The following is cross-posted from the Weekly Gratitude Blog. I post there every Tuesday and decided to post those posts here, too. For those of you who read both blogs, I apologize in advance. Some weeks the content might be different and other weeks, exactly the same.
I’ve always wished I could be an artist. Wished that I had the talent to draw. My mom can draw. She has natural artistic talent and has always been that way. She has taste and ability to see possibility in an open space.
Me, not so much.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not one of those “please tell me how good I am” posts. I know that one gets better with practice. I also know that what you tend to see is people’s best work, not their rough drafts, etc, etc. Having said all of that, I also know that artistic creativity doesn’t come as naturally to me as it seems to, to my mom. Or to others, I imagine.
I suffer from a loud, critical voice in my head. I suffer from my right-brain taking over and telling my left-brain that it’s more important for the project to be “done” than anything else so I should finish it instead of letting it brew or seeing where it might take me. I tend to give up because nothing I do looks good to me. Almost ever. It’s painful to share with others. It’s painful not to share with others. It’s hard to read the “this is great” comments because I feel they are so meaningless but it’s harder to get no comments. There’s just so much “stuff” surrounding this issue for me.
Yet, I still crave it. When I sit at my table, surrounded by paints, paper, glue, photos, I am happy. I am peaceful.
I am home.
At that moment, I don’t think about whether it’s pretty or ugly. Whether I will share it. What others will say. I am just playing, creating, re-living, listening to my soul. And it feels so good. And I know that no matter how deep and frustrating the issues surrounding this might be, I will never give it up. I don’t ever want to give it up.
I think that’s exactly what hobbies are meant to make you feel like. You don’t need to master them. You don’t need to be applauded for them. You just need to enjoy them. You need to bask in that wonderfully warm feeling of familiarity and joy. Forget about what comes after and just enjoy the moment.
The moment of feeling so at home with something.
Hello,
Just wanted to leave a quick comment about your blog. I read it everyday and find much inspiration from it. I so admire all that you do with-in a day with a little one at home and one in school. You always share yourself everyday. Good for you. I try to write in my journal everyday and I get so down on myself because I cant find the time. Just wanted to say good job and I know how demanding everyday life can be with a little one at home and homework, supper, husband, etc… I need to make the time for my scrapbooking and journaling.
Charlotte
Charlotte, thank you so much for your kind words. They touched my soul. I really love writing all the things down. It’s one of the things I look forward to each day and I love going back and reading it even more. I don’t know if it will help you but I’ve found that setting a schedule really helps me. And also taking the pressure off yourself so you do it cause it’s fun and not cause you feel like you’ve let yourself down helps, too.