Catalyst One Hundred and Fifteen is: Create a postcard. Who’s it going to?

Thoughts:
I took this photo a while ago and I loved it. I love so many things about it that I cannot even begin to explain. But I wanted to take this photo, make a card of it and send it myself to remind myself that each day is ephemeral and that I need to live it with full emotion and passion and suck everything out of each of my days. To make the very best of them.

Catalyst One Hundred and Twenty is: what are you waiting for?

Thoughts:
When I read this catalyst, my first answer was “Nothing.” A few months ago Jake was telling me to stop worrying. He said, “If you’re wondering how life is going to turn out, stop wondering, this is how it turned out. You’re living it.” And as opposed to what one might think, this sentence made me feel overwhelmingly grateful. I felt calm and happy. And peaceful. At this juncture, I am really happy with my life. My kids, my husband, our home, my work. Everything is in a good place and I am not wishing for a better tomorrow or waiting for the time to be just right for something. I am just working on enjoying this very moment. Reminding myself that I am not waiting for anything, I have arrived.

Catalyst One Hundred and Eighteen is: what are you waiting for?

Journaling Reads:
5-5:30am: Nathaniel wakes up right around now. Most days Jake’s already on his way to work so I rush into Nathaniel’s room and try to get him before David wakes up. We then go downstairs and I struggle to wake up while I nurse him. I might watch some TV or check my mail while I nurse.

6:30am: David comes down sometime between 5:30 and 6am and by 6:30, I am fully awake and lately I’ve begun regularly working on some sort of creative project so I get the kids set up with breakfast and sit at my table. Nathaniel eats some bread, cereal, or graham crackers with cheese and a banana. David eats oatmeal and sometimes a fruit, too. I might be scrapping, sewing, crocheting, or painting. I work at this feverishly for about an hour or hour and a half, taking a break to get Nathaniel down from his high chair so he can walk around and play with duplos or David’s toys.

8am: When David had school, this is when he’d start getting ready but school’s over now and Kindergarten hasn’t started yet so they just keep playing until I’m done with my project or until Nathaniel is whining cause he’s really tired. I then put Nathaniel down and clean up around the kitchen a bit while I make my coffee. When it’s ready, it’s officially quiet time. David plays legos quietly while I drink my Cafe Francais and eat my graham crackers. I might check more mail, read blogs, message boards, or read my book.

9am: I officially start work. I check my mail, start triaging issues and go back and forth between tasks until Nathaniel wakes up. Once he’s awake, we hug a little and make sure he’s calm and then he plays alone or with David while I work some more.

12pm: Time for lunch. Nathaniel eats veggies mixed with yogurt, and cereal. David has his green beans and maybe meatballs. I might or might not eat lunch. Generally I at least grab a banana. After lunch we play together for a bit and then I clean up and get back to work. The kids play together, laugh, and make a lot of noise. I might or might not put Nathaniel down for a second nap depending on what time he woke up from his morning nap.

4pm: Time to start dinner for the kids. David eats a cinnamon raisin bagel and yogurt. Nathaniel has more veggies, fruit, oatmeal or bread and some cheese or yogurt. For now, he’s more interested in trying new foods than David is. Tonight we tried beets and he liked them. After dinner it’s bathtime, books, getting dressed, and nursing. David is there, too, and makes noises and entertains Nathaniel and they peek behind the curtain together.

6pm: The kids are in bed. Nathaniel is likely sleeping and David’s playing with legos in his room. He tells me his two things he’s grateful for and then I give him a hug and a kiss. He goes to sleep somewhere between 6:30 and 8pm.

6:30pm: I put another cup of coffee, grab some snack on the go and it’s time to process my photos from the day. I then post my Daily Diary entry and write about my day on my blog. I write 3 things I’m grateful for and 2 things David’s grateful for. Then it’s time for the second art project of the day. Right now I am making all the catalysts that are scheduled to come up for the rest of the year.

8pm: Once the art is done, I generally surf a bit, read a bit and then it’s time to go to bed. I go upstairs and kiss David and fix his covers. I turn of Nathaniel’s video monitor and go to bed. Jake might or might not join me depending on when he’s getting up the next day. I struggle to fall asleep and then I wake up and do the whole thing over again. Gratefully and lovingly.
– June 2010 –

Catalyst One Hundred and Sixteen is: What’s one present you’ve always wanted?

Thoughts:
I am fortunate enough to have all the belongings I desire in life. The one and only thing I always crave is being loved. The biggest present I ever got was and is the love of my husband, my kids, my family, and friends. It’s the best present I could ever have.

Catalyst One Hundred and Fourteen is: What are your best/worst memories of school?

Thoughts:
During my senior year in college, my husband, his roommate Jason, and I spent an exorbitant amount of time playing a computer game called “Full Throttle.” It was many years ago and so the games weren’t nearly as sophisticated as today’s games are. The game’s main character is a motorcyclist and you can make him do things by clicking on items and choosing an action. Depending on what you chose the character reacts. For example you can click on a door and choose “open,” etc. You can also choose a garbage bin and choose “lick” which will then make the character say “I’m not puttin’ my lips on that.” Which we would do over and over again just to hear him say it. In one part of the game, the character is looking for a secret passage and has to find it by kicking this wall all over until he finds it. If you try for a long time, he says “I’ll never find that secret passage.” and since I was quite bad at the game, I heard that over and over again. To this day, it’s one of those rare memories that brings me right back to my college days and my husband and I use random sentences from the game all the time. Like an inside joke.

I love the fact that I’ve known my husband for so long and we have so many memories just like this.

This week’s catalyst is How has art saved you?.

Karen Says:
Art has saved me so many times. It has led me to create this wonderful place, creative therapy, where I get to be inspired by some of the most amazing artists and people I know. I criticize myself all the time. I worry about not being good enough, not creating pieces as beautiful as I see others create. Not being able to bring to life what I can see in my mind’s eye, what I can feel in my heart. Not being able to express all the emotions, all the colors. I put myself down and beat myself up all the time. I tell myself I will quit. I am not good enough. I cannot do this. I will never be good enough.

And yet, I don’t stop.

I keep making more and more art. I take pictures. I write my words. I touch the fabric. I scrap. I cannot stop myself. Good or not, art gives me joy. It gives me wings to fly. It helps me recreate my joys, capture the moments and the magic. It frees me from the world. From my worries. From my sorrows.

From myself.