday little moments.
Note to Self:
I haven’t gotten organized for the layout a day. I am thinking should i do something creative a day but then I think that’s a cop out. But then I tell myself it’s not about random rules and that I am doing this for myself and not anyone else and can’t I just let it go. I go on and on in my head. I’m such a basket case sometimes. And if it’s this complicated, shouldn’t that be a sign? Well so I am still planning on doing this. And the plan, for now, is to take it one day at a time. Let’s see how that goes. Without overplanning. Not my style but maybe that’s what I need right now. Something more whimsical and something different.
Ps: Oh and I meant to mention that we’re having a weekend long crop at AMM this weekend. BIg prizes! Come join us.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am so grateful to be able to be at home to get to experience the milestones and the everyday moments with my kids.
2. I am grateful that I live close to work. I had to go in to work today for a security thing and I was grateful to be able to do it quickly and with both kids in tow.
3. I am grateful for people who let me help them. I find it a privilege to help people and it gives me a boost of happiness. So I am always grateful when someone comes to me for help or allows me to help.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Grateful for getting some yummy snacks at the fair at school.
2. Grateful for playing with legos! (seriously, they’ve become an obsession here)
Today wasn’t a good photo day. I didn’t capture enough. I am guessing I am a bit worn out from the WIL project I did last week and a bit overloaded on photos. It’s ok, I don’t mind the fluctuations. I’ve learned it’s a part of life.
Here’s David running towards me with a story. That little boy can talk!! He takes after his mommy. Tells me stories all day long.
And here he is posing for camera. I’m not a fan of the posed look. But when he tells me to take a photo, I take a photo.
And here’s the only good one of the little boy.
I worked a lot today, didn’t do much else but I am ok with that. I am feeling better though still in back and jaw pain which I am not particularly happy about. But it shall pass. This week literally flew by and I can’t even remember anything I did with it.
I did start Pam Carriker’s class last night tho and I love it so far! Here’s my first sketch from last night:
it’s got a long way to go and all the ones I did after this are even worse but I am still playing. I am drawing. I can do this. I promised myself I will draw at least one face every day this week before I move on to the next lesson.
Note to Self:
Soooo…I decided to do something crazy today. A part of me is still undecided about it but then another part wants to plunge ahead. So let’s see what I actually end up doing. I have been feeling blah and unmotivated etc. lately as you already know. While some of it is gone, the rest is still here so I decided I will jumpstart the process and “Fake it till I feel it” so I am going to do a Layout a Day in May. I might sprinkle in some art journal pages in there, too but I am not sure yet. That sort of feels like cheating. Is that cheating? I still need to plan and prepare so let’s see if I have time to do that in the one day before the month starts! Am I crazy? I think a bit. And I am not feeling 100% good about this yet. But…maybe it’s best just to take the plunge. I wonder if it will leave me more depleted or invigorated…
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Almost Friday baby! This is going to be a bit more of a hectic weekend than I’d like but still I love the weekend.
2. I am grateful for chocolate today. I love chocolate. A little too much.
3. Grateful for feeling and being more productive, too. It makes me feel better to feel better, isn’t that crazy?
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Grateful for Daddy.
2. Grateful for playing with Nathaniel.
Well finally it was a better day! I woke up at 5am and decided to just get stuff done. I worked and worked very hard and then I finished some smaller but nagging items on my list. I even did an art journal page which is also for an upcoming creative therapy. It wasn’t as productive as I usually am but it’s certainly a move in the right direction. Happie, happie.
This morning David was trying to get me to take a photos of the two of them but Nathaniel refused to cooperate. Hard to capture two kids simultaneously.
But I did a bit better when they were playing together. David loves pushing him around and Nathaniel loves being pushed. Happy kids make a happy mommy.
Today was pajama day in David’s school so he got to wear his new Lego Batman PJs. He was very happy.
And while he was at school and I was working, Nathaniel rummaged through my papers. Maybe he’s trying to remind me that I need to scrap more often.
