Taking Care of You

In 2010, I made a list of 52 Things I wanted to do that year. One of the list items was going to or hosting a retreat. And while it didn’t work out exactly as I’d envisioned it, we did end up having a girls’ weekend. That weekend had a lot of interesting side effects on me. But one of the biggest one was the overwhelming urge to take better care of myself. (I wrote about it some back then.)

Here’s the paragraph I wrote in 2009:

I’ve always hated having my picture taken. I think many photographers do. Anyhow, I really did. I’ve had issues with my looks for as long as I can remember. And this retreat was no exception. I just didn’t want to be photographed. For the first day or two I wore my hair up and didn’t wear any makeup (like always) but then one day, I wore my hair down and one of the girls grabbed my camera to take a photo. The shot was mostly of Nathaniel but I could see my hair in it. And it completely freaked me out.

I cannot even tell you why exactly but that one image caused a complete switch in my brain. My hair, my face, my clothes, they all disgusted me. I mean that literally. I decided that was it and I would not continue to look this way for one more minute. Yes, ideally I would exercise and eat better and look better, etc. And I do plan on doing those things, but I wanted to look and feel better about myself right this minute. Without waiting for the pounds to come off. This wasn’t something hypothetical for me. Not like “I should really do this..” but it was tangible and it was going to happen.

So I listed a few things I did back then to remedy the problem:
1. Cut off my hair
2. Buy and use basic makeup
3. Get rid of excess clothes and shoes in closet
4. Buy a new bra
5. Buy a few new clothes
6. Get some jewelry I love and wear it

These were the items I listed in April 2010. What I didn’t know back then was that in less than 6 months, I would start my daily exercise routine and end up losing over 30 pounds. But now, when I look back at that time, I know that the exercise, the finally doing it was due to that same trigger. While those tasks above gave me a short term boost (one I really needed), that boost gave me the confidence and the path to make some bigger and longer lasting changes.

This ended up having a huge trickle down effect. I lost the weight, I started to exercise daily, I started eating better, more whole foods. I started flossing. I started taking care of my hair, teeth and skin more regularly. And I started to care about taking care of myself.

I don’t mean this in the “go to the salon and get my hair and nails done weekly” way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but I am not the kind of person who prioritizes that and I don’t this that will ever change on such a scale. However. I am trying more.

In the last few months, some of the items on my list had fallen by the wayside. My hairdresser became unavailable, the flossing…well let’s just say it took a backseat. I never got the bloodwork done that my doctor requested. I canceled my last dental cleaning appointment. On and on. Before I knew it, things were on a downward spiral.

On January 2, I was lying in bed and sent myself an email. (yes from the ipad and yes to myself. yes, i know it’s crazy.) But I had decided enough was enough and couldn’t stand it one more moment. I had to find a new hairdresser and get my very long roots dyed (this is a personal choice and I, for one, have absolutely no problem with gray hair. however mine is more like a skunk, super-white only in one spot in the front. trust me, it looks terrible.) I had to schedule a dental appointment, get my bloodwork done, and find a personal trainer. (I want to work on toning now that I did lose so much weight and I decided I need to gain some strength.) Back to flossing regularly. Putting cream on each night since it’s cold and my skin is getting dry. And learning to paint my nails. Even if just clear nail polish. I emailed myself the whole list.

Then, on January 4, I finally sat and made all the appointments and have already dyed my hair and cleaned my teeth. I’m flossing and putting cream on my skin. And I am still working on finding a trainer. And the nails. But not only have I made progress, I’ve setup recurring appointments to stop myself from falling behind again. I know that if they are on my calendar, they are considerably more likely to get done.

All this is to tell you that it makes a difference. Taking care of yourself, in big ways and small, makes a huge difference in your life. If you’re like me and tend to put yourself last and tend to put off these annoying-seeming tasks, I am here to encourage you to stop. Even if it might feel vain, here’s what happened to me:

Once I started taking better care of myself, I felt better both physically and emotionally. I started feeling proud of myself. I started feeling happier. Which then meant I was kinder and nicer to those around me. Including my family. I was more willing to go out an socialize. I felt lighter in my soul. I felt happier, more willing to say yes. It ended up having a huge positive effect on everyone around me.

And this sort of change has a snowball effect. You start by doing a little (like I did in 2010) and next thing you know you’re running three miles a day. Like they say, it starts with one step.

One single step.

So I hope you make the pact with me this year. To take better care of ourselves inside and out. Kinder, gentler to our souls and kinder, gentler to our bodies.

It’s so worth it.