Projecting
I have noticed over the years that whenever I'm in a repeating group setup (like committee meetings, mom's groups, class, etc.) there are one or two people who immediately stick out to me. These few people give me the vibe that they dislike me. Right away, I feel uneasy around them and go home wondering why they dislike me so much.

Over the years, I've often felt self-conscious and sad that people don't like me. I've also noticed a pattern I go through when dealing with them. I first try to be really nice ("suck up") and see if I can change whatever it is that's making them unhappy with me. After a few weeks of this, somewhere along the line, I decide I don't like them either. My dislike then grows stronger and stronger until I can't stand the person any longer.

Doesn't that sound fucked up to you? It does to me.

On Sunday, while reading Paolo Coelho's new novel, I realized something. My current theory is that I'm projecting. When I meet these people for the first time, there's something about me that I dislike that I see in them. Something about them reminds me of myself and I pick up on it without knowing it.

All those weeks I spend sucking up to them, I am really looking for reasons to blame them for not living up to my expectations of liking me. And then the whole thing, as expected, falls apart and now I hate them. When all along I set the whole thing up without realizing it. I don't know if this is true but it's my current theory. So next time I get this feeling, I am going to work hard to pinpoint where it's coming from.

Or it could just be that they really don't like me and I am not projecting or being paranoid.

My poor, congested boy is having a tough time nursing with a stuffy nose. There's so much stuck in his sinuses and it makes all sorts of gurglin noise when he's drinking. He keeps unlatching because he swallows a lot of his own snot as he's trying to breathe in. Poor boy.

On a happier note, taking after his Middle Eastern mommy, my son loves loves plain yogurt. It doesn't matter what else is in the food as long as it has yogurt. Heh!