I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I opened my drawer for the toothpaste, I decided enough was enough and I should clean the drawer.
Seven hours later, I had cleaned all of the bathroom drawers and all of my bedroom ones. I did not eat anything or do anything else. Little boy kindly brought me two teas during that time. I listened to “Klara and the Sun” and just worked.
It was absolutely not the plan for today but I am so glad I did it. It had been over ten years since I cleaned everything this thoroughly. I feel like my drawers can breathe again.
Amazing the amount of stuff you can accumulate in that time. I will say it also made me think about all the ideas, stories, thoughts and beliefs I’ve accumulated during this time too. I bet they could use some revisiting and sorting and shedding too.
Feeling grateful today for a healthy mix of everything. I started the day slowly, meditating and finishing my book in bed and then connected with my friend Kelly for a long while which was wonderful. And then I started doing lots and lots and lots of work and then read all my email. And then I exercised. And finally my husband and I went out to have some dinner.
A lot in one day.
But I feel full and happy. And readier for the weekend than I usually feel even though I didn’t finish all the work I’d wanted to.
Yes to getting things done and yes to connecting with people I love!
Last summer, as part of adding some fun into my days I subscribed to two monthly boxes.
One of them was a collection of snacks which was fun for a while but ended up not being as tasty for me so we stopped it a few months ago.
The other one was @ipsy which is a makeup sampler set. You get 5 items each month for $12. You can take a survey first so it’s more catered to your skin/hair etc.
I don’t wear makeup often and know nothing about skin care or how to put make up on to be honest. But I’ve still loved getting this little surprise in the mail each month. Because of what I prioritized I have received a lot of moisturizers and great brushes which I had none of. And now I’m slowly building a small stash of lipstick, blush and other things. Looking at this makes me happy which is a lot to say cause I usually hate waste and things that I don’t use but this doesn’t look like waste to me it just looks like possibility which is super fun.
I’ve also just started following them and I love everything this company is about so that’s just a complete added bonus that I hadn’t anticipated.
now I just have to start watching some videos and learn how to use all these products. I love the fact that it’s all small samples so I can use them and then decide if I like them and go all in. This is not an ad. I just put all my stash together today and realized how happy this little thing is still making me.
So here’s to small happinesses today. Finding ways to add a little bit of color and joy to these bleakish days.
Yes to adventures and fun with make up and skin care!
Today at work we had a half a day summit which was about recharging. I’ve had so much work lately that I thought it would be ridiculous to spend half a day talking about recharging instead of just getting my darn work done.
I was so wrong.
The event was so inspiring and calming and relaxing that I felt good all day and I still have a lot of work and it will still all get done. I’m glad I took some time out today and listened to smart and thoughtful people.
I need more of that in my life.
There’s always more work. It’s like sand, it fills into all the moments I have in my life so it’s my job to create space for what I want first and then let sand take over the rest.
My husband and I woke up at 5:45 to take our chances at the climbing gym this morning. I had a last minute meeting scheduled on top of our pre-scheduled time so we figured we’ll try our chances at walk-in. We got dressed and drove to the gym and it turned out all the walk-in spots were gone.
So we decided we would try to go to a coffee shop near our house and see if we can have some breakfast. It was really cold so sitting outside wasn’t going to be an option. But when we got there, there were only three people inside so we were able to order food and sit inside to eat it.
First time since last March.
It felt amazing. I think because it felt just a tiny bit normal even though we were wearing masks in between chews and sips. Even though there was almost no one else inside. Even though we could only sit for a short little while to reduce risk. It still felt the closest to normal since last year.
Yes to tiny glimpses of normalcy. Yes to delicious avocado toast. And yes to coffee!
I miss life before covid. At this point, I miss it every single day. I am tired of the sameness of every single day. Wake up, exercise, meetings, bed. Very few other things in the middle and mostly the same food every day.
So tired.
And if I could change it, I would do so without question.
And yet, I am so grateful to get to spend a bit more time with my kids. I would not have wished this upon them in any way. And I also know that in a matter of minutes they will be grown up and gone, creating and living and hopefully thriving in lives of their own.
So, amidst this terrible experience, I am grateful for a little more togetherness with these people I love so much.
Yes to togetherness, yes to seeing their smiley faces and getting hugs in the middle of the day.
Since we’ve started working from home, my workplace has been doing small and big gestures to try to make working from home smoother.
Last week, they sent me an email saying that they noticed my computer was really old and asking if I would like a new one. I was delighted and went ahead and ordered the newer computer which came on Friday.
