If you’ve read here with any regularity over the last few years, you must be able to tell that things are not as “usual” here lately. While I’ve had bumps and blimps, I don’t think I’ve gone this long without updates in a long, long while. I keep thinking about the site. I keep thinking about my yearly projects that have been collecting dust since June. I keep thinking about the fact that 2016 is coming and how I haven’t made any plans. How I can’t tell if there’s a project I want to do because I don’t really trust myself to be able to commit to getting it done. I don’t feel inspired. But in fairness, that hasn’t stopped me before. I am one of those people who doesn’t wait for inspiration. I just sit and do it. But I haven’t been doing anything. So I can’t be sure that if I commit to things for 2016, I will actually do anything.
So that’s some of what’s on my mind. And it’s going around and around in my mind.
There’ve been some things I’ve done in the last five months:
- I did 31 More Things in October
- I’ve done some art pieces, a few of which I posted here and some I haven’t posted
- I’ve done each of my monthly OLW assignments
- I have a project from last January that I never posted
- I created a class I love for Brave Girls University
- I finished all my December Daily foundation pages
- I’ve read a ton of books
But I haven’t done my Life Book assignments, I am so very far behind. I haven’t watched my class videos for that class or the December Stories class with Ali. Or some of the wonderful Brave Girls classes I’ve taken. I haven’t processed any of the photos I’ve taken back in June. I haven’t even been taking that many photos. Or at all. And the list goes on and on. And all of this is weighing on me.
This year has been a lot about work. I’ve traveled to Zurich 4 times since last December and I will be going again in January. I’ve been to NY twice. I know these sound nice, but often these trips involve a lot of jetlag and 14-19 hour work days. And there’s jetlag when I get back. And there’s all the other work and life stuff that didn’t happen when I was there so has to be made up when I am back. I’ve also been trying hard to walk 1 hour a day which of course takes time. (Though I’ve been eating badly lately which really doesn’t make this walking as effective as it could be.) I’ve been going to sleep really early since most of my days start at 4:45am. And, of course, the biggie has been working with David for all of his middle school applications which involved a bunch of studying over the summer, a lot of visits to schools, spending time working at nearby cafes while David shadows, writing essays, reading David’s essays. Rinse and repeat a lot. It’s been a busy summer+winter.
But, still. I firmly believe that “I have no time” is not only an excuse but it’s just untrue. I have plenty of time. I know because I spend some of my time playing CandyCrush and some of my time watching TV and some of my time just sitting there because I am so tired. And while some of this might possibly be necessary, I am confident that if I ate well and spent some of my “free” time doing art, I would be considerably more energized and fulfilled. And it wouldn’t take anything away from work, family time, or middle school. On the contrary, it would give me back some of the energy all these things are taking away.
And yet.
Starting is hard. Starting after a long pause is really hard. Starting after a long pause when you’re feeling guilty, and sad, and frustrated with yourself for letting things lapse this long is even harder.
And yet.
I want to break the cycle. I want to start making art again. I want to start updating here again. Writing my thoughts. Documenting my life. Creating things. These things feed my soul. I need them now more than ever. So as we close the year, I have been trying to make a plan for how I can structure my projects for 2016 to accommodate my currently demanding life. The fact is life is going to get harder in the short term. My job is getting more demanding. David will be starting a new school in 2016 which will likely require major changes in our schedules. Not to mention the support and help he will need. Nathaniel will be in second grade and will require support and attention and help, too. Things are going to be harder and tougher for a while.
But I still want to be back in the cycle of creating. I want to find ways to make this possible for myself. So I’m thinking. Does this mean monthly projects and not yearly? Does it mean simpler, more portable projects? Does it mean smaller projects that take only 15-20 minutes a day? What are the projects that give me the most reward? Which ones am I more likely to abandon? How can I balance my wishes around learning new things that are tough for me (sketching and lettering) and doing things that might be easier and more fun in the short term?
So I’m thinking.
I would love some ideas if you have any. I promised myself that I will come up with some ideas and projects for 2016. December has the joy of December Daily so I know I will be creating daily. I want to make sure that once I am on that wagon, I continue the momentum into the new year.
Here’s to hoping.
