Theory of Relativity

The city morgue is a mere three blocks from my house.

I’ve been completely exhausted in the last two weeks. Maybe it’s because my back has been aching on and off, enough to stop me from falling asleep easily. Maybe it’s the essays I run over and over in my mind. Maybe it’s the assignments I desperately try to keep on top of. Maybe it’s the 7am meetings that go for four hours. Maybe it’s the ongoing bomb threats in the subways I take.

I am taking a graphic design course. One of the six I signed up for. I’ve always thought I’d like to learn how to design better. I understand the basic principles so I thought the class might be fun and instructional. I thought I might learn about the process of design and maybe even get some insight on how designers get their ideas or inspirations.

Not so.

Since the class began, I’ve been stressing twenty-four/seven. I can’t stop thinking about my assignments, I freak out about them a week before they’re due, and I am miserable each and every second I spend on them. I doubt myself nonstop and cause endless arguments between Jake and me.

So for the last week, since my teacher said she doesn’t like my background image, I’ve moved from just stressed out to a complete basket case. I’ve started housing others like heather, mena, rony and his wife over aim to ask for their opinions. Details. Whys? Exactly Whats? Trust me when I say these people are way too nice to still be acknowledging my presence. I spent six nights in a row obsessing about this assignment. I slept late, went to work like a zombie, came home in misery and restarted the whole routine. All this for a class where I get no credit and no grade.

Two days ago, I mailed part of my graduate school application. The part that contained my transcript, three recommendations, and some labels. The part that would be excruciatingly difficult to replace. That would be why I mailed it with overnight UPS. Because when you send it overnight, it doesn’t get lost.

Not so.

Today, I spent the entire day talking to maybe thirteen different UPS customer support people. I started scared, passed through angry, made a stop in self-pity, and ended the day completely spent. I cried. I yelled. I cursed. I begged.

Let’s just say it wasn’t my favorite day.

At 5:30, I decided I couldn’t sit at my desk any longer and left to stand at the bus stop on the corner. Since I stopped taking subways, finding a transportation alternative has been an experience. I waited in the bus station, realizing that my design assignment isn’t all that important. Relative to this missing UPS envelope, the assignment doesn’t even matter. As we cross 28th street, I see the posters of missing people covering the walls of Bellevue Hospital. Right before NYU hospital, I see the police cars and emergency people outside the morgue. I start thinking clearly for the first time in two weeks: the envelope doesn’t matter either.

Tonight, I am going to get lots of sleep and try to keep things in perspective.

Previously? Two Weeks.