I woke up exhausted this morning after a double climbing session last night. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep so I was really tired and my muscles were very sore.
I didn’t want to get out of bed and didn’t really think I could exercise today. I felt like I had spent everything I had.
Here’s the thing: I absolutely hadn’t.
Not only did I get up and ride the bike for my usual daily 15 minutes, do my core and my arms but I also went climbing again later in the day.
I told myself I would just take it easy and do all the routes that I knew I could. But once we got there that’s not what I ended up doing.
I tried whatever looked fun and ended up climbing several routes that were pretty hard for me. Then about 2 hours in, once I really did feel exhausted, I decided that was enough.
This was my third day of climbing in a row.
It was a good reminder that even when I think I don’t have anything left, I have plenty left.
Bring on the books, climbing, resting and more resting.
I am working hard to learn how to ease off on the pressure I put on myself. So when there’s a weekend and I have personal tasks to do, I don’t have to fill the weekend with them.
I was looking over my list I made in January for the year of Yes.
I am already doing most of what’s on my list. I think besides travel and connection, the biggest item I am not doing is learning. I was hoping to take some new classes and try new things.
I am taking an illustration class for this month but I would in general like to do more classes. Maybe it something I can do alongside little boy this summer.
I feel mentally and physically exhausted most evenings but I think I could still do this and that it would give me more joy than watching random tv shows.
In the middle of two simultaneous meetings this morning, I decided it was wise to pick up a phone call from my mom.
My mom who was calling to celebrate our wedding anniversary which we had completely forgotten about.
Within ten minutes, we had canceled my husband’s plans to go climbing with friends and booked a table at our favorite restaurant.
Which meant that for the first time in over a year, we got all dressed up and went out to a fancy restaurant and had a delicious dinner and wonderful conversation.
19 years of marriage. 26 years of being together and this man is still my sunshine. He sees me and loves me and is my best friend. We have spent more than half our lives together.
I am so grateful for the gift of getting to do life with him.
Thank you for reminding us, mom, we had a magical night thanks to you.
I was thinking today that after the year and a half we had, I am not actually ready to go back to “normal” life even as more activities are becoming possible.
I feel like when covid hit last year and all our lives changed, I went into “buckle down and get through it” mode. I did what needed to be done and made it through each day the best I could.
That didn’t come for free.
I’ve been accumulating stress and grief and loss and exhaustion for 15 months now.
And while I’m very very grateful to be able to possibly go back to normal again, I am so not ready for anything. I am not ready to commute, to take the kids to the bus, to navigate school meetings in person. I am not ready to act like all this was nothing. I am not ready to move to the next phase.
I need some serious down time. Some time where I am not worried about navigating covid life and still not just yet at the next phase.
Not sure how this will happen but I am feeling the need pretty acutely today.
I have to figure out how I can get some of the rest and recovery I so desperately need. This is not something a long weekend will cure.
Yes to acknowledging what is. Yes to moving through it and figuring it out.
PS: I also know that I am very lucky to even be thinking about life after covid when many others don’t have that luxury.
Weekly Intention: This week will also likely be intense. There are a lot of decisions to be made and not a lot of time. My intention is to be calm and not take anything personally this week.
This month’s intention is:May: Yes Just Yes: Time to be bold. Jump in. Dare to go all in and see what happens. What happens if you say yes?!Let the experimenting begin.
One way I will leap this week: sending those emails.
One boundary I will set this week: hmmm maybe i will set one around not working late this week.
One area where I will go deeper this week: starting some kind of daily drawing/illustration/doodling
What do I need to sit with this week? i need to sit with what comes next
I am looking forward to: a four day weekend.
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): i am definitely feeling lighter and kinder and enough lately. I think I need more magic and wild in my life. [i think this holds this week, too]
This week’s challenges: navigating the new normal.
Top Goals:
Work: make a list of all the todos, stay on top of email, align around FoW.
Personal: continue journaling plan, start illustration plan, do week in the life documentation, OLW journaling.
Family: be with J, book painters, encourage D for M, find a project for N.
I thought I wasn’t going to like this book. I live a few blocks from Stanford and too many of the parents in this book are slightly over the top versions of parents around me. It was a bit close to home but I still enjoyed my time with it and really liked some of the subplots.
Read this one in one sitting. It was fun, uplifting, engaging and a joy to read. I will likely forget most of it but it doesn’t matter, it gave me joy while I read it and that’s really all I seek from books like this. Recommended.
I loved this book. It was a super-fast read for me and I really really liked the main character. It’s sort of a mystery and sort of about parenthood, family, choices we make and the consequences we have to live with and what sacrifices we’re willing to make. I really liked it.
