This past weekend was my 15-year anniversary at Google.
15 years is a long time for a job. It’s a long time to live in the same city. It’s a long time for a relationship. It’s a long time.
When I started working there I had a 1.5 year old boy and now I have a 16.5 year old and a 12.5 year old.
Over the last 15 years I’ve worked on a bunch of different products in a bunch of different roles. My favorite part has consistently been the people through and through. Some of the best people I’ve ever met have been my workmates. Kind, smart, generous.
My manager sent me these flowers today to say congratulations. It was really thoughtful and a lovely, unexpected surprise.
I remember I was very sure in 2009 that I would not return from my maternity leave. Here we are, 13 years later…
We had a piece of our fence come undone earlier last month. A handyman came to look and said he can’t really do anything until we removed all the ivy clinging to it. So we called the tree trimmers, got our tree and the fence trimmed then today another handyman came to look at it and said he couldn’t fix it because one of the posts is complete rotten and it’s a big job and I need to call fence people.
Since the pandemic started, I’ve had so much of this. Dishwasher breaking, tree dying, fridge dying, house needing to be painted, on and on.
Every one of these things makes me want to curl up and cry. I hate the minutia of life and having to take care of it all.
I was complaining to my mom a few months ago about how it feels like it never ends and if it’s not one thing, it’s another. And she said that this is life. For as long as we’re alive, there will be things that need tending to and to be grateful because it’s a sign that I’m alive.
So today, after I got bummed about needing to now track down some fence people, I reminded myself to be grateful that I have a fence to begin with and that I have the means to fix it and that I get to be alive today to take care of this next chore.
Weekly Intention: Ok this is my first full week back from vacation. My intention this week is to hold on to the quiet. To stay soft and grounded and kind and open. To hold things loosely.
This month’s intention is:Yes to Possibilities: Time to root and surrender. This is a hard month for you. Transitions are rough. But you also turn 47. It’s magical to get to have another year. Remember the growth mindset. Let go of your preconceived ideas and embrace the possibilities. September is here. I’m not a fan of fall so my goal this week is to pay attention to what i love about fall.
One way I will leap this week: i will take time daily to do some art.
One boundary I will set this week: i will not work late nights.
One area where I will go deeper this week: hmm maybe i will spend some time thinking about 2020.
What do I need to sit with this week? just the quiet, i love it.
I am looking forward to: getting more of the perf work done.
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): i am definitely feeling lighter which has been magical. And really leaning into kinder and enough, too.
This week’s challenges: Wednesday is a long-ish day but the overall challenge will just be holding on to the quiet.
Top Goals:
Work: do next iteration of perf, move forward on September deliverables, have conversations.
Personal: more journaling and art, find another class, rest a lot.
Family: climb with J, get david to do class+ACT, do more SAT with N, help the kids with school and J with work
This week, I want to remember: Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.
I usually tend to live a relatively regimented life. I have daily routines and, for me, doing something every day is always the way to go. I am more likely to ride the bike 20 minutes a day every day than to do it for 45 minutes three times a week. When I do something every day it leaves no room for postponement. Every day means today is the day I do it because every day is the day I do it.
Simple.
And also sometimes a bit hard. Regimented. No wiggle room.
Sometimes I can find that I am feeling constricted by my own rules.
So this morning I woke up and decided it would be a holiday day. I acted like I was away on holiday and gave myself the day off.
The Best Part of this Week: The best part of this week was that it was no meeting week, it was half a week because I had some vacation and thus it was really quiet.
I celebrate: finally taking some real vacation
I am grateful for: downtime
This week, I exercised: I’ve still been riding, climbing, doing core, arms, restorative yoga and stretching regularly.
This week, I said yes to: really really slowing down.
I said no to: pushing through or checking my email on vacation.
I honored my values (love, learn, peace, service, gratitude): i feel closer to these than before. walking in the right direction.
Top Goals Review: it’s been a few weeks since last update so i will skip these.
My mood this week was: quiet. peaceful.
I am proud of: taking the time i needed and helping center myself.
I release: it’s sunday night so i release what didn’t get done this weekend.
Here’s what I learned this week: it is ok to soften, it’s ok to do aimless art, and it’s ok to let go.
Over ten years ago, I wrote an article for an online photography site. It was about how I take all the pictures in my family so I am never in any of them and that if something were to happen to me, my kids would not have photos to remember me by.
That day I vowed to get in the picture more and started our family photo tradition. Ten years and more and we are still at it. My favorite tradition.
This was a rich, atmospheric mystery read. When a girl disappears in a small, religious town, everyone’s secrets slowly start surfacing. Not a lot of likeable characters in this story but they were all very 3-dimensional and I like that there weren’t plot twists just for the sake of shock value.
What a gem of a book. This story of a girl who has to fend for herself for 55 days while her mother is gone is an absolute gem. It’s full of heart and it will break your heart and slowly put it back together. It’s a fantastic read, highly recommended. Grief, coping, friendship, companionship, loneliness.
What a fantastically well-written mystery of a novel. This is about the aftermath of a bar shooting. You get to experience the perspective of those who die, a survivor, the mother of the shooter, and the wife of an injured party. The characters are rich and well-done. The story is layered and engaging and creates room for you to empathize with each character. Beautifully done.
super-fun light read about several women who, for different reasons, are experiencing break ups, separations, divorce or widowhood. They are brought together by a book club at their local book store and they support each other. Very enjoyable.
Tara Brach is right at the top of my list of people whom I can never read enough. I’ve listened to her classes for years, I’ve read all of her books and I’ve learned something new each time. I’m reminded of things I’d learned and forgotten already and things that I know I need to hear again and again. She never ever disappoints and I cannot recommend this book enough. It’s a distillation of a lot of her stories, thoughts, encouragements, and lessons. As always, it’s told in her gentle style and it’s gold.
