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IMPERFECT  Every mom thinks her kid is perfect. He sits up the first. He has perfect manners. He learns quickly. He never hits. He's an angel. Well, my little boy, you're no angel. You throw six tantrums before lunch. You hate eating veggies and won't swallow one unless I mush them and mix them with yogurt. When you don't get your way, you lie flat on the floor and make your whole body go limp so I cannot make you get back on your feet. You find a way to get your hands on every one of our things no matter where we hide them and how safe we think they are from you. When we call for you from one side of the house to the other, all we hear is a resounding "No!" coming from the room where you're wreaking havoc. You still can't put two words together to form a sentence (except for "No Way!" which you've mastered.) You hate having your hair washed and will run out of the bathtub at the sight of the shampoo bottle. You hate circle time and refuse to be a part of it. You're impatient and won't wait for your turn in line, instead you will scream like your arm is being chopped off until some mom takes mercy on me and lets you cut in line. Yes, my son, you're not perfect. But, you're sweet and kind. You are an equal opportunity hug giver. If you hug me, you run around the house until you can find Daddy so you can hug him, too. If you eat something you like, after you take a bite, you reach over and give me a bite as well. With a paper and pen, you can play by yourself for hours. You will not hurt, push, or shove another kid. Ever. You say hi to everyone and give them one of your magical smiles. In case they didn't hear you well, you say ten more hi's, louder and with more enthusiasm each time until they can't help but laugh. You get very excited by dogs, birds, cats, and bugs, but you won't ever hurt them. You crouch slowly and watch them from a distance. When you eat something you like, you go "Mmmmmm," persistently until I reciprocate. You let me tickle you even when you're mad. You love running around the house with me chasing you. You giggle loudly as you run and you look back every few seconds just to make sure I'm still there. When I leave for work in the mornings, you come to the door and wave "bye." When I put you down at night, you blow me big, loud kisses and then say "shhh" and "bye" before you lie down. You are so full of love that it pours out of your eyes. I love that you're not perfect, David. I love that you're a little human being and like all of us, you have your bad moments and your good ones. I love that we get to celebrate every day together. I love that you're in my life. You are my life. - march 2007  MY JOY  Journaling Reads: David, my favorite memories of the last few weeks are from the fifteen minutes we spend every week trying to capture photos of you and me. A few weeks ago, I complained to Daddy that there weren't enough photos of the two of us, since I am the official family photographer. So we started these weekly sessions and you have quickly learned not to cooperate. When we go out in the yard, you think we're going out to play, so when I tell you to sit down, you quickly get annoyed with me. You completely ignore me and walk in the opposite direction. You find a random toy and act like I am not calling out to you. This is when I start to improvise: I bribe, I tickle, I beg, I do whatever it takes for you to give me a hug. Each time we do these sessions, Daddy and I give up after ten minutes, admitting that you just will not play along. So imagine my surprise when I download the photos and find some of the most precious photos I've ever seen. When I look at them, I can't help but smile. Daddy did a perfect job of capturing the joy of loving you and the laughter that you have brought into my life. I am so thankful for each and every day we get to spend together. FAKE SNEEZE And here is the fake sneeze we were actually trying to capture. Isn't he a sweetheart? NERVOUS LAUGHTER Last week, David was fake sneezing. We thought it was so funny that we decided to videotape it. While going through the footage we took, we saw this little scene where David's trying to pull the broken, green leg of a toy and struggling really hard with it. When Jake laughs at him, David notices that we're noticing him and gives this fantastic nervous laugh. It makes me laugh each time I watch it so I wanted to share it. Maybe you have to be his mom, but even if it's just for my enjoyment, I wanted to preserve this moment. I'll post the actual fake sneezing video next. LAUGHING WITH JOY  REJECTED I must admit, I've been rejected from many things before and for many reasons, but I have yet to be rejected for being too young. A book club here just rejected me because they said I was too young to join them. If at 32, I am too young, I suppose I should take that as a compliment! What's amazing is how much rejection hurts, even being rejected from the smallest things. Even when you know you have no hope of getting accepted. I try out for things, just to encourage myself to get projects completed. And then when I don't get accepted or win, I feel so sad. Sometimes I feel sad for days. Even though, mentally, I know there was no chance or that it doesn't mean anything, emotionally it's not possible to ignore the rejection. The good thing is, it doesn't seem to have stopped me from trying to submit, however I don't know if that's the answer either. Why is it so important to me that others accept my work? Why do I need an "official" stamp of approval? Why can't my work be enough for me? I