After I picked up David, we all went to lunch together and that was great but then we came home and I was suddenly exhausted. I could barely hold my head up. So my productivity in the afternoon was considerably worse. Thankfully, I’d done enough in the morning to feel good that I am not upset now. I also always get another rush of productivity in the evening so we’ll see.
I haven’t mentioned my Silliness class cause I’ll be honest, I haven’t been working on it. I guess I am not silly enough 🙁 I thought it would be more about drawing but I was wrong. I don’t regret taking it cause David and I had a lot of fun doing many of the worksheets but I can’t say it was the best choice for me. I rarely rarely ever not do ALL of the work in a class so this is definitely an exception.
On that note, my order from dickblick finally arrived and I am off to sign up for Pam Carriker’s Pursuing Portraits class. I think I can never have enough portrait classes and I am in awe of her art so even if only 5% of it rubs off on me, it will be worth it.
Note to Self:
One of the things that really helps with feeling better is starting the day on a good note. On either a really productive note or a really fun note. So this is for me to remember that if I wake up tired and cannot be productive right away, I should do something that’s fun for me. This might be obvious but it isn’t always to me. I often check my mail and my reader and then get caught in the circle of checking more mail, more blogs, etc. While this might be interesting at times, it’s rarely fun or productive. Instead, I should play with my kids, go on a walk, draw, paint, scrap, work, or even take a bubble bath first thing. I think this is important. It sets the tone of the day. Are there any of you out there who, like me, aren’t morning people but are stuck getting up early? What do you do to get yourself in the mood of the day and to start it on the right foot?
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I am finally feeling a little better. Here’s to baby steps.
2. I have started listening to a book by Richard Feynman. His letters. He is so amazing and so inspring and just listening to his daughter talk about him makes me happy. I am grateful that there were (are) people like that in the world
3. I am grateful for lunch with my kids. As we were sitting in the coffee shop, chatting and eating, I sat back and realized this was exactly the life I’d wished for and I am so blessed and thankful to have it.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Going out to lunch with Mommy and Nathaniel
2. Playing with Noah’s Glass Ironman at school
Well, not much to say today. I was slightly more productive but I am still grouchy and in pain. My jaw and back and head are hurting so I am going to go crawl somewhere instead of writing not so nice things.
Nathaniel has been playing with the duplos nonstop. So has David to be honest. I am so glad legos are finally taking over our house. I love legos.
Nathaniel’s also taken to shrieking randomly. And it’s not very much fun.
Well that’s about it from the karenika household for today. Off to get my coffee and hide in the sand until I feel better.
Note to Self:
I’ve been working really hard not to attribute any meaning to this lack of enthusiasm I’ve been feeling. It might be hormones. It might be pain. It might be more, it might be this it might be that but I am trying to just let myself go through it and not over-analyze it (which is definitely my default instinct.) I am just trying to let it do its thing and then pass. It’s hard. It’s been longer than I’d like but I know it will pass. I will wake up and feel like myself soon. I hope it’s really soon, though.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for Glee tonight. Love Glee.
2. I am grateful that I did actually accomplish a bunch of todo list items today.
3. I am grateful that my husband’s been sitting with me so much, trying to keep me company so my mood improves. And I love being around him so much. I am so lucky.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing at home. He’s been keeping busy.
2. I’m grateful for Nathaniel’s toys, he told me today. For all of them.
The tulips are almost over. Almost at their life’s end but they are still so very beautiful.
So I was feeling much better this morning. I even thought the grouch was gone. But it appears to be back now. It was all going so well. After picking David up from school and eating lunch, I thought it would be great to get the kids to play outside. Nathaniel has been skipping his afternoon naps so I thought it would help with that, too.
They did really have fun being outside.
Though Nathaniel wasn’t sure about the grass and kept his leg raised the whole time.
Here’s a closeup. Isn’t it funny?
