I've been meaning to write for quite some time.

Putting it off is so much easier than doing it. Partly because putting it off means I don't have to start taking responsibility for my life, the one I will be creating from scratch, just yet. Partly because I'm still enjoying the honeymoon period. Partly because I'm scared to face the guilt that I'm sure will come but has refused to appear so far. Partly because I'm still getting used to feeling this way and I am worried it might not last if I start talking about it. Partly because I've decided to live my life again.

The fact is, I enjoy my site. I've always enjoyed writing here and having a place where I can publicly dump my thoughts. I know that writing things here puts them in the world forever and, as opposed to old diaries, I won't necessarily be able to tear these pages.

But I like the truth in that. I like that I can't go back and act like something never happened. I like that I can't deny I felt a certain way at a certain time. That something wasn't a choice when it was.

I don't believe in regret. Never have. I've only had one event in my life that I consistently regretted for fifteen years and I just let go of it a week ago. (It felt so good!) This is not to say that I haven't been sad or frustrated by the choices I made. It's just that I always thought about my choices at length and never made them haphazardly. Thus, I was always secure in the knowledge that my steps were the best ones to take for my state of mind at that time. Regretting something after the fact is useless especially since there's almost no way to change it. Having these pages stored in a digital format where anyone can dig them up at anytime forces me to call myself on my tendencies to slip into the world of denial. It stops me from saying "Oh, I never wanted to do that any way." It gives others the proof to say, "Bullshit."

I quit my job. Exactly a week ago.

I quit the job that I believed in with all my heart. The job I didn't want to admit hating. The job that wasn't right for me from the very beginning. The job that I wasn't really even trying to do well. I still believe in the message. I am still amazed by the people who do it every day, despite its difficulties. I respect their choices and their ability.

Most amazingly, I didn't quit it for something better. I didn't quit it for more money. I didn't quit it for more flexible time. I didn't quit it because it was boring. I didn't quit it because I plan to get pregnant.

I simply quit for me.