think I really need to think hard about the answers to these questions so that I know what my motivations are. If all this is just to seek approval, I need to find other forms of it. If it's to stretch myself and give myself deadlines, those are good reasons. The best thing about those reasons is that they don't depend on the outcome. By the time I submit my work, I have already completed something and I have also stretched myself. Those should be enough to feel good. If I am going to submit my work and keep putting myself out there, I think it's important to keep that in mind. Rejection is part of day to day life. We get rejected in small and big ways regularly. Just like we get accepted in small and big ways. It's important to celebrate the acceptances and grow from the rejections without taking them personally. I need to remind myself of this regularly. I need to stop diminishing the good and exaggerating the bad. I know I have this terrible personality flow where if someone thinks I am great, I quickly stop respecting or looking up to that person. I figure they must not know what they are talking about. And if someone doesn't think I am hot shit, why they must be totally right. And you thought you were fucked up. ESCAPING INTO THE OPEN 
I have been a big Elizabeth Berg fan for quite some time. During my
pregnancy, I went through a period during which I read all of her adult
novels. I've also spent a good four years writing novels of my own, so
it should come as no surprise that I picked up and devoured Escaping
into the Open, the Art of True Writing.
Back in the days when I wrote all the time, I read every book known to man on writing. Anne Lamott, Lawrence Block, Natalie Goldberg. You name it, I read it. And while this book may be a bit more about her than writing compared to some other books, a bit less inspiring than Anne or Natalie, a bit less instructional than Lawrence, it's actually a balanced combination of all. It's inspiring. It's full of good, practical ideas, and it covers all aspects of writing. It talks about fiction and non-fiction. It talks about how to come up with ideas. It gives plenty of prompts. It talks about getting published. It even talks about reactions from friends and loved ones. (while many at amazon thought this was vain, I actually really thought it was pithy to mention it.) Most importantly, it made me want to write again. And isn't that the point, after all? LAUGHTER  Didn't journal for this one because I thought the photos said all I could ever think to say. ONE BUCK  Journaling Reads: One dollar. One single dollar. That's how much we paid for the cash register that you've been playing with night and day for the last two weeks. You love it so much, you carry it around with you everywhere you go. Daddy's taught you how to put a coin at the top and see it come out on the side. That's your favorite game. But sometimes the coin gets stuck. Then, you look at me and say, "Where it go?" You pick up the register and shake it around. When you're satisfied with the amount of shaking you've done, you press the button and scream with joy at the sight of the coin. You play thins game hundreds of times a day. Your level of joy at discovering the coin never dissipates. Your enthusiasm is catching and soon Daddy and I are laughing, too. Who knew a toy we bought for a buck would spread this much joy to our whole family? WINNER BY ELIMINATION Crap. Crap. Crap. So Jake and I have been watching the Tour De France. We got hooked on the Tour four years ago. We watched it minute by minute in 2004 and 2005. Last year we missed it because we were in Turkey, but this year, we upgraded our Dish subscription just so we can get Versus and we've been watching it since day one. So, of course, we started by rooting by Leipheimer. But then he was obviously not going to make it and while I loved Rasmussen's drive, I was still rooting for The Discovery Team, so Contador it was. During today's stage, I kept waiting for Contador to take off. Waiting and waiting and waiting. And then Rasmussen took off. And I got bummed. So you'd think that once I read the news about Rasmussen being fired by his team (due to lying about where he was and missing drug tests), I'd be dancing on my coffee table. But I am not. I wanted Contador or Levi to win because they deserved it and because they rightfully beat Rasmussen by riding faster for the time trial or something like that. Not that they don't deserve it but this is such a bummer way. It's all so sad. Rasmussen. Vinokourov. Moreni. Not to mention all those who were suspended last year and didn't even get to ride this year. Why, oh why? I was looking forward to tomorrow's time trial very much, especially since it's not Rasmussen's forte and it might have changed the race. But now looks like Contador will win by elimination. Not really the way I wanted it to turn out. Reduces the excitement considerably. What a bummer. MAGICAL MOMENT 2  MAGICAL MOMENT 1  PICKY EATER  Journaling Reads: I guess it's only fair that a picky eater like me would get a picky little boy. The list of foods you eat is teeny tiny. Thankfully, you like a lot of fruits. But not much else. Here's all you eat without a fight: Pear Apple Grapes Bananas Blueberries Strawberries Graham Crackers Veggie Burgers Meatballs Cheese Yogurt Bread Here's a closeup of the inside of this layout:  WITCH OF PORTOBELLO 
Paulo Coelho never ceases to amaze me. While his latest, The
Witch of Portobello, is a bit weirder than usual in my opinion, it's
no less thought provoking than his usual. Here are a few excerpts that
spoke to me.
