Shifting the Lens

This morning, as I woke up and started writing my journal, I realized that I was still feeling a bit off. Nothing specific was wrong but I felt out of sorts. I spent half the page writing about how I was feeling unprepared for December, frustrated, tired, worried, etc. I wrote that I hoped my December Daily would put me in the mood. I whined and whined.

Then I stopped.

I wrote that what I needed to do was to “slow down.” I wrote that if my goal for 2012 was to savor, I might as well start right now. By whining, I was wasting this very moment. I wrote that if I couldn’t do it for one month, I was surely not going to be able to do it for a year.

“Be quiet,” I wrote. “Calm. calm. calm.” (I laugh as I type this because seeing it repeated like that makes it sound not calm to me!) “Today I start to officially savor. Great way to welcome the best month of the year.”

And then my mood shifted.

David was making lunch for both himself and for his brother. He’d asked me if he could and I told him he was welcome to try. He was so excited to do something that I usually consider a chore. His delight made me happy. He did it all and did it wonderfully. I was proud of him and joyful to see him proud of himself.

After I dropped off the kids at their schools, my good mood persisted. I did my daily tasks, tackled work problems, drove to work, went to the offsite, came back home, put up the Christmas decorations outside, put the kids to bed and wrote my newsletter, all in a good mood.

I am smiling as I write this.

Almost nothing changed since this morning. I still haven’t done the many preparations I make for December. I am still behind and tired. But the difference is that I changed my lens. I am not looking at it through grouchy eyes anymore. I am letting it be. I am savoring the good. I am having faith that things will work out and that if they don’t, I will adapt.

Because you know what? I always do.

So instead of torturing myself ahead of time or reprimanding myself for being behind, or whining, I chose to pick up a different way to look at things. I believe we all look at the world through a lens. Sometimes it’s rosy and other times it’s gray. Sometimes it goes back and forth in a day. But almost all the time we have the choice. We can pick up the lens we want.

We have a lot more choice than we might like to admit. And today, I chose to let the gray one go. I chose to let myself off the hook. I chose to stop whining and start savoring.

And, today, it made all the difference.