 This card says: Shining means moving forward anyway and not letting others or the circumstances tell you who you are or what you are worth. Shining means sitting with the pain. Standing in the hard work of being there with the hurt. And doing it anyway. Being there + moving forward anyway.
I had this long conversation with David the other day in the car. I told him that I want him to not get so upset when he hears criticism from me. That I am the best person to criticize him because he knows without a doubt that I love him and he knows without a doubt that I will forever love him with all of my soul. So he knows that my criticism is coming from a place of love. From a place of encouraging him to learn and grow and try doing differently.
I then told him that I would like him to take risks and to be brave and to be willing to fail. And that none of that can happen if he’s not open to criticism. Because failure comes with a lot of that and failure stings. And it’s hard. And it hurts.
And it’s inevitable.
We all fail. In ways small and big. I have yet to meet a person in my life who hasn’t failed. Because part of living is taking chances. However small. When you take a chance, there’s a statistical probability that you will fail. And what matters is not whether you fail or not. Because failure is guaranteed.
What matters is how you handle that failure. What matters is where you choose to go from there.
For me, shining means sitting with the failure, feeling the pain, letting it hurt. And then learning what it was there to teach you. Growing. And then moving forward so you can take more chances, try again, and apply your learnings. So you can learn, take a chance, fail, grow, learn, take a chance, succeed, take another chance, fail, learn, grow and keep doing it over and over again.
I believe that it’s the only way to move forward.
Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
Weekly Intention: This is a short week since Monday is a national holiday here. Tuesday I have a trip to David’s school and one to the doctor. Wednesday I am at work all day and have meetings all night. Thursday, I am at work in the morning and then at social even for Nathaniel’s class midday. Friday it looks like I might be back at work again. Saturday and Sunday we have one kid event each. Thursday’s also the last day of school for Nathaniel. Hello summer.
Things I want to get Done: Here’s the list for his week. Not a really long one this week. I’ll have to brainstorm some more.
- Work: more documentation, planning, followups, data collection.
- Work: schedule the meetings.
- Work: figure out and make plan for fall.
- Personal: Exercise twice this week.
- Personal: keep doing the art to see if it will work.
- Personal: do more of glow homework.
- Personal: OLW June
- Personal: Go to doctor.
- Personal: A vegetable+protein with every meal.
- Family: Family photos.
- Family: Schedule for summer before SYD trip.
This month’s intention is: May: Help others Shine: Ok now it’s others’ turn. It’s time to be the mirror to their light so it can reflect off of you. Think of ways big and small that you can help people in your life see their own light this month. Smile. Show them how amazing they are. Thank them. I can’t even tell you how amazing I find the fact that I wasn’t able to do this once this whole month. I think it says a lot. Maybe I can sneak in a surprise there for Tuesday and Wednesday? June is: Shine Through: Let yourself be seen this month. Express yourself. Be true to you. Own who you are. I expect to start this on Friday. Let’s see if I can.
Ways to Shine this week:
- One: Bold: I want to step up and make these meetings happen.
- Two: Open: Open to feedback and guidance this week.
- Three: Heal/Nourish: More glow, more art, resting.
I am looking forward to: a 4-day week. summer.
This week’s challenges: Wednesday will be a bit challenging this week and scheduling these meetings is proving to be tough. Otherwise, it looks like it will be an okay week, hopefully.
Top Goals:
- Work: stepping up.
- Personal: some more work on Glow + August art. Eating clean. A bit of exercise.
- Family: a routine for the kids and some time doing math together.
I will focus on my core desires (bold, mindful, nourish, love) by: remembering what matters most and trying not to lose sight of it.
This week, I will say yes to: stepping up.
This week, I will say no to: doubting myself. taking it personally.
I am worried that: i will mess up. meetings won’t happen or will without me or will go badly. feedback will be that i am still not actually ok to go. some bad news from somewhere else. david will have a bad last few weeks of school. i am mostly worried that i am not worried enough 🙂
This week, I want to remember: that it will be ok. it really will.