"What is a teacher? I'll tell you: it isn't someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover what she already knows." ... "I've always been a very restless person. I work hard, spend too much time looking after my son, I dance like a mad thing, I learned calligraphy, I go to courses on selling, I read one book after another. But that's all a way of avoiding those moments when nothing is happening, because those blank spaces give me a feeling of absolute emptiness, in which not a single crumb of love exists. My parents have always done everything they could for me, and I do nothing but disappoint them. But here, during the time we spent together, celebrating nature and the Great Mother, I've realized that those empty spaces were starting to get filled up. They were transformed into pauses - the moment when the man lifts his hand from the drum before bringing it down again to strike hard. I think I can leave now..." ... Everything is at once so simple and so complicated! It's simple because all it takes is a change of attitude: I'm not going to look for happiness anymore. From now on, I'm independent; I see life through my eyes and not through other people's. I'm going in search of the adventure of being alive. And it's complicated: Why am I not looking for happiness when everyone has taught me that happiness is the only goal worth pursuing? Why am I going to risk taking a path that no one else is taking? After all, what is happiness? Love, they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony. All right then, peace. Peace? If we look at the Mother, she's never at peace. The winter does battle with the summer, the sun and the moon never meet, the tiger chases the man, who's afraid of the dog, who chases the cat, who chases the mouse, who frightens the man. Money brings happiness. Fine. In that case, everyone who earns enough to have a high standard of living would be able to stop working. But then they're more troubled than ever, as if they were afraid of losing everything. Money attracts money, that's true. Poverty might bring unhappiness, but money won't necessarily bring happiness. I spent a lot of my life looking for happiness; now what I want is joy. Joy is like sex - it begins and end. I want pleasure. I want to be contended, but happiness? I no longer fall into that trap ..... Reprogram yourself every minute of each day with thoughts that make you grow. When you're feeling irritated or confused, try to laugh at yourself. Laugh out loud at this woman tormented by doubts and anxieties, convinced that her problems are the most important thing in the world. Laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation, at the fact that despite being a manifestation of the Mother, you still believe God is a man who lays down the rules. Most of our problems stem from just that - from following rules. .... "...Like love for example. People either feel it or they don't, and there isn't a force in the world that can make them feel it. We can pretend that we love each other. We can get used to each other. We can live a whole lifetime of friendship and complicity, we can bring up children, have sex every night, reach orgasm, and still feel that there's a terrible emptiness about it all, that something important is missing." SCRAPBOOKING IDEA BOOKS: ALI, STACY, AND AUTUMN LEAVES 
Recently, I went on a book binge and bought a ton of scrapbooking books.
