When the kids were young, I used to tickle them during family photos to get some genuine laughs.
As they got bigger and stronger, they got better at stopping me so I had to devise a better strategy to ensure we didn’t end up with a bunch of fake smiles.
We start our sessions with smiles, and then do a bunch of faces (sad face, angry face, shocked face, etc.) And then we start to fake laugh. I told the kids that the camera can’t tell when you’re fake laughing so we fake it.
And the camera can’t tell.
But here’s the best part: a few seconds into the fake laughing we start laughing for real. We can’t help it. The whole thing feels so absurd that we start laughing and laughing and laughing.
And the camera captures those too.
Sometimes faking it till you make it is the best strategy after all.
Played with lots of paint today while I listened to a good book. Painting, journaling, reading. These things never get old for me.
I am so grateful to the people who fill our lives with stories to read, stories to watch, they create worlds we can live in however briefly and let us peek into other worlds.
The weekend is here and all I want to do is rest and hug my people. This little boy is always there for it. He’s kind and generous and so very loving. I am grateful every single day for him.
I’m grateful for my friend Evelyn who came over today.
I’m grateful that my older boy spent time hanging out with his friends after school today.
I’m grateful that my husband is spending time with his brother tonight.
There are 100 days left in 2021. Depending on who you are and how you filter life, this might feel exciting that we still get 100 more days or alarming that we only have 100 left.
I’m in neither camp today. These days I am leaning into “it is what it is” attitude and trying not make a bigger meaning around things.
I’ve been really tired lately and have a lot of headaches so I’ve been giving myself grace with what I can get done. Some things are behind and others are doing ok. I’m regressing and I am progressing and I am also standing still in some areas.
Back in 1996, I was living in NYC and working during the day and taking classes at night I loved having a variety of options to pick from and tried to take as many as I could.
One of the classes I took was American Sign Language. I wanted to learn ASL for years but it wasn’t offered in my college so I was excited to find it in NY. After a few years, I volunteered at the NY Society for the Deaf which was my only way to practice.
After I quit my job on Wall Street and became a teacher, I had to quit that volunteer job and I didn’t get to practice again for years.
About ten-twelve years ago, I was working at a scrapbooking convention and a customer came and she was deaf and I pulled out some of my rusty ASL and was able to help her.
And then nothing again.
Tonight, for the first time since then, we went climbing with a deaf climber and I was able to practice once more. I am super super rusty but we managed to communicate nonetheless. It felt so wonderful to get to do it again after so many years.
As the year winds down, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my goals will be for next year. As I was thinking about that, I realized that we are about to walk into a season of our lives where there will be big milestones.
My older son so be applying to college in the next calendar year, my younger son will finish middle school and soon after transition to high school. I can’t believe that in one year, my son will be the age I was when I left Turkey. That was a big turning point in my life.
As we walk into this stage, I have been thinking a lot about the kid of parent I want to be in this stage and the way I can support them best.
I think all the major relationships in my life shift over time. My relationship with my husband, my parents, my kids, my good friends. Who I am changes, where our relationship is changes and who they are changes too. So many of these dynamics change and it helps me to take a step back and be intentional about how I show up to them.
Almost as soon as a weekend starts, I worry about it being over. I find that I am needing the downtime, the quiet time and the reset more than usual lately.
I am working to slow down my mental chatter and create space daily so that so much doesn’t ride on the weekend. I am wanting to slow down time in general.
I find that my life is a recurring series of feeling like things are smooth and that I am doing what matters most to me and feeling like I am completely off the rails. I alternate between the two and I can’t even tell when I am about to fall off.
The last few weeks have been very chaotic and I am way off my routine and not eating well, not moving enough, not sleeping enough. Not getting enough done.
And I’m a bit sick of it.
Here’s to hoping I can go back on the other cycle soon!
Yes to giving myself grace and yes to getting back on track!
This past week was a full week for us so today I am grateful for the weekend and for hopefully getting a bit of downtime.
This coming week is the first week since school started that we will have no transitions or birthdays. I am hoping that can mean we can slowly start establishing a new routine.
Too tired for anything pithy today. Lately I am making a list of things to let go and release so I can make room for things I want to invite into my life or things I want to lean into more.
I’ve been tired and unmotivated lately. I find myself easily distracted and unable to focus for a long time. Apparently this is normal during a pandemic. (Is there even such a thing as normal during a pandemic??)
I have been trying to figure out how to get back on track to the way my routine and life and productivity was before. Not even sure what the before is in this context. It could mean before this week. Or before March 2020. Or before school started. Or before this busy work season. Likely a combination of all.
What I am trying to remind myself is that there’s no going ‘back’ I can only go ‘forward’ so I get to choose what I want my routine to look like from here onward. And instead of retrofitting what was there before, I get to design a new one that fits into my life right now. I get to choose intentionally.
This way it’s not a reaction to what was there before and a constant comparison. Instead it’s an intentional design to work well with my current life.
As life shifts and evolves, as my moods change, as my schedule changes, I get to lean into it and shift with it. Life is so much easier when I flow in the direction of the current instead of swimming upstream.