I have enjoyed reading your blog and seeing all of your creative endeavors for a few years. You are entering a very busy time for us moms. The time when your kids are both in school, when they are active and when they need our help with school and friends and managing their world. You have been there for awhile, but it is different in this middle part of raising our kids. My three are now 13, 17 and 19, but I can tell you that when they were all in elementary, middle and then high school life was crazy in a way I hadn’t experienced before (not to mention your own work and your husbands’). It was wonderful in its own way, but it did cause me to slow down in my own pursuit of creativity. And so, I learned to find pockets of time while I was waiting for them in the car pool line, or early in the morning, or right after school. Even if I only had 15 minutes at a time, I tried to do something for me. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for that time in my life. I hope you find a way to continue with your art–you really are gifted. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself and inspiring me to keep going with my own art.
Karen, Thankyou for sharing with us that your “perfect” life is full of the normal struggles and bumps that we all feel. I have found that this year I haven’t been able to commit to a year long project this year for all the reasons you shared. So I cut myself some slack and in 2016 I’m going to do a few month long or 30 Day challenges. I wanted to do a photo a day for 2015 but I only took photos through to April. So for 2016 I thought i would take a photo a day from April through June. each year do a season. That seems doable. I did LOAD (Layout a Day) in February and loved it. So I will do that again. My other ideas is 30 days of colouring with my inktense pencils, 30 days of art journaling working my way through my Dina Wakley books, complete one or two of my online classes from BPC. All in all, i knew that I need variety and I need to finish things to be satisfied. These are my ideas. ahope they help. In fact writing to you has helped me clarify my plans for 2016. Thanks
I feel so like you!!
I started projects but always without finishing them. I desperately want to do something but I lack energies and feel unmotivated….
Please share your “solutions” so that maybe it can help me too 🙂
Thank you for sharing this post. I think you need to show yourself some grace, kindness and tolerance. I go through phases of creating, and usually only create on the weekends because I am tired during the week from working and taking care of things. Maybe set a goal of experimenting with different times and types of projects, and look at it not as failure to complete the goal, but instead as an experiment to figure out what works better? Hang in there! 🙂
Thank you for posting. I figured life was hectic however, I didn’t want to assume and was getting a bit anxious. I have found when life gets hectic, it’s time to re-organize, regroup and rethink. Perhaps a sketchbook just for lettering, tucked into your bag would be perfect. Whip it out when you find a little excess time. You’d be surprised how much can be done. Look at it as being “creatively aware”. You should not consider yourself a failure, ever. Overwhelmed, yes. A failure. Nope.
So glad to know that you are okay. Had hoped that it was work that was keeping you from the blog. This is my reaction to your heartfelt words and what I read as frustration. Stop wasting time feeling guilty. Life happens and changes occur. We adapt. Because there will be more uncertainty in 2016 with your work/travel/kid’s needs, perhaps a series of loosely structured projects will be helpful for you. It seems that you definitely do not need more deadline pressure and the feelings that come when you don’t meet them. Be thankful for any small bits of time that allow you to grab a journal, paintbrush, lettering pen and just do something with them. Find the joy in the small things. In my book, small bits of food for the soul are way better than none or guilt. Treat yourself kindly. Be patient. Be positive. When the time is right, you will be a whirlwind of creativity.
So nice to see a post from you — 2015 has been a busy year!!
I think less structured, more portable projects would probably make a lot of sense for you, in this season of your life. A sketchbook, an art journal (where maybe you prep pages when you’re home and carry a rainbow of Sharpies for when you travel), using the Project Life app on your phone to make pages wherever you are.
Perhaps things that wouldn’t make you feel “behind,” the way more structured classes or projects can.
Perhaps keep a list of the classes or projects which you would still like to complete and visit that list when you have time and mental energy.
Try to find the right mix of simply being creative for the peace that it brings you and actually completing projects that are special to you.
You have so many obligations (hopefully mostly good ones) that it would be lovely if this part of your life could feel free of obligation.
I’m reminded of Marie Kondo’s question (from another subject area, but applicable here), “Does it spark joy?”
Your words were exactly what I needed to hear today! The second half of the year has been tough for me this year creatively as well. I have two school age children and this summer I had a new baby. I probably don’t have to tell you what that has done to my time, especially creative time.
Up to her birth, I was weekly documenting in Project Life digitally, but I haven’t really touched it since. I have been able to complete half of the 31 More Things class prompts, but have not created any of the pages. It is hard to find a good place to start since there are so many projects I would like to complete. I have documented my daughters milestones monthly and have made some cards for people.