I've already written about Cathy's
book which has to be my all-time favorite. But here are a few
others I have read and loved. First and foremost are the two Ali Edwards
books: A
Designer's Eye for Scrapbooking and
Designer's Eye- scrapbooking with patterned paper
Ali is an inspiration to thousands and I am no exception. I love her style, her attitude, her creativity, and her generosity of spirit. One day, I would love to meet her. Until then, I will have to do with the layouts. I must say that the layouts in this book don't even speak to me the way Cathy's do but there are little bits and pieces of inspiration all over these books and I use both of them regularly for inspiration and good ideas. I know Ali's coming out with another book this fall and I also know that I am going to have to buy it. If she's doing it, I know it will be worth the money and the time. 
If Cathy isn't your style, and you're looking for the one and only one
book to buy, it would have to be Stacy Julian's The
Big Picture... Scrapbook Your Life and a Whole Lot More. Stacy is
fantastic. She's inspiring. She's funny. She's creative. She's great at
simplifying. She's great at organizing. She's great for giving you
fantastic ideas. But mostly, she's great at shifting the way you think
about scrapbooking. If you're struggling with your scrapbooking, pick up
her book. It will change your life. At least your scrapbooking. That's a
promise.
Here's another one I've loved to bits: 101
Things You Can Do With Your Scrapbook Supplies was mostly an impulse
buy since on all the boards I read, everyone said it was fantastic. And
they weren't lying. The book is great. Full of great, little ideas. I
dogeared a lot of the pages to make sure I'd remember to try them out.
There are some gems in this book, so if you're looking for some
practical, useful ideas and not just looking for general, overall
inspiration, this is a great find.
I also own two Autumn Leaves books: Perfectly
Clear and The
Look Book. While I am a fan of all things Rhonna Farrer, I just
never got into these books. I liked the stamping one because it had some
interesting ideas and since I own too many stamps, it's always good to
have a set of ideas to try. But these books just didn't speak to me. Not
in the way that the others inspired me.
I still have a few more books from my spree and I'm sure I'll be buying some more real soon. Like Cathy's first book.... IMITATING DADDY  Journaling Reads: They say boys love their mommies and you sure do love me, but the person you most like to imitate is Daddy. You love wearing Daddy's shoes all over the house. You love playing with the books on his side of the bed. You love going into his office and raiding his desk. So it should have come to us as no surprise that you wanted to try Daddy's helmet when you saw it lying around. You picked it up and tried it on, and then you walked over to Daddy and put it on him, and just to make sure, you put it on me and then you decided it looked the best on you so you put it back on your head and giggled. You look like Daddy even when you're not trying his stuff on, so when you're wearing his helmet and his shoes, it's like mini-Daddy is running around the house. SPLASH  CHALK  Journaling Reads: On our way back from Los Angeles, we stopped at Michael's so I could buy some scrapbooking stuff. I couldn't really find anything I was looking for, but you found a box of sidewalk chalk and life was suddenly such a wonderful place. You carried it out of the store, held on to it all the way home and wouldn't even let go while we undressed you. You hugged the box of chalk all night and were thrilled when we finally got to open it the next morning. As we both wrote all over the backyard, you practiced your letters and numbers, and learned all your colors. You even learned the word chalk. Which has since become your favorite word. You ask for the chalk every time we go outside and love drawing everywhere. Who knew a $2 present would make you so happy? MORE BOOKS: THE GREAT, THE NOT-SO-GREAT, AND THE SO-SO 
I've been trying hard to read a book a week again. Some weeks I do well,
and others, not as well. But reading is really important to me. It's my
way of recharging, escaping, learning and growing. So I am working to
feed this need. I wanted to make sure to track all the books I've read.
So here's a post about my last few books that I haven't posted about.
Marley and Me was a book I'd been meaning to read for a long, long time. I finally checked it out a few months ago and was mostly disappointed. Maybe that's why I'd been putting it off for a long time. I sort of had a hunch that it wouldn't be great. I can't even put my finger on what I didn't like about it and it was heart-warming and all that. It just didn't do it for me. 
