Fair Warning: The following is not for you if you’re one of the following: you think pregnancy is the most amazing months of your life and it’s almost a religious feeling, or you barely felt pregnant during the nine months and had no major symptoms, or you are unwilling to hear anything negative or sarcastic about being pregnant, or you are sick and tired of reading about pregnant people. You have been warned.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I took out one of my journals and decided I was going to write everything down. This was a big deal and it deserved pithy thoughts. I needed to get all my emotions on paper.
I was nervous. We got pregnant pretty quickly after deciding to try and when we found out, I felt panicky. I felt scared, like I made this huge mistake and it was too late. I know this is supposed to be like those moments on TV where the couple cuddles and tears of joy form on the corners of their eyes. This was the moment I had been waiting for, wasn’t it? I mean, I’d always known I wanted to have children, so why wasn’t I ecstatic?
I remember feeling the same way on my wedding day. Everyone was so happy and joyful and worried about the wedding day that it ticked me off that no one seemed to mention that there was this huge thing happening beneath the celebration. We were getting married. Marriage is a huge deal and it bothered me that no one seemed to be taking it seriously. Pregnancy leads to babies. Babies grow up to be toddlers, children, teenagers, and then adults. This is a forever lasting commitment. It starts now and it’s over the day I die. Isn’t it fair that such a reality might make me a bit nervous? If anything, I think it means that I take it seriously instead of gushing over little, tiny shoes and hats.
I just wish people were more honest about their feelings. Am I the only person on earth who is scared, nervous? Am I the only one who thinks pregnancy isn’t as much “glowing” as it is a collection of days full of puke, lack of sleep, full-time exhaustion and a collection of other less than desirable symptoms? I am not saying it’s not all worth it. I’m just saying I want to tell it like it is. The bad with the good. I don’t think it’s healthy to cover it up and make it seem all so rosy.
I plan to write about the last five months and the next four so that I can tell you my story, so I can have it for my records and so if anyone else has a similar experience, they don’t feel alone in their fears and frustrations like I am feeling now.
I promise to write about the good stuff, too.
I’m a guy, so I couldn’t really relate anyway, but I simply can’t imagine how lugging around a bowling ball inside of you for 9 months, puking every morning for three months, and then shitting out a watermelon could possibly be an enjoyable experience.
Anyone who calls that rosy is smokin crack.
I know this is cliche by now, but you’re going to make an incredible mom. (and let us pray that your baby’s not late on arrival … or (s)he’ll already be hearing it)
Listen, I agree with Oso. Been there, done that, even have the t-shirt that says “mom in the making”. Along with all of that, for five months, I couldn’t lift a frying pan, let alone dry my hair…water retention gave me carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands. Writing was a major chore. Last three weeks, I didn’t wear shoes…beach sandals were the only thing that got over my enormous feet. Not even the cool kind with rhinestones. Not for this chic. The ugly ones with the massive velcro straps that men wear!!!!!!!
I couldn’t imagine why I wanted to bring a child into this war torn world. How would our excessive use of resources affect this child’s adulthood? I felt guilty that I wanted to have a child and that the world might not be wondrous for shim (he or she).
Nothing prepares you for motherhood. Nothing! No amount of childbirth classes. No training. Nothing!
When that child is placed on your chest, all the hanging over the bowl, all the self-doubt disappears. When you look in the eyes that you and Jake created out of love, nothing else will matter! Nothing. I guarantee it.
The reward for being obese and sick for nine months is that first smile (some call it a gas pain). Knowing that your child has recognized your voice. Knowing that your child is reacting to your touch is the most amazing feeling. When you lie down and that child is lying atop you because it’s the only way (s)he will sleep, you won’t believe the feelings nor the intensity.
My grandmother once said that when you have a child, you will know what it is like to love so much it hurts. The love of your child is not the same as the love of your spouse or your parent.
All the fears, all the frustrations, all the anxieties are normal. We each experience them in different ways. We all have them. It is worth it.
Signed a mom for 19 years!
I’m the probably the kid among all of you here, so what can I say? I just wish you all the luck in the world…. and like Oso, hope that the baby comes on time! 🙂
I was not a good pregnant lady although I had no unusual problems. I’m convinced that anyone who says she loved being prenant is either lying or nuts. And now that my kids are grown (24 and 22) I still view parenthood as an unfolding adventure – sometimes wonderous, sometimes agony, but always new.