How I shone this week: Last week was another week of a lot of work, a lot of meetings, a lot of being tired. David left for DC on Saturday and I left for Seattle on Monday and came back on Tuesday. By Wednesday night, I was missing him so bad, I couldn’t see straight. It took all my energy to make it to Thursday night. But I made it. I worked hard, I tried to show up in every way so that I could be the best version of me. I am proud of my work but I love my kids so madly that it’s where I want to shine more than anywhere else.
Things I wanted to get Done: I walked into this week without a big todo list but then the list grew and grew and I ended up working all night Friday and most of Saturday to get to a good place with my list.
- Work: I documented a lot more stuff, i have a lot more to do 😉 I made the most of Seattle and definitely made it count.
- Vacation: I did not do this, and it was not good.
- Personal: No exercise this week at all. Did all the glow homework finally. Have a plan for August art. I can’t even remember what I ate this week. That can’t be good, right?
- Family: Took photos! Spending time with Jake’s parents 🙂
I celebrate: David being back!!
I am grateful for: my manager. he is so incredibly supportive. i am very lucky.
I nourished myself by: getting a bunch of items done. i feel good about it.
Reflecting on my worries: nothing happened to David and he had a great time. Flight was on time and I even made it to an earlier flight on the way back. I didn’t annoy anyone so far. I am quite tired. I ate so so. I did the glow homework 🙂 The class at work was so so but I plan to make the most of it.
I let go of: i try not to have work seep into the weekend but this weekend i got a bunch of personal work to-dos done and i feel good about it.
Core Desire Check-in (bold, mindful, nourish, love):
- bold: i am stepping into things at work, trying to be hopeful.
- mindful: mindful of summer coming and the shift it implies for work/home
- nourish: i am bummed about the lack of progress here. i have some thoughts but need to spend some more time with them.
- love: i love my husband who is always so kind, so patient, so loving.
What made me laugh this week: friends at work. i really enjoyed my trip to seattle.
What I tolerated this week: david being gone. a long work week. travel.
My mood this week was: rushed.
I forgive myself for: not going to mom’s night out.
What I love right now: snuggling with my boys.
Here’s to a wonderful week twenty-two!
 This card says: Shining means showing up being willing to be seen. Stepping into the light. Not being afraid to show myself. Not being afraid to say what I came to say. It means showing up again and again even after it hurts. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.
Life is an exercise in showing up.
You can’t do anything if you’re not there. You can’t do anything if you don’t participate.
It doesn’t mean not being scared. It doesn’t mean not wanting to get under the covers and hide. It means showing up anyway.
It doesn’t mean not making mistakes. It means getting up and dusting off and showing up again anyway.
Again and again and again.
I work on this every single day.
I’d rather hide in the shadow. I’d rather everyone leaves me be and I can leave them be. But I don’t.
I choose to participate. I get into the light and let it shine on me and try to do more good than harm. I am scared, worried, and have to fight my instincts every moment. But I show up anyway.
Because I can’t shine if I am not there.
Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
 This card says: Shining means taking the time to heal. Resting my body + soul + mind. But also taking specific action towards healing. Taking the time to move and to journal. To watering my soul, body, mind, so it can bloom.
Not so great at this one.
But isn’t that what these cards are about? Remembering what it does mean to shine and making the recurring choice to honor that.
I know that when I choose protein and vegetables and water and I stick with that choice, I feel better. I know that when I move more, I am increasing the duration of my life. The way in which I will age. I know that when I journal, I gave my soul a way to speak to me and let me know what’s going on.
All of these have definitely had an impact on my life. On my ability to shine.
But these particular things are hard for me. It’s easier for me to multi-billion dollar prioritization exercise across three timezones than it is to wake up 20 minutes earlier and exercise. Or than drinking more water.
It’s just the way it is.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t get to choose it. That doesn’t mean I take the easy way out. It means that if I want to choose to shine, I get up, I show up, and I do the hard work.
Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
      I started this week with Garden of Small Beginnings. It was cute and sweet but didn’t really fill me up. I am not sorry I read it but I could have done fine without it, too.
