The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel H. Pink
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

“Foundation regrets are trickier than the other three deep structure regrets I’ll describe in upcoming chapters. Remember that what distinguishes regret from disappointment is personal responsibility. Disappointments exist outside of your control. The child who wakes up to discover that the Tooth Fairy hasn’t left her a reward is disappointed. Regrets, in contrast, are your fault.”

Even though I am usually a fan of Daniel Pink, I disliked this book almost immediately. As it turns out, regret is not a topic I like to read about. It’s not even because I have a lot of regrets. Maybe it’s because I don’t have many? I tend to think, think, overthink, before I leap into a situation and then once I’ve leapt, I stop thinking about it and commit fully to the course I’ve chosen. I wasn’t ready to find out if that wasn’t the right course of action.

“People who asserted their identities rarely regretted it, even when those identities ran counter to the dominant culture. People who suppressed their identities talked about denying themselves the potential to live fully.”

The book didn’t really address that, to be honest, or maybe it did and said to do mostly what I do but in a slightly different way which was, in fact, helpful. It also had some great gems like the one above, a solid reminded to be who you are and that you rarely regret not hiding who you are.

“But they may also be the most collectively uplifting. There is something heartening about grown women and men waking up at night despairing over incidents decades earlier in their lives in which they hurt others, acted unfairly, or compromised the values of their community. It suggests that stamped somewhere in our DNA and buried deep in our souls is the desire to be good.”

Or these stories that many people regret unkind actions they’ve taken towards others. I remember in my 20s, I was talking to someone who was quite unkind to me as a kid and she said “oh we were just kids.” I’m glad to find out many people aren’t like that and can understand the consequences of their actions.

“In the Powerball case and many others, minimizing regret is not the same as minimizing risk. And if we don’t anticipate properly, we end up making the regret-minimizing choice rather than the risk-minimizing choice.”

I also loved this. Because I think I do this quite often. Maybe this is why I usually don’t have many regrets so the next section was quite helpful to me.

“To Use Anticipated Regrets in Your Decision Making: 1. Satisfice on most decisions. If you are not dealing with one of the four core regrets, make a choice, don’t second-guess yourself, and move on. 2. Maximize on the most crucial decisions. If you are dealing with one of the four core regrets, project yourself to a specific point in the future and ask yourself which choice will most help you build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, do the right thing, or connect with others.”

This was likely the most profound part of the book for me. Asking myself how much will this decision matter in the course of my life (in 5 years even) and then choosing the action accordingly was an obvious and yet profound learning for me. I also loved the idea of projecting into a future and checking with myself on which choice will help.

In the end, I was very happy I read this book and I recommend it.

with gratitude to edelweiss and Riverhead Books for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

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Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Julie Smith
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

“Our attention is like a spotlight. We have control of that spotlight, but we cannot control the actors who come on stage. We cannot control how long they spend there, what they say, or when they leave. What we get to do is focus that spotlight on one or two of them at a time. If we settle our focus on the anxious thoughts that tell stories of worst-case scenarios and images of you not coping, they get the chance to feed back to the brain that all is not well. When you shift the spotlight of your attention to other thoughts on the stage that offer a different story, they will have their influence on your bodily reaction too. While you are focusing on them, the other thoughts may not leave the stage. They may stick around, waiting for the spotlight again. But without it, they have less power over your emotional state.”

There’s much I loved about this book. I didn’t know who Julie Smith is and hadn’t seen any of her videos before this book. When I first got the book, I thought it was going to have stories from clients to help illustrate her concepts. It does not. But it does have a lot of concepts and a lot of food for thought. Some were new to me, some familiar, and some were great to re-remember. The tone of the book can be dry in a few instances and I did wish she had examples so that I could internalize the concepts better (where she did have scenarios, I connected with that material more easily.)

I have now started following her videos, too. If you want clear, simple but profound concepts you can use to help with your life, I recommend this one.

with gratitude to edelweiss and HarperOne, HarperCollins for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

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Firekeeper’s Daughter by Angeline Boulley
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

3.5 stars

I checked out and returned this book all year. I kept seeing it on best-of-year lists for the last two months so I finally decided it was time to read it. My favorite part was all the details of the reservation and how it felt to live there. I don’t read enough Native American stories and I always love them when I do. This was no exception. I didn’t adore it like some seem to have but I though it was a very well crafted story and I am really glad I ended up reading it.

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Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home by Toko-pa Turner
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

3.5 stars.

This is not a book I would have picked up on my own even though I am always searching for belonging. I had never heard of this author and the book was very slow going for me but in the end I loved parts of it and really felt grateful to have read it.

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Just Haven’t Met You Yet by Sophie Cousens
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This was one of those sweet books where I totally know what’s going to happen in the end but I still enjoy reading it anyway because it’s sweet and lovely to read.

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Like a House on Fire by Lauren McBrayer
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

“I did think, let’s go about this slowly. This is important. This should take some really deep thought. We should take small thoughtful steps. But, bless us, we didn’t.—MARY OLIVER, I DID THINK, LET’S GO ABOUT THIS SLOWLY”

This is the story of a woman who goes back to working after taking a break in her career. She joins this small architecture firm and the woman she works for there becomes her idol, her best friend and makes her revisit all of her values, thoughts and way of life.

“She wasn’t trying to be a martyr. She handled things on her own because she liked being the sort of person who could, and because it made her feel less like her mother, who routinely asked other people for help just so she could judge the extent of their affection for her based on their willingness to give it.”

The book covers many topics around parenthood, marriage, friendship, career, being a woman and more. I loved the voice of the author and I really enjoyed the characters even though I’d say especially the male characters weren’t nearly as three-dimensional as they could have been.

“She was preoccupied with trying to remember why she’d ever thought it was necessary to throw a party for a human who was too young to form memories. Parents everywhere did this. Why? Parents were adults.”

It’s possible that many readers will not enjoy this book as it definitely takes a stance and does not soften things for the reader. I personally enjoyed that and found myself swept up in the story and cheering for the characters.

“She didn’t know where she would go, just that she needed to experience the sensation of moving forward through space. If it were an option to put herself into a catapult and be hurled into the air, she would’ve done it without hesitation.”

There’s a quote about getting to the end of your life only to realize you haven’t lived it. This book reminded me of that quote. I loved it.

Thank you to netgalley and G.P. Putnam’s Sons for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

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