This morning I had a moment where I realized that I am not anxiously stressing about anything actively at this moment. I have some things sitting there in low noise bit nothing really taking up constant space in my brain.
Is this how others’ feel? If so, I’m so jealous!
I am making sure to note this moment because it doesn’t happen often but it does happen and it’s important to acknowledge it so I can remember what’s possible.
I’ve been consciously working towards paying attention to the direction of the flow lately and trying to see where I can go with the flow vs swimming upstream too often.
I’ve also actively been putting down things that aren’t mine to carry. And being intentional and really clear with what’s actually mine to carry.
Much of this also comes with trusting others and trusting the universe and I am working on that too.
When possible, swimming in the direction of the flow is considerably easier and creates space for so much more.
September felt like a stressful and challenging month for me. And yet, today, I was looking back at the goals I’d set for the month and I checked off more items this month than I had in a while.
Which was odd. It shows, yes again, that my perception isn’t reality.
And thanks to my friend Kelly, I now do seem to have a bit of a routine again.
Every Friday I am grateful for the week coming to an end and getting some downtime.
Now even more than before, I find that the line between work and life is blurred and things still feel like walking through mud too often. So when the week comes to an end, I welcome the rest.
Here’s something I realized today. Let’s say I get to have a cup of energy every day. It’s like a glass full of water and I get to sip it with each person, each meeting, each email or whatever. I get to decide who or what gets how much from the cup.
But here’s what I don’t get to decide: I don’t get to have endless cups or endless “water.” The cup is a specific size and it starts full most mornings and it doesn’t get a refill during the day. So it’s all I get to have.
If I use it up by 10am, that’s all there is and no one or nothing gets to have any when the cup is empty.
So, knowing that, it’s important for me to make sure that I am intentional in how I use my “water” for the day.
If I want to live inside out, honoring my values, well I’d better distribute the water so most of it goes towards the people and things that are aligned with my values.
If I care the full amount about everything ( which I, sadly, often do ) then I am living life as if there is a bottomless cup or infinite cups.
There isn’t.
So this is my lesson of the day.
This might already be obvious to others but it wasn’t to me. I know this to be true about time and I generally use my time very intentionally but until today I didn’t really consider this to be true about my energy and my worry. I am anxious about all the things and all the times, and, well that doesn’t work.
So now I will imagine a cup every morning and as I move through my day I will be careful about when and how I use up what’s in it.
I caught this on the way to dropping off my son this morning and I am sitting in the backyard right now as the sun sets. The days are getting shorter and winter is coming.
There’s not much on my mind tonight. I am thinking about next year a little and my goals but mostly I am just here tonight. Present and quiet and just being.
The last week has been full of anxiety for me I’ve still done all the things I usually do. Drive the kids to the bus, helped with homework, climbed, worked, etc. But underlying the whole week was this anxiety.
Just a reminder that we never know what’s going on with people. So it’s best to always be kind.
Weekly Intention: My intent this week is to work hard to stay in the present moment. Please may I do a better job of this.
This month’s intention is:Yes to Possibilities: Time to root and surrender. This is a hard month for you. Transitions are rough. But you also turn 47. It’s magical to get to have another year. Remember the growth mindset. Let go of your preconceived ideas and embrace the possibilities. May i surrender.
One way I will leap this week: honestly i don’t feel i have the energy this week.
One boundary I will set this week: I think i need to figure out how to pivot. even if slowly.
One area where I will go deeper this week: trying to see what’s sitting under the anxiety.
What do I need to sit with this week? same as above.
I am looking forward to: not much at the moment.
Focus onCore Desired Feelings (lighter, kinder, enough, magic, wild): not feeling any of these at the moment.
This week’s challenges: can i release? will it work out? another really long week of long days.
Top Goals:
Work: promo committees, work on October deliverable, think of more conversations, remember what matters most.
Personal: 2022, more journaling and art, find another class, exercise.
Family: climb with J, get david to do ACT, find something for N, help the kids with school and J with work
This week, I want to remember: It’s going to be okay. It is.