And it did work. After outside time, I put him down and he took a nice 1-hour nap. Success. or Coincidence. Who knows.
After that I just got less and less productive and my energy went down. I am just not feeling motivated. I wish I were. Maybe I should just go to sleep really early for a few days and see if it makes a difference.
Note to Self:
One of the things I struggle with the most is creativity. I’ve never wanted to be a singer or a dancer. But I’ve always wanted to be an artist (and a writer). I crave the ability to draw. The passion, the creativity, the talent. My desire is deep and wide and I so wish I could draw. I could sculpt. I could draw my feelings. I wish I could make scrap pages, art journals, etchings, paintings, sewing like many of the artists I admire. It’s like an ache.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for the tiny path of yard we have. It was so nice to get to sit outdoors today and let the kids play while I worked. My dream.
2. I am grateful for my patient husband who never takes it personally when I am grouchy. He’s always kind and wonderful.
3. I am grateful that I seem to be feeling a bit better. Here’s to an even better tomorrow.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Playing at school (he played batman and is apparently climbing something.)
2. Snack time at school (pretzels and tangerines today)
So we started our day with a delicious breakfast at the local cafe with Levent. And then there was hugs good-bye. walks at the park, naps, and lots of playtime. I will just leave you with some wonderful photos from our day.
I’ve also finished my Week in the Life project. Still only digital. I will post all my pages soon. I need to go to bed now.
Note to Self:
Despite the fact that I’ve struggled to accomplish things last week and I had no time to catch up this week, I am feeling great about things in general. I feel like the sense of peace I so wished I always had is finally here and covering me like a blanket.
And it’s as amazing as I hoped it would be. I feel a sense of calm, belonging, and contentment. (I think the word contentment is underrated. Being content sounds like settling, but I think feeling satisfied about one’s life is exactly the perfect way to be. Knowing that things are good, loving what is. I think that’s the key to happiness.)
Of course, I still have a million things I want to accomplish and many times I feel frustrated, insecure, sad etc. but overall, I feel much happier, much more grounded, and a consistent sense of peace in my life. And I want to write this down so I can remember it forever.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for a stroll around the neighborhood, taking photos and enjoying nature.
2. I am grateful for a day of rest and relaxation and enjoying both my kids, watching them play and giggle together. Nothing better than that.
3. I am grateful for spring. This morning, as we left for breakfast, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and I just felt a deep sense of peace. Peace was my word for 2009 and it looks like I have finally achieved it. For that alone, I am deeply grateful.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Getting to have a croissant and apple juice for breakfast.
2. Going to the park and getting to play. And for Nathaniel’s new duplos. And wii time, too.
Happy Birthday Nathaniel!!!!!!!
Today my little boy turned one. A whole year. I cannot believe how fast time passes. As Grethen Rubin says, “The days are long but the years are short.” Yes, indeed.
Little boy started the day really early. So we both went down for a nap around 8:30 and woke up around 10:30. The night before, right as I was nursing him for bed, he started doing peek-a-boo back at me. It was and still is the most hilarious thing ever.
He doesn’t always get it right but he does it with a lot of joy and we both laugh like crazy.
When he woke up from his nap, he was really happy and giggled wit his dad for quite some time.
After we got prepared, we walked down to the little park in our complex and set him up in his chair and put his hat on (left from David’s first) but he wasn’t all too fond of it.
A few of our neighbors came over to celebrate with us and brought their little ones, too. We then sang to him and cut his cake.
A little chatting, some eating, some playing with the babies and we were back at home, going down for the second nap. After which, we drove to SFO to pick up my childhood best friend (and first boyfriend) Levent who happened to be visiting Las Vegas from Istanbul for a bachelor party and took a detour to come visit us. We drove into the city with him and did touristy things like Lombard street, Pier 39, and driving around.
After that, we came back home, put the kids down and Levent and I went to In’n’Out burger, drove to Google campus, and then came back home to chat until we were both too tired. (Sadly it was only 11:30pm, we’re getting old.)