I then spent most of the day feverishly trying to setup my new computer to be like my old one. I moved over all the files, installed the apps I use, re-set the screensaver and background, fixed up my dock so it looks the way I want.
Since it’s been a few years, some of my apps wouldn’t work. And the many, many stickers I had on my cover would no longer come off. I spent hours trying to solve both of these problems.
But I could not.
Frustrated, I put it all aside and didn’t touch it all weekend. And now I am sitting here and thinking that maybe there’s a lesson here for me. Maybe this is a moment in time where I get to take a step back and start over and let some of what I’ve been carrying go.
Even if it’s an app I’ve come to rely on or a sticker I love, maybe it’s healthy to just let things go occasionally and start over. With new routines and new favorites and a fresh outlook.
A new start.
Maybe I don’t have to carry it all to my next phase. Maybe this creates the space to figure out what I want to pick up next. And maybe this is the universe nudging me to let go.
Waiting zone might be the title of the movie about the last year. Stuck in waiting zone.
I read a beautiful book today that captured the complexity of being a human (a flawed human) so well that it made me cry. Life can be so complicated, relationships, self awareness, self sabotage, cross communicating, our unlived desires and on and on.
When a book can capture those layers of complexity so well, it makes me feel less alone in the world. It gives us a way to see each other. To peek behind the curtain and see all the different ways every life and every relationship is complicated.
I’m finding that so much of my life is spent not wanting to do things and doing them anyway.
I spent a good 25 minutes whining to myself inside my head about not wanting to ride the bike this morning. I had a million excuses and I went on and on and on. I had to call myself on my whining and just get up and do it anyway. And of course it was much less painful than I’d made it out to be. There are exceptions but most things are so much bigger in my head than they are in the world.
If it weren’t for the philosophy of doing in anyway, I’d pretty much spend my life on the couch reading.
Instead I worked out, did a bunch of work, connected with my friend Kelly, did more work, went climbing, setup my new computer and installed two OSs upgrades and so many many apps, and took a walk with my hubby, and worked some more.
I didn’t want to do any of that.
I did it all anyway.
Yes to showing up and doing the hard (but good) things.
We went climbing today at the gym for the first time in months.
Last night, I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep and my mind kept going back to an email I sent that had a typo in it. I kept trying to decide if I should get up and respond to acknowledge the typo or if I should just let it go. I spent a good 20 minutes thinking about this while I was lying in bed in the dark.
The amount of time and energy I spend on things that are seemingly inconsequential is way too much. And also the way I use my time in general is not necessarily in line with my long-term goals and values.
I’ve been thinking this week that I should put a sign above my desk that says: “Will this matter in 5 years?” So every time I’m making a decision I can look up at the sign and answer that question first and then decide.
While I love reading and can spend all my minutes doing that, I could definitely read a few fewer books and spend some of that time cooking myself nutritious food or going climbing with my husband or hanging out with my children to hear about some of their day. And yet I don’t prioritize those things nearly as much as I wish I did. And remembering if this will matter in 5 years will help with that too because really is it going to matter that I read an extra 50 books this year when compared with the relationships that allows me to deepen if I take time to be with my people? Or if I take time to get healthier and stronger?
5 years from now my older son will be in college and my younger son will be in high school, only a handful of years away from going away himself.
5 years from now my job will decidedly be different than it is today.
And 5 years from now the typo I made in that email will definitely not matter.
But it will matter that I took some time today to go climbing with my husband. It will mean I’m stronger and it will mean our relationship is deeper because I took an hour and a half out of my schedule to do something that we share and love doing.
Now I just have to think and act this way more often.
Yes to remembering what matters and yes to letting go of the rest. Yes to choosing important over urgent.
I feel absolutely exhausted today. So right now I am saying yes to just resting on the couch and watching a movie and soon I will say yes to going to bed so I can rest and hope that tomorrow is a bit less exhausting.
Today was decidedly not a no-meeting day 🙂 I am tired and wiped.
It hasn’t been a year since I was last at work but it’s pretty close. And while I can’t believe it’s been this long, what really makes me struggle more is the lack of clarity around timeline and path to reintegration. I can’t see a line of sight to any version of normal life.
I can’t see what will change so that my kids can fully go back to school. Or so we can go back to work. So we can eat at a coffee shop with friends. So I can travel and see my family again. All of these milestones seem an indeterminate amount of time away. Can’t tell if it’s 6 months 9 months 2 years or even more. That uncertainty is the hardest part.
And yet the climbing gym is opening on Wednesday which is a cause for celebration. So maybe it’s just about baby steps.
Yes to small wins and also yes to naming the pain and frustration. Naming things matters.
