Not Exactly Home
When we decided to move to Southern California, I had never been to this part of the country. Six months before our move, we made a list of all the cities we thought we'd like to live in and then eliminated them one by one. We couldn't live in Chicago because it was too cold and too expensive. Jake wanted to live somewhere warm; I wanted to live by the water. We both wanted something that was a decent-sized city but neither one of us wanted the expensive rents and tiny apartments of New York City anymore.
We eliminated all the way down to Santa Fe or San Diego. For weeks we pondered which but didn't really do much research. I had never visited either and Jake had only been to Santa Fe. We'd both been to San Francisco but nowhere in Southern California. Jake kept asking me which I preferred and I couldn't make a decision between two places I knew nothing about, but after two weeks I suddenly said, "We've moving to San Diego." When he asked me why, all I could say was that I had picked San Diego and that was that.
We made up the reasons afterwards. Santa Fe got too cold in the winter. San Diego was closer to a major city with an international airport which made it easier to fly home. San Diego was in California, had the benefits of the West Coast but wasn't New-York expensive. We would have moved to San Francisco but we were really tired of living in small apartments. I wanted a house, badly. And San Diego had perfect weather. So it was settled. By the time we actually arrived here, there was no doubt we were meant to live here.
We've now been in San Diego for four months. We don't have a house but we do have an apartment more than twice the size of the one we had in New York and the rent is almost half. We have a porch which we use quite often. The weather is somewhat chilly up in La Jolla but the sun shines every day and I have yet to wear a coat. San Diego delivered on all it promised.
Yet I had no idea there would be so many things I didn't like. So many people I can't relate to. I didn't realize what a struggle it would be to learn to drive at thirty and to lack the independence driving provides here. I didn't think much of how my life in New York was surrounded by people I cared about and places that were so familiar to me until it all disappeared. I know that we've just gotten here and I know that it will take time to settle in and to make friends. I know that I will eventually be able to drive myself around and I will grow to love this beautiful city. But I don't know if I will ever truly belong here. When I see the streets of New York on TV, they are familiar like home. Yet, the ones here feel different. Distant. Like a vacation that's bound to end eventually.
In the meantime, I plan to enjoy one of the main jewels of my new city: nature. I cherish the breathtaking beaches with sand pipers chasing after crabs, running away from waves. I am amazed by the inexplicable beauty of the Joshua Trees. I love that we can drive two hours out of the city and be in the middle of a desert and sit on the side of a cliff, staring into expansive flat land filled with jack rabbits.
That is quite magical.
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