I don’t handle change all that well. I tend to thrive on routine and I like consistency.
This year at work has been nothing but change. Just when I get one routine going, another major change descends and I have to reconfigure my thinking and my structure again and again.
Today was the beginning of yet another change. I’m not loving it so far. It’s hectic and the ground under me feels like it’s shifting and I am just so tired of having to adapt.
And yet I am, of course, learning so much, too, and trying to remind myself that choosing yes was about being here now and leaning into what is.
So I am trying to breathe an extra few breaths and reminding myself that it’s all going to work out. Because it always does in the end.
And it’s not the end yet.
Yes to leaning in. Yes to being open. Yes to being uncomfortable.
The last member of our household got his first shot today.
I feel very lucky that little boy has just turned 12 and can now have his shot.
We drove around and waited for some time today to make this possible for him and I am grateful that it worked out. I am grateful that in a month or so he will be able to finally see some friends. He hasn’t seen a friend in person since last year March. Nor has the older one.
We all miss seeing people, hugging people and going on adventures.
Yes to staying healthy and yes to going on adventures again.
I drove on the freeway for the first time since last year March. I wasn’t sure if I’d feel too anxious but it didn’t feel terrible and I managed to make it there and back just fine.
I get to do it all over again tomorrow and then again Monday and Tuesday. I expect I will have it totally down by then.
I got a tiny glimpse at the life before all this and it was eerily familiar. All the same and yet all a little different. Seeing people. Having conversations face to face.
It felt good.
Yes to seeing people and yes to mk snacks and yes to glimpses of life.
I am still documenting daily life here and loving these small moments.
I seem to be feeling really tired and off this week. Just a lot to do and no energy to do it. So instead I am taking all the rest I can and all the grace I can give myself.
It helps that I am reading Andy Weir’s new book which is a fantastic distraction from life.
Little boy finally hooked up this little Arduino kit we got him for his birthday. Each button does something different and saves him clicks and work. It was cool to see how quickly he mastered this one.
I am completely wiped from climbing today and have nothing pithy to say at all. I am taking each day as it comes at the moment and using all my energy to do the next right thing I can.
Since Sunday I’ve been taking photos of our ordinary life to capture a typical week in our current life.
I did this @aliedwards week in the life project back in 2012, when I had a 3 year old and a 7 year old. I did it again in 2014 with a 5 and 9 year old and now I have a 12 and 16 year old and we are all at home doing school and work from here.
Ordinary life is anything but ordinary. And these tiny, irrelevant seeming moments of life are ephemeral and they are made of gold.
I know that when my kids are off living their own lives, I will miss these moments the most. The seemingly inconsequential experience of my teenager eating cereal as he surfs on his phone. Or my younger one watching movies. I will miss the sounds they make as they work. The laughter when they are chatting with their friends. I will even miss the mess in their rooms.
Because our everyday ordinary life is filled with their life and their souls. It’s us in this moment of time that will never be here again. We get to be right here right now only this one time.
And through this magical project I get to capture a tiny sliver of that and keep it with me forever.
How is that not the best deal ever?
Yes to capturing our everyday, yes to telling our stories.
Here’s the incredibly thoughtful present my lovely husband got me for mother’s day. (He got me some fun scrapbooking stuff too!)
This is an exact replica of my climbing shoes that I wear each time we go climbing. And now I have a little keychain where I can carry them around with me.
How sweet is that?
Today was a tough day at work as expected, so I took a lot of downtime and went climbing with my husband. When I was up on the wall I forgot all about work. And everything else.
And now I sit here and write up my week in the life noted and feel okay. So we will call this a win.
Yes to stepping away when needed. Yes to being present and doing things that help you be present.
For mother’s day, big boy wrote me this wonderful, touching and thoughtful letter.
And the best part? The code he wrote to compile the letter is shaped like a heart.
I know today can be a tough day for many people for a wide range of reasons. I also know it can come with a lot of expectations.
Years and years ago I used to get all excited about New Year’s Eve plans and my expectations would be set so high that we would end up having a spectacular fight every time.
After several years of repeating this, one year I got really sick and we ended up in bed playing video games all night. It was the best new year’s eve and it taught me a great lesson around having no expectations and just being grateful to be here now.
So that’s how I feel today. I am grateful for my sons who are kind and thoughtful and give hugs freely. I am grateful for my husband who is generous and loving and also had a deeply thoughtful gift, too.
I am grateful for my nephews who are one of a kind just like my sister who is the best mom. For my friends who sent me kind, loving notes today to celebrate.
And I am so grateful for my amazing mom who made all this magical family possible. Who still teaches me new things daily, who loves me unconditionally and who brightens all my days.
I am using this as an opportunity to take a moment to be grateful because I know that all of this is rare and not guaranteed. I don’t want to take any of it for granted for a moment.
Today was a good day. It started with a relaxing way to wake up, some snuggles with little boy, a lot of exercise and a lot of reading.
Then I did some meal prep, some more exercise, painting and journaling.
And now I am sitting outside again as the day gets darker and feeling that dull soreness from all the exercise joint with the serenity of a quiet evening.
There is a lot going on so these quieter days are exactly what my soul is seeking at the moment and I am trying to pay attention as much as possible.
I’ve always been a person who favors sadness. My baseline operating model is generally sad. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, it was really important to me that he never grow up to think that he was the cause of my sadness so I was determined to work on this.
I printed a huge sign to put above my bedroom door which said: “Give up that there’s something wrong.”
I would wake up every morning and see it. I’m a big fan of reminders. We are all works in progress and remembering the destination we strive for is helpful.
This was one of mine.
The boy is 16 now and I am still reminding myself to give up that there is something wrong. That everything is an opportunity or a possibility. And that perspective matters a lot.
And I get to choose the story I tell myself.
Yes to believing in the good. Yes to owning my own life. And yes to believing in the positive.
When I wrote down my goals around choosing the word yes this year, I wrote down “less catasrophizing” and “less holding on” and “more optimism” and “more adventures” and all of these goals are being put to the test this week.
I am trying to understand the balance between inertia and calm. Between optimism and resignation. Between acceptance and daring. It’s hard to tell whether the source is one or the other.
Either way, for the most part, I am finding that I’m moving through this complicated life pretty calmly at the moment. Doing the next best thing I can and trying not to think too far ahead.
The situation in India is very scary and devastating. It’s now spread to parts of Singapore and vaccinated people are dying. So if I jump to potential futures for us, I can easily get to a grim place quickly. Instead I am trying to keep my eyes down and do the next right thing at home, at work, in my life.
And really that’s all I get to do. Be here now and do the best I can.
Yes to showing up to life and yes to being present. And yes to more optimism.