Once I discovered Picault, you knew I was going to read so very much
more of her, and of course, I did. I first read Vanishing
Acts and wasn't nearly as impressed as I'd been with My Sister's
Keeper. I wondered if that book was an anomaly, an exceptional book, a
formula that can't be repeated. I wasn't sure but I so badly didn't want
it to be true. This is not to say I didn't like Vanishing Acts. It was
so-so. If I hadn't already read the other one, I probably would have
loved it. But I'd seen what she was capable of and I wanted more. So
much more.
So then I picked up Ninteeen Minutes which was fabulous. Made me feel good about Jodi
Picoult again. The story was gripping and even though I knew there would
be a twist at the end, I was still surprised and loved every moment of
reading this story. Kudos to any writer who can take a really difficult
issue like school shootings and making an amazing story out of it so
it's about how hard it is to be yourself. How much we need to fit in.
How much it can hurt to be teased and mercilessly made fun of. People
who haven't had the abuse on that level can never understand how
life-changing and soul-changing it can be. This book illustrates it
wonderfully from many points of view. All interesting. Still not as good
as My Sister's Keeper but quite a fantastic book.
I can't even remember where I read about Welcome
to Oz but I am glad I did. The techniques shown by the author look
easy here but they are not. I loved all the details about the light and
the black and white techniques. Shows me that I have a long, long way to
go before I can call myself a Photoshop connoisseur. I love his effects.
I love his patience. I love his work. The drama, the story, the color.
It's all quite wonderful. This is one book, I've checked out multiple
times just to make sure I can master his skills.
The Palo Alto library has a special section reserved for new books and
when I go in to checkout a hold, I always try to visit this section,
just to see. That's how I discovered The
Lavender Hour and while I wouldn't call it literature, it was a
wonderful read. I loved the writing, the story, and the characters.
Controversial topic, maybe, but mostly just a love story. If you need an
easy, little book, this one isn't the worst choice.
Some
Nerve was another pick from the library's new books section. It's
nothing special. Easy, quick read about a gossip magazine writer who
tries to write about an actor, can't and gets fired. Returns back to her
hometown, only to find that the same author is checked into the hospital
where she volunteers. Isn't that a lovely coincidence? Life's full of
them. But books have even more. Not the worst book I've ever read but
also not the best. A sweet, little book.
The
Life You Longed For was creepy, scary and a blazing fast read. The
worst possible subject ever: a mother hurting her kid, taken to an even
more terrible level: not actually hurting the kid but accused of doing
so. This is a perfect example of how good intentions can go bad and ruin
lives and be the wrong thing to do. It sad, scary and very engrossing.
I read Still
Life with Husband really quickly, which would normally imply that I
loved it. Fact is, when I finished, I didn't know how I felt about it.
It took me a couple of days to really hate the book. Now, I am pretty
certain, I absolutely abhorred it. Terrible story. No plot worth
mentioning. Unrealistic, stupid ending. No empathy or even sympathy
towards the characters. Just could not enjoy this book.
Dark
Oval was another really fast read. About loss and sadness. The idea
of losing Jake is so tremendously scary to me that I wanted to be
finished with this book quickly just so I didn't have to think about the
possibility of his death. Life can be depressing, ironic and so very
frustrated. I thought this book was realistic. Depressing but realistic
and a wonderful read.
Considering the fact that The Kite Runner was my favorite book of 2005,
it was predictable that I would buy his second book the second it came
out. A
Thousand Splendid Suns is a wonderful, wonderful story. While it can
never be as good as Kite Runner, this one has its own special place
since it's about women and not men. It's about the friendship of two
otherwise very different women. It's touching, thought-provoking,
depressing, heart-wrenching. It's amazing how much he can educate his
readers about Afghanistan without any preaching or anything boring. I'm
from the area, I normally dont' enjoy reading stories about the Middle
East. But he is an exception. I love his books. I devour them. I can't
wait until the next one.
