Many years ago, I wrote an entry about the two-me's. Lately, the idea of the Ideal Self has been on my mind a lot. There have been many occasions where I noticed that my ideas of who I hope to be in a certain situation often get crushed by the real me.

The Ideal Me wants to be mature in a situation that might be chaotic and frustrating but the Real Me gets annoyed, acts impatient or irrational. The Ideal Me wants to explain things clearly and without placing blame so we can have a productive conversation and resolve our differences, yet the Real Me gets emotional and can't think clearly. The Ideal Me assumes the best and commits to situations where the Real Me freaks out and makes things unpleasant without meaning to. The Ideal Me is kind and compassionate regardless of how others treat me, but the Real Me gets hurt and angry. The Ideal Me wants to make everyone happy but the Real Me knows that's impossible and often ends up upsetting everyone instead.

This has caused numerous problems in my personal life, in my work life, in my friendships and relationships. Most significantly, it has made me feel like I am continuously letting myself down.

After countless recent such events, I have realized that it's time to cut myself some slack and to start becoming more realistic about who I am, what I can do and what I'd rather not. With a new job and a growing family, time is quite rare. As I grow older and more responsible, I need to learn to be who I am. I need to learn to graciously decline, even at the cost of upsetting people I love. I know that, otherwise, they will get much more upset when I do something to please them and end up feeling resentful and frustrated. I need to learn that people get over things relatively quickly and those who harbor resentment for not getting their way aren't worth dealing with.

I need to learn that there's nothing wrong with the Real Me and that when the Ideal Me starts taking over, I need to pay attention and make sure that the Real Me can deliver the promises the Ideal Me makes.