I must admit I am the type of person who thinks a million times before she makes a decision. I'll go to a store, try the clothing on literally four times and then walk out. Think about it for a week, go back and try it on and then think about it for another week and then I won't buy it. There are lots of reasons for that nonsense but one of them is that I like to be sure. Whatever that means.

That is not to say I haven't made any instant decisions in my life. Actually most of the really big ones seem to have been made in a moment. But I tend to chew on it for way too long before I let it go.

I could look at that as insane and insecure or I could look at it as persistent and analytical and committed. Cause when it comes to this job, the only reason I haven't walked away is because I am committed. So the not-making-decisions-lightly can also mean I don't walk away.

What is comes down to, however, is that I've been eating my brain out for over a month now trying to find out what the right thing to do is. Obviosuly, there is no right thing. But there's something that I can live with. And it's not this. This state of being is a nightmare. It's driving me insane and I need it to go away.

I guess the key is figuring out how.