LOVEABLE  David's one of the nicest humans I've ever met. Despite the fact that he gets mad ten times a day now, he's the sweetest little boy and while I'd love to take the credit, I wanted him to know that it's all him. We're so lucky. Journaling Reads: People who've never had kids have a tendency to think that parents should have full control of their children at all times. When a kid misbehaves, they think he or she has parents who don't know how to raise kids and when a kid is well behaved, they think the parents raised him well. I think I was mostly a sad girl. I was shy and I cried a lot. Daddy, on the other hand, was a happy little boy. I don’t think his parents did anything too different than mine. So I was really nervous and I wanted to make sure I did it all correctly with you to ensure you "turned out well." As it turns out; you're the world's best boy, ever. You're such a happy boy that everyone loves you. You're kind and don't ever hit anyone. If others attack you, you just walk away. You say hi to everyone and even give them a hug. You're cute and charming and know how to flirt. You are self-reliant and can play with a toy for hours. You love to draw so when we go out to restaurants, eating a full meal is rarely a problem for us. You love us and you show it regularly. You're never stingy with your hugs and lately you've started giving us big kisses multiple times a day. You love both your parents equally. You can get annoyed easily but you recover quickly and never hold a grudge. It's really easy to make you laugh. Of course you have your set of flaws, but overall you're such a pleasant, easy going, loveable boy that Daddy and I couldn't have asked for anything more. I'd love to take all the credit for "how well you turned out," but I know it has nothing to do with me. It even has nothing to do with Daddy. While we love you very much and work hard to be good parents, all the credit for your wonderful personality is yours. It's in the core of who you are, in your essence. You just are the most amazing kid ever and we're lucky to have the privilege of being your parents. MANU AND HANA  This is my favorite shot from the wedding. An intimate, genuine moment. Congratulations, Manu and Hana, may you have a life full of love, prosperity, luck, and good health. NEW ADDITION It's been a while since I've added a new section to the site but I've finally managed to put together a new section which is mostly about my relatively new hobby which has recently become mostly a favorite pasttime (along with books of course.) In honor of scrapbooking, which brings together my love of photography, writing, and art, I created a new "create" section: find it here. I have a lot of posts sitting in queue waiting to get posted. Expect some blog diarrhea soon. NEW TRADITION  Journaling Reads: Since I am the official family photographer, there are very few photos of you and me. I didn't want you to look back years from now and wonder what your mom looked like back then, so I told Daddy that we're going to start a new tradition where he takes pictures of you and me once a week. When it was time for our shoot, I got both of us ready and got the camera all setup for Daddy. The thing with two-year-olds is that they don't always adhere to your plans, so even though I thought it was time for us to have some photos together; you didn't necessarily feel the same way. You weren't in the mood to have your picture taken; you were in the mood to play with chalk and to eat cookies. We decided to go ahead with the shoot anyway and, as expected, most of the photos came out with you making a funny face or running away. But I am still so glad we did it because I love looking at the photos, remembering how much we laughed trying to get you to pose, and now I have proof of the wonderful times we spend together. I always tell my clients that posed photos are not special; it's better to have authentic family moment photos, those that are genuinely you and couldn't have been created by anyone else. And now we have a set of our own. Here's to creating more next week. YOUR WORDS  Clean and Simple Scrapbooking - The Sequel 
I've recently bought eleven scrapbooking books. I am a big book person
and it only made sense that I would buy books when I decided to
seriously get into this hobby.
At the time, I didn't know that Cathy Zielske's fantastic Clean and Simple Scrapbooking - The Sequel was exactly what I was looking for. I bought the sequel cause I was sure I had the first one. It turns out I didn't. I had Scrapbooking Made Easy, but not Cathy's first book. I loved this book so much that I am now considering going back and buying the first one. So why did I like it so much? Cathy's book is exactly why I scrapbook. It's all about the stories to tell. The essence of the people, of the memories, of the times. The pictures and the story are the most important part of the experience. The paper, the embellishments; those are there to serve the story better. To draw attention to the photos in the right way, etc. Not that the embellishments are not important or fun, but just that having the newest and prettiest isn't the only way. I love her honesty. Her ability to put her feelings and thoughts into words so well and her very clean, crisp designs that look easy to duplicate but really aren't. If you're into plain and simple looks like I am and want to work on finding the story behind the photos, this is a fantastic book to use to help yourself get there. |
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