All in all, an absolutely perfect day!
Note to Self:
I was worried about today and how overwhelmingly busy I thought it was going to be. I generally like my weekends to be completely free, let alone booked to the rim. But I kept telling myself to have faith. Both of the plans we had were for wonderful events with great people.
And we were lucky the whole day through. The weather shone. People showed up to Nathaniel’s party and they were kind, sweet, and happy. We felt overjoyed and lucky.
Seeing Levent again was such a rare luxury and then to get to spend a day in city that we don’t visit nearly often enough, yet another total bonus. And then I get to spend some alone time with my friend and chat honestly and laugh and be happy.
What more can someone ask out of a single day? Sometimes you just have to have faith.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. My little boy’s birthday! He’s such an incredible person and has brought so much joy into our family. We are truly blessed to have him. Happy birthday my amazing son.
2. Levent coming to visit us. I hadn’t seen him in over 3 years and I am so glad he took the side trip to come spend a few hours with us. We love you!
3. Honestly, today I am truly grateful for my life.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Visiting San Francsico. It was his first time driving down Lombard and visiting the pier. He got to ride on Levent’s shoulders and he was thrilled.
2. Nathaniel’s birthday. The party wasn’t really great for David as there was no one his age but he was patient and well behaved. And he surely enjoyed all of Nathaniel’s gifts.
I bought tulips again. I need to buy tulips every week.
And day 5. Today was challenging for me. I took most of the shots with my little camera while we were out and about. After we picked up David, we went to the grocery store to get Nathaniel’s birthday cake and a bunch of groceries we needed.
It was a long trip and the kids were wonderfully behaved but by the time we got home, we were all starving. After the kids ate, I made myself food again. Asparagus this time and some Mediterranean salad I’d bought at the store. It was all delicious.
Jake came home early and took David to Chuck’e’Cheese for the first time. I’m told it was fun but we won’t be repeating it anytime soon.
Today was David’s Wii day this week cause tomorrow is a hectic day. While he was out, Nathaniel wanted to eat the remotes and got really mad at me for not letting him.
And since I hadn’t done a good job today, I asked David to smile for me so I could get a good shot of him for the day.
Not the best but I’ll take what I can get. I’ve already done the pages for today. Since my friend will be here tomorrow, I am guessing tomorrow’s pages will get done on Sunday but I am happy to be caught up because it’s much easier for me this way.
I am feeling apprehensive about the weekend. Even though it’s not really a lot, I feel like there’s a bunch of stuff going on and I am going to be so tired. I feel like I need to relax and let it go, I am stressing well in advance and likely it will be wonderful.
Note to Self:
I am so grumpy lately that it’s almost unbearable to me. I have these terrible headaches and jaw-aches (i have TMJ) that are driving me crazy. I am unproductive all day long but have a growing todo list and thus refuse to go to sleep and rest and yet I don’t actually do anything when I am up. I am mean to everyone around me. And my bad mood is only generating more bad mood for me. I don’t know how to get out of the cycle. I think it’s likely hormonal but it still sucks and I want to figure out how to snap out of it. Getting caught in these cycles is one of the most frustrating things to me and if I could build a toolset of how to get out of them, I think it would be a lifesaver.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I’m grateful for my life. Despite the fact that I’ve been feeling more down and introspective and unmotivated than usual, I am still fundamentally feeling happy. This is a huge shift for me. I cannot tell you what an amazing gift that is.
2. I often send emails to reach out to people I like to help. I might read that someone needs technical help or something else that I know and I will email them and offer to help. Sometimes people take me up on it and other times, they ignore me. Today someone gave me the opportunity to help and I am grateful for that. It helped me as much as her.
3. Grateful for a full but exciting weekend with birthdays, best friends, and hopefully some rest.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Legos are still on the top of his list.
2. Jake came home early today and took him to Chuck’e’Cheese. It was a blast for him.
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projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
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