I then moved on to Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine which I’d read was like the Ove books but even though I did like it, I don’t think it was as lovely as the grandmother one I read a few weeks ago. I sort of guessed the small twist in the end but all in all it was okay.
I then picked up The Dance of Anger because it had been a while since my last Lerner. I liked this book. I need to listen to it again and I know I will learn more each time.
I then moved on to The Boy on the Bridge which is a prequel to The Girl with All the Gifts which was such a sweet, lovely surprise of a book. This one was different, more science-focused for most of it but in the end it was a lot about what it means to be human. I liked it.
I then moved on to The Light we Lost which was an okay book but I am not sure the time I spent on it was worthwhile. I sort of guessed the ending of this one, too.
And finally, the next book in line from the library was Windfall. It was okay but also not amazing.
I guess this was a week of okay books but not many great books. Here’s to hoping next week is better.
Books I Read this Week 2017 is a year-long project for 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here.
 This card says: Shining means being willing to do things for the people I love. Even when I don’t feel like it but also knowing my own boundaries for when it’s best to say not right now please. It’s taking the time I need to be my best self for the people I love.
There are two main things here:
- Doing things for people I love even when I don’t want to.
- Saying no, to people I love, when I know that I need to say no.
Both of these are ways to show love to them and to me. When I am shining, I do both. I know my boundaries and say no when I need to and I say yes even when I don’t want to.
The difference for me is the “need” vs “want.” I can easily sit and read all the hours of every day. I love to read and I can choose to do that over anything else. I don’t like to drive my kids to playdates or birthday parties or anywhere else that I know I will have to do smalltalk. I hate small talk. I hate it.
I hate it.
So I avoid it at all cost. Except when I need to do it for my kids. I may not want to go to these parties, but I still go. I choose to be there. I choose to show up because I love my kids and I know these moments are important for them.
But there are also times when, being an introvert, I am so depleted that I cannot handle one more event. And at those moments, I ask for help. Jake takes over and he does all of what I can’t do. (In fact, he does almost all the birthdays now, bless him.)
Shining means showing up for the people I love. Including myself.
Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
Mind:
- I read: I read a lot of books this week but nothing was amazing.
- I learned: I still didn’t watch more of my class on Happiness and I didn’t do math since the kids were gone. But I am taking Glow and I did some work there. I have a new class at work this week. And I did my May OLW assignment.
- I watched: A little bit more TV this week but not much.
Body:
- Exercise: I exercised once, it’s a start!
- Food: I ate well when at work, not as well when I am not. I ordered a lot of fruit from CSA, looking forward to it showing up.
- All the others: still doing ok on all other things. still love my new shiny makeup too!
Soul:
- I rested: I am resting okay but I still feel really tired. I’ve had a chest cold for a few days and a lot of coughing which is keeping me up a bit more than I’d like.
- I connected: with a lot of new people at work this week!
- I journaled: a little bit of journaling thanks to the Glow class but I am behind already of course!
- I made art: yes, i made a lot of art!
taking it all one day at a time.
Nourish Me Week 2017 is a year-long project for 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here.
 This card says: When I shine, I wear things that make me happy and bring out my inner light. I do not worry about looking good or right. I spend my energy on feeling food and right. I choose to sparkle inside and out. I show up exactly as I am.
This is such a small thing and yet such a big thing. As I get older, I am working hard to learn that what matters most in life is being able to be exactly who I am. Unapologetically.
This doesn’t mean being in people’s faces, or having an aggressive attitude. I can be who I am quietly, patiently, and kindly. I can embrace who I am without rejecting who you are.
And when I shine, I embrace myself 100%. I embrace my good qualities and my not so good ones and everything in between. Accepting and embracing doesn’t mean that I don’t try to improve, it just means I am not beating myself up. It also means I am owning who I am. I can only change what I am willing to accept. Denial doesn’t lead to change.
I don’t even want to conform in my clothes anymore. I want to wear makeup that makes me happy. I want to wear clothes that make me smile. I want to be able to be me from the outside in and the inside out.
When I do this, I shine. I can feel myself shine when what I wear is a reflection of who I am.
Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
There are four kids leaving Nathaniel’s class this year. Two of the moms got together and organized a Good-pie party (named after this book). The whole class brought pies (pizza, savory, sweet) and the kids each signed these lovely boards per kid.
Nathaniel got sick so we ended up having to go home early but this still was the most magical good-bye from his class.
Stories from 2017 is a year-long project for 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here.
 This card says: When I choose to shine, I remember that all things can be said in a kind way. That we do not treat each other with mean words. When I shine, I remember to show how much I care not by worrying but by loving and smiling and loving some more. Always choose kind.
Even though I’ve never picked the word “kind” for a One Little Word, I think kind is one of my life-words. A lens through which I am always aiming to live my life. I don’t have many life words. The three that always seems to come are: kind, loving and brave.
I want to be kind. I want to be with people who are kind. I want to say everything with kindness. I want to receive everything with kindness. I don’t want to worry. I want to love. I want to be there. I want to sit with hard things. I want to encourage my kids to be brave and not hold them back by worrying. I want to be kind and brave.
And I fail at both of these all the time. All. the. time.
And yet, I pick myself up and try again.
And I will again and again and again until I can get it right more often than I get it wrong.
Because word might come and go and people might come and go and projects might come and go but what will not ever go away is the way you make people feel and the way you feel around other people. And I want everyone around my to feel brave and kind. I want to exude it and receive it.
Shining Means is a Monthly Project for March 2017. You can read more about my projects for 2017 here. You can read about the start of this project here.
Weekly Intention: I have travel and an all-day class this week. I have to go to work twice, to Nathaniel’s school once and to David’s school once. I have a social event. And then a four-day weekend with my in-laws in town. It’s going to be crazy and tiring. So here’s what I want: I want to be patient, slow, and present. I want to be kind to the kids, to Jake, to my in-laws. I want to remember the incredibleness of my life.
Things I want to get Done: Here’s the list for his week. Not a really long one this week. I’ll have to brainstorm some more.
- Work: more documentation: dashboards, data.
- Work: spend time with the new team in Seattle
- Work: make the trip to Seattle count
- Vacation: write 2-3 ideas for the weekend.
- Personal: Exercise twice this week.
- Personal: come up with ideas on August art.
- Personal: do more of glow homework.
- Personal: A vegetable+protein with every meal.
- Family: Family photos.
- Family: Spend time with Jake’s parents.
This month’s intention is: May: Help others Shine: Ok now it’s others’ turn. It’s time to be the mirror to their light so it can reflect off of you. Think of ways big and small that you can help people in your life see their own light this month. Smile. Show them how amazing they are. Thank them. Ok one more week passed and I still have made NO notes! what does this mean about me?
Ways to Shine this week:
- One: Bold: I would like to see if I can connect a bit in Seattle.
- Two: Open: Open to stepping up a bit more. Seeing what’s possible.
- Three: Heal/Nourish: More journaling. A bit of sketching. Resting.
I am looking forward to: Seattle, my class, David coming back, 4-day weekend.
This week’s challenges: a really early flight to Seattle and a really late return. I will need a lot of sleep. A week without David means I will miss him so!
Top Goals:
- Work: more documentation. connecting.
- Personal: some more work on Glow. Eating clean.
- Family: once all 4 of us are under the same roof again, lots of resting and laughing together.
I will focus on my core desires (bold, mindful, nourish, love) by: remembering that i’ve got this. i can do this.
This week, I will say yes to: assuming the best.
This week, I will say no to: being anxious.
I am worried that: something will happen to david or that he won’t have a good time. My flight to SEA will be delayed. My trip will be unsuccessful. I will annoy someone important. I will be so incredibly tired. I will eat poorly. I won’t do more of Glow. I won’t like the class.
This week, I want to remember: that all i have to do is show up.
|
projects for twenty twenty-five
projects for twenty twenty-four
projects for twenty twenty-three
projects for twenty twenty-two
projects for twenty twenty-one
projects for twenty nineteen
projects for twenty eighteen
projects from twenty seventeen
monthly projects from previous years
some of my previous projects
|