Planning on taking on December Daily as well, but think I am going to have to be gentle with myself on what it winds up getting completed in the moment and what will be finished into the new year.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Lots of what you said rang true to me as well. You have me motivated to just start!
Thanks for being so honest. I don’t have any solutions for you because I am struggling with the same things. It is nice to know the ups and downs happen with everybody. I love listening to Gretchen Rubin’s Happier podcast and she gives a lot of advice about forming new habits based on the type of personality we have. I know I need external accountability to change my habits which is hard because I work from home and I am not incredibly social. Best of luck! I am looking forward to reading about your progress.
Hello Karen,
It’s been so long since I last visited, so good to be here and read this. I love reading your thought’s posts, just what I need every time. I’m going through the same thing here, lack of creativity and motivation. My kids are older and one in college and my plans and thoughts have changed because of that and my grandma passing recently, a blessing in a way but still sad and I miss her. Her funeral was beautiful and has changed me also, in a good way! I’ve totally botched up my PL this year, trying to catch up and go back to redo but it’s not making me happy. So my thoughts for next year’s has me thinking and maybe changing it or taking a year off, that is scary and confusing at the same time. I also want to write more, my grandma had 6 diaries we found and I have enjoyed reading through them so much and want to start that too. I could go on and on friend, so good to see you and others in the same place we are in.
I adore anything you do here friend, be kind to yourself and no worries about taking a break and/or changing things. Do you read Elise’s blog, she is taking a break, we all need them and it’s good for us. Maybe less projects this year for you, only what you really enjoy and have time for. Less blogging is ok too, be kind to you and your time and family. Its all good and we are here for you either way.
I am SO EXCITED that you will be doing DD again, I can’t wait to see your plans for it, they make me happy every time.
Sending hugs and love sweet friend. Thank you for sharing with us xo
It’s looks like there have already been some good thoughts shared in response to your post. Everyone is so different in what works for them, but I have found that in my current stage of life, I can really only commit to shorter term things. I have wanted to take painting classes from a local friend for a few years, but haven’t been able to manage it. She is offering a one afternoon session to paint Christmas cards and other small paintings next month that I can handle. Hopefully you will find a new rhythm that works for you along the way. I’m glad that an email arrives and lets me know when you DO get a chance to post!
I too am glad to “see” you, Karen, and to know that things are more or less ok, just crazy busy. I have had many of those periods of time in my years as a single mom, and can totally relate. Conversely, things have been a little slower at work for me lately (mostly because there is just so much chaos, it’s hard to figure out how to be productive or do anything more than fight fires as they come our way) but hugely stressful (see: chaos). So I’ve been squeezing in more time to do creative things that make me feel happy as a counterbalance. It’s really helping. It helps that I can come home for lunch and have the house to myself so I can putter around online for an hour or two, and then zip back to work.
But also, the kind of creative I’m doing is making relatively simple digital pages that are for a challenge and/or capture a life or family story. So doing them makes me feel happy that I have that little bit of my/our lives documented, and I like the interesting or pretty pages that emerge, without feeling any stress about making them super original or complicated – just whatever comes along, I go with it, and when they’re done, I move on (no perfection!). I’m just doing what feels good and fills me up, because that’s what I need right now.
I hope you can figure out what you need/want for 2016 that will work with your uncertain schedule, and that you enjoy DD 2015 since you look forward to it so much! I love seeing your pages, and your updates of various kinds when you have a chance to post. 🙂
Dearest Karen, Wonderful to see your post. Am always happy, interested to see what you are working on/thinking about/doing whatever the timetable. Whether your projects follow your originally planned schedule or not, they are always of benefit. First be kind to yourself and the answers will follow. Letting go of guilt about past projects, deadlines intentions just may free up the space in your spirit for your next inspiration. Sending good vibes and encouragement for you along your journey.
Karen! This is so true. I’m much like you – I often just create without inspiration, but it’s fun to feel inspired, right? I hope December brings some inspiration for you!
Your post really hit home with me. I feel guilty because I have not been creating as much also. A few photographs here and there. But, I am co-creating two children (ages 8 and 11) so I think that will have to be good enough and working full time.
Thank you Karen! Enjoy hopefully a slower December.