I am tired and content right now. My mind is reasonably empty which is rare and lovely. I have many things to do and many things I am worried about.
But in this very moment I am not thinking about any of them. I am here, resting, listening to a good book, feeling my sore legs, arms and toes from tonight’s workout, and feeling warm snuggled under the pile of blankets.
Grateful for the quiet and grateful to be in this present moment.
Yes to being present and yes to doing things that help me be more present.
Today I was thinking about what I would like the next few years to look like. I have some big milestones coming at home with my older son starting 11th grade next year. And I think it might be time to lean in more with life vs work for a while.
I have to think about what that means.
What I do know is life passes way too quickly. I make a decision and then four years later I wake up down the path from that decision that I had no idea was going to be this long and end up here.
Time passes by and some things cannot be lived again. My kid is going to be around for two more years before he starts a path to his own life. I want to enjoy every moment of that. I will only be in my 40s for a few more years and I want to enjoy every moment of that.
I’ve been thinking a lot about roller coasters lately. When my older one started middle school, the head of school told us all that middle school is tricky and a lot happens and that our kids would be riding up and down a rollercoaster over these three years.
And that our job was to not get on the coaster with them. Instead to wait at the bottom with a plate of cookies and be there for them when they get off.
I’ve been thinking about this analogy for my life in general. I can easily get caught up on helping people around me and getting on the rollercoaster with everyone around me who is experiencing difficult emotions.
Which is not helpful. Because at the best case I am riding with them and now experiencing things too and thus less able to help. And in the worst case, I’m now on a rollercoaster myself, involving myself into a conversation that wasn’t about me, making it about myself and now I am involved and part of the problem too.
So lately, I’ve been reminding myself that this is not happening to me but to a person I love. It is not about me (unless they tell me otherwise) and the best way in which I can be helpful is by staying grounded and asking them what would help.
It works wonders when I manage to do it.
Yes to supporting the people I love. Yes to not getting on the rollercoaster with them. Yes to awareness.
I was walking to the car from the climbing gym today when I saw this drawing. Things feel like this more often than I would like.
There are many things going well in my life. And today’s news was a sigh of relief for a moment at least. And I am grateful for so much of everything I have. Everything I get to do and more.
And yet there’s still more to do and so much going on. And so much of living life anyway. I was doing email tonight since I was wildly behind from being away last week and everyone I emailed replied within minutes. Tons of others doing email at 8, 9, 10pm at night. We are all working all the time. My kids have not seen their friends or been to their school in person in over a year. My little one will get to celebrate his yet another birthday during a pandemic.
Things are “fine.” And yet…
Yes to acknowledging what is. Suppressing or ignoring things doesn’t help us move past them.
I’ve been looking for a way to have Turkish tea. There’s a place near our house that serves it and it’s so aromatic and reminds me so much of home.
I don’t know which tea it is so i found one on Amazon that can be used with a pot and made some today. Alas it wasn’t the one. It’s tasty but not aromatic.
Still enjoying it and the slowness it encourages in my life.
I don’t have much to say today. I am feeling calm and quiet. Likely still from vacation. I know next week will be stressful and busy so I am enjoying the calm while it’s here.
Here’s to sitting with the here and now and not paying down early to tomorrow’s stress.
Another good climbing day today. I was telling Jake on the way home that the sessions are so unpredictable. I could feel like today will be great and then it’s a disaster. And then other days I could feel like I have nothing left and the session could be fantastic. It’s completely unpredictable in advance.
Tonight was a fantastic session.
It also was a good reminder that most days are just as unpredictable in life and as such a particular bad day doesn’t have to be an indicator that the next day will be bad too.
Yes to good sessions and trying hard climbs. Yes to taking life one day at a time.
I never liked going to bars or most social events. My 20s were painful as my peers wanted to go drinking and I would much rather have stayed home or gone somewhere cozy and had deep, meaningful conversations all night.
I so don’t miss those years.
Tonight we went climbing again for the second day in a row. I can totally get behind this kind of date night.
One of the perks of getting older is that I finally don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. Or maybe that was an option all along and I’m finally realizing it.
Yes to doing what makes you happy. Yes to owning who you are. And yes to climbing more.
This morning I woke up without an alarm. Lay in bed reading my book and meditating until 9am. Made my broccoli/spinach juice, tea and toast and sat outside by the water while listening to my book.
Then I worked for a few hours by the water. And then we drove to a climbing gym an hour away and spent two hours climbing. We drove back, ate dinner by the water, got ice cream with the kids, and then came back to watch the sunset.
Did some math with little boy and now back to doing some work.
It was an ease filled day that involved doing many things I love. I so wish every day could look like that.
Here’s to celebrating the ones that do.
Yes to time together. Yes to exercise that feels good. Yes to working by the water.
There’s so much joy in the little moments of life. A magnificent sunset. A hug from someone who loves you. The sound of crackling fire. The feeling of grass between your toes. Or sand. Or water.
A perfect, cloudless sky. Puffy white clouds. A roaring fire with snow outside. A surprise package in the mail. An email from and old friend you’d lost touch with.
Watching someone you love laugh. Listening to a song loudly while driving down a country road. Eating fresh fruit from a farm stand.
Watching baby geese.
Life is so full of moments of joy.
Yes to seeing joy and feeling joy and letting it take over your whole heart. Yes to letting joy sprinkle all over you.
